@Broccoli: This is getting better and better. I mean, worse and worse.
Worst-Ever Fan Fic Challenge
- Thread starter Trelane
- Start date
But don't let this thread make you think the fanfic writers on this board are normally like this. 
I have seen some high-quality stuff here.
I have seen some high-quality stuff here.
Trelane
Lieutenant Commander
"Star Trek: 90210"
THE RETURN
THE RETURN
Mickey turned over, putting the pillow over his head and trying to drown out the sound of his room-mates screwing. 5 AM and they were still going strong since getting back from the movie-in-the-arboretum event last night. Thankfully, the two of them will be deployed on the Seattle in the next few hours and things will get back to normal. Mickey hated being appointed to this backwater hole-in-the-universe but since the Dominion War, housing was at a premium with everyone crowding on everything with nacelles or impulse engines and heading Earth-ward.
Mickey Proux, Captain/Master-and-Commander of the 'Prussian Spirit'. The ship was one of the newer available Pandora-Class freighters manufactured and deployed out of Mars. He managed to carve out a niche for himself at Outpost Darwin, just a stone's throw from Deneb transporting students back and forth from the breadbasket worlds and trucking equipment for the Starfleet Marines, with the occasional under-the-table job.
He'd been poked, prodded, detained and questioned as had his crew for hours and released. His ship had been scanned internally and externally, his cargo opened, itemized about four times and then thumb-printed a PADD to verify the contests of the shipping containers. He'd been uncomfortably forced to replace two arrested cargo handlers with outstanding warrants.
In order to break even on this job, he had to shoehorn a few more paying customers into the staterooms. Some kids headed for a rendezvous with the Legacy-Class U.S.S. Seattle headed for Starfleet Academy on Earth. A colony being evacuated of non-essential civilians & personnel from territory being argued over by the Tholians. And some Starfleet Marines requisitions (Argo-Class shuttles/jeeps, specialty armor and other miscellaneous items.)
The holosuite on B Deck of his ship wasn't working so Mick had to go without his customary roll in the sack with the desperate pregnant New Orleans prostitute and her "best friend" before heading for the morning meeting. Suffice it to say, our hero wasn't in a good mood before shoving-off for the nearest convenient warp highway.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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You know the sad part? If the spelling were fixed, that would actually be what reading New Frontier is like. 
Speaking of bad fanfic...here we go. 
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Hi im Mchenry. Im teh godzzzzzchildzzzzz. I like hang out with Hermats (that meams dey have boyz and girlz parts so dey zzcrews anyting tat walkz). I gotz Soleta here--GOTHVYULCAN and Mr. Rock MAN and my captin has tis oh so coincidental human name wit all teh vowelz cut out so it looks COOL.
ooooo LOOKIE, its te GREAT BIRD OF TEH GALAZY bustinout offa planet!
oops...what? Dis is a STAR TREK book and not a COMIC BOOK? SCROO tat science crap! I WANTZ TEH SEXXXXX!
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Speaking of bad fanfic...here we go. ----------------
Hi im Mchenry. Im teh godzzzzzchildzzzzz. I like hang out with Hermats (that meams dey have boyz and girlz parts so dey zzcrews anyting tat walkz). I gotz Soleta here--GOTHVYULCAN and Mr. Rock MAN and my captin has tis oh so coincidental human name wit all teh vowelz cut out so it looks COOL.
ooooo LOOKIE, its te GREAT BIRD OF TEH GALAZY bustinout offa planet!
oops...what? Dis is a STAR TREK book and not a COMIC BOOK? SCROO tat science crap! I WANTZ TEH SEXXXXX!
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An oldie I wrote forever ago. The satire was lost on its audience, however.
Star Trek: Serenity Now
By Herkimer Jitty
Chapter 1: Project Serene Angel
In the year 2380, the Dominion managed to reopen the Bajoran Wormhole, using a mysterious device known only as a "Doorstop". Dominion Bugships swarmed through the wormhole and annihlated DS9, although it put up a good fight, claiming 220 ships in the process.
The Dominion started to rampage across Federation space. World-by-world, they conquered without discrimination. An already weakened Starfleet was poor in it's response, barely managing to keep the core worlds of the Federation from being conquered.
The Battle of Rigel was Starfleet's last stand. The 5th fleet, lead by the Serenity-B, valiantly defended the Rigel system. Those 300 ships managed to slaughter about 900 Dominion ships, including 20 Battleships. However, due to poor battlefield manuevering, 299 of the 5th fleet's ships were wiped out.
The Serenity-B valiantly fought the Dominion ships, but it was destroyed when 342 torpedoes and 891 polaron beams all struck the bridge at once.
From then on, Dominion forces continued to pile into the core worlds, taking Arrakis, then sector ZZ9 Z Plural Alpha, then Planet Druidia, then finally, Earth.
Only a few Starfleet ships managed to escape into the depths of space: The USS Enterprise, the USS Poseidon, the USS Atlantis, the USS Salem and the USS Endeavour.
The ships formed a new society, the Rebellion and formed a secret base on the jungle planet Norion, where they started fortifying it. They built a drydock in orbit and began work on their most secret of projects. Project Serene Angel.
Meanwhile, the Klingons, Romulans, Cardassians and Bajorans declared war on the Dominion and started attacking their border outposts. They used gorrilla tactics, making very loud noises and throwing poo at them.
It was then that the Rebellion completed Project Serene Angel. It was a ship, the USS Serenity-Evolution. They couldn't use -C, because that wasn't cool-enough sounding. The Serenity-EVO represents the greatest technology available to the Rebels. With 88 pulse phaser turrets, 52 phaser arrays and 21 torpedo tubes, the Serenity-EVO would totally pwn some n00bs. With it's Omega Particle Reactor, Slipstream Drive, Endgame armor, and temporal quantam regenerative multivectral infinitley-modulating shield generators, it was the most advanced ship in the whole quadrant!!!
The Serenity-EVO was placed under the command of Captain Jack Hammer, a survivor of the Setlek III Massacre, Wolf 359, The Battle of Sector 001, the Battle of Chin'toka and the 20th Battle of Earth.
They were ready. And they were back. And this time, they were not happy.
When the Dominion Emperor was sitting in his room on Earth, laughing about having conquered the Federation as always. Laughing is in fact, his favorite pasttime. But I digress. A Rebel fleet consisting of the Serenity-EVO, the Enterprise-E, the Poseidon-B, the Atlantis, the Salem-C and the Endeavour-A warped into orbit. So the Emperor hailed them.
"Ha ha ha! Do you expect to save Earth with such a pitiful fleet?"
His CSO, Lieutenant Scardeypants turned to face Captain Hammer in shock.
"Sir, 900,000 Dominion Ships are approaching!"
His CoS, Badass McAwesome looked at the Captain for guidance. "Sir, what will we do?"
Jack Hammer dramatically swung his arm in the air and pointed forward, like Phoenix Wright. "Damn the Dominion ships! Full speed ahead! Shields to full, deploy the armor!"
Then the rebel ships flew right into the heart of the Dominion fleet. They were slicing them apart left and right with their phasers while the pulse phaser turrets took out the fighter crafts.
They were doing well until the Enterprise got hit by a torpedo.
'"Oh no," Said Captain Picard "we got hit by a torpedo"
Admiral Janeway, onboard the Atlantis, decided it was time to act. "All ships, Emergency Plan Gamma!"
The Enterprise, Atlantis, Endeavour, Salem, and Poseidon all moved towards each other as parts all over their surfaces started moving. Then they combined together into a giant robot.
"Alpha Warrior... formed." Said Janeway at the main console in the Alpha Warrior's control room.
Alpha Warrior and the Serenity-EVO are about equal in strength, so they were soon plowing through the Dominion formations without effort. They made their way to the center of the fleet, but they were still vastly outnumbered, 100,000 Dominion Ships were still left. They started wearing down Alpha Warrior and Serenity-EVO's shields. Just when their shields were about to fail, 80,000 photon torpedoes slammed into the Dominion fleet.
The reinforcements had arrived! 300,000 Romulan, Klingon, Cardassian, Bajoran and Ferengi ships flew straight into the Dominion fleet, brutally mowing down everything in their paths.
The hour of victory was upon them, at long last. The combined fleet rejoiced, having a totally epic huge party. Then, suddenly, the Dominion Superbattleships Achernar and Sirrus came up off of Earth's surface. They were huge, the size of a small moon.
The Achernar and Sirrus melted all 300,000 Romulan, Klingon, Cardassian and Ferengi ships in one fell swipe. Then, in one shot each, they took down the shields of the Alpha Warrior and the Serenity-EVO.
They had no other choice. Captain Hammer initiated the last-ditch plan. The Serenity-EVO merged with the Alpha Warrior, giving it cool shoulder-mounted guns, glowing bits all over and angelic-looking mechanical wings.
Jack Hammer understood now, what this was all about. This was his destiny.
They had formed the ultimate weapon in the universe. The Alpha Warrior Superion.
Superion then clapped it's hands together, forming an awesome sword made of energy fire and sliced the Achernar in half, causing it to explode.
Then, it turned to face the Sirrus, prepared to take it down in one blow.
But then, the Sirrus started unfolding into a giant mechanical... PLATYPUS. So the Sirrus attacked the Superion, ripping into it with it's extremely sharp leg spines. Superion threw it off with it's massive strength, but Sirrus Prime was charging it's main weapon. The combined crew of Superion barely had time to react and formed the hands together to fire a bright blue energy blast. Sirrus Prime's bill opened and fired a red beam.
The two beams met together in between the 2 machines of war, moving back in forth in a struggle of power. Just when it seemed all was lost, Geordi managed to get Super Destructor Mode online. Captain Inneffective argued against it since it was untested, but everyone ignored him because he wasn't a main character.
Panels all over Superion's body opened up as various missiles and pods containing missiles moved into firing positions. They then flew out at Sirrus Prime, covering it with explosions. When the space-smoke cleared, Sirrus was covered in hull breaches with fire belching out of it and electricity arcing all over it.
Superion then delivered the coup de grace with it's cool energy sword, slicing off Sirrus Prime's head and causing it to explode.
They won.
Then Captain Hammer hailed the Dominion Emperor and demanded he surrender.
"Ha, you can never defeat me. You may have taken out my fleet, but I control all of Earth's defenses and have 1 billion troops defending me. Do your worst."
"Big mistake, pal" said Hammer as he fired a beam at the Emperor's palace.
The beam bounced off of Earth's shield and hit Superion, sending it flying and crashing into the moon.
"We're gonna need a new plan" Said Hammer.
TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 2
Star Trek: Serenity Now
By Herkimer Jitty
Chapter 1: Project Serene Angel
In the year 2380, the Dominion managed to reopen the Bajoran Wormhole, using a mysterious device known only as a "Doorstop". Dominion Bugships swarmed through the wormhole and annihlated DS9, although it put up a good fight, claiming 220 ships in the process.
The Dominion started to rampage across Federation space. World-by-world, they conquered without discrimination. An already weakened Starfleet was poor in it's response, barely managing to keep the core worlds of the Federation from being conquered.
The Battle of Rigel was Starfleet's last stand. The 5th fleet, lead by the Serenity-B, valiantly defended the Rigel system. Those 300 ships managed to slaughter about 900 Dominion ships, including 20 Battleships. However, due to poor battlefield manuevering, 299 of the 5th fleet's ships were wiped out.
The Serenity-B valiantly fought the Dominion ships, but it was destroyed when 342 torpedoes and 891 polaron beams all struck the bridge at once.
From then on, Dominion forces continued to pile into the core worlds, taking Arrakis, then sector ZZ9 Z Plural Alpha, then Planet Druidia, then finally, Earth.
Only a few Starfleet ships managed to escape into the depths of space: The USS Enterprise, the USS Poseidon, the USS Atlantis, the USS Salem and the USS Endeavour.
The ships formed a new society, the Rebellion and formed a secret base on the jungle planet Norion, where they started fortifying it. They built a drydock in orbit and began work on their most secret of projects. Project Serene Angel.
Meanwhile, the Klingons, Romulans, Cardassians and Bajorans declared war on the Dominion and started attacking their border outposts. They used gorrilla tactics, making very loud noises and throwing poo at them.
It was then that the Rebellion completed Project Serene Angel. It was a ship, the USS Serenity-Evolution. They couldn't use -C, because that wasn't cool-enough sounding. The Serenity-EVO represents the greatest technology available to the Rebels. With 88 pulse phaser turrets, 52 phaser arrays and 21 torpedo tubes, the Serenity-EVO would totally pwn some n00bs. With it's Omega Particle Reactor, Slipstream Drive, Endgame armor, and temporal quantam regenerative multivectral infinitley-modulating shield generators, it was the most advanced ship in the whole quadrant!!!
The Serenity-EVO was placed under the command of Captain Jack Hammer, a survivor of the Setlek III Massacre, Wolf 359, The Battle of Sector 001, the Battle of Chin'toka and the 20th Battle of Earth.
They were ready. And they were back. And this time, they were not happy.
When the Dominion Emperor was sitting in his room on Earth, laughing about having conquered the Federation as always. Laughing is in fact, his favorite pasttime. But I digress. A Rebel fleet consisting of the Serenity-EVO, the Enterprise-E, the Poseidon-B, the Atlantis, the Salem-C and the Endeavour-A warped into orbit. So the Emperor hailed them.
"Ha ha ha! Do you expect to save Earth with such a pitiful fleet?"
His CSO, Lieutenant Scardeypants turned to face Captain Hammer in shock.
"Sir, 900,000 Dominion Ships are approaching!"
His CoS, Badass McAwesome looked at the Captain for guidance. "Sir, what will we do?"
Jack Hammer dramatically swung his arm in the air and pointed forward, like Phoenix Wright. "Damn the Dominion ships! Full speed ahead! Shields to full, deploy the armor!"
Then the rebel ships flew right into the heart of the Dominion fleet. They were slicing them apart left and right with their phasers while the pulse phaser turrets took out the fighter crafts.
They were doing well until the Enterprise got hit by a torpedo.
'"Oh no," Said Captain Picard "we got hit by a torpedo"
Admiral Janeway, onboard the Atlantis, decided it was time to act. "All ships, Emergency Plan Gamma!"
The Enterprise, Atlantis, Endeavour, Salem, and Poseidon all moved towards each other as parts all over their surfaces started moving. Then they combined together into a giant robot.
"Alpha Warrior... formed." Said Janeway at the main console in the Alpha Warrior's control room.
Alpha Warrior and the Serenity-EVO are about equal in strength, so they were soon plowing through the Dominion formations without effort. They made their way to the center of the fleet, but they were still vastly outnumbered, 100,000 Dominion Ships were still left. They started wearing down Alpha Warrior and Serenity-EVO's shields. Just when their shields were about to fail, 80,000 photon torpedoes slammed into the Dominion fleet.
The reinforcements had arrived! 300,000 Romulan, Klingon, Cardassian, Bajoran and Ferengi ships flew straight into the Dominion fleet, brutally mowing down everything in their paths.
The hour of victory was upon them, at long last. The combined fleet rejoiced, having a totally epic huge party. Then, suddenly, the Dominion Superbattleships Achernar and Sirrus came up off of Earth's surface. They were huge, the size of a small moon.
The Achernar and Sirrus melted all 300,000 Romulan, Klingon, Cardassian and Ferengi ships in one fell swipe. Then, in one shot each, they took down the shields of the Alpha Warrior and the Serenity-EVO.
They had no other choice. Captain Hammer initiated the last-ditch plan. The Serenity-EVO merged with the Alpha Warrior, giving it cool shoulder-mounted guns, glowing bits all over and angelic-looking mechanical wings.
Jack Hammer understood now, what this was all about. This was his destiny.
They had formed the ultimate weapon in the universe. The Alpha Warrior Superion.
Superion then clapped it's hands together, forming an awesome sword made of energy fire and sliced the Achernar in half, causing it to explode.
Then, it turned to face the Sirrus, prepared to take it down in one blow.
But then, the Sirrus started unfolding into a giant mechanical... PLATYPUS. So the Sirrus attacked the Superion, ripping into it with it's extremely sharp leg spines. Superion threw it off with it's massive strength, but Sirrus Prime was charging it's main weapon. The combined crew of Superion barely had time to react and formed the hands together to fire a bright blue energy blast. Sirrus Prime's bill opened and fired a red beam.
The two beams met together in between the 2 machines of war, moving back in forth in a struggle of power. Just when it seemed all was lost, Geordi managed to get Super Destructor Mode online. Captain Inneffective argued against it since it was untested, but everyone ignored him because he wasn't a main character.
Panels all over Superion's body opened up as various missiles and pods containing missiles moved into firing positions. They then flew out at Sirrus Prime, covering it with explosions. When the space-smoke cleared, Sirrus was covered in hull breaches with fire belching out of it and electricity arcing all over it.
Superion then delivered the coup de grace with it's cool energy sword, slicing off Sirrus Prime's head and causing it to explode.
They won.
Then Captain Hammer hailed the Dominion Emperor and demanded he surrender.
"Ha, you can never defeat me. You may have taken out my fleet, but I control all of Earth's defenses and have 1 billion troops defending me. Do your worst."
"Big mistake, pal" said Hammer as he fired a beam at the Emperor's palace.
The beam bounced off of Earth's shield and hit Superion, sending it flying and crashing into the moon.
"We're gonna need a new plan" Said Hammer.
TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 2
Magneteo sayez "You doth tryed to killth mez?!" He den loled at us like a stuupide jerk. See, I knew Magsneto when I wuz at skool (this wuz b4 stafeeet, so dont u be goining CANNNONN! VOLATION! on me, unless you r some stupid jerk joke jock! (c, i done some illeriteration))
Wolvene jumpped at Magneto to punch him in the ballz! Mangeo then punched Wolverne in the ballz! and Wolverine was KILLED!
Proff. X saided to me, "Q'arreT", you needed to kill Magnetes to sav teh universes!!"
I ZAPPED! Magneto with my LAXER BLASTE EYES!!!! Madnetos felled to a krisp on the floor and Proff. X kick him in teh face! We lol'ed.
Proff. X cam to me and saided "gooder jorb! I can walked again! Cuz teh Universe was saved!" He then trieed to touch my Boo-tay! But I ZAPPED him in the face! He is all old and gross and he canot touch me like dat cuz it iz sexual harrassmint! I den decied to transfur skools. I went to..............................................................................................HORGWARTS!!!!
Wolvene jumpped at Magneto to punch him in the ballz! Mangeo then punched Wolverne in the ballz! and Wolverine was KILLED!
Proff. X saided to me, "Q'arreT", you needed to kill Magnetes to sav teh universes!!"
I ZAPPED! Magneto with my LAXER BLASTE EYES!!!! Madnetos felled to a krisp on the floor and Proff. X kick him in teh face! We lol'ed.
Proff. X cam to me and saided "gooder jorb! I can walked again! Cuz teh Universe was saved!" He then trieed to touch my Boo-tay! But I ZAPPED him in the face! He is all old and gross and he canot touch me like dat cuz it iz sexual harrassmint! I den decied to transfur skools. I went to..............................................................................................HORGWARTS!!!!
The sad part is that there are people who write this shit...and think its good.
I think it's so bad it's good.
@ Herkimer Jitty
I do believe you win this thread, sir. That has got to be the greatest (and by greatest I mean most godawful, but in a good way) thing I have ever read here. Its like the very embodiment of terrible fan fic. Well done!
I do believe you win this thread, sir. That has got to be the greatest (and by greatest I mean most godawful, but in a good way) thing I have ever read here. Its like the very embodiment of terrible fan fic. Well done!
Trelane
Lieutenant Commander
"Star Trek: TNG"
"Return To Oz"
Set after the Dominion War (& ~right before~ the start of Wesley's career as Assistant Chief Engineer of the U.S.S. Titan,) "Junior/Q" returns after being inspired by one of Dad's anecdotes about Farpoint, to plague Wesley and Worf. Worf momentarily returns from The Klingon Empire to assume the position of First Officer of the Enterprise-E as he awaits the arrival of Captain Morgan Bateson to temporarily assume leadership as Bev & Jean-Luc are back on Earth (in the event of an official emergency.)
Wesley has to cope with the icky prospect of his mother waddling around, knocked-up by Jean-Luc Picard.
So, Wesley joins Geordi, B4, and Reg on one of their engineering-related holodeck visits as Geordi is experimenting with a new virtual probe design that nearly failed on the U.S.S. Hera, as the Enterprise is docked at Starfleet Headquarters.
Something goes wrong on the holodeck at the moment B4 interfaces with Geordi's simulation to increase accuracy, when a sub-system snafu's after a Species 8472 / Undine saboture simultaneously initiates a program to covertly hack classified files.
Junior decides at that moment to amuse himself, transfering them from the Utopia Planetia simulation, turning B4 into the Tin Man, Wesley into Dorothy, and Reg into the cowardly lion from "The Wizard Of Oz". Geordi has to find his way through Oz to his co-horts before the safeties will release and authorize the program to discontinue. Worf has to track the Undine saboture and deal with the Klingon-leary "Bulldog" Bateson observing his response to the crisis.
"Return To Oz"
Set after the Dominion War (& ~right before~ the start of Wesley's career as Assistant Chief Engineer of the U.S.S. Titan,) "Junior/Q" returns after being inspired by one of Dad's anecdotes about Farpoint, to plague Wesley and Worf. Worf momentarily returns from The Klingon Empire to assume the position of First Officer of the Enterprise-E as he awaits the arrival of Captain Morgan Bateson to temporarily assume leadership as Bev & Jean-Luc are back on Earth (in the event of an official emergency.)
Wesley has to cope with the icky prospect of his mother waddling around, knocked-up by Jean-Luc Picard.
So, Wesley joins Geordi, B4, and Reg on one of their engineering-related holodeck visits as Geordi is experimenting with a new virtual probe design that nearly failed on the U.S.S. Hera, as the Enterprise is docked at Starfleet Headquarters.
Something goes wrong on the holodeck at the moment B4 interfaces with Geordi's simulation to increase accuracy, when a sub-system snafu's after a Species 8472 / Undine saboture simultaneously initiates a program to covertly hack classified files.
Junior decides at that moment to amuse himself, transfering them from the Utopia Planetia simulation, turning B4 into the Tin Man, Wesley into Dorothy, and Reg into the cowardly lion from "The Wizard Of Oz". Geordi has to find his way through Oz to his co-horts before the safeties will release and authorize the program to discontinue. Worf has to track the Undine saboture and deal with the Klingon-leary "Bulldog" Bateson observing his response to the crisis.
So, I wuz in de Mirer Univeze and I wuz like "OH MY GOD, THIZ IZ FUCK IN SHAT!" I wuz cing all peoples with beerds and wuz all scarred! But, den Harry Poter (from HOGWERTS) cam to me and saided that I had to go to another PLANET! to stopped the miror univerze from happaning. I Told him dat I wuz brave cuz I had gurl power! and he wuz sum dum boy who culd not tye hiz own shoo!!!! (LOL...u prolly dunno get dis, cuz it refferencez my harry poterr storey --- Diz wuz a CROSSOVER!!!! Prety cool, huh????)
Anywayz, I killeded Voldymortey (also in my other story...it iz really cool, u guys should checked out!) I maded a spaceship and I blasted off. I blewed up ASTEROIDES! cuz they wuz talking SHIT! After a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG jurony w/ loz of terrible stuff happeningz (but I killeded them all at once!), I maded to the planet that I knews I had to get to cuz of the time problem!
1ce I came down, I pressed the invisable clook thingyy & I met my frind Gorny! He wuz stattioned there by STARFEET! in case duh Mirer Univerze evar came to POWER! He saided to me that I was so brave! and dat I needed to KILL! the first MIRRORED PERSON!!
Dis sounded really really tough, becuz I never KILLEDED a mirrored person b4. I was like "OMG! WTF! HOW CAN I KILLED SOMEONE@!!!!!" Gorny tolded me that he wuz goining to trainned me, but he already knew I didnt needed the traning, becuze I was teh..............................................KALZICHENTH!
The Kalzencth wuz a specal b-ing becauze they gots all specal powers of teh UNIVERSE!!!!!1 I nneded to go backed in time and becuze Doc Brown wasn't BORN yet, Gorny took me to the GARDIAN OF FOREVAR!!!!!!!!
All fo a sudden, HARLAN ELLISON JUMPPED OUT! "WHAT ARE YOU DOING< YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!" He saiided as he killed Gorny! He wassed mad, becuz I was using sumthing from he's storie! I tollded him that I needed to goed backed in time to SAVE THE EARTH! Harlan wuz like "OKAY! I LOVE U".
I jummped into the TIME PORTAL and went SLINGSHOTTTING AROND TEH SUN! When I came to the past I saw................................................................CAP. ARHER HAVING TEH SEX WITH ABRAM LINCOLN!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!
Anywayz, I killeded Voldymortey (also in my other story...it iz really cool, u guys should checked out!) I maded a spaceship and I blasted off. I blewed up ASTEROIDES! cuz they wuz talking SHIT! After a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG jurony w/ loz of terrible stuff happeningz (but I killeded them all at once!), I maded to the planet that I knews I had to get to cuz of the time problem!
1ce I came down, I pressed the invisable clook thingyy & I met my frind Gorny! He wuz stattioned there by STARFEET! in case duh Mirer Univerze evar came to POWER! He saided to me that I was so brave! and dat I needed to KILL! the first MIRRORED PERSON!!
Dis sounded really really tough, becuz I never KILLEDED a mirrored person b4. I was like "OMG! WTF! HOW CAN I KILLED SOMEONE@!!!!!" Gorny tolded me that he wuz goining to trainned me, but he already knew I didnt needed the traning, becuze I was teh..............................................KALZICHENTH!
The Kalzencth wuz a specal b-ing becauze they gots all specal powers of teh UNIVERSE!!!!!1 I nneded to go backed in time and becuze Doc Brown wasn't BORN yet, Gorny took me to the GARDIAN OF FOREVAR!!!!!!!!
All fo a sudden, HARLAN ELLISON JUMPPED OUT! "WHAT ARE YOU DOING< YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!" He saiided as he killed Gorny! He wassed mad, becuz I was using sumthing from he's storie! I tollded him that I needed to goed backed in time to SAVE THE EARTH! Harlan wuz like "OKAY! I LOVE U".
I jummped into the TIME PORTAL and went SLINGSHOTTTING AROND TEH SUN! When I came to the past I saw................................................................CAP. ARHER HAVING TEH SEX WITH ABRAM LINCOLN!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!
At this point, I shot coffee out of my nose...
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