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Vader: Obi-Wan Kenobi killed in firefight

Canadave

Canadave

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CORUSCANT — Obi-Wan Kenobi, the mastermind of some of the most devastating attacks on the Galactic Empire and the most hunted man in the galaxy, was killed in a firefight with Imperial forces near Alderaan, Darth Vader announced on Sunday.

In a late-night appearance in the East Room of the Imperial Palace, Lord Vader declared that “justice has been done” as he disclosed that agents of the Imperial Army and stormtroopers of the 501st Legion had finally cornered Kenobi, one of the leaders of the Jedi rebellion, who had eluded the Empire for nearly two decades. Imperial officials said Kenobi resisted and was cut down by Lord Vader's own lightsaber. He was later dumped out of an airlock.
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Article in the Galactic Times

Truly a great day for the Empire. :techman:
 
Got this via Twitter from David Brin lol, it's awesome...
 
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Wouldn't the destruction of the Death Star actually dominate Coruscant's headlines, while the death of a Jedi Knight no one heard from for nearly 20 years would be but a footnote in the Empire's news service?

Sorry, I'm being a buzzkill, aren't I?

EDIT: Sorry, just read the article now. I didn't realize the full extent of this joke. Now I feel like an ass.
 
Bah! Imperial nonsense. If they found him "hiding in the desert", then I'm a scruffy-looking nerf herder. I think they're just trying to ask what's on everyone-s mind -- WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DEATH STAR? Those things don't just disappear!
 
Why did they send in the 501st when they could have just destroyed the entire planet with the Death Star?
 
I heard that Lord Vader has family and contacts in that area. Yet he claims to have no knowledge that Kenobi was hiding there. I smell cover-up.
 
Doesn't anyone else find it suspiciously convenient that Vader just happened to take down Kenobi so soon after the Emperor dissolved the Senate? Do they really think the people can be so easily distracted?
 
Why won't Darth Vader tell us the truth about his birth? All he ever talks about is being conceived by Mini-Floridians or some such nonsense, but as far as I can tell no one had ever even heard of them before 12 years ago. Who's your daddy, "Lord" Vader?

How'd he become a lord, anyway? I want to see his credentials. Yesterday Tarkin was holding his leash but now he's commanding his own fleet. What the hell kind of name is Darth Vader, for that matter? It sounds like a sand people name to me.

Keep it on the down low, but I heard a rumor that the princess who helped steal the Death Star plans was actually Vader's daughter, and the guy who blew up the Death Star in that controlled demolition was his son. Can you say inside job?
 
First it was the Truthers who insisted that Alderaan was blown up by the empire, and now there are Birthers who insist Lord Vader was born on Tatooine.

What we need is another Admiral Pershing, when he dealt with sand people, before there executions, he would expose there faces and let everyone see it. The sand People of Tatooine where peaceful for years afterwards. Sure It broke cultural taboos, but it worked. the Empire is getting too soft.
 
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