We are pregnant!

[farmkid]

No need to be so serious. This is a fairly light conversation we're having. Plus, you'll have to believe me when I say that while I know Miss Chicken doesn't hate men, I can absolutely vouch for the fact that teacake does not hate men, and may in fact love them too much.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a downer and kill the jovial mood. Some of the comments have just rubbed me the wrong way, as I think you can gather how I feel about fatherhood and the role of a father in my reply to macloudt.

I'd ask how you know that teacake loves men so much, but I suspect the answer may only be appropriate for TNZ.

 

[Miss Chicken]

When i was pregnant, and vomiting first thing in the morning, I could hear my husband (now ex-husband) complaining because i wasn't making him breakfast. Didn't help with the housework or take me to the doctor. His idea of being helpful was to go out so I wouldn't have to look after him. He "generously" would allow me to go to bed after I had cooked dinner, put the children to bed and washed-up. He wasn't even at the hospital for any of the births. When I was in labour he told me he would be back when it was all over.

All this is why he is my ex-husband.

 

[bbailey861]

When i was pregnant, and vomiting first thing in the morning, I could hear my husband (now ex-husband) complaining because i wasn't making him breakfast. Didn't help with the housework or take me to the doctor. His idea of being helpful was to go out so I wouldn't have to look after him. He "generously" would allow me to go to bed after I had cooked dinner, put the children to bed and washed-up. He wasn't even at the hospital for any of the births. When I was in labour he told me he would be back when it was all over.

All this why he is my ex-husband.

And rightly so, Miss Chicken.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I think it's a little weird, and yet another example of pretentiousness spouted by yuppie couples, but ultimately harmless.

 

[SeerSGB]

My husband didn't carry our children for nine months, nor did he miscarry our first pregnancy. He didn't have the nausea, vomiting, exhaustion, muscle cramps, backache, piles, gestational diabetes, or the gazillion other discomforts and potentially dangerous medical conditions that can come with being pregnant and giving birth. HE was not pregnant. I was.

You make it sound as if bringing a child into the world is only challenging for the mother and for the father it's no more difficult than eating a chocolate chip cookie. Of course the father doesn't experience all of the physical stuff the mother does, but it's no walk in the park for him either. It's not easy for a man to watch the woman he loves go through all the things you describe and be powerless to do anything about it, and know that there's a possibility she could be gone forever because of it. It's the hardest and most emotionally draining thing I've ever done, and I've done it six times. The thing is, every time we started down that road, we were in it together. It was a partnership, with each of us giving all we could to the endeavor. We each had our roles: her role was the stuff you described; mine was holding her hand and supporting her through it all--being the strength and support she needed. I didn't just get her pregnant, tell her to let me know when the baby was ready to go to college, roll over and go back to sleep. No, I was there by her side every step of the way. I was there for the ultrasounds, all through every delivery and C-section and recovery. I was there when the AFP test came back positive and we had to wait for an agonizing week for more tests to find out whether our child was okay. I got her antacids when she needed them for heartburn. I was there holding her hand in the ER during her one miscarriage and comforted her (and I didn't get drugs to block my memory of it like she did). I took time off work to go to prenatal checkups with her or to watch the other kids so she could go. I was there and involved as any man worth his salt would be. Please don't discount the role fathers (should) play in bringing children into the world. If your husband wasn't there for you during your pregnancy, you have my sincerest sympathy.

Flashbacks to a few convos at the wife's obgyn when both our boys. Pushy nurses that was made clear to me that the ObGyn was a "No MAN's land". Didn't matter that it concerned my wife and my kid, I was an intruder; all though one nurse did inform me that she would come and get me if I was wanted or needed. I got asked to sit in hall of the complex once cause the head nurse thought that a man sitting alone in the waiting room would make the other women who were waiting nervous.

Thankfully, my wife had my back whenever this shit happened and refused to cooperate with the Doc unless I was allowed to stay.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

I'm also getting a certain sense of man-hating or at least a belief that the sexes are in competition with one another from those who don't like it.

Oh please..

You make it sound as if bringing a child into the world is only challenging for the mother and for the father it's no more difficult than eating a chocolate chip cookie. Of course the father doesn't experience all of the physical stuff the mother does, but it's no walk in the park for him either. It's not easy for a man to watch the woman he loves go through all the things you describe and be powerless to do anything

OH PLEASE

Here, have a shiny medal. It's the size of a watermelon, make sure you shove it up your ass for nine months and then push it out so we can take you seriously. Don't forget to vomit regularly.

I'd ask how you know that teacake loves men so much, but I suspect the answer may only be appropriate for TNZ.

I only love their bodies.

 

[O'Dib]

I was once in a bar with a married couple and some other friends. The dude revealed how she was pregnant, at which point she corrected him that they were. Thereafter, most of the crew took to believing that he is fairly pantsless in the relationship.

 

[RJDiogenes]

It's amazing how society takes its little twists and turns. When I was a kid, during the days when society was making an effort to pull the stick out of its ass, one of the big trends was for men to become involved in the woman's pregnancy-- going to classes, being present at delivery, perhaps even taking a hand in delivering the baby. This was a shocking thing. Old-school conservatives would deride such men as weak, silly, and unmanly. And now here we are, fifty years later, in the 21st century, and new-school progressives deride men who do the opposite of what Miss Chicken's ex-husband did as precious, twee, and pantsless.

I'm by no means a family man, but I understand the concept of family. I even know people who have made "we are pregnant" or "we've had a new baby" announcements inclusive of their existing children. The "we" means "our family." I wonder how cavalier Mila Kunis would be if whatsisname abandoned her to "her" pregnancy.

Does a man use it for any other medical condition his wife might have? i.e we had a heart attack, we had a nose job, we have piles?

First of all, there's not many other medical conditions that the man has participated in. Second of all, working in health insurance, I do hear stuff like that all the time: "We've been fighting cancer for two years," for example. Miss Chicken, your ex-husband was an asshole-- he was not the type to say "we're pregnant."

I think it sounds dumb. Saying we are expecting is fine, but saying "We're pregnant"?

"Expecting" is a benign euphemism for "pregnant" from the days when it was considered indelicate to use the word "pregnant" in mixed company. Or are we back to that now, too?

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

Just imagine if you have cancer and you're in pain every single fucking day. Also puking from the chemo. Also exhausted. Also struggling to get the most basic things done. But me, who you know has to take days off work and watch you suffer through all this says.. "we have cancer". This is just bullshit. Sure it's hard to watch someone in pain and suffering. It takes time and emotional energy to be supportive whether it's cancer or a shitty pregnancy but you DO NOT HAVE IT.

You're having a baby if your wife is pregnant. You are not having the pregnancy itself.

 

[RoJoHen]

I think people are just getting too hung up on the word while ignoring the context. "We're pregnant" has become synonymous with "We're having a baby." It's just a figure of speech and shouldn't be taken so literally.

 

[Miss Chicken]

It's amazing how society takes its little twists and turns. When I was a kid, during the days when society was making an effort to pull the stick out of its ass, one of the big trends was for men to become involved in the woman's pregnancy-- going to classes, being present at delivery, perhaps even taking a hand in delivering the baby. This was a shocking thing. Old-school conservatives would deride such men as weak, silly, and unmanly. And now here we are, fifty years later, in the 21st century, and new-school progressives deride men who do the opposite of what Miss Chicken's ex-husband did as precious, twee, and pantsless.

I think there is a huge middle ground between a man being an arsehole and being twee.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

I think people are just getting too hung up on the word while ignoring the context. "We're pregnant" has become synonymous with "We're having a baby." It's just a figure of speech and shouldn't be taken so literally.

IT was the man hating accusation. It made me hateful.

Also frankly it does feel like a takeover. Only women can be pregnant but men are now like.. oh but I AM PG TOO because you know, I took time off work and that baby is half my DNA.

Probs wouldn't feel so strongly about it if it wasn't for farmkid's but what about the menz posts. Yeah it's language evolving, whatever.

 

[O'Dib]

I think there is a huge middle ground between a man being an arsehole and being twee.

I'm a twee arsehole.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

So, like a little brown button?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

It's amazing how society takes its little twists and turns. When I was a kid, during the days when society was making an effort to pull the stick out of its ass, one of the big trends was for men to become involved in the woman's pregnancy-- going to classes, being present at delivery, perhaps even taking a hand in delivering the baby. This was a shocking thing. Old-school conservatives would deride such men as weak, silly, and unmanly. And now here we are, fifty years later, in the 21st century, and new-school progressives deride men who do the opposite of what Miss Chicken's ex-husband did as precious, twee, and pantsless.
another from those who don't like it.

Okay, I'm confused. Exactly what decade does this remind you of every morning, then?

Also, "Precious, Twee and Pantsless" would make a great title for an autobiography.

OH PLEASE

Here, have a shiny medal. It's the size of a watermelon, make sure you shove it up your ass for nine months and then push it out so we can take you seriously. Don't forget to vomit regularly.

Marry me, teacake?

 

[scotpens]

Now I'm starting to see the difference in how people see it. Those who oppose it think of pregnancy as a medical condition and nothing else. The statement doesn't make sense because the man isn't the one with the medical condition. Those who don't mind it or like it see the statement not as a ridiculous statement that the man is also carrying a child inside, but as a statement more akin to "We're about to add a child to our family and we're both excited about it."

Pregnancy is a biological condition and nothing else. It is objectively defined as "carrying developing offspring within the body." That's what pregnancy means.

 

[sidious618]

I find it spectacularly annoying, but I find most things expecting parents say to be annoying so perhaps I'm biased in that regard.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Logically speaking, the phrase could indeed apply to a lesbian couple...

 

[farmkid]

Pregnancy is a biological condition and nothing else. It is objectively defined as "carrying developing offspring within the body." That's what pregnancy means.

You're right, it is a biological condition, and I'm sure people who say "we're pregnant" are aware of what the word means. I'm also sure sure they are fully aware that the father is not in fact carrying a child inside, and do not expect anyone to take a purposefully imprecise statement statement in as strictly accurate.

 

[TheSeeker]

I think it sounds dumb. Saying we are expecting is fine, but saying "We're pregnant"?

"Expecting" is a benign euphemism for "pregnant" from the days when it was considered indelicate to use the word "pregnant" in mixed company. Or are we back to that now, too?

That may be so, but it really isn't used that way anymore. To my mind, "We are expecting" means you are expecting a new baby to join your family. Being pregnant on the other hand is a physical condition unique to women (Arnold Schwarzenegger not withstanding) in which a new human being grows inside of a woman.

So, when my wife and I decide to have another child and succeed in conceiving we would say something like "We're expecting another child. Gina is pregnant!"