Your appearance

[Lindley]

I've never had a girlfriend, never even been kissed. It's a major contributor to my depression.

A month ago I was in the same situation, and frankly I figured that's just the way it was going to be. I mean, if I've gotten to 27 without even a hint of a relationship, there's a certain momentum there.

On May 1st I met a girl at an aviation club event. I didn't really give her a second thought at first, actually, but it didn't take me too long to realize she was paying me more attention than most women do. This past weekend I got my confirmation....she's definitely interested (though I have no idea why), and just aggressive enough about it to cut past my own confusion on the matter.

I have no idea where things are going to end up, but the point is----you never know when things are going to change abruptly. Finding a hobby that gets you out of the house certainly helps, though.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

Yes appearance is important. I've realised now I am of 'a certain age' there are clothes that I can no longer get away with wearing. I'm leaning more to the 'classic' style, and a lot of black

'Mutton dressed as lamb' is not a label I require. I did see an example of the opposite recently. Son and his friend Jo are keen photographers and do regular photoshoots with each other. We came home early one day to find her dressed ~ well basically 'out of character'. Lamb dressed as Mutton. She is a lovely innocent little girl (17) and was basically dressed like a prostitute. My face said it all

How happy I am with my appearance depends a lot on 'good/bad hair days'. I have untameable hair ~ it matches my character apparently! So if it decides to behave, it's a good day! I've been recommended to use horse's 'mane and tail shampoo' but so far I've said 'neigh'

 

[maneth]

I do take some care with my appearance, but I'm definitely not obsessive. Sure, looks do matter to some extent, but self-acceptance and the self-confidence that comes from it is much more important.

I enjoy my life with a great husband and kid, so I can deal with the 20 extra kilos I carry. I did it once before and I can do it again when I go back to work.

 

[Jenee]

"It is better to look good than to feel good."
--Fernando

You look marvelous.

 

[Warp Coil]

My appearance is pretty important to me. I try to buy clothes that are decent and fit me properly, though this can sometimes be tricky. I think I have an odd body proportion and my size makes it tricky to find clothes that fit. I'm not big or overweight... I'm the opposite. Pretty slim but with long arms. Some of my nicer dress shirts end up being too big on me. Part of me thinks I need to put on some weight, but it's difficult to want to get bigger (this is coming from someone who used to be overweight... the psychological scarring is there, I assure you).

Of course, there are the genetic factors that I can't change about myself. I'm too pale but I can't tan because of my fair skin. I pretty much hate my facial structure and nose. Hate my teeth (they're rather pointy but in otherwise good shape). Hate my thin, flat, lifeless hair that I inherited from my mother.

So I can try to look my best, but my DNA sucks, so there's only so much I can do.

 

[RandyS]

Randy, you make me smile every single day of my life.

Unfortunately, I'm not allowed to divulge the identity of the first. She is notoriously private and anti-internet. Suffice it to say she's very special to me.

 

[RandyS]

I am the second most beautiful person on the planet.

You flatter me sir.

 

[John Clark]

I know I'm overweight, though my height tends to hide it a little. I also know that I'll probably never be considered super handsome, but I tend to stay neat, tidy and appropriately dressed for the situation.

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Randy, you make me smile every single day of my life.

Unfortunately, I'm not allowed to divulge the identity of the first. She is notoriously private and anti-internet. Suffice it to say she's very special to me.

She is a very lucky lady. If you make her smile as often as you make me smile, then she is a very happy lady!

 

[Misfit Toy]

"It is better to look good than to feel good."
--Fernando

You look marvelous.

I knew I could count on you!

 

[sidious618]

For people who are ugly/think they're ugly here's a little hope for you. I know a woman, she's 21, and, to be honest, she's hideous. Almost offensive to look at. And yet she has a really handsome boyfriend. Looks do matter but some people manage to see beyond them.

 

[Jenee]

"It is better to look good than to feel good."
--Fernando

You look marvelous.

I knew I could count on you!

Steve Martin and I go way back.

... I'd be lying there on the bed, in the dark, on a Saturday night ... and he'd be there ... on tv ...

 

[TheBrew]

I'm trying for a clean shaven look (which I do very... very rarely) while also growing out my hair. It is already longer than I can ever recall and should be turning into a super-fro at some point. I keep my clothes washed and shower regularly. I think I turn out ok.

 

[thestrangequark]

This thread has actually been a very interesting read.

I only recently came to the realization that my (self-diagnosed) Body Dismorphic Disorder is much worse than I thought it was. I was reading a silly article on which bathing suit to choose for one's own body size and shape. It was illustrated with photos of "real" women models in various ill-fitting and well-fitting bikinis and one-pieces. I looked for the model whose body looked like mine, and studied the different swimsuits they dressed her in, before scrolling to the bottom of the page where they had printed a photo of each model with her dress size printed underneath. My jaw dropped when I saw that the model who I thought looked like me was a size 16. You see, I'm a size 4. I don't know why I see myself as fat when I look in the mirror, but I really thought that the size 16 model had virtually the same body as me, when that's clearly impossible. I think I'd feel better if I could see myself as I really am.

 

[Jenee]

I don't understand that. When I was a size four, I knew I was a size four - sure, I had a bit of a belly, but I sure the heck didn't think I was fat - you could see my bones.

Now, at size 16, I'm fat. I know I'm fat.

How do you look in the mirror at a size 4 person and see a size 16?

 

[OdoWanKenobi]

I'm an overweight, hideous person, and yeah, it affects me. Most people won't even give me the time of day because of it. I've never had a girlfriend, never even been kissed. It's a major contributor to my depression.

{{[squish}}} I saw your picture in one of the other threads (the ketchup pic). I think you are absolutely adorable. I know men don't necessarily like hearing that they are 'adorable', but women LOVE adorable, and you are!

Just to make sure: You realize that I'm the fat guy on the left that's in the attack pose, and not the guy holding the ketchup, right?

 

[Yeoman Randi]

^ Yup! I know that, i read where you said it. You're freaking adorable. That's the truth!

 

[thestrangequark]

I don't understand that. When I was a size four, I knew I was a size four - sure, I had a bit of a belly, but I sure the heck didn't think I was fat - you could see my bones.

Now, at size 16, I'm fat. I know I'm fat.

How do you look in the mirror at a size 4 person and see a size 16?

I wish I knew, then maybe I could change it. I mean, I've seen interviews with anorexic women who are bone-thin at 80lbs and still think they're fat, and I thought, "How can she think she's fat?" I didn't realize that I was doing the exact same thing, and it makes me wonder, if I lose that stubborn 10 lbs I always want to lose, will I be satisfied, or will I still see a fat girl when I look in the mirror?

The other aspect of the issue is how unforgiving I am to myself, as compared to other women. When I look at other women, I will often find girls with "imperfect" bodies to be very cute/beautiful/attractive. Chubby girls, skinny girls, fat girls, if they catch my eye for one reason or another I never think, "Oh, she'd be so pretty if she just lost that weight!" But when it's me that's all I can think. It's almost as if someone else is in my head, so that I might look in the mirror and think, "This dress looks great on me!" but then that nasty voice whispers, "But it'd look SO much better if you weren't such a cow."

 

[Jenee]

I don't understand that. When I was a size four, I knew I was a size four - sure, I had a bit of a belly, but I sure the heck didn't think I was fat - you could see my bones.

Now, at size 16, I'm fat. I know I'm fat.

How do you look in the mirror at a size 4 person and see a size 16?

I wish I knew, then maybe I could change it. I mean, I've seen interviews with anorexic women who are bone-thin at 80lbs and still think they're fat, and I thought, "How can she think she's fat?" I didn't realize that I was doing the exact same thing, and it makes me wonder, if I lose that stubborn 10 lbs I always want to lose, will I be satisfied, or will I still see a fat girl when I look in the mirror?

The other aspect of the issue is how unforgiving I am to myself, as compared to other women. When I look at other women, I will often find girls with "imperfect" bodies to be very cute/beautiful/attractive. Chubby girls, skinny girls, fat girls, if they catch my eye for one reason or another I never think, "Oh, she'd be so pretty if she just lost that weight!" But when it's me that's all I can think. It's almost as if someone else is in my head, so that I might look in the mirror and think, "This dress looks great on me!" but then that nasty voice whispers, "But it'd look SO much better if you weren't such a cow."

I have similar issues - not with weight, but my face in general. I know what the problem is, tho. My older brother. He spent most of our childhood telling me how ugly I am.

But, as an adult, I look back at it and ... all our family and friends always commented about how much we looked alike - he and I had commented on how we could have been twins. And, all my friends thought he was sooo cuuutttee! :rollseyes:

So, if we looked so much alike, how could he be so good looking and I was so ugly?

Anyway, it might be best if you can get down to the reason you think you are overweight - and sort that out. You'll probably find that, like in my case, it was childish teasing that your mind ... just kinda ... latched onto.

 

[WillsBabe]

I ignore my appearance. I mean I literally ignore it. I don't glimpse myself in shop windows; I don't look at my reflection in train carriage windows. I avoid catching a glance at myself in the mirror in the ladies at work. I won't look at a blank computer screen to see myself. I turn my back on the mirror when I'm cleaning my teeth. In the morning I do a once over of my appearance in the bathroom mirror (so that's effectively a head shot) and that's it for the day. One look to make sure I conform to some framework of acceptability. I cannot bear to see myself in any shape or form. I'd be more than happy to be invisible.