Had my last final and graduation is at the end of the month. Barbri (bar prep) starts next week.
The bad thing is the Bar is coming--like some mysterious monster in the near-distance, bellowing, with steam rising from it.
The good thing is that, thanks to the meds, my blood pressure's under control. My doctor upped my synthroid to 112.5ug (I got diagnosed hypothyroidic a year ago--that's when my ability to think went right out the door), but I've upped it a bit beyond that (another 25ug). The two blood pressure meds are working--almost always in the 120s/80s. And I was given Concerta. It raises blood pressure but is allowing me to think again.
In first year, I had down the whole performance test - type stuff. Lately, it was, "What the heck are you talking about?" I not only couldn't remember HOW to do the stuff, I couldn't remember TO do the stuff. Which raised anxiety, which raised blood pressure--cycle, cycle. The meds broke the cycle. The rest is up to me.
I swear I can feel a difference. Things that had become "huh?" are now "okay" again. Some classmates had said, "If you're thinking slower, now you're like us!" I said, "Don't take this wrong, but I don't want to be like you. I didn't learn this stuff thinking like that (A-B-C-D-E), I learned it faster and a bit more automatic (A-B-E)--I don't even know how to do it the other way." Well, I re-learned how to do some of it, in time for the final.
I'm hoping that, after the Bar, I can get off the blood pressure meds. I'm also hoping to be off the anti-depressant by the end of the year. It was explained to me something like (my simplified version), "Your synapses aren't active long enough for the 'good feelings' to be stored--they never have been. So you never got the sense of accomplishment to help provide confidence when facing new challenges--so no confidence. The med keeps them active long enough, but you have to build that pathway. Once built, it's possible that you won't need the med." The slowed thinking from the high blood pressure was just making this worse.
Shit! I "talk" a lot. This has just been driving me crazy since last spring.
The bad thing is the Bar is coming--like some mysterious monster in the near-distance, bellowing, with steam rising from it.
The good thing is that, thanks to the meds, my blood pressure's under control. My doctor upped my synthroid to 112.5ug (I got diagnosed hypothyroidic a year ago--that's when my ability to think went right out the door), but I've upped it a bit beyond that (another 25ug). The two blood pressure meds are working--almost always in the 120s/80s. And I was given Concerta. It raises blood pressure but is allowing me to think again.
In first year, I had down the whole performance test - type stuff. Lately, it was, "What the heck are you talking about?" I not only couldn't remember HOW to do the stuff, I couldn't remember TO do the stuff. Which raised anxiety, which raised blood pressure--cycle, cycle. The meds broke the cycle. The rest is up to me.
I swear I can feel a difference. Things that had become "huh?" are now "okay" again. Some classmates had said, "If you're thinking slower, now you're like us!" I said, "Don't take this wrong, but I don't want to be like you. I didn't learn this stuff thinking like that (A-B-C-D-E), I learned it faster and a bit more automatic (A-B-E)--I don't even know how to do it the other way." Well, I re-learned how to do some of it, in time for the final.
I'm hoping that, after the Bar, I can get off the blood pressure meds. I'm also hoping to be off the anti-depressant by the end of the year. It was explained to me something like (my simplified version), "Your synapses aren't active long enough for the 'good feelings' to be stored--they never have been. So you never got the sense of accomplishment to help provide confidence when facing new challenges--so no confidence. The med keeps them active long enough, but you have to build that pathway. Once built, it's possible that you won't need the med." The slowed thinking from the high blood pressure was just making this worse.
Shit! I "talk" a lot. This has just been driving me crazy since last spring.
