What do you do with a dead doomsday machine?

[Orion Pimp]

After watching The Doomsday Machine, the thought struck me; What the hell would Starfleet do with a massive, dead, alien, planet eating, robot, war machine?

The obvious answer would be to haul it somewhere for study, but I think we can have a little fun with this one.

So, what would you do with a Dead Doomsday Machine?

Cut a hole in the back and use it as a megaphone to hurl obscenities across the Neutral Zone and scare the piss out of the Klingons?

Fill it with gourds and pumpkins and use it to break the Guinness Galactic Book record for largest horn-of plenty?

Also if there are any non canon references in a novel or sum such as to what they did with the damn thing I'd be interested to hear them.

 

[Hambone]

Paint it orange and sell it to General Mills to advertise Bugles.

Use it as a giant wind sock for the Spacedock landing strip.

Dunce cap for Apollo.

 

[Nerdius Maximus]

Make it into a big float for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
Melt it down and make a bunch of castrodinium jewelry. It'll be all the rage!

 

[Christopher]

Build a really large fireplace and use it as a giant Christmas stocking.

 

[Dayton Ward]

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicola!"

 

[Orion Pimp]

LOL! These are awesome!!

How about:

Sell it to the Romulans to use as a garage for the Narada.

 

[UssGlenn]

Also if there are any non canon references in a novel or sum such as to what they did with the damn thing I'd be interested to hear them.

I remember it appearing in a novel at a secret Starfleet research facility, but I can't remember which one. Nor can I remember if it was just a cameo or if it was actually used by the plot in some way.

 

[Wingsley]

I think it would be neat if Section 31 got custody of the Giant Rotten Carrot and tried for years to revive the thing. And what if they found a way to get it running again? That could be hilarious! "Who are were going after first? The Borg? The Dominion?"

 

[Hartzilla2007]

In Before Dishonor Peter David had the Federation using it as a tourist trap.

 

[DaveyNY]

Sell it to the Disney Corp. (which will probably still be around in 300 years) so they can make it into a very, VERY Large "Doomsday-Mountain" Space Attraction.

It will be at their brand new, first-time-ever-on-the-other-side-of-the-Neutral-Zone amusement park, located on Qo'noS.

Just imagine Mickey, Minnie, Goofy and all the gang, with Forehead Ridges.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

You strap the dead Doomsday Machine to the back of your Connie class starship and haul that puppy back to your swank San Francisco pad then put it above the fireplace next to the antique pistols. The ladies love a man who can destroy neutronium weapons of mass destruction. Gets 'em all hot and bothered, especially 'em green ones.

 

[Maurice]

I actually pitched a script to TNG called "The Day Before Doomsday" which dealt with just that. I did the math to figure out what a solid neutronium cone 13,300 feet long would mass...and realized the dead hulk's gravity would be a danger by itself.

 

[Navigator_NCC2120]

Use a tractor beam to tow it to a gas giant planet like Jupiter or to a red supergiant star (such as Betelgeuse in the constellation Orion) or a neutron star and put it on a collision course trajectory.


Navigator NCC 2120 USS Entente
/\

 

[Warped9]

I believe it was referenced in Peter David's TNG novel Vendetta. David's idea was that it had been a prototype machine to fight the Borg long ago. And in the novel a larger and more dangerous doomsday machine was being guided by an intelligence hellbent on destroying the Borg homeworld and the Enterprise D was in the thick of it. Come to think of it they should have let the thing destroy the Borg.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

In Before Dishonor Peter David had the Federation using it as a tourist trap.

Please, please tell me you're kidding...

 

[Nerys Myk]

This? Why, I can make a hat or a brooch or a pterodactyl...

 

[ToddPence]

Build the galaxy's biggest snowman and use it as the nose.

 

[Christopher]

Build the galaxy's biggest snowman and use it as the nose.

Yeah! Stack three comets together to make the body!

 

[Warped9]

This thread reminds me of a discussion friends and I some years ago regarding some of the advanced technology encountered by the TOS crew in their travels and why it was a pity we never heard the occasional reference in a later movie or series of new Federation tech being derived from said advanced science.

Whew! That was a loong sentence..

 

[Maurice]

The problem is that the thing's mass would be astronomical. Neutronium is very dense, and even the "lightest" form (it varies depending on the neutron star and if it's surface or core density) is impossibly heavy. The "lightest" I've seen claimed is 1010kg per cubic centimeter (one ton per sugar cube) up to 400,000,000,000 (four hundred billion). If you assumed the DDM was the size it appears to be when the trying to pull the Enterprise in, it's 13,300 ft long and the hull is about 900 feet thick (at least around the lip). I'll try to dig out the math I did...but it's not a mass that any fleet of starships could lug around. We're talking the mass of the Moon squeezed into a Bugle snack shape.