Smell ya later.
What does Matt say to Foggy when he's going out?
- Thread starter LaxScrutiny
- Start date
I was hoping everyone might keep this going...
So a warrior, a thief, and cleric walk into a tavern.
The warrior says, "Hey, think you could pick open that chest?"
The thief says, "Naw, I used up all my picks on the waitress' chest last night."
The cleric says, "Huh, what? I was checking out the busboy."
So a warrior, a thief, and cleric walk into a tavern.
The warrior says, "Hey, think you could pick open that chest?"
The thief says, "Naw, I used up all my picks on the waitress' chest last night."
The cleric says, "Huh, what? I was checking out the busboy."
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An American, a Canadian and an Englishman walk into a bar. Each orders a pint of beer.
Subsequently, three flies fly into the bar, each fly landing in a different guy's mug.
The American picks out the fly, shrugs, and keeps drinking.
The Englishman pushes his beer away in disgust.
The Canadian grabs the fly and starts shaking it over the mug, yelling "SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!"
Subsequently, three flies fly into the bar, each fly landing in a different guy's mug.
The American picks out the fly, shrugs, and keeps drinking.
The Englishman pushes his beer away in disgust.
The Canadian grabs the fly and starts shaking it over the mug, yelling "SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!"
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A child was preparing to study for their exams. The child's Parents say "for every question you get right we'll give you $2."
The child agrees and a month later he comes home with the results of his exam.
"How did you do?" the parents ask.
The child replies "well, I saved you a lot of money."
The child agrees and a month later he comes home with the results of his exam.
"How did you do?" the parents ask.
The child replies "well, I saved you a lot of money."
A thief, a rapist and a traitor walk into a bar.
The bartender replies, "What will it be, Mr. President?"
The bartender replies, "What will it be, Mr. President?"
I heard that was a Scotsman.
Two guys are out hunting one day.
One of them, looking through his binoculars, says to his friend "Hey, I can see all the way to your house. Your wife's cheating on you with another guy!"
"Aw, I've had it with her. Shoot her in the head and shoot him in the private parts." the other guy says.
His friend replies "I can get that in one shot..."
One of them, looking through his binoculars, says to his friend "Hey, I can see all the way to your house. Your wife's cheating on you with another guy!"
"Aw, I've had it with her. Shoot her in the head and shoot him in the private parts." the other guy says.
His friend replies "I can get that in one shot..."
On a cruise ship, there's a magician who has a regular gig which is a huge hit with passengers and crew alike, including the captain.
The problem is, the captain had a parrot, and the parrot (since it spoke English) understood the show and always gave everything away, like "Awwk! It's in his hat! Awwk! He's got it up his sleeve!" and all that.
Understandably, the magician hated the bird, and one day he couldn't take it anymore and took out a shotgun and shot the bird. The bullets missed the bird, hit a fuel tank and blew the cruise ship into a billion pieces.
The only survivors were the magician and the bird, out there floating on two pieces of wood.
So the bird turns to the magician and says "All right, I give up, where's the damn ship?"
The problem is, the captain had a parrot, and the parrot (since it spoke English) understood the show and always gave everything away, like "Awwk! It's in his hat! Awwk! He's got it up his sleeve!" and all that.
Understandably, the magician hated the bird, and one day he couldn't take it anymore and took out a shotgun and shot the bird. The bullets missed the bird, hit a fuel tank and blew the cruise ship into a billion pieces.
The only survivors were the magician and the bird, out there floating on two pieces of wood.
So the bird turns to the magician and says "All right, I give up, where's the damn ship?"
Spock: The spores have taken over the colonic path and seem to be progressing through that pathway.
Kirk: Bones, you have to do something!
McCoy: Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a proctolog... Oh. Yeah I can take care of this.
Kirk: Bones, you have to do something!
McCoy: Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a proctolog... Oh. Yeah I can take care of this.
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An American, a Canadian and a Scotsman all die and go to Heaven.
St. Peter says to each of them "Well, the thing is, you all died before your time. So with a generous donation, I can return you to life on Earth."
The American pulls out his wallet and immediately pays out.
As St. Peter is preparing to return the man to life, the American asks what happened to the other two. St. Peter replies,
"Well, the Canadian is waiting for the government to pay his fee, and the Scotsman is haggling over his price".
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