Same here, and it sucks...
What is your greatest gaming achievement?
- Thread starter Sparky
- Start date
I finished F-Zero GX on Master difficulty. It's not much I guess, but given that nearly every review one can find of the game comments on its difficulty, it has to count for something.
It, uh, has to be posted. (Not work-safe.)
Dear Nintendo:
YOUR COCKSUCKING PRODUCT HAS REDUCED ME TO A GIBBERING MAN-APE WHOSE ONLY RESORT TO DEALING WITH THE ALMIGHTY FUCKING GRIEF IT'S BESTOWED UPON ME IS TO SCREAM AND HURT MYSELF.
Seriously, I am jumping up and down and throwing my shit in handfuls at the fucking television in some impotent primal effort to get the thing to work. I have been sitting here trying to enjoy your product - YOUR PRODUCT, YOUR GAME, YOUR CONTRACT BETWEEN DEVELOPER AND CONSUMER THAT THE CONSUMER WILL ENJOY YOUR PRODUCT - but instead the damn thing's been crawling out of the console and taking warm shits in my gaping mouth. Swear to god, you should have just added a little door to the console through which a hand pops out and flips me off, because I am insulted that your QA or testers or whatever brainless shitstove three genes short of a monkey FAGNUT signs your games through thought that a person with more than a single fucking digit IQ could enjoy Story Mode Chapter 7. INSULTED.
WORK WITH ME HERE: The goal's simple enough! Come in first! Hey, that's fine, it's just like playing the grand fucking prix; not a problem! Only deal is your cross-eyed team of tongue-slapping wunderkind decided to give the game every single fucking advantage possible TO THE GAME rather than me.
How in the fuck does Black Shadow - whose car is the heaviest and lamest piece of shit next to the Crazy Bear - suddenly become SO FUCKING GOOD that he can stay in first without using a drop of boost? Huh!? Why!? You never see this shithead anywhere near the top fucking 20 in a normal race. BUT HO HO HO THIS TIME HE'S MEGA-COCK, THE FASTEST FAGGOT IN THE WORLD. 1.21 GIGAWATTS MARTY, LET'S GO BACK TO THE FUCKING FUTURE.
But it's not just Black Shadow with the magical powers, it's the entire fucking lineup of racers! THEY'RE ALL FASTER THAN YOU. AND DON'T REQUIRE ANY BOOST.
But but but I of course, am still driving some piece of shit hamster-powered jalopy who guzzles it's entire energy bar in no less than four fucking boosts! Add to this the entire course just got shitted on by some retarded space tiki volacano god and you've got a course full of hazards that'll drain at least 1/4 of your energy bar JUST BECAUSE IT CAN. WHOOPIE.
HURRR, you say. THAT'S JUST THE CHALLENGE. IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE EASY. Well fuck that noise, you lopsided frankenfaced fuckfurter.
Tell me, please, why does the GAME have to win? Huh? What happens when the game wins and I lose? Is there some huge fucking kegger waiting for it when it gets done? Is there money involved? Or perhaps the motives are more sinister. Maybe the game's family is being held hostage by another game and that game has it's cock in F-Zero's wife's mouth and he's holding a cell phone up to her and F-Zero can hear her pained moans and cries for help and the asshole game then says, "You beat that cock-sucking human, or I'll blow her brains out." I COULD UNDERSTAND THAT. I CAN BE SYMPATHETIC.
It's not any fun if I can't win, you faggots. I want to move on. I want to unlock whatever piece of shit clown car you have hidden away from me so I can start racing and get pissed off with that too. When your game prevents me from fully enjoying the product I have bought you have failed in your fucking mission to deliver a game. You lose! You break the contract! You contract the gay and fucking DIE DIE DIE.
YOUR COCKSUCKING PRODUCT HAS REDUCED ME TO A GIBBERING MAN-APE WHOSE ONLY RESORT TO DEALING WITH THE ALMIGHTY FUCKING GRIEF IT'S BESTOWED UPON ME IS TO SCREAM AND HURT MYSELF.
Seriously, I am jumping up and down and throwing my shit in handfuls at the fucking television in some impotent primal effort to get the thing to work. I have been sitting here trying to enjoy your product - YOUR PRODUCT, YOUR GAME, YOUR CONTRACT BETWEEN DEVELOPER AND CONSUMER THAT THE CONSUMER WILL ENJOY YOUR PRODUCT - but instead the damn thing's been crawling out of the console and taking warm shits in my gaping mouth. Swear to god, you should have just added a little door to the console through which a hand pops out and flips me off, because I am insulted that your QA or testers or whatever brainless shitstove three genes short of a monkey FAGNUT signs your games through thought that a person with more than a single fucking digit IQ could enjoy Story Mode Chapter 7. INSULTED.
WORK WITH ME HERE: The goal's simple enough! Come in first! Hey, that's fine, it's just like playing the grand fucking prix; not a problem! Only deal is your cross-eyed team of tongue-slapping wunderkind decided to give the game every single fucking advantage possible TO THE GAME rather than me.
How in the fuck does Black Shadow - whose car is the heaviest and lamest piece of shit next to the Crazy Bear - suddenly become SO FUCKING GOOD that he can stay in first without using a drop of boost? Huh!? Why!? You never see this shithead anywhere near the top fucking 20 in a normal race. BUT HO HO HO THIS TIME HE'S MEGA-COCK, THE FASTEST FAGGOT IN THE WORLD. 1.21 GIGAWATTS MARTY, LET'S GO BACK TO THE FUCKING FUTURE.
But it's not just Black Shadow with the magical powers, it's the entire fucking lineup of racers! THEY'RE ALL FASTER THAN YOU. AND DON'T REQUIRE ANY BOOST.
But but but I of course, am still driving some piece of shit hamster-powered jalopy who guzzles it's entire energy bar in no less than four fucking boosts! Add to this the entire course just got shitted on by some retarded space tiki volacano god and you've got a course full of hazards that'll drain at least 1/4 of your energy bar JUST BECAUSE IT CAN. WHOOPIE.
HURRR, you say. THAT'S JUST THE CHALLENGE. IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE EASY. Well fuck that noise, you lopsided frankenfaced fuckfurter.
Tell me, please, why does the GAME have to win? Huh? What happens when the game wins and I lose? Is there some huge fucking kegger waiting for it when it gets done? Is there money involved? Or perhaps the motives are more sinister. Maybe the game's family is being held hostage by another game and that game has it's cock in F-Zero's wife's mouth and he's holding a cell phone up to her and F-Zero can hear her pained moans and cries for help and the asshole game then says, "You beat that cock-sucking human, or I'll blow her brains out." I COULD UNDERSTAND THAT. I CAN BE SYMPATHETIC.
It's not any fun if I can't win, you faggots. I want to move on. I want to unlock whatever piece of shit clown car you have hidden away from me so I can start racing and get pissed off with that too. When your game prevents me from fully enjoying the product I have bought you have failed in your fucking mission to deliver a game. You lose! You break the contract! You contract the gay and fucking DIE DIE DIE.
I was playing Galaga at a Cici's pizza and managed to rack a score of about 1,500,000 when I blew up. Unfortunately, the high score screen didn't read up that high, and only regestered 500,000 
There was a Runequest campaign where we were fighting a Broo priest of Thanatar that was kicking our asses. When it came down to declare action for the round I said I was going to critical hit the priest in the head with my bastard sword. I then rolled a crit to the head and down he went.
Beating "Crystal Castles" on the BBC Micro several times in a row (bearing in mind that every time you win, the game restarts to the first level at double speed each time, and back to the fourth time resets to the original speed) and gaining an obscene number of extra lives - so many that I eventually got bored and went to sleep.
I don't have real great gaming skillz so I was pretty happy to beat God Hand a while back.
And years ago in another lifetime I had the ultimate Gunship mission, took out primary and secondary objectives spent ever piece of ordinance save a few rounds, ran out of fuel, did a perfect autorotation landing at the base and as my rotors shut down a Hind popped into view and managed to take it out with a quick burst from the cannon.
And years ago in another lifetime I had the ultimate Gunship mission, took out primary and secondary objectives spent ever piece of ordinance save a few rounds, ran out of fuel, did a perfect autorotation landing at the base and as my rotors shut down a Hind popped into view and managed to take it out with a quick burst from the cannon.
It may not be a great achievement in retrospect, but I felt a freaking god when I finally defeated that stupid Omega Pirate in Metroid Prime. Then I had the feeling again when I finally defeated Emperor Ing in the second game. I swear those are two of the hardest bosses I've ever encountered in a game.
shoting down a fast-mover in LHX Attack Copter with the LHX's gun turret, not once but twice, despite the manual claiming it's not possible.
Biggest gaming achievement? I beat Trojan and Rygar on the NES.
Hmm. Maybe getting to Ganon in the original Legend of Zelda without picking up a sword. At some point I need to try doing that in the second quest too.
Though if I ever beat Snake Rattle 'n' Roll, that may be a tougher accomplishment. I've gotten to the boss with 1 or 2 lives left, but I haven't come close to beating it (largely because gravity works differently in the boss fight than it does in the entire rest of the game!)
Though if I ever beat Snake Rattle 'n' Roll, that may be a tougher accomplishment. I've gotten to the boss with 1 or 2 lives left, but I haven't come close to beating it (largely because gravity works differently in the boss fight than it does in the entire rest of the game!)
Finishing Resident Evil for the first time on PS1.
We didn't have a memory card so to finally make it without dying was so magical.
We didn't have a memory card so to finally make it without dying was so magical.
Completing Zelda 2 on the NES was quite an achievement for me and my step-brother back when we lived at home all those years ago.
It was an achievement because every time we got to the final boss (Shadow Link) my dad would burst into the room and demand that we turn off the console and go to bed. Three nights in a row this happened, everytime on the same point.
Eventually I think we wedged the door shut so he couldn't barge in and we completed the game in peace.
Most recently I think my greatest achievement was surviving the first ADS cannon segment on Dead Space on impossible mode. I literally had 1% hull integrity left as the auto targeting system came on line and I proceeded to breathe one gigantic sigh of relief.
It was an achievement because every time we got to the final boss (Shadow Link) my dad would burst into the room and demand that we turn off the console and go to bed. Three nights in a row this happened, everytime on the same point.
Eventually I think we wedged the door shut so he couldn't barge in and we completed the game in peace.
Most recently I think my greatest achievement was surviving the first ADS cannon segment on Dead Space on impossible mode. I literally had 1% hull integrity left as the auto targeting system came on line and I proceeded to breathe one gigantic sigh of relief.
There are a couple of moments I would call great.
First, almost beating Sephiroth in the first Kingdom Hearts. I was very close one time, and after much frustration, sweat and tears, I decided almost[i/] was close enough.
Next would be Lego Star Wars. It took me about 6 weeks, but I completed everything in the game, unlocked every secret, etc., and I did all this without needing to look up how to do anything. That is pretty rare for me these days
Beating Mike Tyson in Mike Tyson's Punch-Out. There seems to be some dispute amongst my brothers and I with regard to who actually beat him, and if we actually beat him. Hey, it was a long time ago. I'm pretty sure we did.
Kid Icarus. Holy shit, was that game ever unforgiving. You fall, you're fucked. But I beat it. And if you were like me and you scribbled level codes on any piece of paper you could find with no rhythm or reason, and in some unknown language, then it was just that much harder.
First, almost beating Sephiroth in the first Kingdom Hearts. I was very close one time, and after much frustration, sweat and tears, I decided almost[i/] was close enough.
Next would be Lego Star Wars. It took me about 6 weeks, but I completed everything in the game, unlocked every secret, etc., and I did all this without needing to look up how to do anything. That is pretty rare for me these days
Beating Mike Tyson in Mike Tyson's Punch-Out. There seems to be some dispute amongst my brothers and I with regard to who actually beat him, and if we actually beat him. Hey, it was a long time ago. I'm pretty sure we did.
Kid Icarus. Holy shit, was that game ever unforgiving. You fall, you're fucked. But I beat it. And if you were like me and you scribbled level codes on any piece of paper you could find with no rhythm or reason, and in some unknown language, then it was just that much harder.
Beating Super Mario bros without a game over 'nuff said
Did you use warps or play every level? It was easy to beat in just a few minutes with warps.
For me, it's hard to say. Maybe pulling out a win against a top 50 player in Warcraft 3/The Frozen Throne. Sadly I don't think I have the replay files anymore. I never had the top tier micromanaging skills for RTS, but I could take some of those guys with superior strategy and tactics 
Passing The Devil Went Down to Georgia, Through the Fire and Flames, and Jordan in various Guitar Hero games on expert were big moments. Hell, passing Freebird on expert felt pretty awesome (after playing the game starting on easy for 3 weeks or so), which is kind of hilarious since I can practically full combo it now. Getting 1000 achievement points in GH2 was big too.
Passing The Devil Went Down to Georgia, Through the Fire and Flames, and Jordan in various Guitar Hero games on expert were big moments. Hell, passing Freebird on expert felt pretty awesome (after playing the game starting on easy for 3 weeks or so), which is kind of hilarious since I can practically full combo it now. Getting 1000 achievement points in GH2 was big too.
Beating Freebird on expert was pretty awesome, but those are mad skills you have there. I can't do the tapping for the beginning of TtFaF.
On a related note, beating "Won't Get Fooled Again" on Expert Drums was awesome on Rock Band. It's such a long song that once I got to the line "Meet the new Boss" I was just in the zone.
On a related note, beating "Won't Get Fooled Again" on Expert Drums was awesome on Rock Band. It's such a long song that once I got to the line "Meet the new Boss" I was just in the zone.
