VOY Caption This 91; Conspiracy

[Ln X]

Thanks to all who participated, and now onto our winners.

Doctor: "Shoot any more spitwads at my ceiling, Mr. Paris, and I'll place your biobed out in the corridor".

Janeway: Now they can inject the coffee directly into my brain!

Alien: "V-(Y)-G-E-R... This means something!"

HARRY: I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

"I don't know what's in this but its even making YOU interesting, Mr. Neelix."

///

And now the special award:

We'll start the transplant as soon as Nick Locarno gets here.

Here are the next bunch of pictures to be captioned, the theme this week is ... conspiracy!

Next caption contest 30th of November. Have fun!

 

[Ln X]

Seven: Doctor why is the drawing of this model so fat?
Doctor: I like big ladies...

Chakotay: You even talk of mutiny and this fist will be at your jaw!

Janeway: To ensure discipline, mandatory floggings must be enforced!

Guy to the left: I think Mr Tuvok is one of the soulless minions of orthodoxy.

Janeway: Can you reanimate it doc?
Doctor: I'm afraid not the coffee has disintegrated into powder and water. Computer make note of the following; 25cl mug of coffee was spilled upon the floor. Cause; momentary disruption to inertial dampeners.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CHAKOTAY: So, what's going on at the losers' table?

CREWMAN: Mostly we spit in officers' drinks.

GOLDSHIRT: I'm gonna die, aren't I?.

EMH: Still no signal.

 

[Triskelion]

Thanks for the win, Ln X! Oh boy!

Sorry Commander, we haven't been able to find the culprit who stole the ships' Viagara supply.

Chell: Vidiians.

Sorry I'm late, Captain. I had to put my face on.

It is a partially-digested serving of Neelix's lunch special, Captain.

Mixed with...at least a whole sleeve of Oreo cookies.

<Seven whistles and walks away nonchalantly>

 

[Smellincoffee]

Whispering N.D: Go for the crotch shot, captain. One swift kick between the legs. Mean, but effective.
Janeway: Not everyone keeps their genitals in the same place, lieutenant.

Doctor: Dear god in heaven.
Kim, OS being scanned: What?!
Doctor: Um, nothing.
Kim: Captain? What does the scan say?
Janeway: Well, congratulations, Harry. You're pregnant.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CREWMAN (whispering) Hey Kim, why is the Captain painted up like a cheap hooker?

JANEWAY: You do realize I'm standing right in front of you, right?

 

[Triskelion]

...and then that's when Janeway - whipped it out.

<Chakotay Spit Take>

I hope the Vidiians are more interesting than last Saturday's screening of Face Off.

It's dire, Captain. According to my scans, every person on this ship's got the Vulcanian trenchmouth.

<Tuvok whistles and walks away nonchalantly>

 

[Violet.Phoenix]

Seven: Draw me like one of your holographic characters.

Tuvok: Captain, I regret to report that more of this 'fanfiction' has been reported over the communications relays.

Janeway: Are they?

Tuvok: I'm afraid so...

Janeway: *groans* Make sure that Harry never finds out.

Crewman: Who do you think is gonna get bumped off first? You, me, or Ensign Eager?

Janeway: Keep talking and I'll show you.

Janeway: How is he, Doctor?

Doctor: Surprisingly stable, considering the conditions of his collapse. Just what were you and the Commander arguing about in the Ready Room?

Janeway: ...

 

[R. Star]

Thanks for the win!

EMH: I'm not just a Doctor, I'm a voyeur too!

Dalby: I want to be a Maquis!
Chell: You will be assimilated into Janeway's Starfleet
Chakotay: Resistance is futile.

Tuvok: Shall I flog them as well?
Janeway: You mean you haven't already? Bend over and assume the position Mr Tuvok. I'll flog you myself!

Goldshirt: What do I have to do to get out of this away mission?
Janeway: Die.
Goldshirt: I'm not seeing an upside here.

EMH: Mr Kim suffered multiple scratch marks, what looks like several blows to the head with a coffee mug, second degree burns from said coffee, numerous puncture wounds and half a dozen snapped vertebrae before dying.... worst suicide I ever saw.

 

[JanewayRulz!]

Seven: Are you sure this isn't a self portrait Doctor? The nose looks more like yours than hers.

Unknown Ensign: (Internal conversation) I can't believe Chakotay is spitting into Dalby's cup! I can't believe Dalby is LETTING Chakotay spit into his cup! Hmmm, maybe I was all wrong about Chakotay and Seska being THE power couple among the Maquis.

Janeway: Tuvok, if you are here to tell me we've run out of coffee, I'll give you 5 seconds to run before I open fire.

Durst: My place, tonight, 1800 hours. You bring the melted chocolate and I'll bring the whipped cream.
Janeway: Yum!

EMH: Captain Janeway, how many times must I remind you that Ensign Durst is ALLERGIC to chocolate!
Janeway: Uhhh.

 

[LeadHead]

Seven: Were you programmed with a 3rd Graders Art skill?

Chakotay: (thinking) Hmmm... the best way to teach them to follow the rules is to punch one of them. That way they'll see that the rules apply to them and not me.

Tuvok: You slept in your Ready Room again, didn't you?

Durst: Any chance of being transferred to the Science department? I feel like I've got a target on my back with this uniform.

EMH: Oh, no! The animator has suffered a fatal heart attack!

Tuvok: The Cartoon Menace is no more.

 

[Triskelion]

Seven: I suggest you stick with something you're good at - like sexual harassment.

- and that's when I discovered the burnt remains of Ensign McGillicutty had been mixed in with - the Sunny D.

<Chakotay spit take>

Tuvok: We found your coffee supply. Its signature was masked because it had been mixed in with the human remains of Ensign McGillicutty.

Janeway: And?

Durst: You smell ravishing, sir.

Tom: Thanks!

Janeway: You're just reading words on the screen!

EMH: And you're just talking to a projection. A virtual ventriloquist's dummy.

Tuvok: On a steeck.

 

[Mistral]

EMH: "What do you mean she's not real? We had sex last night!"

 

[Triskelion]

EMH: Hey, I don't criticize your work. I don' t come down to the cargo bay and dump the prosthetics out of your box.

And that's when Seven beamed out all our testicles.

<Chakotay spit take>

Mariah Henley: Damn straight.

Captain, the Artruvian Ambassador is here. He is prepared to greet you by reciting every episode title of every Law and Order series ever produced.

Good. I've had it with weird alien customs. Screw 'em.

Durst: I'm really looking forward to that last slice of pepperoni.

Janeway: I don't think so, Durst.

EMH: It's worse than I thought, Captain.The five second rule doesn't apply to a downward-facing slice of pepperoni pizza.

Janeway: Out of my way, Doctor.

Seven: You are making a mistake!

Tuvok: Captain, that is a highly illogical risk.

Janeway <around a mouthful of pizza>: Computer end program!

EMH: Ahem. We are all real.

Janeway: Mine!

 

[LeadHead]

Seven: Worst Self Portrait ever.

Durst: Love that new hairstyle.

EMH: Chakotay is dead!

Janeway: But he's still breathing!

EMH: I meant his character development.

 

[Ln X]

New caption contest is up!

http://www.trekbbs.com/showthread.php?p=7327750#post7327750