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Will We Finally See [Something] in Star Trek XI?

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Samuel T. Cogley

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SPOILERS below, so get out now or it will be too hard later...

As most fans of the animated series know, it was established in the third episode of that series ("Part of My Penis Is Missing") that Spock has a forked penis.

This evidence was further hardened by similar references in the second season episodes "How Sharper Than a Vulan's Penis" and "The Counter-Cock Incident."

Now we all know that the only reason that we did not actually see Spock's penis in those early episodes is because The Animated Series was governed by the Comics Code Authority, which meant that they could talk about Spock's penis in graphic detail, but they could never show it onscreen. :rolleyes:

1. Star Trek: The Animated Series is not canon. 2. Since Spock's forked penis was never shown onscreen, it also is not canon. 3. Therefore, by the principle of double negative canon*, Spock's forked penis is now canon.

*Double Negative Canon (DNC) was discovered by Samuel T. Cogley late in the year of our Lord, 2007. He suspects it will catch on. You heard it here first.

How many more internet petitions do we need before we finally get to see Spock's penis on the big screen?

Further complicating this issue is the Star Trek: Enterprise episode "The Single Entendre," in which Trip is giving a neural massage to T'Pol with his penis. Trip bemoans: "Sorry, my penis isn't forked like you are used to." T'Pol responds dryly: "That is an urban legend."

Hence was born the dilemma that has kept many a Trekkie awake at night...

Why is Spock's penis forked when other Vulcan's penises are not?

Many have assumed it is a result of Spock's ancestry. One "tine" of Spock's forked penis is human, the other is Vulcan. Sadly, due to pon farr, it's not Vulcan very often.

Early leaks from AICN have confirmed that Trek XI is going to focus on Romulans who travel back in time to cut Spock's penis in half (lengthwise), thereby forking it. Forking it all up, in fact.

One scene purportedly features the Romulans making multiple cuts in Spock's penis, causing him to briefly change his name to Spork. Fortunately, this timeline (as well as Spock's penis) is quickly repaired.

Old Spock will be working in conjunction with young Spock, but to what end(s)?

Will Old Spock be trying to restore his penis to its forked or unforked status?

According to the Romulan plot, by forking Spock's penis, it will make it harder for Spock to have sex with James T. Kirk, thereby destroying their relationship forever. (Why else would Kirk and Spock stay together for 40 years?)

Early drafts of the Star Trek XI novelization describe Spock's penis as "forked, half straight and half gay." This seems a level of detail and exposition that won't be addressed in the film, so it is left for the fans to decide.

In this month's Vanity Fair (hitting stands tomorrow), Zachary Quinto is interviewed on the subject. He is asked if he is willing to show a forked penis on screen. Quinto responds that if it is necessary to the story, he is all for it. In fact, he has already "taken some extreme measures to prepare [him]self for that scene."

When the interviewer suggests that the scene could be done with the use of special effects and prosthetics instead, Quinto becomes visibly shaken and excuses himself to call his agent.

What say you, penis fans?
 
Samuel T. Cogley said:
Early leaks from AICN have confirmed that Trek XI is going to focus on Romulans who travel back in time to cut Spock's penis in half (lengthwise), thereby forking it. Forking it all up, in fact.
While I knew Nimoy was Jewish, I never knew Spock was, too.

Star Trek XI: A Bris Gone Bad
 
Re: Will We Finally See Spock's Forked Penis in Star Trek XI

Samuel T. Cogley said:

*Double Negative Canon (DNC) was discovered by Samuel T. Cogley late in the year of our Lord, 2007. He suspects it will catch on. You heard it here first.

Rats!
 
Waitaminute.

It was never said that Spock was a Romulan on Star Trek. While he was seen as a Romulan or a Vulcan, he always said he was a Vulcan, whatever Stiles might say.

So:
*Spock was never called a Romulan. However, he looks exactly like a Romulan, a relationship is implied though not explicitly elaborated, and thus non-canon.
*Spock called himself a Vulcan, thus implying he was not a Romulan.

I invoke the rule of DNC and pronounce Spock a Romulan. Romulans are the villains of this film. Therefore, Spock is the villain of this film. The Romulan Spock, that is, Leonard Nimoy. It is not yet determined whether the Quinto Spock is also Romulan, but he may be Vulcan, and so the climax may be a fight to the death between the Spocks.
 
Re: Will We Finally See Spock's Forked Penis in Star Trek XI

Didn't we see young Spock's penis in STIII?
 
Re: Will We Finally See Spock's Forked Penis in Star Trek XI

biotech said:
Didn't we see young Spock's penis in STIII?

Ah, but that was - for all purposes - a CLONED Spock, and the Romulans didn't have any opportunity to mess with his penis.
 
Re: Will We Finally See Spock's Forked Penis in Star Trek XI

Now I see it!

First: Where does the urban legend of Vulcan forged Penises derive from? Clearly, Vulcans once had penis forking technology. However, the teachings of Surak forced them to give it up - which means that the Romulans still have it. As ST XI will show, Romulans have gone back in time to fork Spock's penis, thereby turning him practically into a Romulan (Kegek is spot-on about that). However, when Spock's body gets regenerated by the Genesis effect, his penies is reunified. In the coming years, however, he learns that "logic is the beginning of all wisdom, not the end" and that, above all, he wants his forked penis back. He goes to Romulus to work for a reunification of Vulcan and Romulus to bless all Vulcans with forked penis technology.
 
Re: Will We Finally See Spock's Forked Penis in Star Trek XI

Penis and Penis, what is penis? :cardie:
 
Re: Will We Finally See Spock's Forked Penis in Star Trek XI

Would you rather have him spooning with Sulu?
 
Re: Will We Finally See Spock's Forked Penis in Star Trek XI

Samuel T Cogley has got to be my favorite poster on TrekBBS.

Excellent, insightful analysis, sir.
 
Re: Will We Finally See Spock's Forked Penis in Star Trek XI

Will we see Sulu's "acting chops"? People (mainly George Takei) are always going on about how he never got the chance to show his "acting chops" in the original series. I want to see what they look like.
 
Re: Will We Finally See Spock's Forked Penis in Star Trek XI

Waitaminute, Sam. This is the wrong antianticanon!

Everybody knows [tm] that Spock's penis isn't forked, but super-long due to the higher gravity of Vulcan.

Don't you remember the TOS episode, "Who Mourns For A Dingus?" or that classic 60's-esque plaint from "The Way To Ease-in", brother? Or are you too Herbert?

There once was a Spock from ShiKahr,
Whose cock was extended too far...
It caused him much trouble
and folded back double:
Thus ruined his chance at pon farrrrrr.


Then again, don't forget the Vulcan man meld in "Dagger of the Man"...
 
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