Wedding Mishaps

[Shatmandu]

Hiya, folks.

We went to a wedding this past weekend. Fairly standard stuff, and then the best man did his toast:

"I want to wish Jim and Peggy the best of luck. Peggy is a wonderful person, and Jim, you're a lucky guy to have someone like Peggy in your life forever and ever ..." The usual jibberish.

Unfortunately, "Peggy" is the name of Jim's second wife, an absolutely bat-shit crazy beee-yotch. The woman Jim just married moments before, named Gail, is his third.

The mere mention of Peggy's name caused shock and palpable fear in the audience. I'm thinking most of the attendees figured Peggy had paid the best man to do this, and that she would soon jump out of the cake and self-immolate on the dance floor or something.

Truth is, the best man was just nervous, confused, and a little tipsy.

Gail, God bless her, took the microphone and made a joke out of it. After the cake was served, it was all anyone talked about.

Anyone ever been to a wedding where things went haywire?

Joe, hayseed

 

[FrontLine]

Ive been to enough Redneck weddings where there is always a guarantee of some sort of social faux paus on order of an asteroid impact upon the face of the earth. My brother in law showing up for his wedding drunk and passing out in the middle of it will always be a memorable event.

 

[TorontoTrekker]

Instead of mailing my ex-husband and I the bill for the outstanding amount for the reception, the hall presented it to us while we were enjoying the wedding cake.

I said, "This is our wedding day. Do you think we brought our wallets with us?" Fortunately, one of the guests whipped out his Visa card and took care of it for us - otherwise we would have spent our honeymoon washing dishes.

 

[RobertVA]

At one wedding reception I attended the the pointed base of the bride's bouquet stuck in one of the acoustic ceiling tiles during the traditional toss!

 

[T'Bonz]

A cousin of mine decked her father just before her wedding. Trust me, he deserved it. She tore the arm of her dress doing so.

 

[TheBrew]

Maybe this is why I never get invited to weddings... to keep things from getting weird.

 

[MANT!]

Wedding mishaps..During my first wedding, the Pastor had a little too much wine before his sermon and compared our marriage to a toaster warranty, some jackass flattened the tires of my get-away car...(damn Rednecks!!) The Champagne corked off of it's own accord..there was a fistfight right after the ceremony between 2 of the wedding guests..and my Uncle Don stripped down to his skivvies and ran around the church screaming...

2nd Wedding..no problems...No fowls No errors..perfect..but I always did better the second time around..

 

[RevdKathy]

I think the funniest one I recall was the bride who suffered a lingerie mishap. I never found out what needed adjusting. My memory is of leading the bridal party into a side room for the signing of registers, whereupon the bride called for her Mum, took hold of her wide, petticoated skirts and lifted them above her head. Her Mum stepped in to adust... whatever. Meanwhile the groom, her father, his father, the ushers, the best man, the photographer and the video-cameraman were treated to an eyeful of the bridal bouquet. And the expensive black lace knickers, suspender etc... How I kept a straight face I'll never know. Quite different from the bride who whispered discretely "Can I come out last, please?" after the signing. I explained that she couldn't, then took her quietly into a side room to ask why. Ladies, if you're going to wear 'hold-ups' for your wedding, don't check the fit and then lose weight. Cos they won't hold up any more.

I recall sitting in on a wedding for a friend (he was conducting) as I was called upon to remove the family of the bride's exhusband and break up the fight they started with the groom's family. Not to mention countless times I have visited a couple's parents before the wedding to knock heads together - if you're adult enough to conceive children together, you can bloody well behave like adults on one day in their life and not ruin it. None of this "If he attends, I won't" lark.

Oh, and I have a drawer-full of snapped garters. Those things aren't made to take the pressure of you kneeling down for a blessing and getting back up again.

 

[Bloodwhiner]

We had one locally the ended up with the bride arrested and in jail for the night after she broke down the front door (yes, it was a singlewide mobile home) and beat up her maid of honor.

She was still in her wedding dress from the jail mug.

 

[SmoothieX]

We had a very small, low key wedding. My sister-in-law had an iPod boombox and was tasked with playing the right song at the right time. We put everything in the appropriate order so it would be easy.

Somehow, at one point she hit the wrong button and "Dirty Little Secrets" by the All American Rejects came on. Seeing that it was a pretty laid back wedding (how can you be stressed in the middle of a national park) we all got a good laugh out of it.

I also inadvertently caused an embarassing moment one time. A friend from college got married and I was a groomsman. We did a photo shoot after the services. The photographer had us do a few in wacky poses, just for fun. Apparently, I didn't catch the cue to get serious again, and they wound up with a picture of 5 guys looking like distinguished gentlemen, and me giving the universal sign for muffdiving. Naturally, photo guy chose to put that one in the album.

 

[wew]

I went to a wedding that was held outdoors in Michigan. One of the groom's uncles got in a fight before the wedding, it was misting a little bit, the bride tripped going down the aisle, the wind blew the music around and one of the singers forgot the words to the song, and at the end the ring bearer, a young boy didn't want to move so the flower girl dragged him partway down the the aisle. The only good thing that happened was the couple did get married, and they now have three girls an live in Italy.

 

[barnaclelapse]

I think the entire concept of a wedding is a mishap in of itself, but then again, I've always been a romantic.

 

[Misfit Toy]

A close friend's wedding featured the minister comparing marriage to pig breeding. The bride was *not pleased*.

 

[The Lady Eve]

Years ago I attended an outdoor wedding reception. All of a sudden people starting yelling and dodging around while trying to avoid a literal shit storm. A large flock of birds had gotten drunk on chinaberries and were dive bombing and pooping all over the wedding party. As a kid I thought this was hilarious but then again I didn't get tagged by the birds. (Well, close but no cigar.)

 

[jamestyler]

There are only two in my head...

One was my cousins wedding. My cousin and his best man, wonderful guys, not the most mature. As soon as the best man heard the words 'ring' and 'finger' in the same sentence, his mind went to the gutter and he started laughing so hard he was almost sick.

Of course my cousin reacted like a true gent. He laughed so hard he was almost sick. Everyone else joined in while the bride, well... she was not amused.

The only other time I can remember was a friends wedding. In the middle of the vows someone stood up and started clapping. He was still drunk from the night before, had fallen asleep and thought it was stand and clap time.

Everyone stared at him as he said "Fuck, shit, wasn't paying attention. Well... get on with it then!"

Happy days.

 

[RevdKathy]

A close friend's wedding featured the minister comparing marriage to pig breeding. The bride was *not pleased*.

That's one sermon I'd like to hear. Maybe not to copy, though.

 

[sbk1234]

She said "I do."

 

[Garak]

When my dad's brother got married his wife to be was having a few drinks with some friends the night before the wedding - and she got a champagne cork right in the eye, and had the most massive shiner you ever saw. Even though she tried to cover it up the next day you could still see it, so their wedding photos look like she's an abused woman tying the knot.

 

[Misfit Toy]

A close friend's wedding featured the minister comparing marriage to pig breeding. The bride was *not pleased*.

That's one sermon I'd like to hear. Maybe not to copy, though.

He eventually got to the point of talking about farmers trying to breed certain characteristics out of the pigs, in order to make a better pig. Then he mentioned that human couples shouldn't try to change each other. I was a groomsman and had a VERY hard time keeping a straight face...

 

[Thena]

A friend of mine was a very religious Roman Catholic, and even though his fiancee was not, they were getting married at the church his parents attended. The pastor gave them a rough time with the wedding preparations, even refusing to perform a full Mass for them because the bride-to-be hadn't had all her sacraments. In the end, my dad, who was training to become a deacon, took the priest aside and had a word with him about Catholic charity.

At the actual wedding rehearsal, the priest decided to do a full Mass instead of just the wedding service, so we were all scrambling the night before to provide the music for the organist and soloist. No one was really happy with the priest, but the groom's religious parents were thrilled to get a Mass for their son.

On the day of the wedding, the bride's chauffeured car got stuck in traffic and was late arriving. Just before 2 PM, the priest told the groom and best man that it was time to start, but the best man informed him that the bride was stuck in traffic and wouldn't get there for another 15 minutes. The priest tapped his watch, stepped up to the pulpit, and announced to the congregation, "Let us begin." That was the cue for the organist to start playing, but remember, there's no bride yet. So they played "Here Comes The Bride" on repeat for 15 minutes until the bride finally made it to the altar.

That very religious groom? He's no longer a practicing Catholic and the couple opted to have their son baptized in a Greek Orthodox church rather than go to any Catholic church.