There amidst the ancient spam, an eternity of deaths for poor Wesley...
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.wesley.crusher.die.die.die/topics
Here's a nice little excerpt from 1993:
More Ways to Kill the Weasel
1. The Weasel is sitting alone in his cabin, using the replicator to
make alcohol. He is now quite full of liquid, and quite drunk.
He finds himself staring at an open access panel behind which is
several bijillion amps of current, and suddenly thinks of a way to
test whether or not electricity will travel upstream....
2. Worf catches him stealing his latest issue of "Klingon Juggs" magazine.
Worf rips the Weasel's face off.
3. The Weasel suggests to Q that maybe Q stands for "queer." Q obliterates
him in the most painful way imaginable--say, turning him into a giant
testicle and then smashing him with a large hammer.
4. Tells Worf the joke about the Enterprise and toilet paper (they both
circle Uranus and wipe up Klingons). Worf rips the Weasel's face off.
5. Ties tin cans to Spot's tail. Data, in a sudden flash of emotion, as
per the season finale, rips all of the Weasel's limbs from his body.
Slowwwwwly.
6. The Weasel has a sudden outburst of flatulation in 10 Forward. Tries
to blame it on Worf, muttering something like, "Shouldn't have let the
Klingon eat all those burritos." Warf rips the Weasel's face off.
7. Against all possible odds, a piece of superstring suddenly materializes
on the Enterprise, passes through the Weasel, and then disappears. The
gravitational force of it has the effect of accelerating the Weasel's
head and feet toward each other. The result is a very silly looking,
very dead Weasel.
8. Worf, for no apparant reason except for the fact that he's bored, rips
the Weasel's face off.
9. The Weasel tries to impress Mr O'Brien with his superior knowledge of
transporter physics, thus irritating him. The next time O'Brien has
to transport the Weasel somewhere, he manipulates the controls so that
the Weasel comes out the other end in the form of a giant asshole.
10. As a practical joke, Geordie turns off the intertial dampeners in
the Weasel's cabin. Then he decelerates the ship from Warp 9 to 0
in a few seconds....SPLAT!
11. The Weasel is hit simultaneously by phaser bursts from Troi, Geordie,
Mr. O'Brien, Picard, and Worf as he tells a joke beginning, "A beta-
zoid, a blind guy, an Irishman, a Frenchman, and a Klingon walk into a
bar..."
12. Picard gets fed up with him and forces him to take shoreleave on the
planet of the pedophiles after the Weasel, in a single day:
(a) Repeatedly refers to Picard as "baldy."
(b) Makes insinuations about the "Captain's Log."
(c) Responds, "But I'm not even breathing hard," when the Captain
tells him to "Come!" after the Weasel knocks at his door.
(d) Makes disparaging remarks about the French people.
13. In a Monty Pythonesque moment, the Weasel is destroyed by a thunderbolt
from the heavens, followed by a booming voice crying, "GEEZ! IF THERE'S
ONE THING I HATE, IT'S A SMARTASS!!!"
14. Alien salesman demonstrates Weaselmatic device to the crew. It slices!
it dices!
15. The Weasel, as usual, has been annoying the crew. In order to take
out frustration, one of the crew puts the Weasel in the replicator,
and makes lots of Weasel clones that the crew can kill in any gruesome
manner they desire. Alas, in the ensuing bloodbath, the original
is destroyed as well.
16. The Weasel attempts to prove that, in fact, a person doesn't explode
if suddenly thrust into outer space, by putting himself into an
airlock and depressurizing it. A freak cosmological phenomenon
through which the enterprise passes causes small, random fluctuations
in the laws of physics. POP goes the Weasel.
17. Worf gives the Weasel the infamous "Klingon Atomic Wedgie." Trust me.
It isn't pretty.
18. Dr. Crusher decides it's never too late to have an abortion.
19. The Weasel pushes all the buttons in the turbolift. Worf gets pissed
and tosses him down the shaft.
20. The Weasel gets in a shouting match with a large, evil looking
creature in 10 Forward. After it shouts obscenities at him, the
respons by saying, "Bite me!" It does. In half.
Jeff Chilton