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Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Moments

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Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen

Hooray for new math,
New-hoo-hoo-math,
It won't do you a bit of good to review math.
It's so simple,
So very simple,
That only a child can do it!
-- Tom Lehrer
 
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen

While I've never worked in retail (lucky me), I just remembered an incident one day when I was a residential advisor at a dorm at my college years ago. No "customer" but still good here. Back then, the campus security was still rigid following a double murder the year before. That day, some guy walked by the front gate. He was wearing an old RA shirt (It wasn't current at the time). The security guy just waved him in upon seeing the shirt. He wandered through campus and arrived at my dorm (It was the closest to the front gate). My boss saw him come in the RA office. He started asking about a job. He quizzed him and realized he was just a homeless man.

Apparently, a former RA had donated the old RA shirt to some charity somewhere. So he found it in the "pile" and used it to get on campus. Obviously, that security guy (who was so sure he was affilitated with the university) got in trouble. And I cut up the shirt when the year ended (it was an ugly orange tee shirt).
 
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen

Oh! I just remembered a *great* one I had just today!

"What can I get for you today ma'am?"
"Yes I want three quarters of a pound of [hamburger]."
(confirmation repeat) "Ok, so that's three-fourths of a pound of [hamburger]?"
"No, three quarters of a pound."
:wtf:

^ Must be that "New Math." :lol:

It was an older lady, I guess she could of asked for six bits of a pound.

Something I just remembered that happened a couple of weeks ago.

Fresh Baked Cookies in ad: 10c each.

Package of cookies sitting on a shelf/table: 100ct. ($10) package.

Customer: Wonders why the package of 100 is priced at $10 instead of 10c.

:rolleyes:
 
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Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen

I was working on the icecream aisle yesterday and had a customer come up to me and say she was "looking for sugar-free". I pause a moment, and then ask, "Sugar-free ice cream? Popcicles? Fudgebars? I probably have about a 50ft run of different types of ice creams, popcicles, novelties, etc.
 
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen

I was waiting in line behind an old lady in an off licence, a pretty small one about 5m x 5m square. She asked where the red wine was, the cashier asked her to look at the wall of wine behind her, at the red coloured bottles :alienblush:
 
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen

I was working on the icecream aisle yesterday and had a customer come up to me and say she was "looking for sugar-free". I pause a moment, and then ask, "Sugar-free ice cream? Popcicles? Fudgebars? I probably have about a 50ft run of different types of ice creams, popcicles, novelties, etc.

Should have just taken her to the coffee sweetener and left her there.
 
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen

Woah, he yelled at you instead of saying "Can I have a ten instead?" What a maroon.
I would have thought he should have been content with the 2 fives.
 
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen

I have a new ultimate.

Shipped a guy a replacement engine for a Solara (2.4L Federal Emissions). He called, and said it was locked up. We're scratching our heads wondering how that could happen, especially on a 20k engine. We ask him if he's installed it yet (you CANNOT install a locked up engine into a vehicle with an automatic transmission - it won't line up). Keep this in mind, for the end of the story - He said he had NOT installed the engine. Well, we asked him if he would mind putting some break free in the engine overnight to see if it would loosen it up. Now, the guy had said that it wasn't turning AT ALL. Said it was locked up tighter than a drum.

So, we got him a second engine. He said there was a crack in the block! By this time, we're thinking "WTF, no effing way. These engines are from suppliers we ship 1-200 engines from a year." So, since this was a local guy (thank God) we go out to the terminal to look at the engines. We grab a mechanic we have on retainer and take him with us (that's right, I said retainer. :P Funny.)

We got out there, and I couldn't HELP but notice how clean both engines were, right off the bat. You could eat off the blocks or valve covers. Secondly, as I took the flywheel in my hand on the first engine, I couldn't help but notice that yup, I could turn it with my hand, yup, as I turned it, it got tighter.... there is compression..... compression released, freee.... I sat there and turned that thing by hand about seven times. Bullshit. This engine isn't locked up.

Check the second engine. We'd told him before we shipped it that there was a crack in the upper oil pan, and he would have to swap it. The idiot couldn't tell that the housing surrounding the fly wheel was.... yup, part of the upper oil pan. :wtf: Engine turned freely and had compression.

So, here I've shipped a guy two perfectly good engines. Both are clean, both spin well, and have none of the problems I've been told.

Either the guy is:
1. Bsing me. He found another engine locally, installed it before mine got here, and is trying to make me eat $200 in freight both ways on two engines, for over $800.
2. Completely inept at mechanical work
3. Has a friend who is completely inept at mechanic work.

Either way, I told him he could have his choice of ether one of the engines if he paid me the freight here and back on the other one, or that he could have his money back, minus the freight both ways on both the engines.

I've sold thousands of engines, and never had a situation quite like this.
IMG_8774.jpg
 
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Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen

I remember the first job i had after i left school was at the local chemist shop, one day, a gentleman came in with a prescription from the doctor for some paracetamol tabs [this was before there were the easy swallow caplets available], the comverstion went something like;

customer; are your paracetamol tablets small ones or large ones, because i want the small ones, i cannot swallow the large ones

me; :wtf: All paracetamol tablets are the same size sir, anyway, the tablets are scored, and you can easily break them in half to make them easier to swallow

customer; if you only have the large ones, i will take my prescription to the chemist in town, where they have the small ones

me; :wtf: but all paracetamol tablets are the same size sir, wherever you take your prescription, you will get the same size tablets

customer; i'm not putting up with this, ill go where i can get the small tablets

and he went out the shop !!!!
 
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen

FYI, for anyone who cares...

The above customer is now having the engine installed at a shop run by a friend of mine.
 
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen

^ Hope your friend is charging him well. After all, given what already happened, he may well come back with some weird complaint.
 
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen

Wow. Dealt with someone interesting today.

I got stuck working the service desk today. I got this call from an old lady asking about some coupons she had. I didn't know anything about them, so I pulled out one of our store ads and began looking through it. It was pretty clear that the coupons she had were special ones for a different store in the chain. The conversation went something like this.

Me: Well, I don't see the coupons you're looking for. Are you sure they're ours?
Her: Yes! They say Hy-Vee. (The name of the store I work at)
Me: Ok, well where did you get them from?
Her: They were in the paper.
Me: Which paper? (Our store very seldom runs ads outside of the main corporate one, so knowing which paper will help me know it's ours or not.)
Her: I don't know which paper. I just pulled them out.
Me: :rolleyes: Well, what are they for again?
Her: Well there's some for this take and bake lasagna.
Me: Does it say it's Hy-Vee brand?
Her: I already told you it's a Hy-Vee ad.
Me: Yes, but I'm asking what the brand of the lasagna is?
Her: Well, I don't know.
Me: Then I can't guarantee we'll have it.
Her: What about the pizza?
Me: What kind of pizza?
Her: It says, 3-cheese, pepperoni, or sausage
Me: What brand? Frozen? or fresh made?
Her: I don't know. It's your coupon.
Me: I don't think it's our coupon. I don't see it in our ad, or in the local paper for this area. It's probably for another store. Can you be more specific?
Her: (ignores what I said) Then there's 4 piece chicken or meatloaf dinner.
Me: (finally something specific that I can answer) Ok, those you can get from our kitchen. Now, I don't know if those are our coupons exactly, but if they aren't we'd still be happy to honor them. As for the lasagna and pizza those may be from a store that has a Hy-Vee Italian department. Our store doesn't have that.
Her: Alright

Then about an hour later, one of the other employees comes up to me and asks for help with this old lady asking about lasagna and pizza. :rolleyes:
 
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Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen

I was working on the icecream aisle yesterday and had a customer come up to me and say she was "looking for sugar-free". I pause a moment, and then ask, "Sugar-free ice cream? Popcicles? Fudgebars? I probably have about a 50ft run of different types of ice creams, popcicles, novelties, etc.

Umm.. dont you have sugar-free icecream in the states? That is a shame. Poor diabetics.
Or maybe you were the first worker she encountered. :)
 
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen

I was working on the icecream aisle yesterday and had a customer come up to me and say she was "looking for sugar-free". I pause a moment, and then ask, "Sugar-free ice cream? Popcicles? Fudgebars? I probably have about a 50ft run of different types of ice creams, popcicles, novelties, etc.

Umm.. dont you have sugar-free icecream in the states? That is a shame. Poor diabetics.
Or maybe you were the first worker she encountered. :)

I think you misunderstood. It sounds like the lady just came up and asked for "sugar-free" but didn't specify what she wanted suger free, being that theres a whole bunch of different kinds of sugar free items.
 
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen

I was working on the icecream aisle yesterday and had a customer come up to me and say she was "looking for sugar-free". I pause a moment, and then ask, "Sugar-free ice cream? Popcicles? Fudgebars? I probably have about a 50ft run of different types of ice creams, popcicles, novelties, etc.

Umm.. dont you have sugar-free icecream in the states? That is a shame. Poor diabetics.
Or maybe you were the first worker she encountered. :)

I think you misunderstood. It sounds like the lady just came up and asked for "sugar-free" but didn't specify what she wanted suger free, being that theres a whole bunch of different kinds of sugar free items.

... but they were in the icecream section.. Did she want sugar-free icecream or did she want sweetener of some sort?
Maybe my grasp of english is a little dented.. but i dont see the problem outside that she left out verbally what item she needed..
 
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen

Umm.. dont you have sugar-free icecream in the states? That is a shame. Poor diabetics.
Or maybe you were the first worker she encountered. :)

I think you misunderstood. It sounds like the lady just came up and asked for "sugar-free" but didn't specify what she wanted suger free, being that theres a whole bunch of different kinds of sugar free items.

... but they were in the icecream section.. Did she want sugar-free icecream or did she want sweetener of some sort?
Maybe my grasp of english is a little dented.. but i dont see the problem outside that she left out verbally what item she needed..

Which IS the problem.

If she leaves out what item she needed how can we help her find it?

Countless people come up to me and just say, "I want a roast."
Ok do you want a pork roast, beef roast, lamb roast?
Beef roast.
Ok. Do you want a chuck roast, arm roast, sirloin roast, top round roast, eye of round roast, bottom round roast, rib roast...?
I don't know.
:brickwall:

Happens a LOT.

I can't help you if you just say "meat."

Ask for sugar free and, even in the ice cream section, you're not giving enough information. Countless variteties of "sugar free" -even ice cream- and depending on WHAT she wants (ice cream bars, ice cream, popsicles) and what brand (Edys, Ben and Jerry's...) it could be on opposite ends of the aisle.
 
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen

Umm.. dont you have sugar-free icecream in the states? That is a shame. Poor diabetics.
Or maybe you were the first worker she encountered. :)

I think you misunderstood. It sounds like the lady just came up and asked for "sugar-free" but didn't specify what she wanted suger free, being that theres a whole bunch of different kinds of sugar free items.

... but they were in the icecream section.. Did she want sugar-free icecream or did she want sweetener of some sort?
Maybe my grasp of english is a little dented.. but i dont see the problem outside that she left out verbally what item she needed..

It think you're actually underestimating the range of products available in the US. Even saying 'sugar-free' in the ice cream section doesn't narrow it down much. You can get sugar free versions of a whole lot of stuff just under the heading 'ice cream'.
 
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen

SO, she only ever uttered the word sugar-free? Did she eventually specify?

Dont get me wrong here guys, I worked in a grocerystore for 5 years, and I have seen my fair share of stupid. But i dont see how this was such an incredible faux-pas.
 
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen

Oh, I've just recalled a fun one.

I had a little old lady call me for a replacement DVD of a show I taped with her grand daughter in it. In the course of the conversation, she told me that she was going to have her niece copy it for everyone so they wouldn't have to pay for it!

Her tone of voice said "I'm such an innovative person for thinking of this, why aren't you telling me how great an idea it is!? :brickwall:

I noticed that a few regulars didn't buy that year. One of them is a cop. :rolleyes:
 
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen

Back in the early days of camcorders, my stereo store rented out one for Betamax, called Betacam. One day we had a guy return a Betacam and then come back, a few hours later, a little panicky to get the tape back that he'd accidentally left in the machine. We hadn't played it, but from his obvious relief in retrieving it, we wish we had. :devil:

You young'uns may not get this next one but anybody over forty will: A buddy worked in the stereo section of Montgomery Wards just off of Golden Gate Park in San Francisco in the late 1960s. A hippie returned a TV he'd purchased a week before. He complained it lost its picture each night and went to static. While they returned the set, the store staff wondered if the static was preceded by the Star Spangled Banner.
 
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