The Buffy and Spike relationship pre-Spike's re-ensoulment was disgusting, but also an honest depiction of the way people sometimes have sick relationships. The Buffy and Spike relationship post-Spike's re-ensoulment was both egalitarian and not disgusting. It was also short-lived, in part because Spike and Buffy both knew that there was simply no way for a relationship between a Human and a Vampire to last, because one or the other would have to sacrifice disproportionately to even try.
It's important, however, to remember that not every aspect of their relationships, plural, can be equated to real-life relationships, since, of course, real people don't lose and grow souls.
Uhuh, post ensoulment is egalitarian and not disgusting. Right, and I'm Santa Claus no doubt.
Buffy was all lovy-dovy with her attempted rapist, while said attempted rapist showed not an inch of a difference in acting and behavior (it would be bad enough if he was different, but not even that.) Spike is essentially the latest abusive, raping men that say "I'm sorry, I'll be better", gets taken back by the umpteenth gullible, lack of self-esteem women, and promptly goes back to what he was doing.
The fact that the attempted rape and the after math, is all about the attempted rapist and the victim (the frigging' title-character no less) is essentially treated as a doormat to prop up the attempted rapist is as disgusting as you can get.
Worse, Whedon's little talk about S7's Buffy/Spike theme was, get this, "To show that not all criminals (read attempted rapists and rapists) are irredeemably so they had to get back to a loving trusting relationships..."
It's bad enough the idiot doesn't even understand the relationship between the two, because a. it was never loving, and b. it wasn't even EVER trusting. Spike was a soulless, pure evil, vampire that even with a chip to keep him from directly hurting humans was constantly working to either get it out, or harm people indirectly. So there's no way to get "back" to such a relationship, they never had one.
But the truly worst thing, is that, neglecting the victim of a horrifying crime, he then has his titular, so-called feminist-role-model, do the VERY THING, that every social worker, victim help group, and general female empowering person tells them THEY SHOULD NEVER DO! The very thing that puts them back under this evil bastard's control. The very thing that makes the whole thing INEQUAL and then some.
And not a one "feminist" realizes it. Buffy is still heralded as the great feminist role model. I've read mothers statements that they let their girls watch Buffy as she's such a great role model.
Throwing up now.
Twenty years from now, when all the girls using Buffy as a role model grow up, we've turned back the clock 50 years, and all the social workers, and feminists can start from scratch in trying to get through to them you tell such bastards to stay the hell away; and preferably have him locked up in jail.