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Writing Challenge- The winning entries.

Sickbay, U.S.S. Atlas

It wasn’t even noon and Lieutenant (j.g.) Helena Yuen, the ship’s chief medical officer, had already seen eighteen patients all with similar symptoms—headaches, memory gaps, unsettled stomachs, fatigue, vertigo, sensitivity to light and sound—that had she not known better she would’ve suspect an Academy kegger. The anniversary celebrations the night before had seen some of the crew cut loose and imbibe one or two real alcohol libations, but definitely not enough for the sort of reactions she’d been seeing, especially not among those who had stuck with synthahol or just soft drinks. She’d also had a handful checking to ensure their contraceptive injections were up to date, another commonality that was hard to explain.

Something was definitely going on aboard.

The doors opened and she looked up to see Captain Keller and Commander Celan enter, the former looking very similar to a few of her patients earlier in the day. The XO flashed her a bright smile as they stepped into her office and for a brief second Yuen found her vision blurry as a haze of brain fog seemed to creep into her mind. She closed her eyes for a second and shook her head to clear it.

“You wanted to see us, Doctor?” enquired Keller.

“Yes sir. Can I ask, are you two feeling alright after last night?”

Celan rose an eyebrow in curious surprise and nodded. “Fine here. Captain?”

“A little tired, but none the worse for wear,” he said, forcing a smile. “Why do you ask?”

“I’ve had over a quarter of the crew come in this morning complaining of a number of similar symptoms, with headaches and memory loss being top among them. It would seem that all of them can’t remember much of last night.”

“A quarter?” Keller exclaimed. “Do we have some sort of contagion aboard?”

“I’m not sure yet, but the pattern is definitely alarming. It may be a technical problem to do with the replicator that affected all the drinks ordered from it, but that doesn’t explain those who had non-replicated beverages. I’ve asked Lieutenant Siraak to have someone check the system, just in case. I also have corpsman Volaar taking air samples from the lounge and few other parts of the ship, to see if there is any sort of airborne pathogen at work.

“I thought it best to inform you both now, just in case this does end up turning into something more serious,” she concluded.

Keller nodded. “Thank you for that, Doctor. Is there any other resources you need, or any further steps that you think we should take?”

Yuen thought about it for a moment then nodded. “We’ve taken a few samples from the planet for further study, I’d like to run some scans of my own.”

“All the samples would’ve gone through the transporters biofilters, surely that would’ve screened out anything harmful?” queried Celan.

“The biofilters can only screen for what it already knows, anything outside the systems parameters might not be detected because it won’t know to scan for them.”

“Run whatever tests you need, Doctor, let’s make sure this isn’t the beginnings of something worse. Keep us apprised of any developments.”

“Aye sir,” she replied. “And if the two of you start feeling any symptoms, please let me know.”

Keller’s cheeks flushed as he uttered a hasty, “Of course, Doctor,” before heading for the exit, Celan following a few paces behind.

As she watched them leave, a wavy of dizziness washed over her.

* * * * *

Botany Laboratory, U.S.S. Atlas

The botany lab aboard was really just a small nook adjacent to the arboretum, though it was surprisingly well set up to study the various plants, flowers, vegetables, and fungi the crew might encounter as they surveyed planets. Petty Officer Ngoy kept is workspace in immaculate condition, even if the exobotanist and ecologist always seemed to have dirt under his fingernails, so all the samples he’d returned to the Atlas with were clearly labelled and grouped together well away from everything else.

Yuen ran her tricorder over each and every one of them, but the device beeped at her, the screen displayed negative scan results. She turned to the non-com, who stood patiently by the entrance.

“Did you take any more samples?”

“There was the pollen,” he thought aloud.

“What pollen?”

He pushed off from the bulkhead and approached the microscope, where he removed what he’d been looking at and immediately picked up another slide and place it on the device, before peering into the senor hood.

“Commander Celan and Specialist Rellon were helping me with my samples, when one of the flowers released a cloud of pollen and they were both covered in it. I took a scan at the time and found nothing harmful, even though they did inhale some of it they both said they felt fine—they didn’t even sneeze,” he explained as he squinted into the microscope.

He stepped back and gestured for her to take a look. “I just assumed that the species was similar to the ecballium elaterium, or squirting cucumber, on Earth that ejects it seeds at the slightest touch.”

She looked at the pollen under the high magnification, though couldn’t see anything untoward about it. “Can you send me all the test results you have?”

“Of course, Doctor.”

“Thank you, Mr Ngoy, that’s been very insightful.”

Heading out the lad she hurried through the lush arboretum, the cacophony of exotic scents enticing her to remain and enjoy the green space much as she did following Crewman Randhawa’s yoga class, but she quickly stepped back into the sterile grey of the ships corridors and headed back up to the saucer. On her way, she tapped her combadge and summoned both Celan and Rellon to meet her in sickbay.

* * * * *

Sickbay, U.S.S. Atlas

Stepping into the ward, Celan was curious to find Petty Officer Rellon sitting on one of the biobeds and Doctor Yuen running a scan of him wearing a breathing mask. Other than the CMO and her fellow Deltan the room was empty.

“Doctor?” she said slowly, drawing Yuen’s attention. “Is there a problem?”

“There might be. If I could ask you to take a seat on the bed, I want to run a scan first just to confirm my suspicions.”

She frowned, her concern mounting, but she hopped up onto the bed next to Rellon’s. The exobiologist looked just as perplexed and worried as she felt, though likewise kept quiet as the CMO ran her scans. Though it would only have been a minute, two at the very most, to perform the task it felt excruciatingly longer, with every whir, beep and chirp making her heart beat that little but faster.

Yuen closed the device and sighed heavily.

“What’s the prognosis, Doc?”

“You’ll both remember being sprayed with pollen from a plant yesterday morning on the surface, correct?” Yuen began. Celan and Rellon looked at one another then back at the physician and nodded.

“Leaving the fact that you were both exposed to an unknown substance and didn’t think to inform your doctor,” she began, sounding like a disappointed mother, “you both inhaled the pollen, though it did neither of you any harm I’m happy to say. However, it has had an affect on your body chemistry, in particular your pheromone glands, causing a sudden surge in their production and potency.”

“Doctor, you of all people will know that Deltans who enter Starfleet take regular pheromone inhibitors.”

“This pollen has effectively nullified the inhibitors as well as intensifying your pheromones. The pair of you have been dosing the crew without even realising it, which seems to have come to a head last night.”

“By the Goddess!” Celan stammered. “So, everyone feeling so rough today is thanks to us?”

Yuen nodded, giving them both a sad smile. “Technically, yes, but seeing as how you can’t control it then you really can’t blame yourselves. Neither of you had any way of knowing what that pollen had done to you, or in turn what you were doing to the rest of us.”

“I’ve felt fine, no sign of anything out of the ordinary,” admitted Rellon. “Even Nalia hasn’t shown any of the symptoms.”

Celan would’ve thought if anyone would’ve been feeling the effects of their hyper-stimulated body chemistry it would have been his mate, the only other Deltan onboard. She looked back at Yuen.

“How do we treat this?”

“We need to flush out your systems, to purge them of the pollen, after which your pheromone levels should return to normal and be controllable with a standard dose od inhibitors. We’ll then also need to do the same for the air in the ship, but now we know what we’re looking for then the environmental systems can filter it out. In the meantime, I’m going to recommend everyone wears a breathing mask.”

* * * * *

Captain’s log, supplemental.

Doctor Yuen and Chief Phillips were able to use the ships transporters to remove all traces of the pollen from Commander Celan and Petty Officers Rellon and Nalia, the latter of whom appears to have been a secondary contamination from her partner. The
Atlas should be clear of the contaminated air within the next hour or two, so until then breathing masks remain mandatory for all crew—including the Saurians onboard.

No lasting damage seems to have been caused to anyone, though Doctor Yuen will continue to monitor the situation for a few days just to make sure.


* * * * *

Captain’s personal log, supplemental.

Despite what the official record may say with no lasting effects among the crew, I wish I could say the same of myself. I’m sure every officer that achieves the rank of captain will spend time trying to decide on just what sort of CO they will be, if they’ll rigidly stick with what they were taught in Moral and Ethical Issues of Command, or if they’ll try something different.

I was still trying to figure that out before I crossed that line. Going from being first officer to captain is a huge leap, with so much weighing on that one additional pip. Now that the buck stops with me, can I risk doubting myself or making selfish judgement calls if I get involved with someone under my command? Especially inside the Maelstrom, where we have no reinforcements, no safety net.


* * * * *

Captain’s Ready Room, U.S.S. Atlas
Stardate: 38324.5


The enunciator shattered the peace of Keller’s private office, where he stood and looked out the viewport, his forehead resting on the cool transparent aluminium. Though the air had been successfully cleared of the Deltan pheromones and he’d managed to get a decent nights sleep, he still felt as bad as he did the previous morning—a mixture of the symptoms lingering and a healthy dose of regrets and doubts added on for good measure.

He turned towards the door. “Enter.”

The panels parted and Htennak stood there, his hands clasped in front of him, looking a little sheepish.

“Counsellor, come in,” he said, trying desperately not to dwell on what had happened.

Htennak hesitated a moment before stepping inside and allowing the doors to close. He stood just inside the doorway, clearly feeling as Keller did—or at least he hoped so.

“The crew seems to be weathering this situation well, providing a funny story here and there, as well as a few others definitely getting closer than they once were, but there’s no resentment towards Celan or Rellon.”

He nodded. “Good. I’m glad.”

The Ktarian took another step closer to the desk. “The only person I’ve not really heard anything from, indeed who seems to be actively trying to avoid me is you, Captain.”

Keller felt his cheeks burn. He wanted to be anywhere else in that moment. Silently he hoped for a red alert.

None came.

“I…well…” he let out a pent up breath. “What do you want me to say, Counsellor? Thanks to some botanical and chemical mishap I wasn’t in my right mind and acted inappropriately?”

Htennak stepped closer again. “I never said it was inappropriate.”

“The rulebook would disagree.”

Another step. “Whereabouts?”

Keller frowned. “I’m sorry?”

“Whereabouts in the rulebook does it say that’s inappropriate? What regulation forbids a CO from pursing a relationship with a subordinate? If there some James T. Kirk clause in there that no one told me about?”

Despite the exasperation he felt in that moment, he couldn’t help but chuckle softly. “If I didn’t know better, Counsellor, I’d call that a romantic proposition.”

“And what if it was?” Htennak asked, taking the final step that brought him right up to the desk.

Keller’s grey eyes locked onto Htennak’s warm hazel ones, staring at one another separated by the curved dark wood table. In that quiet moment, the hum of the engines and the faint hiss of the life support system being the only hint at a world outside that room, Bruce Keller began to consider just what if.

* * * * *

END
 
The July/August 2023 Challenge came from Cold Fusion:

The writing challenge theme is: Contest. Any Star Trek series, era, canon, non-canon, ships, crews or characters welcome.

Thanks to all who voted for this one!
scotty%20drunk.jpg

Star Trek BBS
Episode Zeta: Scotty’s Birthday Challenge


Zeta
Scotty’s Birthday Challenge

“Q!!!” exclaimed Guinan. “What are you doing here in Ten Forward?”

“You too? It’s not Q, it’s Qu,” the junior demi-divine prankster responded with exasperation. “Same pronunciation, different spelling.”

“I know how your name is spelled,” Guinan retorted. “It’s not my fault - it’s that damned Autocorrect. It keeps changing my name to Guinean. Everything gets spelled correctly around here - all wrong.”

“Cue Qu from the Q Queue!” came a voice from the other side of the bar. Despite the written dialogue providing almost no opportunity for it, the thick Scottish brogue came through clearly as a red-shirted, dark-haired engineer emerged from the darkness.

“Montgomery Scott?” Guinan asked. “The last time I saw you, you were an old man.”

“Aye, lassie, gey auld indeed. It's mah 144th birthday 'n' ah wanted something special fur it. Ah tried summoning a demon juist tae break th' monotony 'n' git this fellow instead.”

Guinan squinted a moment at the miraculously rejuvenated engineer, then turned to Qu: “What did he say?”

“Not a clue,” Q’s slightly less experienced but more phoneme-endowed doppelgänger responded. “Don’t worry, the writer is using an online English-to-Scots translator. He’ll get tired of it after a while and Scotty will become more comprehensible.”


Montgomery Scott took another breath for another burst of English-to-Scottish-Slang computer-translated exposition: “Ye see, ah asked me laddie 'ere tae gather th' greatest lushes throo'oot a' th' maybee aye federations sae we cuid hae a wee gam. A gam o' heroes. A gam o' endurance. A gam o' wits. A gam o' strategy… 'n' fur sic a tourney ah hud tae be fit, fightin' trim.”

Guinan and Qu looked at each other again. “You’re the great listener,” said Qu.

“And you’re the djinn granting his wish. Surely you know what he asked you for…”

Qu shrugged again. “He had a wish. I decided to grant it. I didn’t have to understand it. That’s actually part of the fun.”

Guinan rolled her eyes. “Can’t you just… wiggle your nose or something and magically understand him?”

Qu snapped his fingers a few times, then even tried wiggling his nose. “It seems I have temporarily lost my powers. Part of the game, I suppose.”


“So let’s get this game started!” came a big, growling voice. A bear with a purple Mohawk, matching purple goatee and dark sunglasses emerged from the darkness.

“A bear? wha let a bear in ‘ere?”

“IRA Bear,” the ursine corrected.

“You mean like the producer?” asked a lovely, scantily-clad andorian woman.

“Now that’s more like it,” said Scott, with a lingering appreciative gander toward the svelte andorian.

“Nope,” IRA Bear replied. “Iconian Republican Army. I’ve been out of work for a while.”

“Who are you?” Guinan asked of the newest, bluest addition. “And why can I understand him, now?” she added, gesturing at the suddenly lucid Scotsman.

IRA Bear answered. “The writer had too many windows open and the Scottish Slang translator was taking up too much memory. The andorian is Lushas, borrowed from the Vulcan series by Will the Serious.”

“Can’t we just get on with this?” asked Garrick, with some exasperation. “So many introductions… Speaking of which, who’s the guy with the tusks?”

“That would be Commander Glal, Commodore Trujillo’s tellarite sidekick from Gibraltar’s Reykjavik series,” Chancellor Martok responded with a hearty laugh. “And here we have Sunek, the laughing vulcan from BountyTrek’s eponymous work, Ensign Beckett Mariner from Lower Decks and the obligatory, dark-hooded stranger over there in the cloak. Now let’s get started!”


“Started with what?” Qu asked. “Oh, by the way, full disclosure, the writer borrowed me from Hawku’s Phoenix-X series….”

“Hello,” said Scotty, “This is a bar. We are all famous lushes. A drinking contest, of course!”

“And we start with bloodwine from my personal stock!” Martok announced.

“I’m not sure I have…” Guinan started… “Wait…” She pulled several flask-like bottles from under the bar.

“House rules,” said Scotty. “We ask for it, you’ve got it.” He winked at Guinan. “And bloodwine is a perfect start. Nice and salty. Make us all thirsty.”

“Objection!” the sarcastic vulcan objected. Sunek gestured at Mariner. “How can a cartoon compete in a drinking competition?”

“Compete? No... I’m going to win! I always win!” Mariner grabbed a bottle of bloodwine, which instantly became a cartoon bottle with cartoon bloodwine when she grasped it. And she became the first to drink, which she followed with a wild whoop.

Lushas gestured toward Mariner with her bottle of bloodwine. “She’s not a bad girl. She’s just drawn that way.”

Commander Glal raised his bottle. “Here’s to imaginary, two-dimensional women with gigantic egos and very real thirst!” At that everyone quickly downed their bottles.


“And in honor of our absent host,” said Qu, displaying a bottle and turning it so that everyone could read the label, “United Federation of Planets Old Vine Zinfandel from Chateau Picard, vintage 2016… Almost as old as I am!”

“Here’s to starship captains who abandon their posts to grow little round fruit for others to drown their sorrows in,” Glal toasted. “Down the hatch!!”

“Wait,” said Guinan. “You’re supposed to sniff…” She sighed as the drinkers lifted their wine glasses and quaffed the expensive, vintage wine - most quaffing the entire glass-full in a single quaff. Guinan was a good judge of drinkers and could tell this group was just getting warmed up.


IRA Bear yawned widely and loudly, gathering everyone’s attention. “Time to spice it up a little… with… Beetle Juice!”

Guinan dutifully poured out large cups of beetle juice for everyone in the room. “Eeewwww,” complained Mariner. “What is crawling around in it?”

Martok replied with a hearty laugh. “Time beetles. Bite into them and they make you lose time…”

“Here’s to the beasts of the wood and their creepy, beastly, insect-ridden concoctions!” Glal chortled. He started to down the drink, then slowed down and began to savor it. “Wow… not bad at all. Really very sweet. Especially the beetles.”


“Far too sweet,” said Garrik, “Time for a healthy serving of kanar…”

A few of the contestants groaned, including the otherwise irrepressible Sunek. “Alcohol doesn’t affect vulcans, so I’ve got this contest in the bag. But I would almost consider forfeiting the game just to skip this nasty stuff.” He held up the glass of thick, gooey black liquid and made a face.

Scotty and Mariner exchanged significant glances.

“Here’s to lugubrious spoonheads and their crude, oozing poisons,” Glal toasted, then tossed back the kanar and gulped it down as quickly as possible, suppressing his gag reflex more successfully than most of the others in the room. He shook his head and waggled his tusks. “And that will separate the men from the boys!” He bowed gallantly toward Lushas and Mariner.

Mariner glared at the tipsy tellarite. Lushas smiled, batted her eyelashes and antennae, and stepped out just so to emphasize her fantastic legs. Even Mariner had to stare. The alcohol might have turned into cartoon liquor in her hands, but it was definitely having an effect.

IRA Bear grumbled at the taste of the kanar. “This stuff really is horrible. I’m starting to regret inventing it…”

“Ah-Hah!” exclaimed Mariner. “I knew you were a stalking horse for that DS9 producer guy…”

“No, really,” stammered IRA Bear. “I’m just a leftover extra from the Iconian Revolutionary War…” He yawned widely, laid down on the floor and curled up. “I’ll never forgive them for rejecting that script. Best damn script I ever wrote… That kanar really is nasty,” he grumbled, then fell sound asleep.

Sunek started laughing. “That kanar was so bad that he couldn’t bear it!” He guffawed, then waited for everyone else to laugh. The sarcastic vulcan looked about at his silent companions who were just staring at him. “Get it? He couldn’t BEAR it?”


Silence.


Somebody coughed.


“Andorian ale, please,” Lushas asked. This request was met with applause.

“Now there’s a good choice!” Scotty enthused. “Wash the taste of that black slime down a little.”

“Now you’ve hurt my feelings,” Garrik said.

Lushas brushed her fingertips down Garrik’s chest and handed him a glass of the sky blue ale, bringing a smile to the cardassian tailor’s face.

“And here’s to smashing blue women with healing fingers and tasty blue liquor!” Glal toasted. The tellarite was beginning to slur his words a little.

Qu sat down in a chair. The half finished glass of andorian ale dropped from his hand and shattered on the floor. “I’ve never been drunk before…” he mused, then slid out of the chair to the floor, unconscious.

“Q down!” Sunek burbled.


“It’s Qu and this isn’t funny!” said Guinan. “Drinking until you pass out - alcohol poisoning… toxic shock… This Qu needs a doctor!”

Sunek gave Guinan a puzzled look. Garrik was standing next to the puzzled, bemused vulcan: “It’s Qu, not Q. Same pronunciation - different spelling.”

“Ah,” Sunek replied quietly. “That makes perfect sense…” He dug in one of his pointed ears with his pinky finger.

“Rules of the game, lassie,” Scotty offered. “No contestant will come out of this game with anything worse than a splitting hangover. Which they will have earned honestly!” A few drunken cheers followed that statement.

“Well, at least move the fallen out of the way of traffic so they don’t get trampled,” Guinan rejoined, then returned to the bar.


“My turn!” Mariner announced. “Saurian brandy!” Her suggestion was met with unanimous groans.

“There are no words for how foul that drink is!” Martok was also starting to sway a little. “Bring it on!!!”

“Here’s to klingon warriors who… go swimming… with big, scaly women… with battle lust in their… livers!” Glal was starting to have problems putting together coherent sentences.

The downing of the golden saurian brandy was followed with guffaws of disgust from all of the drinkers.

“Tastes like yesterday’s puke!’ complained Lushas. She sashayed gracefully over to the couch that Martok and Sunek had laid Qu out on, then just as gracefully crumpled to the floor next to the comatose demi-deity, somehow managing to keep her private parts private, despite her skimpy clothing.


“And now for the coup-de-gras,” said Scotty. “Single-malt Scotch whisky from the lowlands of my homelands in the highlands.” The taste of this beverage was met with sighs of appreciation by all the remaining contestants.

Sunek held his fingers up in front of his face and ran his thumbs across them with a worried look. “I feel a tingling… I think it’s affecting me…” The sarcastic vulcan’s eyes slowly crossed and he would have toppled to the floor if Garrik and Martok hadn’t caught him.

“Who knew vulcans… were… so… heavy!” Garrik grunted as he helped Chancellor Martok carry the comatose vulcan to one of the couches. After lowering Sunek onto the couch, Garrik sat heavily on another couch. “Woah…” he managed, then lay down on his side. “I think I’m going to take a little nap.”

Martok threw his head back and laughed at the unconscious vulcan. “He couldn’t hold his liquor!” The elderly klingon chancellor found a chair, sat down heavily as his eyes crossed. He slumped out of the chair unconsciously.

Glal looked on in disbelief. “I didn’t think there was any drink in the Alpha Quadrant that could put down a vulcan.” The torn-up tellarite’s tusks were drooping.

“And you would be right, laddie,” said Scotty. “Not a single one. But when you blend saurian brandy and high quality Scotch together with a dose of kanar…”

“You get a chemical assault that only the human digestive tract can withstand,” finished the hooded stranger with a distinct drawl.

“Nighty night, brave warrior,” Mariner said as the drunken tellarite started to sway. She caught him and was easily able to lift him as he turned into a two-dimensional cartoon at her touch. Mariner deposited the two-dimensional Glal on another couch. He resumed his three-dimensional form as soon as she stepped away from him.


“Okay stranger,” drawled Mariner, mocking the hooded man’s accent. “It’s your turn.”

“Actually, sweetheart,” the stranger rejoined with a genuine drawl, “It’s yours. Everclear!”

Mariner was the least tipsy of the three remaining contestants, but one touch of the cartoon everclear to her cartoon lips put her down immediately.

“Pure grain alcohol. Doesn’t mix well with pigments,” the stranger drawled. “I’m taking you on your word that she’ll be all right in the morning.”

“She’s a series regular in a beloved animated franchise owned by Disney,” Scotty replied. “She’s not going anywhere.”

Both of the remaining contestants were startled when Mariner began to snore. There was no sound, only a cartoon bubble over her head featuring a running stream of the letter “z” in various fonts and sizes.


“Okay Guinan,” said Scotty. “You get to choose the tie-breaker.” He and the hooded stranger sat down heavily at the bar.


Guinan looked scandalized, then that expression was replaced with one of resignation. She pulled out a bottle with luminescent fluid in it that caused anything nearby that was white to glow brightly. “This is the only thing I have left.”

“Oooohh,” said the stranger.

“Ahhhhh,” said Scotty. “What is that?”

Guinan held the bottle up. “It’s…” She looked at it again in some confusion. The luminescent fluid made her teeth and the whites of her eyes glow in the darkness. “It’s…” She put three glasses on the bar and held up the bottle again before pouring from it. “It’s ultraviolet…”


“Wow,” said Guinan. The three fellow travelers had swallowed their drinks - although it seemed more like breathing that sweet, sweet midnight air from under the mountains.

“You can say that again for me, lassie,” said Scotty. His words seemed to twist in the air over the bar. That sweet, sweet midnight air from under the mountains.

The stranger ran his hand along the countertop of the bar. “I can feel… everything… It seems so smooth… But I can feel every tiny imperfection…” He looked up at Guinan. She could see piercing blue eyes under the stranger’s black cowl. Not black - midnight blue, she noticed for the first time. “I know every intoxicating substance ever catalogued in the Alpha Quadrant,” the stranger drawled. “But I’ve never encountered or even heard of anything like this… It’s like… That Sweet…”

“Sweet…” Scotty contributed.

“Midnight Air From Under the Mountains,” Guinan completed reading, having finally located the label on the bottle.

Scotty’s eyes filled with tears of wonder. “Now I understand it all. After all these years. It’s all so significant…” He looked into Guinan’s eyes, his voice thick with emotion. “Oh my beloved, how I’ve longed to see your face just one more time. How I’ve longed to kiss your lips just one more time…” He puckered up and leaned in to give Guinan a kiss, then slowly but inexorably, planted first his lips, then the side of his face onto the bar between them. Drooling. Snoring.

“One of the best men I’ve ever known,” said the hooded stranger. “The most fortunate of men. He’s been proclaimed dead at least three times and always comes back from the dead. Like some redshirt revenant on a rampage.”

Guinan was thrown into listening mode by the hooded stranger’s intensity. And the influence of That Sweet, Sweet Midnight Air From Under the Mountains.

“I was the best man at his wedding. He married the love of his life,” the stranger drawled on. “They had known each other for decades before they fell in love, and then they lived together for several more decades - right through to the end of her life. Old age. Comes for us all. But he just lived on…”

As the hooded stranger spoke, Guinan could see the spell wearing off, the brash young Scot becoming an old man as he slept. Something similar was happening to the hooded stranger.

“Never could hold his liquor,” said the man in the hood. Guinan was astounded at the change in his hands - now the desiccated hands of a very old man. “That’s because he never really was an alcoholic. He loves to drink, but he could always walk away from it at any moment.”

“But not you,” Guinan observed.

“Well, I haven’t had a drop in fifty years. I was due for one last binge,” the stranger drawled. “You see, I also married the love of my life..” The stranger removed his cowl and cloak to reveal a blue uniform underneath. “Two years later she took everything in the divorce. Took the whole damn planet. All I had left was my bones.” Dr. McCoy sighed heavily. “I suppose I’d better help these people.” He retrieved his medkit from his cloak.

“Should you be practicing medicine as drunk as you are?” Guinan asked.

McCoy stood up, stretched and patted his back. “Prosthetic liver. Prosthetic kidneys. They’ve already processed most of the alcohol out of my bloodstream and stored it. I’ll have to go drain them out and rinse them out soon. That’s not going to be pleasant.” He pulled a warbling salt-shaker and a hypospray out of his medkit and began administering medicine to the various sleeping contestants, starting with the inert, red-shirted engineer.

“This won’t do much more than soften the blow of their hangovers, but then that’s part of the rules of the game, isn’t it?”

After administering various mild analgesics to the various contestants, McCoy and Guinan finally arrived at the inert, two-dimensional Mariner.


“I don’t think your medicine will work on her,” Guinan fretted.


McCoy waved the warbling salt-shaker over the inert cartoon. Gave the device a puzzled look. Shook it (releasing a fine spray of salt and causing it to warble more loudly.) Then ran it over her again. He made an amused noise as the salt-shaker warbled at him. “Huh. She doesn’t seem to have a liver. Actually, she doesn’t have any internal organs. I suppose that makes sense… She’s two-dimensional. No place to put any internal organs.” McCoy observed. “What you see is what you get. But it looks like the everclear erased part of her lip and damaged her uniform.”

Guinan turned a disparaging look on the elderly doctor: “And how are you going to repair that, Doctor?”

McCoy arched an eyebrow, tilted his head, rubbed his chin and made a number of “hmmm” noises.

“Hmmmm,” he said one more time. With feeling. He turned toward Guinan:


“Got any crayons?”


Scotty’s Birthday Challenge


Special thanks to, in order of appearance:

* Hawku for lending me Qu from the Phoenix-X series
* Will the Serious for lending me Lushas from the Vulcan series
* Gibraltar for lending me Glal from the Reykjavik series
* BountyTrek for lending me Sunek from the Bounty Trek series


I will post the September/October challenge anon, but here it is:

September/October 2023 Challenge: Spooky Haunted Ghost Ship
Any Trek / Any Characters / Any Time Period -
Any Haunting (Actual Ghosts or Treknobabble Pseudo Haunting or Scooby-Doo Dude in a Mask)
Any Ship or Space Station


rbs
 
Yes, I've been meaning to. May/June and everything from September onwards is missing. I'll add the entries shortly.
 
I expect the end of year competition will take some doing, since it was a five-way tie... or do you make exceptions in a case like that?
 
We skipped the entry for May/June 2023. The theme was: "Your challenge for the next two months is to think of a story where a character(s) rebel against authority in some way, whatever their reasons (be they honourable or otherwise)."

Rebels, Rebels Everywhere (And Not A Lot to Think)
by @ColdFusion180

“Man, this is great,” Rutherford smiled as he scanned a series of relays. “Nothing like checking over some slightly used equipment on an exotic planet to make one feel alive.”

“Stop sugar coating things, Ruthy. Just say it like it is,” Mariner scolded while idlily spinning a tricorder on her finger. “We’re setting up a combined science station slash embassy to monitor a recently contacted civilization. In other words, we’re decorating an overhyped Federation culture booth. Big deal.”

“Well, establishing a good foundation for future working relations and diplomatic channels is what second contact is all about,” Boimler reminded unloading more equipment and supplies from a cargo container. “Along with making sure we’re pronouncing all the local names correctly so we don’t end up accidentally offending anyone.”

“And conducting complimentary medical checkups too,” Tendi chirped while working next to Rutherford. “Expanding the frontiers of knowledge while helping out the locals at the same time. How could things be better than this?”

“I can think of one or two dozen ways,” Mariner quipped. “For starters, we could do something actually constructive and build this new science station a bar. That would really help promote future multicultural interactions…”

“Oh no,” Boimler groaned. “Don’t even think about it!”

“Sorry. Already did,” Mariner smirked. “And it’s one of my better ideas too.”

“Will you just quit slacking off and please get back to work?” Boimler pleaded. “Before we end up getting demerits or worse, falling behind schedule.”

“No problem-o, Boims,” Mariner smiled quickly moving into action. “Let’s kick things up a notch and get this decorating duty done!”

“Wow. You actually listened to me for once,” Boimler blinked watching Mariner work at rapid speed. “I have to admit, I was not expecting that.”

“Well, you know me, Boims. Always doing the unexpected,” Mariner said. “Now get your weaselly little butt in gear and work on setting a new science station construction record.”

“So we can set new working standards for ourselves, take pride in our accomplishments and request more work assignments from our superiors?” Tendi asked.

“No, so we can knock off work early and check out the local bars,” Mariner smirked. “That’s a much better idea than building a new bar of our own. I already know what Federation alcoholic beverages taste like. Along with a few dozen non-Federation ones…”

“I should have known,” Boimler sighed.

“Hey, maybe we can find a local equipment surplus venue too,” Rutherford suggested. “I’d love to learn more about the locals’ technological development level.”

“The Donapri have a typical post-industrial, early spacefaring technological rating,” Boimler reminded referring to the planet’s dominant native sentient species. “Nothing particularly special about it.”

“Though you have to admit, they do make for some great eye candy,” Mariner smirked.

“Thank you once again for granting us an exclusive tour of your new science facility,” A young female Donapri official smiled as Commander Ransom lead her and her retinue around the partially built station. All the Donapri had glistening silver skin, sported a multitude of colored, stylized hair and were stunningly attractive. “News of such a personal visitation is sure to be a social and media hit.”

“No problem, Minster Davi,” Ransom grinned walking next to her. “And this isn’t the only personal thing I can show you.”

“Really? How thrilling,” The Donapri Minster Davi twittered. “Do you mind if we record and take more pictures of our visit?”

“Of course not,” Ransom smiled leaning towards her and striking a pose. “Feel free to take all the pictures you want.”

“Thank you,” Minister Davi beamed posing with him as two members of her retinue proceeded to photograph them. “I can’t wait to display myself standing with a real alien visitor from another planet! I wasn’t able to take any with the first group of Federation visitors due to my partaking in a rare and extensive skin care regimen at the time. These new pictures will be sure to keep me on our world’s top recognition and exaltation index for at least the next week.”

“Is it just me, or do the Donapri seem kind of obsessed about appearances and popularity?” Boimler asked as Ransom, Minister Davi and their party passed by.

“Eh, must be a social thing,” Mariner shrugged. “Though I have to say, there’s something about these political muckety-mucks that seems a little off. We can find out more about it later during our bar hopping expedition.”

“Yeah, it will be a complete cultural immersion experience!” Tendi chirped excitedly. “Just the sort of wonderous opportunity I’d hoped to seize while happily serving in Starfleet.”

“Yeah, it should be great,” Rutherford agreed. “And we can even write up a report about all our new cultural findings too!”

“Well, whaddya say, Boims?” Mariner smirked knowingly. “You gonna deny your best friends the chance to achieve personal and professional enlightenment?”

“Fine, we’ll go,” Boimler sighed giving in. “But only after we finish all our assigned work. And only after getting Commander Ransom’s permission! And only if you promise not to involve us in any kind of senseless altercation or bar fight…”

KA-BOOOM!

“Too late,” Boimler groaned as a massive explosion suddenly rocked the building. “And we haven’t even found a bar yet. That’s got to be some kind of record!”

“Ahhh, what was that?” Tendi yelped.

“It wasn’t me!” Rutherford protested holding up his hands.

“Me neither,” Mariner defended. “For once…”

“Minister Davi!” A Donapri security guard rushed up to her. “The Federation science station is under attack! UCF forces have launched a surprise assault!”

“The who?” Ransom blinked, confused.

“The United Centralist Front,” Davi explained quickly. “A group of self-proclaimed revolutionaries opposed to the very principles of our government. Ugh, this is so embarrassing. Those infuriating rebels grow more and more brazen every day.”

“Rebels?” Rutherford blinked, surprised.

“Wait, does that mean there’s a planetary rebellion going on right now?” Tendi gasped in shock. “That wasn’t in the mission briefing.”

“Gee, looks like Starfleet’s first contact team somehow managed to neglect noticing that little detail,” Mariner drawled. “Bunch of slackers.”

“Look who’s talking,” Boimler gave her a look.

“The perimeter’s been breached! Rebels are pouring into the station!” The security guard continued. “We have to get everyone to safety now!”

“Equality and Justice forever!” A trio of armed, masked figures suddenly burst into view. “Down with the establishment! Freedom and liberty now!”

“Look out!” Davi yelled as the masked figures opened fire. The group of security guards accompanying Davi and her retinue quickly shot back.

“Aha! I knew there was something fishy about these preening government types,” Mariner noted as she and her friends took cover behind various consoles and cargo containers. “Guess this away mission isn’t so bad after all!”

“Are you crazy?!” Boimler yelped as weapons fire filled the air. “What am I saying?”

“What do we do, Commander?” Rutherford asked while worriedly clutching his tool kit.

“The only thing we can do,” Ransom declared huddling next to him. He tapped his combadge in determination. “Ransom to Cerritos. We seem to be caught in the middle of some kind of Donapri civil war.”

Understood,” Captain Freeman replied. “Prepare for emergency beam out.”

“WHAT?!” Mariner yelled in disbelief. “Are you nuts? We can’t just leave like this!”

That’s exactly what you’re going to do, Ensign!” Freeman ordered having overheard Mariner’s shouts. “The fight down there is an internal Donapri affair. It doesn’t involve us.

“The heck it doesn’t!” Mariner snapped into Ransom’s combadge. “We’re literally being shot at by Donapri forces right now!”

“Not intentionally,” Tendi pointed out. “We just happen to be caught in the crossfire.”

“All the more reason to evacuate and return to the Cerritos,” Ransom said. “Before somebody gets hurt.”

“People are already getting hurt,” Mariner shouted over the din. “You heard those rebel guys. They’re fighting for freedom against a cruel, oppressive government. We have to help!”

“No, we don’t!” Ransom glared. “We are Starfleet. We don’t interfere in the course of a society’s natural development. The Prime Directive applies.”

“Well said, sir,” Boimler agreed.

“Shut it, Boims! Adults are talking now!” Mariner snapped. “Now look here, Jack…”

That’s enough, Beckett!” Freeman roared over the channel. “We can discuss your own borderline rebellious behavior in private once you all return to the ship.” The sound of Freeman tapping her combadge was heard. “Freeman to Transporter Room One. Prepare to…

“Forget that!” Mariner snapped tossing her tricorder at Boimler.

“What the?” A surprised Boimler yelped. He quickly ducked causing the tricorder to miss him and hit a nearby control panel instead.

Commander, what is going on down there?” Freeman’s voice was heard. “Sensors show the science station’s shields just went up. We can’t beam you out.

“Wow. That’s the one of the few systems we finished bringing online,” Rutherford commented. “What a coincidence.”

“Huh?” Ransom blinked in surprise. “How did the shields suddenly…Mariner!”

“Oops. Sorry, sir,” Mariner innocently held up her hands. “My tricorder simply slipped out of my hands and raised the station’s shields. It was an accident. Honest.”

“Honest, my well-toned gluteus maximus!” Ransom snapped. “Lower the station’s shields right now or…!”

“Freeze! Nobody move!” A pair of armed, masked Donapri barked leveling their weapons at them. Other masked Donapri watched over a sitting Minister Davi, her retinue and the group of stunned, fallen security guards. “You are now prisoners of the United Centralist Front!”

“Oh great. Not again,” Boimler groaned as the masked Donapri quickly seized the Starfleet officers’ weapons, tools and combadges. “I hate being taken prisoner.”

“Wait a minute,” Ransom said getting to his feet. “I’m Commander Jack Ransom of the Federation starship Cerritos. I formally request that…”

“Quiet, alien,” One of the masked Donapri cut him off. “You’ll have a chance to speak later.”

“This is outrageous!” Davi fumed glaring at her captors. “You rebels will never get away with this!”

“Oh, I think we will,” The leader of the Donapri rebels said looming over her. “Now that we have captured you, the government will be forced to listen to our demands.”

“Oh, dream on,” Davi sneered. “And I thought you rebels were delusional before.”

“Quiet, Minister!” The rebel leader warned. “That’s no way to talk to you mother.”

Mother?!” All the Starfleet personnel blinked.

“Yes, Mother,” The rebel leader removed her mask revealing the face of a stern, hard-nosed woman of late middle age. “Kids these days. They have no respect for their elders.”

“Huh?” Mariner gawked as the other Donapri rebels unmasked, each of them clearly middle-aged with a noticeable tenacity of being slightly overweight. “Are you kidding me?”

“Wow,” Tendi stared. “I have to admit, this is unexpected.”

“I’ll say,” Rutherford blinked.

“Visitors from the Federation,” The unmasked rebel leader addressed them. “I am Citizen Pora, leader of the United Centralist Front. I’m here to expose the cruel and corrupt system of government that keeps unfit personages like Minister Davi here in power.”

“Oh, quit it with the dramatic bombast,” Pavi snapped. “You’re just jealous that you finally grew old, lost your looks and were voted out of office. Just like every other aged, delusional leader Donprai has ever had.”

“That’s exactly the kind of biased, discriminatory attitude that has infected all of Donapri society for thousands of years,” Pora glared. “Everyone is judged solely on their personal attractiveness, lifestyle and perceived level of popularity.”

“Because that’s what the public likes,” Davi defended. “People want their leaders to be young, beautiful and entertaining. Not washed-up old has-beens like you. It’s a fundamental fact of life.”

“Gotta admit she has a point,” Mariner commented. “Not that I agree with it…”

“It’s irresponsible, that’s what it is!” Pora snapped. “People should be judged on their personal abilities and capabilities, not their looks or what attracts the most societal admiration.”

“You’re only saying that because your looks waved bye-bye to your face and figure long ago,” Davi sneered. “You only became a rebel once your waistline grew out and developed along with your hips and wrinkles. Again, just like all our other previous leaders.”

“Huh?” Boimler frowned at the new information. “Wait, if you’ve had an appearance-based society for thousands of years…just how long has this rebellion been going on?”

“Oh, only a few centuries,” Pora waved.

“WHAT?!” All the Starfleet personnel yelped.

“I know, right?” Davi said misreading their reactions. “These darn adults are so insufferably annoying. Things are all fine and dandy when they’re young and their popularity numbers are high, but the minute they lose their looks, boom! They go and rebel against every known form of authority!”

“Because we finally grew up and realized just how stupid the basis for that form of authority is,” Pora glared at her. “The same thing will happen to the rest of you naïve kids someday.”

“Ha, that’ll never happen,” Davi declared preening. “I’m going to stay young and popular and beautiful for the rest of my life!”

“Good luck with that,” Mariner quipped.

Now who’s delusional?” Pora sneered at Davi in contempt. “You kids still act like you’re a bunch of whiny, spoiled teenagers who ignore your elders and think all our opinions are useless!”

We’re the ones who continue to grant you endless parental fidelity and generous social welfare assistance,” Davi shot back. “Along with taking care of all the hard work you’re no longer capable of doing. You should be grateful!”

“Just like you should be grateful for the powder room full of makeup you slather onto your face every day,” Pora taunted. “If people every saw your real pimple-covered hide, they’d vote you out of office in a heartbeat.”

“WHAT?!” Davi shrieked. “TAKE THAT BACK!”

“MAKE ME!” Pora yelled.

“Wow, this certainly is a strange not-quite-as-new world,” Tendi blinked as Minster Davi and Citizen Pora continued to scream at each other. “I’ve never seen such an unusual occurrence of parents rebelling against their kids. Or even read about it.”

“Okay, maybe making presumptions about the Donapri rebels wasn’t such a good idea after all,” Mariner grumbled.

“No, you think?” Boimler gave her a look.

“Though I can definitely see why Minister Davi wants to stamp out the rebellion,” Mariner commented watching Davi and Pora fight. “That old lady of hers sure is an annoying, overbearing control freak. She reminds me of my mom.”

“Really?” Rutherford glanced at her. “What’s your mom like?”

“Can we meet her?” Boimler asked hopefully. “I have a few questions I’d love to know the answers to…”

“No!” Mariner shouted quickly. “I mean, you don’t know my mom. None of you do. She travels a lot. Odds are you won’t be able to meet her in any way. Ever!”

“Aw, that’s too bad,” Tendi commented. “Your mom sounds kind of interesting. You must be really close to her.”

“Not really,” Mariner snorted. “We haven’t seen eye-to-eye on things for so long I doubt we ever will.”

“Well, you did initially side with the Donapri rebels,” Rutherford pointed out. “So in a weird way, you did manage to side with your mom.”

“What?!” Mariner yelped in shock. “Oh man, you’re right! What have I done? Bad Mariner! Bad Mariner!”

“Well, those are two words I certainly don’t hear you mutter every day,” Boimler noted at Mariner’s behavior. “Though Q knows I’ve repeated them a few hundred times too many…”

BOOM!

“Oh great,” Boimler groaned as another explosion was heard in the background. “Now what?”

“Surrender!” Another group of masked Donapri stormed into the area riding a collection anti-grav chairs, scooters and carts. “The liberators of oppressed Donapri everywhere are here!”

“Oh no,” Both Davi and Pora groaned at the sight. “Not these guys again!”

“That’s strange?” Rutherford frowned. “How did those guys manage to get into here in the first place? The station’s shields are still up.”

“They must’ve already been in a different area of the station,” Tendi reasoned.

“Ha! It’s over, Minster!” The leader of the masked newcomers cackled. “The days of your incompetent rule have finally come to an end!”

“Not to you they have,” Pora declared. “Unless you’ve finally chosen to cease your ridiculous behavior and return to operating under the authority of the United Centralized Front.”

“Ha! Not likely!” The masked newcomer sneered pointing at Davi. “You and your UCF lunatics are just as bad as her.”

“Huh?” Ransom blinked, confused. “Wait, aren’t you with the UCF?”

“Of course not!” The newcomer whipped off his mask to reveal a very elderly Donapri. “I, Commander Inze, may have fought as one of the UCF before, but will never do so again! We will no longer be subordinate to the UFC’s overbearing authority!”

“Huh?” Boimler stared, stunned. “You’re saying you are rebelling against the rebellion?”

“You bet your sweet bippy we are!” Commander Inze declared as the rest of the newcomers unmasked revealing a crowd of elderly Donapri faces. “It’s past time Donapri’s true leadership standards are set. Leadership based on one’s age, experience and the respect that rightfully comes with both!”

“Aw, shut up, you old fool!” Davi snapped. “There’s no way people will ever willingly choose to be led by a bunch of wrinkled old fogeys way past their physical, mental and intellectual prime.”

“Yeah!” Pora agreed. “The notion of having extremely elderly personages as leaders is even more outlandish than granting political and social authority to a bunch of clueless, pretty-faced kids. What kind of messed up, inefficient society would ever have a governmental system like that?”

“Boy, ladies,” Mariner whistled. “Are you ever in for a shock.”

“Be quiet, ya little whippersnapper!” Inze barked pounding the armrests of his anti-grav chair. “It was bad enough having to fight alongside an arrogant upstart like you, but having you replace me as leader of the glorious rebellion was the last straw!”

“It’s the fate of every parent to eventually be replaced by their kids,” Pora snapped. “Change is inevitable!”

“That’s exactly what I’ve been saying,” Davi pointed out. “So why don’t both of you old fogeys lay down your arms, get some serious makeovers and beg that the government shows you mercy.”

“WHAT?! NEVER!” Pora and Inze howled. “YOU CAN’T STOP THE REBELLION!”

“Wanna bet?” Davi shouted leaping up and ripping a weapon from a surprised UFC fighter’s hands. “GET THEM!”

“Yaaahhh!” The other members of Davi’s retinue cried and quickly seized more weapons before turning them on their former owners. “SURRENDER, YOU DARN DIRTY REBELS!”

“YOU’LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE!” Every member of the two opposing groups roared and began firing at the newly armed government members while also shooting at each other. “LONG LIVE THE REBELLION! LOVE LIVE THE REVOLUTION!”

“Oh boy. Here we go again,” Boimler moaned as the three-way fight quickly turned into a free-for-all. “So much for experiencing a calm and peaceful second contact.”

“Though on the bright side, we’re able to confirm that rebellion among a society’s different generations is yet another example of parallel planetary development,” Tendi pointed out.

“Guess some things really are universal,” Rutherford noted.

“Yeah, like death, entropy and sentient beings’ capacity for stupidity,” Mariner quipped. “Or in this case, insanity.”

“Said the transporter to the holodeck,” Boimler muttered.

“Will everyone please just calm down?” Ransom shouted cautiously rising up from cover. “The Federation will not interfere in whatever internal conflict your society is currently experiencing, but we would be more than willing to act as mediators to help settle any dispute…”

“YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!” Davi, Pora and Inze yelled shooting at Ransom.

“Ahhh!” Ransom yelped ducking back down.

“Way to be diplomatic there, Jack,” Mariner drawled. “Maybe you oughta listen to the locals and don’t get involved in the current situation.”

“A situation we wouldn’t be in if you had listened to me and obeyed orders from the beginning,” Ransom glared at her. “Starfleet officers don’t involve themselves in other civilizations’ natural internal developments. Avoiding getting into situations like this is exactly why the Prime Directive exists.”

“This is why I should work alone the next time I support a rebellion to help root out injustice,” Mariner muttered under her breath. “And why I keep a healthy stock of alcoholic beverages back onboard the ship.”

“This is why I’m an engineer and not a diplomat,” Rutherford gulped as the firefight continued to rage around them.

“This kind of real-world encounter with murky ethical moral dilemmas is why I joined Starfleet in the first place,” Tendi added.

“And this is why I keep submitting promotion applications to other ships,” Boimler groaned.
 
We continue with the winning entry for September/October 2023. The theme was "Spooky Haunted Ghostship".

Don’t Feed the Clowns​


“A clown is funny in the circus ring, but what would be the normal reaction to opening a door at midnight and finding the same clown standing there in the moonlight?”
Lon Chaney, Sr.


Stardate 53826.6 (29 October 2376)
USS Bluefin
Routine Patrol, near the Molari Badlands

“A circus?” asked Commander Inga Strauss, incredulous, “We’re going to escort a circus to Klaamet IV?”

“That’s right,” replied Captain Joseph Akinola, grinning, “What’s the matter, Commander – didn’t you ever go to the circus when you were a kid?”

“Well . . . sure I did,” she replied, folding her arms defensively. “I just never cared for them much. And I don’t see why a circus troupe requires an escort!

Akinola leaned back in his desk chair. “Apparently the ‘Celestial Circus’ has some friends among the Starfleet brass that pulled a few strings for them. This circus has performed on several starbases and a few of the larger ships of the line. In light of the recent events in our sector, I can understand the request, even if it seems like overkill.”

Strauss nodded, but she appeared distracted. Akinola noticed that her expression was more troubled than perturbed.

“XO, you okay?” he asked.

“Hmm? Oh, yes sir, sorry, I was just figuring how we would have to adjust our patrol grid when we finish with escort duty.”

The Captain sensed that there was more to it than that, but he didn’t press the issue. “Very well, have Ensign Bralus bring us to 228 mark 9 and keep us at warp 6. That will give us about fourteen hours to intercept the Calliope. It’s only a day and a half to the Klaamet system, so this won’t throw us off schedule too badly.”

* * *

At the end of her shift, Strauss made her way to her quarters, and then sat on the edge of her bunk for several minutes staring blankly at the bulkhead. With a sigh, she rose and walked to the sink and splashed cold water on her face. She frowned as she noticed the slight tremor in her hands.

* * *

Stardate 31368.5 (15 May 2354)
Circus Krone
Munich, Germany – Earth

Eight year-old Inga Strauss watched the high-wire act with rapt attention as she sat by her father, Captain Dieter Strauss. Inga was excited to spend time with her Papa as he was home on leave, particularly since she had him all to herself this day. Her little brother was sick, so he and Mama stayed at home. She only felt slightly guilty about having Papa to herself.

Circus Krone was the largest in Europe, enjoying something of a revival after the decline of most circuses following the third world war. Though captive animals no longer provided entertainment, there were still stunning displays of acrobatics and, of course, the hilarious antics of the clowns.

Inga giggled as several clowns raced around one of the rings, tripping over one another to gain entry into an impossibly tiny car. Somehow, they all managed to squeeze in. Her smile faded, however, as one clown stood apart and looked into the crowd.

The clown was staring directly at Inga.

She tried not to look back, but he continued to gaze at her. Certainly, it looked friendly enough with its blazing orange hair, white face and brightly painted smile, but something about its eyes made her shiver slightly.

“Papa, I need to use the restroom,” she whispered to her Father.

Captain Strauss cocked an eyebrow at her, then smiled. “Alright, Ladybug. Do you want me to go with you?”

Inga rolled her eyes and sighed. “Papa! I’m almost nine years old. I can go to the restroom by myself!”

Dieter Strauss chuckled, “I’m sure you can. Just hurry back – the trapeze act is beginning shortly.”

Inga moved quickly down the aisle, stepping past other on-lookers and quickly made her way down the ramp, past the concession stands of popcorn, peanuts and other tantalizing treats (Maybe Papa would buy her some cotton candy!), until she came to the corridor that led to the restrooms.

The lighting was somewhat dim, but not enough to cause Inga to hesitate. She made her way down the hall, turning left toward the ladies’ facilities . . .

. . . and was very surprised to see the same clown that had stared at her from the floor of the circus. She was certain the corridor had been empty when she started this direction.

“Oh, hello,” said Inga, startled but not really afraid.

The clown smiled down at the young girl. “Well, hello young miss! Are you enjoying the show today?”

“Yes sir,” she replied, dutifully, though she really needed to use the restroom. “It’s been a lot of fun!”

“Oh indeed, indeed!” said the clown, “Fun, fun, dum-dee-dum! A clown’s work is never done!” His grin broadened, revealing an exceptional number of bright, white teeth.

Inga giggled in spite of herself. “You’re funny!” she exclaimed, forgetting the pressure in her bladder. Why had she been nervous about this clown before? He seemed very nice! His voice had a very reassuring quality, as did his broad smile, and his eyes . . .

. . . his eyes . . .

The clown’s eyes began to glow – a soft, silver-white light that began to pulsate and brighten. He produced a red balloon, as if by magic.

“And here’s a pretty, red balloon for lovely little Inga – do you like balloons, little Ladybug? See how it floats . . .”

Inga frowned inwardly at the use of the pet name only her father used, but the frown did not extend to her mouth, which continued to stretch out in a broad grin.

“How did you know my name?” she asked in a far-away voice. The sounds of the crowd and the circus seemed miles distant. The scant light in the corridor began to dim - seemingly absorbed by the clown looming over her.

The clown chuckled, a laugh which sounded of broken glass sraping over gravel. The glow in his eyes intensified and his grin, already impossibly huge, grew even wider, revealing rows of long, sharp, serrated teeth.

“WE KNOW MANY THINGS, INGA, ESPECIALLY WHEN WE ARE HUNGRY, OUR KNOWLEDGE EXPANDS AND WE EXPAND AND, YES, WE ARE HUNGRY, INDEED, LITTLE LADYBUG, VERY . . . VERY . . . HUNGRY . . . ”

Inga’s eyes followed the rising balloon as it bumped against the curved ceiling of the corridor. The balloon burst, drenching her with a sudden deluge of warm red blood.

“NOW, LITTLE INGA, WE MUST SATISFY OUR HUNGER AND ADD YOUR BLOOD TO OUR ESSENCE . . . WE MUST FEED, YOU SEE, FOR WE ARE HUNGRY . . . CLOWNS . . . ARE . . . ALWAYS . . . HUNGRY!”

This last came in a chorus of voices . . . some deep and snarling, some high-pitched as from tortured souls. In the backgound, she heard a chorus of voices chanting, "We float . . . we always float . . . you will float with us . . . forever . . ."


Inga stood transfixed, wanting to run, to scream, to get away from the clown-thing, but she was frozen in place – covered in blood, a painful smile still affixed to her face. A tear streamed down one cheek, cutting a channel through the red gore.

The clown’s head began to grow larger and its jaws separated, revealing additional rows of inhuman jagged teeth. Something deep within the dark maw writhed and wriggled. The fly-blown smell of rotten meat and ancient corruption wafted over her. He-It began to move toward Inga . . .

“Inga? Inga, are you still in there?” The voice of Dieter Strauss suddenly caused Inga to break out of her trance. She stood, trembling and still for a moment, unable to speak or remember what she was doing in the corridor. She finally lost control of her bladder.

The clown-thing was gone, as was the blood and the awful smell. Captain Strauss rounded the corner and stopped abruptly when he saw his daughter.

“Inga, what took you so long? I was beginning to think you got lost!” The chiding note in the elder Strauss’ voice suddenly caught as he saw Inga’s face and the dark, spreading wetness at the front of her pants.

“Ladybug?” he asked, suddenly concerned for his little girl.

Inga’s lips trembled, though out of embarrassment and not fear, for she had no recollection of the clown.

“Papa – I’m sorry! . . . I didn’t make it to the restroom in time.” Tears spilled over her cheeks and she began to cry.

Dieter Strauss gently scooped up his daughter and moved out of the corridor, preparing to take Inga home. “Shhh, it’s alright, Ladybug. I think you’re just tired. We’ll go on home so you can get cleaned up and we can see about dinner.”

Inga clung tightly to her father, feeling an unexpected sense of relief and security. Already she felt better, despite her shame over her 'accident.' All that mattered to her now was that she felt safe and loved in her father's strong arms.

Neither noticed the red balloon that floated languidly in the dim hallway behind them.

* * *

Stardate 53828.9 (31 October 2376)
USS Bluefin
Standard Orbit – Klaamet IV

“You sure were quiet tonight,” observed Lt. Commander T’Ser as she accompanied Inga Strauss and Nigel Bane to the ward room from the transporter room. They had just returned from a performance by the Celestial Circus in the city of Montosa, the capitol of Klaamet IV. The director of the circus had invited the entire crew of the Bluefin as a gesture of appreciation. Of course, not all the crew could attend but better than half did, including a reluctant Inga Strauss.

“Hmmm? Oh, sorry, I’ve just never cared much for circuses,” replied Strauss, absently.

“Blimey! I never heard of anyone who didn’t like a circus!” exclaimed Nigel, grinning.

Inga frowned slightly, “I went when I was a child, I just . . . you know, don’t find them particularly entertaining.”

“While I prefer other forms of entertainment, I do find a certain charm in the circus,” said T’Ser.

The trio came to the wardroom. Inga stopped in the corridor and yawned.

“If it’s all the same to you guys, I’m going to turn in, I’m tired,” she said.

Nigel and T’Ser nodded their understanding and wished Inga goodnight. She moved toward the turbo-lift and entered the small compartment.

“Deck four,” she said, leaning against the cool wall of the lift car. She rubbed her neck, trying to alleviate the tension that had built up in her neck. She had been inexplicably on edge during the entire performance and, truth be known, she had been very close to a panic attack when the clowns came out.

Clowns, she thought with an involuntary shiver, why do they always give me the creeps?

She exited the turbo lift and rounded the corridor until she came to her quarters. As the door slid shut behind her, she said, “Lights.”

As the darkness in the room was pushed back by the lights, Inga froze in place, her breath caught in her throat. Eyes wide and mind numb, she stared at the object that had not been in her cabin when she left.

Tethered to a yellow string, a bright red balloon floated silently in the middle of the room.

* * *

END (with apologies to Stephen King)
 
The January/February 2024 theme was "Stand-Off".

--- JELLICO'S WARSHIP ---​

by @Oddish


Julian Bashir stared out the viewport at the Starfleet vessel that had just docked at the station. It was an impressive sight, to be sure: nearly three-quarters of a kilometer in length, forty-two decks from bridge to keel, capable of sustaining Warp 9 for days on end, and heir to a name that had a history running all the way back to the days of wooden sailing ships. "So, chief," the young doctor said. "That's where you served before you came to Deep Space 9?"

Miles O'Brien was also staring at the ship, possibly with even more interest than Julian. To an untrained person, she would have looked like any other Galaxy Class, but Miles could see the subtle changes that indicated the vastly transformed nature of the USS Enterprise. "Yes," he said. "But she didn't look like that when I served aboard her."

"What happened?" Julian queried.

"The Cardassians happened," Miles replied grimly. "Followed by the Borg. You heard about Captain Picard, right?"

"Of course," Bashir said. And indeed he had: everyone knew the tragic story of the intrepid Starfleet captain who had been taken by the Cardassians shortly before the Minos Corvo incident. The Cardasian fleet had been chased from the disputed system with an invitation not to return, but not before Jean-Luc Picard had died at the hands of one of their torturers. Many people had refused to believe the Cardassian narrative that Picard had been engaging in terrorist operations, and had called for retaliatory action after the incident, but cooler heads had prevailed.

"From what I hear," Miles expalined, "after Picard was gone, a new guy took over the ship. His name was Edward Jellico. I only knew him by reputation, but unlike Picard, he was a soldier, not an explorer. And then, three months later, there was that mess with the Borg, led by Commander Data's brother."

"I heard about that," Bashir said. "How many ships were lost in the fighting?"

"Too many," Miles said grimly. "Thanks to Commander Data, the Enterprise survived, but it was blasted to hell. And when they got back to the shipyards, Captain Jellico convinced his superiors to let him rebuild the ship his way. 'The Federation flagship should be Starfleet's strong right arm, ready to project a show of strength' or some such thing. I'm sure Jellico was far more eloquent, when he worded his proposal."

"I guess I heard about that as well," Bashir mused. "After he and his people had saved the Federation from two separate existential threats, they bought into his theories."

"He wasn't completely wrong," Miles said. "The Federation's long had the strongest tech base in the quadrant, but we won't build warships, we won't develop our own cloaking tech, though we have the ability. It makes sense on paper, but..." he shook his head. "It's like we're trying to lose."

Julian Bashir was young and idealistic and had not seen combat, so he still believed in Federation doctrine. However, he was wise enough to choose to agree to disagree here. He indicated the Enterprise. "What about all the civilians onboard?"

"A lot of the civilian infrastructure was lost in the fight with the Borg," Miles explained. "Most of the schools, including the nursery where Molly went, half the science labs... all of it gone. Even Ten Forward was gutted."

"The children?"

"They were moved to emergency shelter areas, so most of them were fine. Of course, when one of the shelters took a direct hit..." Miles didn't continue. He didn't have to.

"But there aren't children on the Enterprise anymore."

"No, the civilian structures that weren't trashed were taken out during the refit. In their place... I don't know what-all, the changes were classified. But I know that the Enterprise is now the closest thing the Federation has to a proper warship. That's why they moved the Odyssey from the Cardassian border last month and had the Enterprise take her place."

"I thought the Federation didn't believe in rattling its saber that way."

Miles's face hardened. "Let me tell you something, Julian. When you're dealing with the Cardassians, a little saber-rattling..."

The voice of Major Kira on the comm interrupted his reply and ended the incipient disagreement. "All senior officers, report to ops," it instructed. With Sisko off the station and missing, she was the one calling the shots, and you did not want to ignore an order she gave you. Both men quickly headed for the turbolift.

When the two of them arrived in ops, Kira was speaking with a stern-faced captain with gray hair. Neither of them knew him by sight, but he was flanked by two men Miles knew well: one was Data, Starfleet's one Soong-class android member; he had been second officer of the Enterprise when Miles was onboard. The red uniform top and three pips on his collar suggested that he had gone from second to first. Worf, Starfleet's first (and currently only) Klingon member, still wore gold, but his collar had sprouted a pip as well.

Seeing them, Kira indicated them both to the man she had been talking to. "Oh good, you're here. This is Edward Jellico, the Enterprise's captain. Captain, Miles O'Brien and Julian Bashir."

"O'Brien, yes, the engineering crew were still talking about your work when I arrived," Jellico said. "I believe you know my first and second officers.

"Oh course," O'Brien said. "Commander Data and Lieute... excuse me, Lieutenant Commander Worf," he amended.

"And I've met Commander Data as well," Bashir volunteered.

"Indeed," Data said. "The doctor assisted me on a... very illuminating project about a year ago."

"We'll have time to catch up later," Captain Jellico cut in. "For now, Starfleet has ordered all traffic through the wormhole suspended until the Enterprise investigated the Jem'Hadar's threat."

"What about Benjamin and the others?" Dax queried.

"I have been instructed to make Commander Sisko's return a high priority," Jellico stated evenly.

"If you're going to try to rescue them, we're coming with you," Dax responded.

"I would advise against that," Jellico said. "Your two remaining runabouts are unlikely to tip the balance all that much."

"Even so, you could use all the help you can get," Kira stated.

Jellico scowled. "You're not under my command, major, so I won't stop you from coming along in your own ships. However, I advise that when the shooting starts, keep your distance."

"We'll keep that in mind."

"I've been outfitting the runabouts with extra banks of photon torpedoes," O'Brien said. "They should be ready within a few hours."

"It should take at least that long to offload all nonessential personnel from the Enterprise," Dax said. "You were planning on doing that, weren't you?"

"Lieutenant, this ship offloaded its nonessential personnel almost a year ago," Jellico said. "So if you're coming, you'll want to expedite your work."

Commander Data spoke up. "Perhaps Commander Worf and I could assist the chief with his modifications to the runabouts."

Jellico scowled again, but he was a warrior, and understood the desire of those like him to reconnect with former comrades, as well as aid them in time of need. And in any case, the Enterprise was as battle-ready as its crew could make it, and he would need neither officer. "Very well."

*~*~*

As they walked along toward the runabout pads, O'Brien spoke up. "So, Commander, how's the Enterprise crew been holding up? I mean, since Captain Picard..." he trailed off.

"In addition to the considerable grief that everyone felt, there was a period of readjustment for most of our personnel," Data said. "Captain Jellico's command style was very different from Captain Picard's. A number of crew requested reassignment."

O'Brien addressed the elephant in the turbolift, given Data's obvious advancement. "Commander Riker among them?"

"There was considerable friction between the two of them, due to their respective personalities," Data admitted. "It took time, but they ultimately grew to respect one another."

"However, when it was announced that the Cheyenne was in our sector and had urgent need of a captain, Commander Riker applied for the position," Worf put in, then added in a slightly aggrieved tone: "Counselor Troi chose to accompany him."

"Well, then I guess congratulations are due to all of you," the chief replied. "Especially you, Commander. The red uniform suits you."

"Thank you, Chief. It has been... very educational, adjusting to my new duties. Thankfully, Geordi has remained aboard, and has helped me a great deal."

O'Brien turned to Worf with a smile. "Do I even have to ask how you've been doing?"

"It has been a great honor, working with Captain Jellico and Commander Data to create such a... capable vessel," Worf said. Despite his trademark gruffness, he fooled exactly no one; even Data had known that the Klingon had enjoyed his work greatly.

"I'll bet," Miles said. "Well, I hope you won't have to test it against the Jem'Hadar, but I know that if you do, you'll do yourselves proud."

To be continued...
 
The modified Galaxy Class emerged into the Gamma Quadrant in a flash of light, with the two diminutive runabouts flying in its wake like two mice scurrying along after a lion. All three vessels frantically aimed their sensors in as many directions as possible, aware that with no way to scan before their emergence into the Gamma Quadrant, the mouth of the wormhole was a perfect spot for an ambush. However, they quickly realized that their caution had been unnecessary.

Captain Jellico hailed the runabouts. "Nothing detected on long range scanners. But that doesn't mean the Dominion doesn't have cloaking technology."

"We'll keep our eyes open," Dax assured him from the Mekong.

"Lieutenant, I've got something," O'Brien said. "Single ship, Starfleet, flying erratically." He typed some commands and checked the readout. "It's the Rio Grande."

"Captain, we've sighted the missing runabout," Dax reported.

"Understood, lieutenant," Jellico reported from the Enterprise bridge. "Go pick it up. We'll cover for you."

Data watched the sensors and calmly reported what was going on as it happened. The Rio Grande had been intercepted successfully, and come to a full stop while the chief beamed aboard. It then fell into formation with the Mekong and Orinoco, flying much more smoothly with an experienced pilot at the helm. "Jake Sisko and Nog have been secured, along with the ship," Data stated. "The station crew report that Commander Sisko and one other civilian are still missing."

"Do they know which planet they're on?" Jellico queried.

"Yes, sir."

"Tell them to proceed to that location and rescue him if they can, then get back to the wormhole," Jellico commanded. Hopefully, with the commander retrieved, the runabouts would return home. Jellico had read the specs on the vessels the Jem'Hadar reported having destroyed, and many of them were a lot more combat capable then the beefed-up shuttles the station crew were flying. He had known better than to try to order around people who weren't in his chain of command, but seeing them in harm's way made him nervous.

Dax's acknowledgement was cut off by a shrill proximity alarm, followed by Worf's deep baritone. "Captain, we're detecting three incoming ships in attack formation."

"Red alert. Activate shields and charge all weapons," Data calmly instructed, and the alarms sounded through the ship's forty-two decks as hundreds of personnel raced from quarters, mess hall, or yellow alert stations to initiate their various comabt duties.

"Mekong, Orinoco, stay with the damaged runabout," Jellico ordered. "We'll try to draw them away from you."

"We can help you, captain," Kira protested.

"The Rio Grande is damaged. If those ships go after it instead of us, it'll need your help more than we will," Jellico ordered tersely. "Mr. Worf, lock phasers on the lead ship. Stand by quantum torpedoes and photons as well."

"Weapons ready," Worf assured him, and Jellico could hear the eagerness in the Klingon's voice. Starfleet had never fielded a proper warship before, not in his lifetime anyway, and he was eager to break some new ground.

The lead Jem'Hadar ship did not disappoint the big Klingon by retreating or trying to negotiate. It activated a fierce polaron beam that sliced through the Enterprise's shields like they weren't there. However, the ship's refit had included a defenseive upgrade as well as an offensive one, and the devastaing stream of ionized polarons slammed solidly against a thick layer of duranium-based ceramic ablative armor. The Jem'Hadar weapons could pierce energy-based shields easily, but were not designed to phase through physical barriers. The sturdy armor tiles quivered and fractured and a few were blown off (the way ablative armor is supposed to), but the hull behind them remained unscratched.

"Full phasers!" the captain barked. "Fire at will." Instantly, Worf's finger jabbed the Fire button.

A year and a half before, Jellico had demanded that the Enterprise's phasers be powered by four other ship's systems instead of three, wanting to be, in his own terms, "loaded for bear". The ship's refit, however, had included two small but mighty auxiliary antimatter reactors, designed to do nothing except service the phaser array. The ship's phaser power was limited only by what the emitters could channel without overloading. If the Enterprise had been loaded for bear before, courtesy of allowing it to scavenge power from other systems, having its own dedicated weapon power source had left it loaded for elephant. Fierce orange beams sprang from the multiple emitters and drilled unerringly into the hulls of the three incoming ships. The lead ship shuddered as the central and most powerful beam drilled into its hull, and then there was an orange flash to its rear as the phaser penetrated its superstructure and punched out through the other side to waste its remaining energy on the vacuum behind. The mortally wounded vessel went tumbling off through space and exploded as the cascading plasma surges overwhelmed its damage control abilities.

With the fire at will command given, Worf needed no further commend to pound the enemy ships. Noting that the other two had lost their shields, he commanded a full barrage of torpedoes. The Enterprise's main torpedo launcher now dispensed the new quantum torpedoes, but that didn't mean she was done with the older weapons: she still had what was known as the photon array, which Worf had designed and the shipyard's crew of engineers had refined into a working reality. A long row of simple torpedo tubes had been inset along the ventral surface of the saucer section. There wasn't space for magazines or reloading mechanisms, so the tubes took the better part of an hour to reload. This vastly reduced both the space required and the structural weakness that torpedo tubes often came with. As a downside, it made them only good for a single shot in a battle... but it gave the Enterprise a devastating first strike capability. Properly deployed, it could end a battle before it began. And that was what happened here: four quantum torpedoes and sixteen photons went screaming into the two remaining ships. One or two missed, but it didn't matter. The Jem'Hadar ships were already weakened by withering phaser fire, and the remaining shots were more than enough to finish the job. Both crews were blasted directly into whatever afterlife awaited their kind as their vessels disintegrated one after the other.

From the protective position they had taken next to the Rio Grande, the station crew eyed the carnage in disbelief. Tactical analysis on the incoming ships had shown them to be large and powerful, but they hadn't had a chance.

"Runabouts, you're clear to get to the planet," Jellico's voice came through the comms. "When you have your commander back, return to the Alpha Quadrant as quickly as possible."

"What about you, sir?" O'Brien queried from the Rio Grande.

"Our orders were to investigate the threat," Jellico said. "We've won the first encounter, but it won't be the last."

"Sir, additional ships have been detected," Data said calmly. "Two squadrons of three, appraoching on opposite vectors."

"Reload quantum tubes, and charge all weapons," Jellico ordered. "Jellico to stingships, deploy now."

Silently, two hatches on the bottom of the ship slid open, and four small parasite ships emerged, then hung in space eagerly awaiting the command to engage. The new arrivals did not look like most Federation ships, because they neither had nor needed warp drives. Like planes on an aircraft carrier, their purpose was to travel within the Enterprise, and launch when needed. Lightning fast and incredibly maneuverable, the little ships were designed to be hard to hit and pack a considerable punch, thanks to their nose-mounted pulse phaser cannons. They provided both a welcome boost in firepower to their mothership, and the ability to deliver it where needed. In a pinch, they could even be left behind for short periods of time, to guard a static location.

Jellico had wanted to have more of them onboard, and an even more advanced weapon suite as well, but the simple truth was that the Enterprise D had been designed more as a floating small town than a vessel of war. There had only been so many changes he could make.

Jellico took advantage of the lull in the combat to ask his first officer a relevant question. "Mr. Data, do we have a shield frequency that will stop their polaron beams?"

"Not at this time, sir," Data said imperturbably. "I tried all bandwidths that the shield generator can produce. Nothing worked. I have used sensors to gather data on the beams, but it will take time for us to properly analyze their weapons, and gain the ability to shield against them. If indeed that is possible."

"Well, let's see if we can get you a little more data, Data," Jellico said, the closest thing he ever came to making a joke. "Mr. Worf, all stingships, you are free to engage. Attack pattern echo."

Upon command, the four stingships flew at and tore into the two ships coming in from below, where the Enterprise had the lightest armaments. They would have had little or no chance against the heftier vessels in even combat, but they had a two to one advantage, and the Enterprise did have one weapon that could fire in that direction. After seconds of whirlwind flight maneuvers, one of the fragile little ships had been destroyed, but the other three had reduced both Jem'Hadar vessels into utter confusion. One of them came too close to the turret on the Enterprise's belly, which mounted a pulse phaser cannon. Pulse phasers were designed for short-range flighting: they lost most of their power at a distance, but were several times stronger than continuous beam phasers were up close, which is why the Enterprise had emitters of both types. One of the two Jem'Hadar ships exploded as the vicious pulsing beam punch into its warp core and obliterated it, and the other jetted away, as its attackers pummeled it from behind with their weapons.

The other four attacking warships did little better. Even without the opening barrage of photons that had claimed their fellows, the Enterprise's phasers had gouged through them, and its quantum torpedoes from the primary forward tube (which could be reloaded) had blasted two of them from the heavens. Now, three ships stopped at a distance, as if to regroup. All were spitting fire and smoke and atmosphere into the void, indicating severe damage, but none were disabled. The Enterprise faced the trio of vessels dead on, despite obvious damage in multiple places, Sizable chunks of her armor had been blasted off, and there was minor damage inside. The ablative armor had been designed to supplement the shields, not take the place of them.

"Should we continue to fire on them?" Worf queried, his hand poised over the torpedo launch button.

"Hold up," Jellico said. "Let's see if our friends are ready to call it a day."

Almost as one, the ships gave their answer, aiming themselves squarely at the Enterprise and going to maximum power. Their rapid acceleration and the nature of their course made their intent clear.

Jellico barked the order to fire, but there was no need, Worf and Data had seen what was coming, and were already firing weapons and maneuvering the ship as they had through countless battle drills. The first would-be kamikaze had a quantum torpedo slam into its main reactor, and the blast removed it from the universe. The second had almost reached its destination when the Enterprise's main pulse phaser turret found it. Seven of the eight turrets on the ship had only one cannon on them, this one had two, and it flung terajoules of energy right into the ship's face, and all it managed to do before coming apart was pummel the Enterprise with flame and chunks of molten hull. But the third ship managed to get through, and it slammed into the Enterprise's hull with a fearsome crunch.

Under normal circumstances, not even the heavy ablative armor that covered the ship would have been enough to stop such a brutal, devastating impact. However, Worf had strongly lobbied for the installation of a double layer on the ship's frontal area, and Jellico had acquiesced largely to shut him up. This decision would save them all from joining their enemies in death: The disintegrating vessel gouged an cavernous hole in the top of the saucer section, killing over a dozen ship's personnel and gutting several key systems and venting a huge area of the hull to space. One of the two antimatter reactors was forced into emergency shutdown, but its heavily shielded antimatter reservoir remained intact. A hull fragment the side of an escape pod slammed into the armored bubble over the bridge, but only managed to knock a few ablative tiles loose.

However, multiple overloads from within had reduced the ship's bridge to a whirlwind of flame and sparks and exploded consoles. Several crew were down, and from the look of things, one wasn't going to get up again, at least not until after a long stretch in sickbay. "Report!" Jellico shouted.

Data spoke louder to be heard over all the screams and other sounds, but his voice remained calm. "Heavy damage throughout the ship. Multiple systems failures. Shields are completely offline."

"One torpedo tube operational. We can still fire phasers, but one antimatter reactor is offline. I would advise against further combat until we can make repairs," Worf said.

"Sir, I believe that the Jem'Hadar ships are probing us," Data reported. "Sending increasingly powerful groups against us. At current rate, it is logical to suggest that we will face either nine or twelve enemies next time. In our current condition, I am not sure we could even defeat one."

That had been Jellico's assessment as well. With it confirmed, he wasted no more time. "All right," he said. "Let's retrieve the stingships, then get to the wormhole before the next wave arrives."

"Captain, we have no power to the hanger doors," Data reported. "Commander LaForge estimates several hours repair time."

"Very well. Beam the pilots back to the ship, and set the stingships to autodestruct," Jellico instructed. "Are the runabouts through the wormhole?"

"The Rio Grande and Orinoco have passed through," Data said. "The Mekong is still at the entrance. They were probably intending to report on the battle."

"Tell them to go through," Jellico said. "We'll be right behind them."

*~*~*

It was a strange mixed mood on Deep Space 9 that night. On the one hand, there was a strong sense of horror an the revelations presented by both Eris and the cruelly arrogant Jem'Hadar third who had visited earlier. The Dominion had introduced itself, not by sending envoys or issuing communiques or other civilized means, but rather via several shocking and barbaric acts of mass murder. The hundreds of civilians lost on what had once been New Bajor were the worst atrocity, but the crews of the destroyed ships tallied up to a shocking sum. Judging by the amount of organic matter scattered in the wreckage of the nine Dominion warships, between 350 and 400 Jem'Hadar soldiers had perished with their vessels, but revenge wouldn't bring back those lost. And, while the Enterprise had been the last ship standing, it was the only thing the Federation had that resembled a warship, and it would require months in a repair yard before it could hope to head into the Gamma Quadrant for Round Two.

On the other hand, they had gotten what they had come for, given the enemy a black eye, and only lost one stingship pilot and fifteen other crew. And when warriors won a victory, that victory was to be celebrated. Worf and Chief Engineer LaForge had joined Chief O'Brien at one of the tables in Quark's for a bottle of blood wine; from the look of things it wasn't their first. Commander Sisko and several others had joined Captain Jellico at another table, and they were consuming liquor at a considerably slower pace.

"I'm sorry that you had to leave behind all of your stingships," Sisko was saying to his counterpart. "I hope it won't be difficult to acquire new ones."

"It won't be," Jellico assured him. "We actually have enough spare parts in storage, we could build new ones in a week or two. They were designed to be easily replaced."

"You must have a difficult time finding pilots for them," Sisko stated.

"Just the opposite," Jellico said. "I know, it sounds strange, but we have more volunteers than we know what to do with. Back on Earth, about 400 years ago, it used to be called a 'fighter jock mentality'."

Kira and Bashir exchanged knowing glances at that statement. Kira had flown missions in ships like that one in her days in the resistance, and Bashir still had enough wanna-be hero left in him to find the idea of piloting one of those ships almost irresistable.

"Well, I know that the Federation council had a lot of concerns about your modifications to the Enterprise," Sisko said. "They weren't too happy when we built the Defiant, and that was right after Wolf 359."

"I think that we may have proved the concept of the Federation dreadnought," Jellico affirmed. "And if not yet, I think the Jem'Hadar will give us many more chances. They might even let us build the next one from the ground up."

Sisko nodded. Though he had been on Deep Space 9 for a year by the time the Borg crisis occured, he had seen the plans for proposed Galaxy-sized warships that Jellico had drawn up in its wake. Data's precision and analytical skill, combined with Worf's Klingon mindset and piggybacked on the considerable research that Ben's team had put into the Defiant Class, had made for impressive work. Design A had left out the stingships, but vastly increased the amount and variety of weapons: gatling phasers, gravitic mines, and higher-capacity photon arrays to name a few. Design B had subbed in huge amounts of hangar space, increasing the number of stingships to twenty. Design C was most interesting of all; it had fewer stingships, but added in a larger impulse-only parasite vessel obviously based on the Defiant.

Starfleet had its hawk-types like any other military-based organization, and they were always suggesting such things, but they rarely got built. That might be about to change, given the Dominion threat.

Commander Data entered the bar, and approached his commander with a padd in his pale hand. "Captain, I have analyzed the ionic signature of the polaron weapons used by the Jem'Hadar. I think that there might be a way to remodulate the shields against them."

"That would eliminate their biggest advantage," Sisko commented.

"Indeed," Jellico said. "Well done, commander. Make sure you communicate your findings with Starfleet. They might have some ideas as well."

"Already done, sir," Data assured him.

Sisko watched as the android, apparently oblivious that he had delivered the first good news of the night, headed over and joined his shipmates. His own mind was running at Warp 9. Many of the weapon systems that the Enterprise had used to such devastating effect that day were ones that he had developed for the Defiant, during the experimental warship's construction. Due to design flaws, the ship had been mothballed and put in storage in an isolated orbital dock. The only still-operational warship in the fleet had been sitting there gathering space dust ever since.

Maybe, he decided, it was time for that to change.

--- THE END ---
 
The theme for March/April 2024 challenge was "Wet and Wild". There were two winners. Here's the first of the two.

"Wet and Wild: Cetacean Observations"
by @Hawku

The Prometheus-class U.S.S. Phoenix-X trekked blissfully through the vacuous, suck-filled realm of non-pushy-air space. Commander Seifer took the command chair where the cyber-implant-infested Ferengi BOB stood next to.

"So, can I go back to my own time in the future yet? I'm getting a temporal displacement rash," BOB carped. "Even the Borg self-produced analgesic cream."

Seifer waved it off. "Not until you tell me all the lottery numbers from every money-based planet within a ten-lightyear radius. I'm really into money this week. Everyone, you are to expect a paycheque on Friday. Bonuses pending."

"Commander, my self-configuring door experiment is ready to begin practical testing," reported Lieutenant Briggs as he switched to a nearby console. "By this time tomorrow, we should all have automated French door entranceways."

But Lieutenant Commander Armond entered the Bridge with his own PADD and business splayed across it. "Belay that. I've returned to the Phoenix-X, per rotation, to run an extra system diagnostic on top of the one that's already running. Can't have too many, is what I always say."

"What? But redundancy always leads to self-awareness? It's the computational absolution of too-much-AI!" Briggs protested to a halting palm.

Seifer reassured, "Armond's installed anti-sentience subroutines, so we never have a Discovery situation. Why don't you check on the underwater watering experiment in Cetacean Ops for now? The fact we discovered different consistencies of pure, unmixed water in the future is just so fascinating."

---

Briggs approached the non-French windowed door of Cetacean Ops to find the usually fully submerged room draining and reconfiguring into a pool/deck set up.

"This room has an air variant? Seems oppressive to me," the man said as he entered to find Lieutenant Commander Veker working at a console and the Delphine officer, Lieutenant Whui, poking his head out of the pool. "Also, sorry about us land-lubbers being the dominating operators of starships in general."

Whui swam around before acknowledging him. "No apologies required! I receive an excess allocation of ship's resources as compensation for the inherent social disparities and strifes therein."

"It's why I come here to run my science simulations," Veker admitted as he worked. "This latest one will model how many multiverses there are, and if those multiverses are contained within even more multiverses. So, like a Russian doll thing."

The Operations officer approached with an alert coming off his PADD. "Actually, it looks like Armond's double system diagnostic is triggering my self-configuring door program. In fact, it's enabling front-door access to several Phoenix-X systems!"

"Uggh. That old crew always gets preferential treatment," Veker complained as he let Briggs join him and they both switched the interface. "Did you know that Ensign Dan once bud in front of me at the replicator? Luckily any one of us can relieve him of duty for any length of time we see fit."

Suddenly, the door to Cetacean Ops clicked locked and the pool water began to overflow and rise. "Oh, dear. The room is reconfiguring without cause," Whui observed. "Can any of you breathe underwater?"

"It's a malfunction. It's not shutting down!" Veker reported as they worked and the water was at their ankles. "Yes, us Kelpiens are adept at land and water, but it normally takes our kind hours to change clothes. A wet Starfleet uniform is a prolonged form of torture."

Briggs tried disengaging the system to no avail as the pool reached their waists. "Yeah, and I'm a Silver Blood. If I'm in water for too long, I'll involuntarily become water. It's why I stopped drinking prune juice."

"Is it wrong that I want to see those two things happen? Also, do you become the prune juice?" Whui inquired after coming up from his submerged console. "Oh, and transporters and communications are down."

The Silver Blood shook his head as the water was now at their chests. "This is my fault for having an obsession with the French. Like, why do almost all of them now have British accents? I cut far too many corners thinking their type of doors would gain me architectural-linguistic insight."

"Your curiosity is not a failure, but a strength," Veker assured as everyone was now wading underwater. "It is because of this, we have come to appreciate Cetacean Ops for its reclusive, but advantageous wet station."

Briggs looked around. "Oh! We can talk underwater. That's great. Probably the random consistency thing mentioned earlier. Of course! We can shift the hard water into the locking mechanism and twist it open."

"It's true. We dolphin-like species still require mechanically 19th century-type entrance ways for ease of minds-sakes," Whui admitted. "You never know when a large copper-diving helmeted Jacques Cousteau will come clanging on our thick, brass doors, expecting an old school explorative visit."

Nodding to that, all three then went over to the door and used their appendages to relocate and form the water in a way that would begin rotating the physical locking mechanism. Suddenly, the door opened and all the water spilled out into the corridors!

"So, is everything going to be okay?" Whui asked as he lept into his pool and Briggs checked his PADD.

Tapping it, he discovered, "Yeah. My software decompiled and all systems are back to normal. Maybe the lesson here is: When in doubt, just go for a swim."

"Speak for yourself!" Veker complained while surveying his soaked Starfleet uniform. "I need to call my two handmaidens off their social-insurrection planning to help me out of this thing. Also, Starfleet employs handmaidens for Kelpiens in the 24th century."

Suddenly, Seifer stopped in his walk-by tracks when he noticed the soaking hallway he was stepping in. "Ugh. Did you guys have a side-thing while I was on the Bridge? Did I not order everyone into suspended, uneventful states when I am not in the room? It's to cut down on episodic situational dramas."

He looked at their blinking, blank stares.

"Oh, never mind. It's fine. I just wish I hadn't banned towels from the ship after that fencing craze had everyone wearing them around their necks for fashion," Seifer admitted. "Sooo pretentious. Anyway, carry on."

After he left, Briggs snapped his fingers. "That's right. We dry ourselves with de-poisoned retlaw plants now." He opened a nearby hatch, pulled out a purple, fuzzy ball and began dabbing it against his uniform. "Be careful, though. Too much water re-enables their toxicity."

"Very well," Veker replied as he got his own and followed suit. "This swimming thing may not be so bad after all, from a scientific study point of view. The containment is not unlike being contained in a multiverse. I will schedule pool time from now on. Pool time for everyone!"

Briggs nodded as they continued. "Also, door stuff." This was to be the start of a beautiful aquatic course of study.
 
And now for the second winning entry of the March/April 2024 challenge...

Away Teams Anonymous
by @ColdFusion180

“Alright, people. We’re here,” Captain Freeman announced as she personally piloted the shuttlecraft Redwood down to the surface of an unexplored planet. “Everyone stay alert and be ready for anything.”

“Yes, sir,” Ensign Haubold nodded checking her phaser along with half a dozen other members of a heavily-armed Security team.

“All our previous away teams have failed to submit proper check-in reports,” Freeman reminded as she landed the Redwood next to a row of other unoccupied shuttlecraft from the Cerritos. She swiftly powered down the engines and moved to the Redwood’s aft before signaling Haubold to lower the rear hatch. “Limited preliminary scans indicate our people are still alive, but they could be trapped. They could be unconscious. They could be…what the heck?”

“Wahooo!” A bare-chested Commander Ransom whooped happily while dancing on top of an outdoor table. He and a collection of other Cerritos personnel were scattered around a large, wide, table-and-chair-cluttered pier which extended into a shimmering, tropical-like bay surrounded by a series of majestic cliffs and other breathtaking rock formations. “Now that’s what I’m talking about! Yeah!”

“Huh?” Freeman gaped at the gyrating Ransom in shock. “Jack! What the devil do you think you’re…?”

“Hey, look everybody! The Captain’s here!” Jack grinned and giddily waved at Freeman. “Now we can really get this party started!”

“Yay!” The crowd of boisterous Cerritos personnel cheered.

“Party? Are you crazy?” Freeman barked in disbelief. “What the heck’s gotten into you people? I thought you were all in serious trouble and instead you’re lounging around dancing and acting like lunatics…”

“Captain Freeman!” A dripping wet Boimler shouted shoving his way through the throng. “Thank goodness you’re here!”

“Please excuse Commander Ransom’s current behavior, Captain,” A similarly soaked Rutherford said emerging from the crowd as well. “You see, it’s not exactly his fault.”

What’s not his fault?” Freeman demanded glaring at the two ensigns. “What in Pike’s name is going on here? Report!”

“Uh, well, you see,” Boimler gulped nervously. “Remember how the Cerritos came to survey this planet and ended up detecting an old-fashioned Earth distress signal?”

“Yes,” Freeman said tensely. “We couldn’t use transporters or pinpoint the distress signal’s exact location due to the energy barrier surrounding this planet, but we estimated it originated approximated three hundred meters below the surface of one of the planet’s major oceans. That’s why Ransom led an away team down in shuttlecraft composed of the Cerritos’ cetaceans.”

“Yes, and they successfully located the origins of the distress signal,” Boimler continued. “Turns out it was from an old Earth colony ship. The ship was originally headed for Ingraham C, but ending up getting lost and landing here instead.”

“Most of the original colonists managed to evacuate and make it to shore before the ship sank,” Rutherford explained. “But the ship itself still managed to maintain power and broadcast a distress signal that barely managed to punch through the planet’s atmosphere and associated energy barrier. Gotta hand it to the old-time engineers who designed and built that baby.”

“Ah, I see,” Freeman nodded. “That explains why there was never any record of a lost Earth colony ship reporting missing in this system.”

“Wheeeeee!” A trio of Human non-Cerritos personnel ran by while tossing handfuls of brightly colored streamers everywhere. “Party! Party! Party!”

“Though it still doesn’t explain why Ransom and the other away teams chose to join the locals in this wild display of inane revelry while failing to check in properly,” Freeman growled at the crowd of scantily clad Humans partying alongside other crewmembers from the Cerritos.

“Uh yeah. About that,” Boimler coughed. “The Cerritos’ sensors didn’t detect it due to the energy barrier, but all the liquid bodies on this planet aren’t composed of water. Instead, they’re composed of a diverse array of ethanol-based solutions created by various naturally occurring, planet-wide fermentation processes.”

“Huh?” Freeman did a take before turning to stare out at the foamy, golden-pale colored bay. “Wait, are saying all the liquid bodies on this planet are entirely made of beer?”

“Oh no. Of course not,” Rutherford shook his head. “That would be silly.”

“No kidding,” Freeman muttered.

“Only the oceans and open seas are made of beer,” Rutherford corrected. “The inland seas are made of wine, the lakes are made of gin and the rivers are made of either brandy, whiskey, rum or the equivalent of other distilled liquors.”

“WHAT?!” Freeman was stunned.

“Yes, I couldn’t believe it either,” Boimler sighed. “The water, er, I mean ethanol cycle on this planet must be crazy. And since the away team’s mission involved most of them swimming in the ocean…”

“Yahooo!” Ensign Matao hooted zooming around the bay while flashing a dazzling dolphin grin. “I love my job! Best away mission ever!”

“Look at me! Look at me!” A very happy Lieutenant Yuna roared leaping completely over the pier. “Hahahahaha!”

PA-LOOOOOOSSSHHH!

“I get the picture,” Freeman groaned as the inebriated orca made a small tidal wave of beer which washed over the pier, much to its occupants’ delight. “Great, just what we need. A pod of drunken cetaceans. Now I’ve seen everything!”

“Commander Ransom did speak to the colony’s leaders in order to find out more about them and their history,” Rutherford said. “Who also insisted he join them in sampling several glasses of the planet’s various natural liquid wonders…”

“Hehehehehe!” Ransom giggled while leading a combined conga-limbo line. “Go Jackie! Go Jackie! Yeah!”

“I should have known,” Freeman groaned.

“Commander Ransom did manage to make an initial check-in report, though he was apparently pretty drunk at the time,” Rutherford went on. “At least from what we heard. And when we arrived as part of the second away team led by Lieutenant Shaxs to check in on the original away team Ransom ordered us all to have several drinks too. In order to show proper respect for the local colonists’ customs…”

“I see where this is going,” Freeman moaned. “Unfortunately.”

“Which of course led to the follow-up away team getting drunk,” Boimler said. “Along with the follow-up away team to the follow-up away team led by Lieutenant Commander Stevens …”

“Which led to me leading the final follow-up away team with the Cerritos’ final remaining shuttlecraft,” Freeman concluded. “Not to mention my final last nerve!”

“Yipppeeeeee!” Mariner whooped prancing around with a mug of spirits in each hand and an arm around a pair of well-toned colonists. “Now this is what being an intrepid Starfleet explorer is all about! Paradise really does exist! Eat your heart out, Shore Leave Planet!”

“Speaking of which,” Freeman gritted her teeth. “Beckett Mariner! Get your sorry inebriated butt over here right now…!”

SPLOOOSH! SPLOOOSH! SPLOOOSH!

“Hahahahaha!” Colonists and Cerritos crewmembers alike cackled as they shot streams of flavored alcohol at each other.

“Aaahhhhhh!” Freeman yelped as she was helplessly caught in the crossfire.

“Oops! Sorry we forgot to warn you about that, Captain,” Boimler apologized. “The colonists enjoy making and using several variations of an old Earth toy called ‘squirt guns’. Though their versions are filled with beer, brandy, whiskey or rum…”

“No, really? I never would have guessed,” Freeman snapped wiping her face. “Ugh, I’m going to end up smelling like bitters and hops for days. Wait a minute,” She stared at Boimler and Rutherford curiously. “Why aren’t you two ensigns drunk like everyone else?”

“Oh, my implant has a special alcohol-blocking feature,” Rutherford explained pointing at it. “It protects my brain from all harmful alcohol-related effects. Though it doesn’t work on the rest of my body’s internal organs.”

“And I always carry a small personal supply of anti-intoxicants around,” Boimler said. “I learned the hard way not doing so can be hazardous to my health. Especially considering who I inevitably end up hanging out with …”

“Mambo, mambo, mam-bo!” Mariner hooted dancing around with her eyes practically spinning in circles. “Bomb shots, bomb shots, bomb-bo!”

“Good thinking,” Freeman sighed.

“I did try to check-in with the Cerritos by myself,” Boimler insisted. “That is until Ensign Mariner and others accidentily ended up wrecking all the shuttlecrafts’ communication arrays during the combadge tossing contest…”

“Another piece of the puzzle,” Freeman groaned.

“Oh boy! Time for some fresh salmon fillets!” Petty Officer Dulae cackled drunkenly knifing through a series of beer waves and bearing down on his target. “Papa’s going to dine well tonight!”

“AAAHHHHHH! HELP!” Lieutenant Commander Stevens screamed floundering in the bay while wearing an inflatable fish costume. “HE’S GOING TO EAT ME!”

“Ha! Is this all you lightweights got? Bring it on!” Lieutenant Shaxs boasted tossing an empty stein over his shoulder while competing in a no-holds-barred drinking contest. “Nobody outdrinks Security!”

“Seaweed fight!” More people ran about tossing clumps of wet seaweed in all directions.

VVVARRROOOOOOMMM!

WHOOOOOOSSSHHH!

“What the heck?!” Freeman yelped as the shuttlecraft Whiskeytown zoomed dangerously over the bay and buzzed the pier to the inebriated crowd’s amusement. “Who the devil is flying that thing?”

“Uh, that would be Ensign Tendi,” Boimler blanched watching the shuttlecraft perform a series of bizarre and reckless stunts. “She volunteered to fly a few crewmembers around in an attempt to sober them up. Well, more like insisted…”

“Is Ensign Tendi drunk too?” Freeman twitched as the shuttlecraft skimmed over the beer-filled bay like an oversized hydroscooter.

“No, she hasn’t had a drop,” Rutherford assured Freeman as the Whiskeytown just barely avoided crashing into the row of Cerritos’ grounded shuttlecraft only to clip a few of the more protruding rock formations. “Tendi can just be a little…enthusiastic about certain things.”

“WAAAUUUGGGHHHHHH! SOMEBODY SAVE US!” Wails of terror rang out from the Whiskeytown’s doomed passengers. “THIS PILOT IS CRAZY! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!”

“Though I have to say, Tendi’s piloting skills have gotten a lot better,” Rutherford commented as the shuttlecraft spun around like a corkscrew. “Relatively speaking.”

“Did I just hear the occupants of that shuttle scream?” Freeman gawked at the Whiskeytown in horror. “Without the use of their combadges?”

“I’m afraid so,” Boimler sighed. “It’s nothing I or other poor souls of Tendi’s flying haven’t done a few dozen times before.”

“Attack!” Several people perched on top of a covered section of the pier began bombarding those gathered below with beach balls.

“Huh?” Freeman blinked while shielding herself with her hands. “How do these people keep getting their hands on these things?”

“It’s amazing what the original colonists were able to salvage from their ship before it sunk,” Boimler noted. “Not to mention terrifying.”

“Bubbles! Bubbles!” Specialist Paikea giggled swimming around while blasting a frothy stream of beer foam from her blowhole. “Bubbles for everyone!”

“Oh yeah, that’s the stuff!” Ransom grinned pumping out push-ups with a pair of beaming ladies dancing on his back. “Hit me right there! Feel the burn!”

“Hey, watch it! Back off! Don’t make me stun you…hey, give me back my phaser!” Ensign Haubold and the rest of the Security team attempted to impose some kind of order upon the crowd only to find themselves swept up in the revelry. “Gahhh, don’t throw it into the bay! No, I don’t want to take those kinds of shots…aaaggguuulppp! Ahhh…ohhh…mmm, say that’s some pretty tasty beer!”

“Hehehehehe!” People laughed and merrily ran about as a series of liquor-soaked chairs suddenly went up in flames. “Burn, baby, burn!”

“Aggghhh, I don’t believe this!” Freeman cried clutching her hair in aggravation. “This whole inexplicable situation is absurd! What’s next? Coming across a planet with oceans entirely made of coffee?”

“Please don’t give the universe ideas,” Boimler begged. “Sir!”

“Boy, I bet Janeway would love that,” Rutherford commented at the suggestion. “Talk about a planet that never sleeps.”

In Heaven there is no beer!” Mariner sang leading a chorus of very sloshed and happy revelers. “That’s why we drinks it here! And when we’re gone from here! Our friends will be drinking all the beer!

“You’re certainly gone alright,” Boimler groaned at the sight. “Though definitely not in the way I or certain other superior officers would like.”

“That’s it! I’ve had it!” Freeman declared making her way to the pier. She climbed onto one of the thick railing posts in an attempt to be seen and heard over the crowd. “Attention all Cerritos personnel! Return to the line of shuttlecraft at once and prepare to return to the ship…!”

SNATCH!

“What the…AAAHHHHHHHHH!” Freeman yelled as Dulae leapt from the bay and grabbed her outstretched uniform sleeve in his teeth. “YAAAHHHHHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! LET ME GO… BLUBBURUBBURUUUB!”

“Hey, look! I got a toy!” Dulae giggled drunkenly while porpoising to join his fellow cetaceans. “It is beer polo time!”

“Yay!” Yuna, Paikea and Matao hooted happily.

“WHAT?! NO…GAAAHHHHHH!” Freeman screamed as Dulae balanced her on top of his snout. “PUT ME DOWN! THAT’S A DIRECT ORDER…NO, NOT LIKE THAT! AAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!”

“Oooh, that’s going to leave a mark,” Rutherford commented watching Freeman be tossed around like a ball between the giggling dolphins and orcas. “And to think the cetaceans are considered to be some of the saniest people aboard the Cerritos.”

“Are you crazy? That’s ridiculous,” Boimler gave his friend a look while the madness reigned supreme. “Whoever heard of there being sane people aboard the Cerritos?”
 
The theme for May/June 2024 was "Archaeological Anarchy":
Whether it's hunting tox uthats, assembling stones of Gols or transporting kir'sharas, your Captain or crew, in some form, accidentally or on mission, has to deal with an ancient artifact. Where and when is it from? Does it hold any meaning, have any supernatural power or were the legends just legends?
Here's the winning entry:
One Person's Junk
by @ColdFusion180

“Ugh, I don’t know how much more of this I can take,” Mariner groaned rubbing her temples. “Did we get caught in a temporal disturbance or something? ‘Cause it feels like time has come to a complete and utter halt.”

“That’s exactly what we’re hoping for,” Tendi smiled wearing a pair of coveralls over her uniform and lying on her stomach. “The combination of bitumen-laced sediments and volcanic ash in this area have created near-ideal conditions for artifact preservation.”

“Yeah. This is a great opportunity for making profound discoveries,” Boimler added lying on the ground next to Tendi while wielding a small, delicate brush. “Besides, I thought you liked getting your hands dirty.”

“Yeah, but not like this,” Mariner said indicating their surroundings. She and her friends were located in one of several sectioned-off squares composing a large, marked grid overlaying an extensive archeological site in various stages of excavation. Small groups of civilian scientists were spread across nearby grid sectors working to extract, examine and analyze other partially exposed artifacts. “When I heard we’d been assigned to provide backup support for an archeological team on a planet that was once part of the T’Kon Empire I thought we’d be exploring ancient ruins or descending into unknown caverns or facing off against stupidly powerful portal guardians, not spend hours cleaning and cataloging piles of fragmented artifacts.”

“Ooo, that would’ve been neat,” Tendi chirped as she carefully removed a compacted layer of dirt and sediment with a trowel. “But this kind of exacting hands-on work is fun too. Archeology requires passion, dedication, endurance and lots and lots of patience.”

“Yeah, archeology isn’t all about finding lost cities, ancient palaces, forgotten temples and hidden tombs,” Boimler pointed out. “It’s about the thrills and joys of engaging in profound exploration and discovery of the past.”

“Hey, I’m all for exploration and discovery and stuff,” Mariner said covering a yawn. “I just wish the pace of exploration and discovery wasn’t so darn slow. Why are we even bothering to use drills to excavate all the various artifacts anyway? Why don’t we simply beam them out of the ground via transporter?”

“Because all the surrounding starithium and kelbonite deposits prevent us from establishing transporter locks,” Rutherford explained cleaning and calibrating a low frequency sonic drill. “And they also interfere with our ability to conduct accurate sensor scans, so there’s no choice but to carefully extract any artifacts by hand.”

“Oh joy. Poking around in the dirt and extracting bits of junk while armed with nothing but a zabathu-hair brush and a hand pick,” Mariner mock clapped. “I spent four years at the Academy for this?”

“This isn’t junk,” Boimler bristled defensively. “These are ancient artifacts which once belonged to an incredibly advanced and sophisticated civilization.”

“Boims, they’re junk,” Mariner gave him a look. “Literal junk. The leader of the archeological team Professor Lesco himself said that all studies indicate the T’Kon used this area as one giant garbage dump.”

“Yeah, he and the other archeologists really lucked out,” Tendi remarked. “There’s no better way to learn about ancient cultures and societies than by going through their trash. Trash is an amazing treasure trove of knowledge!”

“Na, it’s just trash,” Mariner stated. “Everyday trash consisting of everyday items. Sure, some of it may be really old and really advanced, but in the end it’s still all trash. It’s not like we’re gonna find any real lost treasures like elegant sculptures, intact bas-reliefs, rare jewelry, preserved bottles of alcoholic beverages and their equivalents…”

“Well, time eventually turns all trash into treasure,” Boimler noted philosophically. “At least the stuff that makes it through intact. Plus, all the time and effort put in to extracting such fragile artifacts really make the job worthwhile. Personally, I find gently scraping away eons of accumulated sediments and deposits quite soothing and greatly assists in putting my mind at ease.”

“Not to mention digging stuff up the old-fashioned way helps you forget all the problems you have dealing with high tech stuff in your daily life,” Mariner gave Boimler a knowing look. “Like the recent one involving a certain sentient artificial intelligence?”

“Don’t remind me,” Boimler groaned. “Those last few rounds of Dr. Migleemo’s couples counselling were tough!”

“Really?” Tendi raised an eyebrow in surprise. “I thought you didn’t mind attending therapy sessions with him.”

“I don’t. Usually,” Boimler said. “It’s having had to attend couples counselling with a sentient starship who’s infatuated with me and whom I have no romantic interest in whatsoever that was the problem.”

“Ah, I see,” Tendi nodded. “That would make for a slightly awkward and uncomfortable situation.”

“You have no idea,” Boimler groaned. “I’m just glad Migleemo and I were finally able to talk Erosillu through her borderline unhealthy obsession with me and persuaded her to visit the Daystrom Institute for further cultural and diplomatic exchanges.”

“Yeah, I bet she’ll have a great time there,” Mariner said. “Who knows, she may even meet some other nice starship to fall hull over nacelles for. I hear there are a few upcoming ship classes with stunning computer cores and sweet geometric lines, if you get my drift.”

“Really?” Rutherford’s ear perked up. “Tell me more!”

“Please do it later,” Boimler sighed. “Right now I just want to lose myself in the simple task of extracting ancient artifacts. This is the first opportunity we’ve had to relax and enjoy a bit of quiet work in weeks. No dealing with ship-wide disasters, no unexpected alien encounters, no having to deal with random madness, chaos or insanity…”

BWWWZZZT! BWWWZZZT!

“Ahhh!” Tendi yelped as a series of disruptor shots suddenly filled the air. “What the heck?”

“You were saying?” Mariner shot Boimler a look as she and Rutherford quickly scrambled for cover.

“Oh no! Not again!” Boimler groaned hugging the ground. “Me and my big mouth!”

“Huh? What’s going on? Look out! Gahhh!” Archeologists shouted and froze in shock as a squad of armed Corvallens swiftly swarmed the excavation site.

“‘Leave your phasers on the ship,’ Ransom said,” Mariner grumbled crouching inside a shallow excavation square. “‘You won’t need them,’ he said. ‘It’s just a peaceful archeological site,’ he said. ‘What could go wrong?’ he said…”

“Oh man,” Rutherford gulped huddling next to her. “Of all the times for the Cerritos to be delivering archeological supplies to archeological teams working on the two other planets in this system.”

“Freeze! Do not move!” The Corvallen leader barked at the group of cowered archeologists and unarmed Starfleet officers. “Tell me where the artifact is. I know it is here!”

“What are you talking about?” Professor Lesco, an elder sturdy-looking Tiburonian stood up in rage and indignation. “Who are you people? This is a Federation archeological site! You can’t just barge in here!”

“Silence, you!” The Corvallen leader snapped leveling his weapon at him. “Unless you’d rather join the former occupants of this planet for eternity!”

“Captain Murkoc! I found it!” One of the other Covallens said scanning one of the cleaned artifacts on a nearby work table. “This artifact’s appearance and terikon profile are an exact match for the information you provided.”

“Excellent,” The Covallen leader crowed. “Bring it to me!”

“Hey, I recognize that thing,” Rutherford whispered peering at the handheld-sized artifact. It looked like an exotic cross between a kligat, a spiral cactus and an interphasic scanner. “That’s the weird artifact Boimler discovered yesterday by tripping over it and landing face-first in the dirt.”

“I didn’t trip over it,” A blushing Boimler murmured in protest. “I simply made sudden, unintended contact by striking it with my boot.”

“Oh, like that’s any better,” Mariner rolled her eyes.

“Ah, at last!” The Covallen captain Murkoc smiled as the artifact was handed to him. “Finally, my long search is at an end!”

“Uh, excuse me?” Tendi tentatively piped up. “What exactly is that artifact?”

“Don’t you know?” One of the Corvallens looked at her in surprise.

“No. We haven’t finished examining and cataloging it yet,” Tendi said. “That’s why I asked.”

“Ha! Typical Starfleet,” Murkoc sneered in contempt. “Too busy lost in the explorative process to even realize what they’ve found.”

“Oh, and I suppose you know what that old knickknack is?” Mariner shot back.

“Of course I do,” Murkoc gloated proudly holding up the artifact. “This is the legendary Scourge of the T’Kon, one of the most terrible weapons ever created!”

“O-kay,” Mariner paused for a moment. “That explains nothing. What is it really?”

“It is an entropy and probability manipulator,” Murkoc elaborated. “Capable of altering the very laws of reality and space-time in its user’s favor. Myth and folklore tell of the Scourge causing untold levels of destruction, death and misfortune. According to legend, whoever wields the Scourge is said to be invincible!”

“Wow,” Tendi blinked. “That’s amazing.”

“So it’s like an exponentially more powerful version of a handheld gambling device?” Rutherford asked.

“More or less,” Murkoc shrugged gazing at the artifact in delight. “I’ve spent the past thirty-seven years searching for this, following every rumor, piecing together every clue, studying every scrap of ancient text I could find, buy or steal. My quest has led me down dozens of false leads and dead ends, always scrambling to stay one step ahead of my competitors, but today all my hard work has finally paid off!”

“Great, good for you. You’re a regular thieving workaholic,” Mariner quipped. “So, what are you going to do with that funky-looking paperweight now? Go out and try to conquer the galaxy?”

“Of course not,” Murkoc scoffed. “I’m going to sell it to someone who’d like to try to conquer the galaxy. There are plenty of interstellar governments and wealthy, ambitious individuals who’d pay anything for this…”

“Uh oh,” Boimler gulped at the implications. “This really isn’t good.”

“No, ya think?” Mariner gave him a look.

“Thanks for all your assistance, Starfleet,” Murkoc smirked slipping the artifact into a satchel. “I thought we’d have to spend weeks digging through this forgotten junk heap for the Scourge, but instead you already went and did all the hard work for us…”

TZZZEEEWWW! TZZZEEEWWW! TZZZEEEWWW!

“Yipe!” Rutherford yelped as the air was suddenly filed with a barrage of phaser fire.

“Oh great,” Mariner grumbled ducking down. “What now?”

“Murkoc!” A band of Letheans burst onto the scene. “You duplicitous slime! The Scourge will never be yours!”

“Agrom!” Murkoc hissed as he and his fellow Corvallens took cover and fired back. “I thought I’d seen the last of you on Sarthong V!”

“Not for lack of trying!” The Lethean leader snapped. “The Sarthongians nearly cut out my telepathic and occipital lobes because of you!”

“If only they had cut out your tongue!” Murkoc shot back. “Since your brain is even emptier than a Tabran monk’s contact list!”

“Let me guess, a competitor of yours?” Mariner asked over the sounds of weapons fire.

“No, former business partner,” Murkoc snarled snapping off a series of disruptor shots. “Whose my association with ended when she stole my collection of stolen research notes and tried to kill me!”

“Gee, image that,” Mariner drawled.

“Give it up, Murkoc!” A squad of armed Farians suddenly appeared among the site. “The famed, long lost Scourge of the T’Kon will belong to us!”

“No, it’s ours!” A Klaestron strike team stormed in and quickly joined the fray. “We’ve been searching for the weapon far longer than you!”

“Not as long as we have!” A party of Reegrunions declared roaring into action. “Hand over the artifact or else we’ll leave your duplicitous, crack-lined corpse here to rot!”

“What? Never!” Murkoc howled gesturing to his companions. “Kill them all! Every one of them!”

BWWWZZZT! TZZZEEEWWW! VRRREEET! GRRRWWWZ!

“Hey, watch where you’re shooting those things!” Mariner snapped at the five-way free for all. “Geeze, what is this? A grave robber and mercenary convention?”

“Yaaahhhhhh!” The archeological team yelped while desperately attempting to avoid being caught in the crossfire.

“Help! Somebody stop them!” Professor Lesco yelled as several areas of the dig site were vaporized by stray weapons fire. “They’re destroying the artifacts!”

“We’re a little unarmed here at the moment!” Mariner pointed out. “Thank our short-sighted superior officers for that!”

“But you’re Starfleet!” Lesco shouted. “Surely there’s something you can do!”

“Yes, we can get you and the other archeologists to safety,” Tendi pointed out a covered gap in the maze of excavations. “That way! Hurry!”

“Thank you!” The archeologists nodded and quickly crawled for their lives.

“Good work, T,” Mariner nodded at Tendi’s actions. “Now we just have to deal with these bozos.”

“Easier said than done,” Rutherford gulped.

VRRREEET! GRRRWWWZ! TZZZEEEWWW! BWWWZZZT!

“Man, this is nuts!” Bomiler yelled as more weapons fire filled the air. “And I thought being dragged into random bar fights was bad. Is anyone else going to show up?”

“Surrender, foul omnivores!” A band of armed Kzinti suddenly appeared on the scene. “The secrets of the T’Kon will be delivered to the great Highest of Kzin!”

“You had to say that, didn’t you?” Mariner gave him a look.

“Oops,” Boimler gulped. “My bad. Sorry!”

“That’s it! Enough of this!” Murkoc declared taking out the lost artifact from his satchel and pointing it at his opponents. “You all want the Scourge of the T’Kon so bad? Then take this!”

1/2
 
ZZZZZZAAAPPPPPP!

“YEEEOOOWWW!” All the Corvallens abruptly yelped in pain.

“Huh?” Tendi blinked at them in confusion. “What the heck was that?”

“It looks like the Corvallens’ disruptors suddenly gave them all a series of electric shocks,” Rutherford said in surprise.

“O-kay,” Mariner did a take. “That’s definitely unexpected.”

“Aggghhh, what the blazes?!” Murkoc cursed before aiming the artifact again. “I must have pressed the wrong button or something. This is what I really meant to do!”

WHOOOOOOSSSHHH!

“AAAIIIEEEEEEEEE!” The Corvallens screamed as every one of their weapons inexplicably flew into the air before exploding.

“Huh, interesting choice,” Mariner quipped at the sight. “I certainly never heard of that particular tactic at the Academy.

“Ha! You arrogant fool!” Agrom laughed swiftly running over and ripping the artifact from a frazzled Murkoc’s hands. “You were never nearly as smart as you thought you were!” She wielded the artifact in triumph. “Let a real expert show you how it’s done!”

FA-WHOOOOOOM!

“WAAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!”

POOOF!

“Wow,” Tendi blinked as Agrom and her band of Letheans suddenly disappeared from sight. “I didn’t know there were any sinkholes around here.”

“Neither did I,” Rutherford stared in surprise as Murkoc and the Corvallens likewise vanished from view. “Then again, the surrounding starithium and kelbonite deposits do interfere with sensor scans.”

“I think even a sensor-compromised tricorder wouldn’t miss the presence of a sinkhole twenty meters deep,” Boimler noted carefully peering over the sinkhole’s edge at the cluster of unconscious aliens. “Oooh, that’s going to leave a mark.”

“Ha! At last!” The Farian leader crowed scooping up the fallen artifact from where it had landed after being improbably flung from Agrom’s hand before she had plunged into the sinkhole. “The Scourge of the T’Kon is ours!” He quickly motioned to his men. “Let’s get out of here!”

RUMMMBLE!

CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!

“What the…YAAAHHHHHH!” The Farians yelled as several towering excavated section walls and piles of artifacts suddenly toppled and fell on them as they attempted to withdraw. “GAAAHHHHHH! LOOK OUT! HELP, I’M STUCK! OW, MY FOOT! NO!”

CRASH!

SMASH!

THUD!

“Ouch,” Mariner winced at the sight of the unconscious and buried Farians. “Talk about a hard loss.”

“I know,” Tendi sighed sympathetically. “Those sections hadn’t been fully scanned, studied and catalogued yet.”

“Finally! Good things come to those who wait!” The team of Klaestrons quickly moved in to where the artifact had rolled to a stop having somehow miraculously avoided being crushed. The team leader swiftly spoke into a communicator. “The artifact has been secured. Request immediate extraction!”

“Huh?” Boimler looked up as a small Klaestron strike craft flew overhead before landing next to the dig site. “Wow, those guys sure came prepared.”

“Finally! Let’s go!” The Klaestrons grabbed the artifact and quickly piled aboard their waiting strike craft. “So long, losers! The dawn of Klaestron invincibility begins now!”

“Oh boy,” Rutherford gulped as the strike craft rose into the air. “This can’t be good.”

“Neither can that,” Mariner pointed as the Klaestron strike craft suddenly paused in midair with smoke pouring out from its nacelles. The entire ship shook for a moment before suddenly plummeting to the ground. “Hit the dirt!”

SSSMMMAAAAAAASSSHHHHHH!

“Yikes!” Boimler winced as the fallen strike craft scoured along the surface wiping out a good potion of the dig site. “Whoever’s flying that thing is almost a scarier pilot then Tendi.”

“What are you talking about?” Tendi asked looking at him in confusion. “I’m a great pilot.”

“Depends on your definition of the word ‘great’,” Mariner shuddered. “And the word ‘pilot’.”

“At least I’ve never crashed a shuttle into a planet before,” Tendi pointed out. “Well, not outside of a holodeck anyway…”

KA-BOOOOOOM!

“You know, I’m starting to see a pattern here,” Rutherford blinked as part of the Klaestron strike craft blew up. Fortunately, the explosion was not too big and the majority of the craft remained intact. “Bad things seem to happen to whoever wields the artifact.”

“No, really?” Mariner gave him a look. “I never would have guessed.”

“Quick! Now’s our chance! Move in!” The party of Reegrunions shouted rushing toward the downed strike craft. “We must find the Scourge of the T’Kon before…”

SMACK!

“Ouch,” Boimler flinched as the missing artifact flew through the air and thwacked into the lead Reegrunion’s head, immediately knocking him out. The artifact had apparently been blown free from the strike craft during the last explosion. “Now that’s just plain sad.”

“Not as sad as that,” Mariner noted as the artifact proceeded to ricochet off every one of the Reegrunions’ skulls, thus rendering them all unconscious. “Man, that old doohickey has mad dom-jot skills.”

“Aha! At last!” The squad of Kzinti howled picking up the artifact. “The Scourge of the T’Kon is ours! All ours!” Their leader pointed the artifact at the four unarmed ensigns while grinning wickedly. “So long, cursed Humans. The Kzinti will finally have our revenge…YEEEOOOWWWWWW!” The Kzinti leader suddenly shrieked and began hopping around in pain.

“You were saying?” Mariner quipped.

“YAAAHHHHHH! IT BURNS! IT BURNS! OWIE! OWIE! OWIE!” The Kzinti leader screamed and flailed about with the suddenly glowing-hot artifact.

“Quick! Drop the Scourge!” One of the other Kzinti shouted.

“I CAN’T! IT’S STUCK TO MY HAND!” The Kzinti screeched. “OWWW! WHAT THE HECK’S GOING ON HERE?! THIS IS RIDICULOUS! AAAHHHHHH, THAT’S IT! FORGET THE ARTIFACT! JUST SHOOT IT!”

“Right!” The other Kzinti carefully took aim.

GRRRWWWZ! GRRRWWWZ! GRRRWWWZ!

“WAAAGGGHHHHHH!” The Kzinti leader cried. “I SAID SHOOT THE SCOURGE, NOT ME! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!”

“Wow, look at that,” Tendi marveled at the sight. “I’ve never seen phaser beams actually twist and bend in mid-shot before.”

“Gee, I wonder why?” Mariner drawled as the Kzinti’s every attempt to shoot the artifact ended up striking their wailing leader instead.

WHOOOOOOSSSHHH!

“YEEEAAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!” The party of Kzinti howled as every one of them suddenly burst into flames.

“Yikes!” Boimler blanched. “Okay, this is getting way too violent and graphic!”

“Eh, I’ve seen worse,” Mariner shrugged.

“Quick! Stop, drop and roll!” Tendi urged.

FA-WHAAAPPP!

“Or that works too,” Mariner noted at the suddenly flash-frozen Kzinti.

“Well, that’s certainly one way to put out a fire,” Rutherford blinked at the collection of ice-covered forms. “Looks like the artifact is capable of causing spontaneous exothermic reactions as well as endothermic ones. I’m impressed.”

“What’s really impressive is how that artifact still has enough energy to function after being buried for over half a million years,” Boimler noted.

“Well, it is a probability and entropy manipulator,” Tendi thought for a moment. “Theoretically, such a device could alter surrounding matter in such a way that its internal power source is not depleted or affected by the normal Laws of Thermodynamics.”

“That’s nice,” Mariner commented grabbing a stray set of packing straps and began disarming the frozen band of Kzinti. “Now let’s tie these guys and the rest of the doomed mercs and looters up so they can be affected by the full weight of Federation Law.”

“Right,” Tendi nodded moving to assist her. “Tricorder readings show all the other formerly hostile parties were rendered unconscious instead of killed. Then again, it’s hard to be certain with all the continuous interference…”

“We can render medical treatment as needed,” Boimler said as the four ensigns worked to secure the various interlopers. “Boy, I can’t wait to write up and present this mission report to Commander Ransom. He and Captain Freeman will be so impressed!”

“Don’t count on it, Boims,” Mariner warned. “I’m sure some bumbling senior officer like Stevens will end up taking all the credit.”

“And if you think about it we really didn’t do that much,” Tendi remarked. “We basically just stood by and took cover while everyone else tried to steal the artifact. If none of us had been here, the artifact would have simply taken them all out anyway.”

“You have a point,” Rutherford commented. “Our presence really didn’t add anything that affected the overall situation.”

“Eh, that’s just part of the job for us overlooked members of Starfleet’s Lower Decks,” Mariner shrugged. “All the flashy adventures and important info tend to involve and be carried out by other higher profile individuals. Remember, these mercenaries and tomb raiders have probably been chasing after that old artifact for years. We just happened to be around to catch the tail end of it.”

“And we did manage to save the archeological team and get them out of harms way,” Boimler pointed out. “Not to mention help prevent a dangerous artifact from falling into the wrong hands.”

“And it only required destroying ninety percent of the existing artifacts and excavated sections of the archeological site to do it,” Mariner quipped right as the few remaining exposed section walls shook and fell down. “Make that ninety-five…”

“Don’t remind me,” Boimler groaned. “Ugh, I’m surprised that ancient artifact didn’t come with a curse or two. Whoever heard of a device that causes nothing but bad luck, destruction and disaster to whoever wields or is associated with it?”

“Eh, it just proves all the old legends and tales surrounding that crazy T’Kon trinket were right,” Mariner said glancing at the artifact. “It certainly is a terrible weapon.”

“And that’s after six hundred thousand years of internal power source depletion,” Rutherford noted. “Just imagine what the artifact was capable of doing at full power.”

“That would explain all the tales describing untold levels of destruction, death and misfortune,” Tendi commented. “I wouldn’t be surprised if the T’Kon had deliberately abandoned and buried the artifact out of fear of what they had created.”

“More like embarrassment,” Mariner drawled. “I bet they chucked the artifact into this literal garbage dump and then piled a butt-load of random junk on top of it in hopes it would never be used or found again.”

“I guess that makes a certain amount of sense,” Boimler speculated. “Especially if prior attempts to destroy the artifact ended up harming the user and associated would-be destroyers. Just like the attempt we witnessed earlier.”

“It would be nice if we had some first-hand accounts or documents detailing more about the artifact,” Rutherford sighed wistfully. “I’ve love to study some technical diagrams of it.”

“Who knows? Maybe there are,” Tendi suggested cheerfully. “Maybe they are ancient texts and preserved manuscripts buried around just waiting to be discovered. Hey, do you think future archeologists will ever uncover and analyze stories and documents describing our daily lives?”

“Are you kidding? That’s crazy,” Mariner scoffed confidently. “What kind of brain-dead weirdos would ever be interested in writing or reading about us?”

2/2
 
July/August 2024 challenge "Where Everybody Knows Your Name"

“…the ship was a wreck. After the surprise attack by an overwhelming force of Calikron swarmships, only my last-ditch – and very nearly suicidal – gambit of combining a quantum torpedo, nova torpedo, and void torpedo into one Frankenstein’s monster of a weapon saved Challenger from utter destruction. As it was, she was virtually derelict, barely able to move and completely unable to defend herself. And the remaining Calikron were still nearby, cybernetically licking their wounds. The attack would resume, and soon…”

Gabriel paused to take a swig of his Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster. “Not to mention, even though the remaining Calikron swarmships had been driven off, as a parting gift they'd managed to beam several squads of their Darkfire combat droids aboard Challenger. Our survival depended on two things: fighting off the Darkfire droids, and getting Challenger mobile. Calikron swarmships are impulse-capable only, so since we’d destroyed their carrier, even a minute or two burst of warp would get us out of harm’s way.”

The others at the table looked at Gabriel expectantly, awaiting the continuation of his tale. Based on the attention coming from them and others at nearby tables, drinks tonight at the Captain’s Table would be well paid for.

“I must admit to a growing interest in how your story ends, Captain,” said a voice from behind him; the tone was warmly resonant, with a slight rasp of age. “Though, if I was not so familiar with a certain captain of our mutual acquaintance*, I would suspect a healthy level of exaggeration in your telling, as starship captains are often wont to do.” Gabriel turned at the unmistakable sound of…

“Captain Spock!” Gabriel stared for a long moment, but quickly remembered his manners and stood, gesturing towards an open seat. “Please, join us.”

“I am content to remain standing, thank you. Perhaps my companion would appreciate a seat, however.” Spock turned his head slightly, and from behind him appeared the legendary Montgomery Scott. Their appearance suggested they’d come to the Table from a period shortly after the so-called “Whalesong” crisis. Gabriel decided not to think about it too long; the trans-temporal nature of the Captain’s Table could easily drive one rather crazy.

“Aye, that I will,” Scotty said as room at the table was quickly made. He motioned to Cap, the Table’s proprietor and barkeep. “Aldebaran whiskey, as ye please. The young lad here’ll be payin’.”

The appearance of two Starfleet legends had Gabriel speechless. Spock merely arched an eyebrow, but Scotty took a slug of the whiskey and looked at Gabriel with a smile. “Well, finish your tale, laddie. The drinks here don’t pay for themselves.”

“Sorry, where was I? Oh, warp drive.” There were chuckles from around the table. “The warp core was functional – barely – and the nacelles were bleeding drive plasma. If we could get just enough drive plasma back into the nacelles to fire them, we’d be home and dry, but the interlocks between the core and the nacelles were misaligned…”

“And if the interlocks canna connect to the dynotherms,” Scott chimed in, “the injectors wilna fire.” He shook his head. "They still havna found an alternative?"

“Not yet," laughed Gabriel before continuing. "We had to at least get that first injector to fire,” said Gabriel. “There’s a reason we call it the ‘pilot light’.

“The interlock control systems are in main engineering, of course, which at the time was more like the OK Corral with the engineering teams locked in a shootout with some Darkfire droids. My chief engineer, Tar Levan, was about two meters from the control console, which was cracked open. S/he could see the connectors were melted. It takes a lot to melt dikryllium.”

“Tar Levan,” Spock commented. “A Nalim?”

“Yes,” Gabriel replied.

“A most admirable race. I am pleased to hear they will join the Federation.” A waiter brought Spock a cup of Vulcan tea; the steam rising from the cup curled in ephemeral wisps. “Apologies for the interruption, Captain Frost. Please continue.”

“I was monitoring the situation in engineering from the bridge as best I could; there was a lot going on shipwide, as you can imagine. Commander Levan had apparently had enough, as the droids paused to recalibrate their weapons, s/he jumped up and charged one of them, hollering at the top of hir lungs. It deployed blades, but wasn’t fast enough. Levan slammed it into the console, and one of the blades jammed into the space left by the melted connectors.

“And that did it. The interlocks realigned, the dynotherms connected, and the injectors fired. There was just enough drive plasma left in the nacelles to combine with what came from the warp core, and we warped about three parsecs away before it all quit. After that, we were able to clear the Darkfire droids from the ship without too many losses…” Gabriel paused and his gaze went distant at an obviously painful memory, “…and though the warp drive was shot, we had time enough to repair Challenger's impulse engines and set steerage for home.”

“But how did the blade replace the connectors?” someone asked. "Nothing but dikryllium would work."

Gabriel took a long pull from his drink. “Funny that. As fate would have it, the droid's blades were... dikryllium. The Darkfire droids sent to kill us ended up saving us. Commander Levan has that blade framed over hir desk.”

A round of applause sounded through the Table, and Cap nodded approvingly. The price was paid, and the drinks would continue to flow.

“A fascinating tale, Captain Frost,” Spock remarked, taking a sip of his tea.

“Aye, that it was, laddie,” Scotty agreed. “That it was. But ye have ta tell, how did ye manage to get those beastie torpedoes to work together?”

Gabriel laughed deeply. “Believe it or not, Captain Scott, I couldn’t have done it without an arc welder, a bio-neural get pac, and most importantly, half a dozen frozen hot dogs. But that’s a tale for a later telling…”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

*Captain Frost briefly met then-Admiral Kirk in my challenge entry for April/May 2013, "A Tall Ship and Fair" https://www.trekbbs.com/threads/april-may-challenge-entry-a-tall-ship-and-fair.213997/

Full disclosure: this is a slight edit of an entry from a few years ago.
 
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