Whenever I get something that i've already got or something that I don't really need or use, I usually just wrap it up and send it to someone else for christmas/birthdays 
Unwanted gifts
- Thread starter WillsBabe
- Start date
I've never had that last one come up
Generally speaking, the biggest reason I don't like someone is because they don't like me so they act like a dick. Those people, oddly enough, have never bought me a present.
The first one happened to me recently, though. My brother bought me a DVD that I already owned. I said I was sorry, but I already had it. Then I gave it to my parents and he bought me a different DVD (checking what I had first).
Just my feelings are in some sort of balance around those times.
You want me to psychoanalyze myself? Getting rid of something too soon can cause sadness derivative of guilt, a feeling of wasted material and wasted money, the emotional bluntness of rejecting something given out of love. I think it's also nice to respect the will of the gift giver. They want me to have this item, and I will respect that.
The year and a half mark just feels about right. It means I'll still have the gift when the next years gifts are handed out. Having that overlap feels respectful. It means there is some continuity in the gift-having, and some continuity in my gift-connection with that person. But there's no need for that to span all of the next year as well though.
I guess the six month phase means the gift disposal event it's not close to the gift giving event, which helps to dissociate any emotional connection between the two. It means that no negative memories are carried into the next gift giving event.
eBay, bin or charity depending on likely return, ASAP.
Commander Rabbit
Commander
Just my feelings are in some sort of balance around those times.
Not necessary, but thank you for doing so. :-) I guess I was just surprised that you were so specific, while I was thinking vague things like, "Well, I hold on to them for a while." :-)
EBAY
Damn ~ you got there before me!
My mum bought me a pair of gold earrings, like flamingliberal I don't wear gold, and they were tri-coloured hoops. So I sold them on ebay and bought a gorgeous antique, silver sword shaped brooch with an amythyst top. I've not actually admitted it yet, just waiting for her to admire it, then I promise I will tell
A
Amaris
Guest
I never return gifts. If someone gives me a gift, the meaning of the gift is more to me than the gift itself, so I keep it.
J.
J.
Rii
Rear Admiral
To this I'll add that the giver can be using the "gift" to hurt the recipient also.
When I was a kid, I went to a sleepover that included a gift exchange. Rather than going out and buying a gift, my mother made me give up my beloved sticker collection for the occasion. The girl who received my sticker collection threw it in the trash upon receipt and dumped her can of pepsi over it to ruin it so I couldn't take it back, and then called me retarded in front of the other partygoers for giving her something she didn't want. I was a shy, unpopular girl so the other kids were quick to join in the heckling. She gave me a used pad of paper and a chewed up ink pen in return. 20 years later, even reminiscing about the incident still brings back feelings of anger and hurt, so I never give back or refuse to accept anything short of blood money. I also swore off sleepovers forever.
That said, It's always the thought, rather than the gift, that counts. Granted, that sentiment goes both ways and the above experience hardened some of my attitudes about gift giving. I learned early that 'gifts' can be cunningly deployed social weapons against a recipient, so I pay close attention to the giver's intentions.
I will hang onto a gift misfire if it the spirit in which it is given is genuine and loving. I'll only give gifts like that away if I am pressed for space or the gift is so useless as to be an impediment.
Unwanted gifts that were given in less than sincere sentiment, or were given to me by a casual acquaintance out of some social obligation, go to Goodwill or to a friend who has a need for the object as soon as the giver has left.
That said, It's always the thought, rather than the gift, that counts. Granted, that sentiment goes both ways and the above experience hardened some of my attitudes about gift giving. I learned early that 'gifts' can be cunningly deployed social weapons against a recipient, so I pay close attention to the giver's intentions.
I will hang onto a gift misfire if it the spirit in which it is given is genuine and loving. I'll only give gifts like that away if I am pressed for space or the gift is so useless as to be an impediment.
Unwanted gifts that were given in less than sincere sentiment, or were given to me by a casual acquaintance out of some social obligation, go to Goodwill or to a friend who has a need for the object as soon as the giver has left.
This is true, and there are other reasons for giving gifts. I have been given gifts by someone who is doing it as a form of stalkerish activity. Makes my skin crawl. Those gifts I don't want to accept, never mind keep.
Bears, your story convinces me more than ever of the very real mixed emotions that gift giving and receiving can bring
When I was expecting my first child my mother-in-law bought me a bath set (baby bath, nappy bucket etc). I was appreciative but than she said to me "come and see what I have bought for Gail in case she ever has a child". Gail was my mother-in-law's favorite daighter-in-law. My mother-in-law took me into the spare room and showed me a beautiful cradle that must have cost her hundreds of dollars.
I am quite sure my mother-in-law only gave my the bath set so that she would have a reason to show me the cradle and hurt my feelings .
That was so nasty of her.
Even if it was a long time ago, I think we should all send you stickers and you can rebuild your book.
"Oh, that's nice - thank you"
I hate it when people don't consider the recipient when buying gifts and you have to use that tired old line before you toss the useless item.
Know the person you want to give a gift before you even consider what to get them. Words to live by!
My mum used to give me strange useless things, once she gave me an yellow coloured polo-shirt - YELLOW! - I'm white and don't tan, damnit, I look sick in yellow! and, besides, she's always known that I HATE T-shirts with buttons! (couldn't even return it as she bought it on some vacation in Greece).
I wore it on every occasion I knew I'd see her for half a year - and finally she got it: I do look sick in yellow.
Anyways, If you just give in order to give the thought isn't what counts -If you've thought about it and give something you really think would suit the person you're giving it to, something you sincerely think would enrich their life in some way (even then: DO remember to also give them the receipt (perhaps enclosed in an envelope) and save them having to ask for it) they're bound to appreciate the thought and won't be needing to fake gratitude -even if it CAN backfire sometimes.
What I'm saying is that you shouldn't feel bad for "Oh, that's nice - thank you"-ing someone if the gift they gave you is SO not you that you immediately think of ways to get rid of it right after you've opened it - clearly they didn't think of you when purchasing it!
However, buying something for someone that you don't know that well can also be funny -just make sure they can get the money back in the store you bought it.
My sister and I were once invited to some housewarming event for an acquaintance of ours and had no idea whatsoever to get her... eventually we decided to give her a 'bad taste'-gift she could return and get something she might like instead.
When she opened the box and found a porcelain bathroom set of toothbrush holder, soap dispenser and some other thing I don't remember -in the shapes of white porcelain ducks with golden beaks- it just so happened that she loved it!
Oh, and: yes, beware of Romulans bringing gifts! -also words to live by!
I hate it when people don't consider the recipient when buying gifts and you have to use that tired old line before you toss the useless item.
Know the person you want to give a gift before you even consider what to get them. Words to live by!
My mum used to give me strange useless things, once she gave me an yellow coloured polo-shirt - YELLOW! - I'm white and don't tan, damnit, I look sick in yellow! and, besides, she's always known that I HATE T-shirts with buttons! (couldn't even return it as she bought it on some vacation in Greece).
I wore it on every occasion I knew I'd see her for half a year - and finally she got it: I do look sick in yellow.
Anyways, If you just give in order to give the thought isn't what counts -If you've thought about it and give something you really think would suit the person you're giving it to, something you sincerely think would enrich their life in some way (even then: DO remember to also give them the receipt (perhaps enclosed in an envelope) and save them having to ask for it) they're bound to appreciate the thought and won't be needing to fake gratitude -even if it CAN backfire sometimes.
What I'm saying is that you shouldn't feel bad for "Oh, that's nice - thank you"-ing someone if the gift they gave you is SO not you that you immediately think of ways to get rid of it right after you've opened it - clearly they didn't think of you when purchasing it!
However, buying something for someone that you don't know that well can also be funny -just make sure they can get the money back in the store you bought it.
My sister and I were once invited to some housewarming event for an acquaintance of ours and had no idea whatsoever to get her... eventually we decided to give her a 'bad taste'-gift she could return and get something she might like instead.
When she opened the box and found a porcelain bathroom set of toothbrush holder, soap dispenser and some other thing I don't remember -in the shapes of white porcelain ducks with golden beaks- it just so happened that she loved it!
Oh, and: yes, beware of Romulans bringing gifts! -also words to live by!
LeahBoBo
Commander
First, I thank the person for the gift. If the gift is something that I can't use or it's not my style, I sometimes return it for something different. Sometimes I hang on to them because I may be able to use them at a later date. Sometimes I re-gift them to the appropriate person. If they are truly crap and cannot be returned, I get rid of them. (I really do believe that some people give crappy gifts on purpose.)
For the longest time I kept every gift I was ever given - even now, at 45 years old, I still have a hard time getting rid of gifts given to me that I have no use for - I can't even bring myself to say "unwanted gifts".
In fact, I was just telling Snow (the poster, not the precipitation - she used to be Duke) the other day on Farm Town, after she'd asked if I'd sold any of the trees or animals that were given as gifts, that I'd never sell any of those as they were 'gifts'. Even on some silly internet game, I can't give away a gift.
I am getting better tho. There are things that I've managed to get rid of. Figuring the life of a sweater - had I actually worn it - might have lasted me two or three years, I can safely get rid of it. But, other gifts are not so easy to determine lifespan. I never wear jewelry - how long does that last?
What did you say to her? I can't imagine anyone being so insensitive.
I said "It lovely. Gail will love it".
I wasn't going to give my mother-in-law the satisfaction of seeing that she upset me.
I wasn't the daughter-in-law she was the nastiest to. Her other daughter-in-law, Debbie was born with a cleft lip and though she had had corrective surgery she still had a scar. My mother-in-law used to call her Lizard Mouth behind her back.
It was a good thing that my mother-in-law died when my eldest son was 2. This was before Gail ever had a baby. Even when Gail eventually did have her only child she was living in Western Australia so never got to use the cradle.
I wasn't going to give my mother-in-law the satisfaction of seeing that she upset me.
I wasn't the daughter-in-law she was the nastiest to. Her other daughter-in-law, Debbie was born with a cleft lip and though she had had corrective surgery she still had a scar. My mother-in-law used to call her Lizard Mouth behind her back.
It was a good thing that my mother-in-law died when my eldest son was 2. This was before Gail ever had a baby. Even when Gail eventually did have her only child she was living in Western Australia so never got to use the cradle.
Why on earth would your mother do that? I mean, even if the gift had been received well, what on earth was she going to make you give up next time you were invited to a sleep-over?
If she didn't want to spend money then why not go the route so beloved of children's TV shows and get you to make something. Sure the ridicule would have been the same but at least you wouldn't have lost something precious to you.
I remember my seventh birthday party was the last one I had, by my own demand. My mum made a pass-the-parcel that year. What a horror it was seeing some of *my* toys fall out of the parcel and the others squabbling to take possession of them.
Mum's explanation: "You never played with them". Which wasn't even true. I've never forgiven her for it.
All I can say is that I promise to do neither of those things to my children.
Wow. A couple really sad, traumatic stories here. This will sound patronizing, but you have my condolences (not that it does any good). Makes me glad I never had friends.
Almost.
Almost.
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