First, it's obvious that the program was at least partially interactive since Picard talks about his starship in it. Second I believe that his family was tailor made for him. If it were a woman or a gay person then the parameters would have changed accordingly. I don't think that they would have given him a wife that wasn't compatible with his personality and indeed they seem to be getting along very well in the parts that were on camera. It's also very likely that his best friend in the program that he named his son after was also tailor made for his personality. The goal was to make him experience their culture in a setting that was comfortable for him. So it couldn't possibly have been bad. It was as if he had met his wife through a very sophisticated and efficient match making service.I am uncertain as to why/how Picard was chosen as the one to receive the false memories. Was there any true interactiveness to the program, which helped tailor the experience for Picard personally. What if someone very nonhuman had encountered the probe? Would a Klingon or Ferengi have been forced into the same role?
What if a woman had encountered the probe? Would she have had the same false memories complete with a wife that bore her children? If the experience were truly immersive, and felt to Picard like he really lived every moment of that life, it would include him falling in love, having sex...having those memories implanted in your head against your will could be seen as a violation. Was it just a happy accident that the experience seemed to agree with Picard, that he felt genuine feelings for his wife and seems to have a relationship with her of his own free will. Was this really Picard's choice? Would anyone have the choice to follow a different path - I don't think so. If the subject chosen were committed to someone else, or gay, or a heterosexual woman, or for whatever reason just not attracted to the wife...then what?
I don't agree with throwing the word rape around lightly. The experience Picard had was a real emotional journey, and I think he saw it as a positive experience. I do wonder how real the experience was for him. We didn't see any lasting effects on the tv series, but that was the formula at the time. Does anyone know if any of the novels or short stories ever explored Picard's reaction. What I think of this would be shaped in part by knowledge the episode doesn't give us. If Picard had to grieve for his lost family and home it would be a horrible thing done to him. If after it was over the memories were more detached from his emotions like a dream, then it wouldn't be so bad.
I do like this episode. It is very moving and touching, but the mechanics of how it works, and how it could've worked with a different person does spark my curiosity and imagination.
I think the level of personalization of the program is open to interpretation, but I think that the program tailor making the spouse and friend characters to fit with Picard's personality makes sense.
I still wonder how the program would've coped with a non human, like a Klingon or Ferengi. Did the aliens really look human or was that for Picard's benefit?