What Traditions/Trends Will End With You?

[Holdfast]

Your unique ability to make people feel much better, much more miserable and greatly amused all in one is much appreciated, Holdfast.

It's an artform. When I grow up, I want to sit on a (luxurious) mountain-top somewhere, guru-like, dispensing fortune cookie Yoda-isms to all who come to visit me....

 

[Kestra]

In my case, alcoholism and smoking. I don't drink or smoke, and I never will.

Sounds like you have good reasons. I'm glad to hear that that trend has ended with you.

For me it's less about traditions or trends and more about basic knowledge, the passing on of useful know-how. Due to my family's separation, I missed out on much of the knowledge my father learned from his parents - the useful competencies and procedures for everyday problems. My father learnt from his parents matters of gardening, food preparation, electronics, basic business, home repair, clothing repair, use of tools; in general, the basic cultural package of survival and low-key prosperity. Myself? I have none of that, because I was never taught it. Oh, I had an education from the schooling system, but I didn't have much of the home education, the practical rather than the academic matters. I'm not saying I can't take care of myself, but I am saying that it worrys me just how few skills I have. I feel like a big fat baby compared to my father and his parents, and it worries me how many people like myself there are now in my part of my country - people who just don't have the confidence and skills to live full lives because they were cut off from the source of domestic knowledge that took generations to build up.

And I fear for my own children, because I want to be able to teach them these things, be a fount of useful knowledge and practical skills for them. And I won't be. So much is lost, and I feel inadequate. I can only hope their mother is Ms. Fix It, because dad won't be able to build a treehouse for them or teach them to mend clothes or give them early business lessons.

I know how you feel. I didn't even know how to do basic things like laundry until I went to college. My roommates back then thought it was hilarious that I was proud of myself for cleaning a toilet!

My husband's parents are very handy and know how to do just about everything between the two of them. His dad has an amazing workshop and can build furniture and has helped my brother-in-law and wife with extensive remodeling on their house. My mother-in-law can do everything from laying down tile to sewing dresses. My parents ... are excellent doctors.

You can pick up things on your own if you have interest or people to teach you. I'm a pro at painting rooms now, and people are amazed when they see the paintings and such I've hung by myself. I've gotten it right when my in-laws didn't! My husband isn't as fix-it inclined but his interest in that has been growing over the years. I got a sewing basket and lessons from my mother-in-law for Christmas because she knew that was something I had always wanted to learn.

Take interest and the rest will happen. My mom has never baked anything but my sister and I are really good at it.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Oh, smoking and drinking are both big in my family, too. But I don't smoke and I very, very rarely drink, because I've seen the damage those things can cause. I hadn't thought of "bad" traditions.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

Your unique ability to make people feel much better, much more miserable and greatly amused all in one is much appreciated, Holdfast.

It's an artform. When I grow up, I want to sit on a (luxurious) mountain-top somewhere, guru-like, dispensing fortune cookie Yoda-isms to all who come to visit me....

What I want to know is what you will wear to sit guru-like, dispensing Yoda-isms.

 

[Alrik]

It sounds like my wife and I are much like Kestra's in-laws. When we moved to this house the walkout basement was completely unfinished. Now there are two more bedrooms, 2 more bathrooms, a gameroom and a theatre. The only time a "pro" was brought in for anything was for the plumbing in the first bathroom because I hadn't bought the tools needed yet. Since buying the propper tools, not only is the second bathroom finished, they have saved me thousands in a couple of other repairs that had to be taken care of in the upper level.

Because neither of my kids has ever shown any interest in learning what I know, once I'm gone, they will both be "Call the guy" type of people. I guess that will make the plumbers, electricians, and repair/remodel guys happy.

 

[thestrangequark]

Religion!


And abuse.

 

[firesoforion]

Zoroastrianism. Now, to be fair, my brothers can (and possibly will) still pass it on, but as only people whose fathers are Zoroastrian (my mom's not) can be brought into the religion, and it's highly unlikely that I end up marrying a parsi (though my cousin did wind up meeting her husband online, and only after they met did they know the other was a parsi), as far as my future kids go, it's not an option.

Poetically tragic, really, to flee from religious oppression only to impose such strict rules about conversion that the religion dies out anyway...

 

[Kestra]

Just as an aside, the thread doesn't have to be about things that won't get passed down because you don't have siblings or children. It can also be stuff that you just won't continue yourself.

I can relate to the food thing that a lot of people are talking about. I've been consciously trying to cook more Indian food and I often find myself calling my dad to ask for cooking advice. He loves it. I've also been learning recipes on my husband's side because they have favorites that have been passed down and his mother and grandmother are both fantastic cooks.

There's a woman who I'm not actually related to but is like a grandmother to me, and she has the most fantastic recipes in the world so I've learned much of my cooking from her. I'm happy to pass down what she has taught me. Before I left Illinois, I made sure to learn how to make rosettes from her. She has an iron set that was passed down by her husband's grandmother or great grandmother or something insane, and her own children and grandchildren never learned from her. So I was happy to.

There are a lot of religious and cultural traditions that end with me. I don't speak Bengali, so there's no chance that I would pass it down. I don't know what my kids would know of Indian culture since I am far removed from it in many ways. My husband is atheist so I doubt we'll be raising any Hindu children.

Some of the Indian stuff I feel like my brother will pass down to his children, since he is very traditional and so is his wife. But there are also things unique to our culture, the Bengali culture, that could easily end up being lost.

It makes me sad sometimes because there have been many beautiful, enriching things in my upbringing. So I do make efforts here and there to keep things going and studying Bengali is an ongoing project for me.

On the other hand, I've learned a lot of things through my in-laws and I think it's pretty awesome to be able to pick and choose from the assortment between our two families. There were a lot of things from my childhood that are better left behind, and there are things in my husband's background that I think are really valuable. And ultimately I think that it's fine to have someone's background be unique to them; if we did have children they wouldn't be Indian so why would they need to have an Indian background?

I also put a stop to all that doctor nonsense. Well, my sister's a lawyer, but the rest of them are all doctors. We need to branch out!

 

[OdoWanKenobi]

My family is Jewish, and my brothers and I were all raised that way. Now all four of us are either atheist or agnostic, so religion in this family died with my father.

 

[propita]

Some sanity in the family will end with me. My older sister and brother had kids, Hubby and I did not. My siblings don't like to think out situations and pick the optimum option. Seriously. And then they're surprised by the results and blame the consequences on others. And they raised their kids to be the same way and to thinks bit less of me and Hubby as "overanalyzing.". Meanwhile, theyve each declared bankruptcy, have unhappy marriages, and their kids are messed up in different ways.

Even Dad once accidentally said, "And the ones who should have had kids don't, while the others do.". And then, "Did I say that out loud?"

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

My mother passed along a few Polish traditions which I now deliberately don't do because the whole Polish side is full of horrible and dysfunctional parenting and stories. I went to a Polish festival a few years ago out of curiosity but I had to leave because the traditional art styles reminded me too much of endless embittered tales. Yes I know the country and culture has zero to do with the dysfunction but it also has zero to do with me and my life so not bothering with it is easy.

 

[TerokNor]

The main thing that comes to my mind, that will die out with me in my family is our old language. My grandmother can speak and understand it, her son, my father, can understand it, but barely speaking it and I can´t understand nor speak it...I know a few words, but not enough to ever hold a conversation in that language. I have to say I feel sorry for this, because in the past, my grandma asked often, if I want to learn it and always gave me books in the language to read...but I was not interessted, in my ears it just sounded funny and I didn´t want to speak it. Today I do regret it. But now my grandmother is very old and cannot teach it to me anymore... maybe I should learn it a bit myself... but it will be like a second language always, so never like a native one, like it is for my grandma.

TerokNor