When you havin' girl problems...

[Itisnotlogical]

I know, there's lots of peeps who come on here to complain and/or ask for advice about their gf/bf's. It's the cool thing, like bashing Justin Bieber on YouTube or Farmville on Facebook. But I've just about talked my poor in-real-life friends's ears off on the subject and I don't think they'd appreciate me continuing.

There's this girl I dated for a few months. I really liked her, she liked me, we broke up not because we wanted to, we had other reasons, etc., etc. A few months pass- lo and behold, hither and yon! She's not moving after all! After about a month or two I decide I want to go out with her again.

Unfortunately, at the same time, she starts doing and saying crap that really makes me not want to be around her even as a casual friend, and therein lies the rub. She's kind of set in her ways and not liable to change if I told her she was immature. But, if I simply stopped hanging out with her I'd feel like a dickhead and a traitor, because we were really close even before we were dating.

So, O fiddler on the forum, what dost thou-eth say?

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Well, it doesn't sound like you work as a couple, so just be friends if you think there's value in having a friendship. Otherwise, just spend less and less time with her and talking to her, and before long she ought to be out of your life completely.

 

[Aldo]

What exactly is it she does/say that rubs you the wrong way?

 

[Itisnotlogical]

^^

She just seems unable to take things seriously. She doesn't care especially much about school work- not especially compatible with my "hardworking diligence"

The thing is, I do highly value her friendship- just sometimes it's hard to put up with her.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Yeah, might be best to just remain friends, then, since you have such different priorities in life.

 

[Gaith]

What do YOU want from her? A relationship? Friendship? Friendship with benefits? Forget us, what say you?

 

[Alidar Jarok]

If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one.

So, is her apparent oddness/craziness tolerable or intolerable? Some relationships are not worth the headaches and don't expect to change people. Aside from that, my only advice is don't trust advice from internet message boards.

 

[Itisnotlogical]

^^

Her craziness is pretty tolerable some days and other days it gets pretty out of control. I suppose the most sensible advice is to stay friends with her.

And BTW I was waiting for somebody to make a joke about the title and that song. I couldn't think of anything else to name the thread.

 

[Alidar Jarok]

If you're OK being friends, that's sensible. That's not always easy to do, though.

 

[Kelso]

How hot is she?

 

[T'Girl]

^^^ Pictures (or videos) would help us evaluate whether you should stay with her.

 

[Aldo]

^^

She just seems unable to take things seriously. She doesn't care especially much about school work- not especially compatible with my "hardworking diligence"

If you don't mind my asking, does she smoke pot?

 

[Itisnotlogical]

No, I will not send pictures. That would be creepy considering I don't even know most of your proper names.

No, she does not smoke pot.

 

[Aldo]

I know that was a bit of an odd question, but her lack of focus just seems like she could be a pot smoker. Not saying all pot smokers are like that, but you never know.

I dunno, she sounds like a pretty cool girl to me. But if her lack of ambition is really a problem for you it's probably just worth being friends.

 

[Noname Given]

^^

She just seems unable to take things seriously. She doesn't care especially much about school work- not especially compatible with my "hardworking diligence"

The thing is, I do highly value her friendship- just sometimes it's hard to put up with her.

Honest opinion? Unless she's a great lay; give it up and move on with your lfe. trust me when I say, life is way too short to put up with women that rub you the wrong way. You WILL ind someone better if a relationship situation is what you want.

 

[Alidar Jarok]

^^^ Pictures (or videos) would help us evaluate whether you should stay with her.

No, it would be absolutely inappropriate to post someone's picture without their permission here just so board members can ogle at her.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

^^^ Pictures (or videos) would help us evaluate whether you should stay with her.

No, it would be absolutely inappropriate to post someone's picture without their permission here just so board members can ogle at her.

Which is why someone will inevitably do it!

 

[Marie1]

She just seems unable to take things seriously. She doesn't care especially much about school work- not especially compatible with my "hardworking diligence"

Maybe she's having trouble with her schoolwork or some other stress and "not taking things seriously" is really just a coping mechanism.

Or maybe you two should wait til you're done your studies then before trying to pursue a relationship.

But if you find being around her a chore, you'll have to stick to being friends at best because a relationship would just end up being painful. Maybe you need more distance for a bit. Has she gotten worse lately?

 

[An Officer]

Sometimes, the best solution is to go live by yourself in the wilderness up a tree somewhere.

 

[Avalon]

Unfortunately, at the same time, she starts doing and saying crap that really makes me not want to be around her even as a casual friend, and therein lies the rub. She's kind of set in her ways and not liable to change if I told her she was immature. But, if I simply stopped hanging out with her I'd feel like a dickhead and a traitor, because we were really close even before we were dating.

Guilty feelings don't make a great foundation for any kind of relationship. Just because she ended up staying in the area doesn't mean you have to remain close. There's no shame in parting ways with someone you no longer enjoy being around.

Have you talked to her about the change in her behavior? As Marie1 said, something may have happened and this is her coping mechanism. Stress can do funny things to a person. It would be good for your peace of mind if you could find out what's really going on with her.

Try to approach it from the angle that her behavior is now very different than what she used to be like. That the two of you seem to have grown apart. "You're immature and I've grown up" isn't something anyone's going to be receptive to. So try to be as neutral, not negative, about it as you can. Hopefully, she'll open up to you about what's going on, and you can decide from there if it's worth it to you to stick by her or if her friendship is simply not worth the annoyance.

(And remember, if she really is your friend, she wouldn't want you to be so uncomfortable around her. She shouldn't change who she is, but she should be willing to make some concessions if she cares about you.)

Good luck.