I am sure this message board is bombarded with people writing about their relationship situations so I hope you all can tolerate one more thread. I am very uncertain about what to do in regards to a young woman I am interested in.
I am 27 years old and she, Cassie, is 22 years old. Some times I think this is too large an age difference but then I remember that my parents are 5 years apart (my mom is 60 and my dad is 65). I never been the type of person that is "smooth" around women. That genetic trait I think went to my two older brothers who have (or had - they are married now) no trouble interacting with women. With that said I don't want you to think I am a completly isolated person when it comes to women - I have many female friends that I interact with quite well. My problem is confidence around women I have had an interest in. I have never really felt like I have much to offer (for example, compared to other guys I am not handsome, I don't drink, or party too much). What I have been good at is my professional life. I graduated with very high honors in college, went on and earned a master's degree, and I am now in a Ph.D program. I have won teaching awards in the classroom and published. I have absolutely no complaints at all about my professional life. I just wish I could get my personal life in order.
I remember when oldest brother announced he was marrying his girlfriend, I asked him how did he know she was the one he wanted to be with. My brother replied, and I will never forget, "you just know." So far they have been happily married for 7 years. My mother has made a similar comment to me that when the time is right you will meet that special person.
While in the M.A. program 3 years ago I met an undergraduate named Cassie during a departmental presentation. I finally understood what my brother and mom were talking about. Cassie and I by coincidence ending up taking a split level MA/undergraduate class and we got to know each other that way. I started off kind of slow asking if she wanted to get together and study for the quizzes and exams, we played racquetball once (she didn't care for it), and we have gone to out to dinner several times. During that semester I came to really respect her: She has a very strong work ethic, she is determined, funny, kind, respectable, trustworthy, etc.
I eventually had to finish my MA degree elsewhere but Cassie and I stayed in contact and when I came back home on the weekends we met up when her schedule allowed and had dinner and I would make an effort to come and support her university related functions. Last May I finally worked up the courage and told her that I cared about her (I did not say the word "love" because I am not at that point but I do care about her alot). I think I stunned her because she stammered quite a bit. I thought to myself: Great, I just screwed this friendship up. She was surprisingly honest with me, which I appreciated. Cassie told me she had never had a boyfriend and that she did not know if she believed in love (that part surprised me because I never said that word) and that her work schedule kept her so busy busy she did not have time for a relationship. I don't remember the exact wording because I was trying to process everything by this point, but she made some comment about my being gone to another school. I was afraid to say anything further so I left it at that. Before I left, Cassie surprised me again when she hugged me before I got into my car, which is something she had never done before).
In December Cassie returned to the university to work on her MA degree. I was on Christmas break and back home so we met and had dinner - nothing too serious just talking about what she had been up to and I was telling her about the Ph.D program. And last month during Spring break Cassie invited me over to her apartment to hangout and watch DVDs.
Last week I received a phone call from my mom asking me if I could make it home over the weekend. I went back home and dad told me he had been found with alzheimers. Since the diagnosis dad and I have talking alot on the phone and during one of our conversations he mentioned Cassie. He told me that mom rejected him twice when he asked her out on a date, and that if I really do care about her like I said I did then I should not "give up."
I am not really sure what to do. I think Cassie made it clear her position, andI want to respect her wishes from what she told me back in May. I have thought about bringing the subject back up but I don’t know how or if that is even a good idea. I don't want to appear "pushy." If the topic is brought back up I don’t know how to get across that I am not looking to “control” her life. I want Cassie to travel and do all the things she wants to do (she likes to travel with her friends during the summer and sometimes during the weekend). I don’t want her to think that a relationship would restrict or confine her. I am not the type of person who has to be with her every waking moment. I just like spening time with her. All that I am really interested in is making her happy and being someone she can confide in and know that I always interested in her well being.
Thank you for taking the time to make comments.
I am 27 years old and she, Cassie, is 22 years old. Some times I think this is too large an age difference but then I remember that my parents are 5 years apart (my mom is 60 and my dad is 65). I never been the type of person that is "smooth" around women. That genetic trait I think went to my two older brothers who have (or had - they are married now) no trouble interacting with women. With that said I don't want you to think I am a completly isolated person when it comes to women - I have many female friends that I interact with quite well. My problem is confidence around women I have had an interest in. I have never really felt like I have much to offer (for example, compared to other guys I am not handsome, I don't drink, or party too much). What I have been good at is my professional life. I graduated with very high honors in college, went on and earned a master's degree, and I am now in a Ph.D program. I have won teaching awards in the classroom and published. I have absolutely no complaints at all about my professional life. I just wish I could get my personal life in order.
I remember when oldest brother announced he was marrying his girlfriend, I asked him how did he know she was the one he wanted to be with. My brother replied, and I will never forget, "you just know." So far they have been happily married for 7 years. My mother has made a similar comment to me that when the time is right you will meet that special person.
While in the M.A. program 3 years ago I met an undergraduate named Cassie during a departmental presentation. I finally understood what my brother and mom were talking about. Cassie and I by coincidence ending up taking a split level MA/undergraduate class and we got to know each other that way. I started off kind of slow asking if she wanted to get together and study for the quizzes and exams, we played racquetball once (she didn't care for it), and we have gone to out to dinner several times. During that semester I came to really respect her: She has a very strong work ethic, she is determined, funny, kind, respectable, trustworthy, etc.
I eventually had to finish my MA degree elsewhere but Cassie and I stayed in contact and when I came back home on the weekends we met up when her schedule allowed and had dinner and I would make an effort to come and support her university related functions. Last May I finally worked up the courage and told her that I cared about her (I did not say the word "love" because I am not at that point but I do care about her alot). I think I stunned her because she stammered quite a bit. I thought to myself: Great, I just screwed this friendship up. She was surprisingly honest with me, which I appreciated. Cassie told me she had never had a boyfriend and that she did not know if she believed in love (that part surprised me because I never said that word) and that her work schedule kept her so busy busy she did not have time for a relationship. I don't remember the exact wording because I was trying to process everything by this point, but she made some comment about my being gone to another school. I was afraid to say anything further so I left it at that. Before I left, Cassie surprised me again when she hugged me before I got into my car, which is something she had never done before).
In December Cassie returned to the university to work on her MA degree. I was on Christmas break and back home so we met and had dinner - nothing too serious just talking about what she had been up to and I was telling her about the Ph.D program. And last month during Spring break Cassie invited me over to her apartment to hangout and watch DVDs.
Last week I received a phone call from my mom asking me if I could make it home over the weekend. I went back home and dad told me he had been found with alzheimers. Since the diagnosis dad and I have talking alot on the phone and during one of our conversations he mentioned Cassie. He told me that mom rejected him twice when he asked her out on a date, and that if I really do care about her like I said I did then I should not "give up."
I am not really sure what to do. I think Cassie made it clear her position, andI want to respect her wishes from what she told me back in May. I have thought about bringing the subject back up but I don’t know how or if that is even a good idea. I don't want to appear "pushy." If the topic is brought back up I don’t know how to get across that I am not looking to “control” her life. I want Cassie to travel and do all the things she wants to do (she likes to travel with her friends during the summer and sometimes during the weekend). I don’t want her to think that a relationship would restrict or confine her. I am not the type of person who has to be with her every waking moment. I just like spening time with her. All that I am really interested in is making her happy and being someone she can confide in and know that I always interested in her well being.
Thank you for taking the time to make comments.
