All I ask is that I get to write the Boot Camp one.
Would a series of Star Trek soldier/pilot novels work?
- Thread starter Iceburgeruk
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All I ask is that I get to write the Boot Camp one.
Suddenly I picture R. Lee Ermy in a Starfleet uniform with a Smokey-the-Bear hat: "Ohhhhh, so Kirk here wants to fly a starship!? Drop and give me fifty you grabasstic waste of flesh!"
I toyed with comparing and contrasting the Federation's cloned infantry, the Arcturians introduced in TMP, with the Jem'hadar in an SNW story, but never got anywhere with the idea.
"What's your name, scumbag?"
"Sir! James T. Kirk, sir!"
"T? What's the T stand for? Thumbdick?"
"Sir! No, sir! Tiberius, sir!"
"Tiberius? Well, holy shit. We've got ourselves a fucking Roman emperor here. You know the Romans were only good for two things: orgies and the second finest military force the fucking civilized world has ever seen. You best learn how to fight, Tiberius, because you don't look like you could get laid in a fucking whorehouse with gold-pressed latinum strung around your pencil neck."
"Sir. Yes, sir!"
Etc.
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You need to pitch that concept to Pocket asap.
^ It's been 23 or so for me, but I'll never forget that first night as long as I live
^ It's been 23 or so for me, but I'll never forget that first night as long as I live
I'm sure it was way more intense for you in the USMC, but for me in the Army I couldn't hold down solid food for about the first two days I was so freaked out. Like they say: the first couple of weeks you think you're gonna die. The second couple you know you're gonna die. The next couple you wish you'd die.
Glad I went through it, but I don't think I'd want to do it again.
Back on topic: always thought it would have been funny if it turned out that O'Brien had been doing a stint as a DI at Starfleet Academy when young Julian Bashir showed up and that neither of them really remembered it until they met again on DS9.
[And I release the above idea to any author who can do it justice!]
Dayton, that was fantastic! I want more! Start writing that proposal! 
"What's your name, scumbag?"
"Sir! James T. Kirk, sir!"
"T? What's the T stand for? Thumbdick?"
"Sir! No, sir! Tiberius, sir!"
"Tiberius? Well, holy shit. We've got ourselves a fucking Roman emperor here. You know the Romans were only good for two things: orgies and the second finest military force the fucking civilized world has ever seen. You best learn how to fight, Tiberius, because you don't look like you could get laid in a fucking whorehouse with gold-pressed latinum strung around your pencil neck."
"Sir. Yes, sir!"
Etc.
Would Kirk have the courtesy to give Spock a reacharound?
Marian
We could call it something like Treks Not Taken. 
Interesting, I hadn't heard about that book. Is it any good?
I've only ever skimmed it in the bookstore. I remember being amused by the Hemingway and Crichton entries.
Quoting from some obscure website:
This collection of parodies (originally published in a limited small press edition in 1996) is much more entertaining than Leah Rewolinski's series of Trek parodies, for two reasons. First, there's more than just Trek being parodied. Boyett parodies the styles and famous stories of the writers whose voices he uses. Second, he remembers that brevity is the soul of wit. None of the stories go on for too long, whereas Rewolinski dragged her one-gimmick parody through several books. It helps, though, to have at least some familiarity with the authors being parodied. Anyone who's never read any of the writers being parodied will miss at least half of the humor in this book.
Here's a list of the stories, taken from the same obscure site. If you've read a fair number of the authors, or have a sense of what they're about, you may find the book worthwhile.
The Crusher in the Rye, not by J.D. Salinger
A Clockwork Data, not by Anthony Burgess
One Beamed onto the Cuckoo's Nest, not by Ken Kesey
Jurassic Trek, not by Michael Crichton
The Ship Also Rises, not by Ernest Hemingway
Less Than Data, not by Bret Easton Ellis
Trek-22, not by Joseph Heller
All the Pretty Humans, not by Cormac McCarthy
Lady Fed, not by Jackie Collins
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Fan, not by James Joyce
The Vampire LeForge, not by Anne Rice
Even Captains Get the Blues, not by Tom Robbins
Q Clearance, not by Tom Clancy
Moby Trek [abridged], not by Herman Melville
The Trekking, not by Stephen King
Fandom Shrugged, not by Ayn Rand
Holodeck-5, or, God Bless You, Mr. Roddenberry, not by Kurt Vonnegut
Trek of Darkness, not by Joseph Conrad
On the Bridge, not by Jack Kerouac
Oh, the Treks You'll Take!, not by Dr. Seuss
Interesting, I'll keep an eye out for it. Thanks.
The Errand of Vengeance trilogy by Kevin Ryan has plenty of redshirt vs Klingons hand-to-hand, and hand phaser battle, stuff - but those scenes left me cold.
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