Thank you. I was starting to get worried there for a minute that maybe people were taking me seriously about expecting Shakespeare.
Transformers 3 was worse than Tranformers (2007)
- Thread starter Ometiklan
- Start date
Thank you. I was starting to get worried there for a minute that maybe people were taking me seriously about expecting Shakespeare.
The really fucked-up part is that this is true.
Only this...
[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIf_Zoq5sQU[/yt]
Godwins law applied to movie and literature discussions:
What is it with some people who taunt others who would like to see something more thought through or thought inspiring? Why do action movies have to be brain-dead?
True, but at least it would have been a quick, merciful shot to the head. He wasn't tearing off heads or ripping anyone's robot guts out.
And he didn't let the Decepticons conquer the city and kill hundreds of people just so he could teach the humans a lesson.
I ain't lyin'.
[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50niMp0r7ss[/yt]
I realize I never mentioned that I actually didn't like Transformers 1 at all, and only felt Transformers 3 was worse.
Though I never watched Transformers as a kid, having a bad modern movie version of it was almost as bad as the bad modern G.I. Joe movie. When that movie was first announced, I thought a cool, Rainbow-6-like take on it would have been awesome (meaning a realistic counter-terrorism organization movie with plenty of cool tactics and shootouts and global operations; as opposed to a cartoony action hero movie). I even had hope for it when I read that Ray Parks got the job as Snake Eyes as that had always been his ambition (as if his casting would help dictate the direction of the movie or something), but the first few minutes of the movie destroyed that image for me (I don't remember seeing the trailer for the movie).
Though I never watched Transformers as a kid, having a bad modern movie version of it was almost as bad as the bad modern G.I. Joe movie. When that movie was first announced, I thought a cool, Rainbow-6-like take on it would have been awesome (meaning a realistic counter-terrorism organization movie with plenty of cool tactics and shootouts and global operations; as opposed to a cartoony action hero movie). I even had hope for it when I read that Ray Parks got the job as Snake Eyes as that had always been his ambition (as if his casting would help dictate the direction of the movie or something), but the first few minutes of the movie destroyed that image for me (I don't remember seeing the trailer for the movie).
My problem with the movie was that there wasn't enough product placement. I think there was a scene in the second half of the movie where they went a full four seconds without trying to sell me something.
I rented this and it was OK for a bit, I was trying to roll with the vibe Bay was setting, but when it got to the part where the Autobots are exiled it became one big din until eventually I just shut it off before the end.
Childhood, or woman variety?
(haven't seen the film; but have read these boards way too much...)
The first one was a flawed but relatively fun movie. The second one was an utter mess in every conceivable way. The third had the exact same problems as the second, just toned down slightly. As a result, the first one, as flawed as it is, is the best of the three.
My biggest complaint with them is that they're Transformers movies which don't focus on the Transformers. Instead, our main characters are the humans. Why?! Everyone who defends these movies says stuff like "Well, I just want to see Optimus Prime do some awesome shit." Well, okay, so do I. That's the whole reason I sit through this movies. But the movies only barely deliver that. Instead, in the third movie alone, we have to sit through forty-five minutes of Sam looking for a job only to get one in a mail room.
If I were the producer on this movie and was handed a rough script that involved Sam in a mail room, I would throw that script in the writer's face. Why the hell is Sam in a mail room in a Transformers movie?!
For that matter, why is John Malkovich in this movie? He serves no purpose. Why is there a gay, ninja, assassin, computer hacker, spy butler in it? What purpose does he serve? Why are the goddamn parents back? Their only purpose seems to be to drive Sam to job interviews that shouldn't even be in the movie in the first place and then make groan-inducing jokes about the size of his dick.
But the perfect example of this problem is that Patrick Dempsey has more screen-time than Megatron. You have a SERIOUS problem when your Transformers movie has the main Transformers villain as a secondary character to a human underling. For that matter, I think Shia LaBeouf has more screen-time than Optimus Prime. For people who just want to see Optimus Prime do awesome shit, this should be a fucking problem!
How much better would these films have been if they had just focused on the actual Transformer characters and cut out all the juvenile humor and needless human characters? I wasn't expecting Shakespeare; I was expecting a fucking TRANSFORMERS movie!
I hate these sequels.
My biggest complaint with them is that they're Transformers movies which don't focus on the Transformers. Instead, our main characters are the humans. Why?! Everyone who defends these movies says stuff like "Well, I just want to see Optimus Prime do some awesome shit." Well, okay, so do I. That's the whole reason I sit through this movies. But the movies only barely deliver that. Instead, in the third movie alone, we have to sit through forty-five minutes of Sam looking for a job only to get one in a mail room.
If I were the producer on this movie and was handed a rough script that involved Sam in a mail room, I would throw that script in the writer's face. Why the hell is Sam in a mail room in a Transformers movie?!
For that matter, why is John Malkovich in this movie? He serves no purpose. Why is there a gay, ninja, assassin, computer hacker, spy butler in it? What purpose does he serve? Why are the goddamn parents back? Their only purpose seems to be to drive Sam to job interviews that shouldn't even be in the movie in the first place and then make groan-inducing jokes about the size of his dick.
But the perfect example of this problem is that Patrick Dempsey has more screen-time than Megatron. You have a SERIOUS problem when your Transformers movie has the main Transformers villain as a secondary character to a human underling. For that matter, I think Shia LaBeouf has more screen-time than Optimus Prime. For people who just want to see Optimus Prime do awesome shit, this should be a fucking problem!
How much better would these films have been if they had just focused on the actual Transformer characters and cut out all the juvenile humor and needless human characters? I wasn't expecting Shakespeare; I was expecting a fucking TRANSFORMERS movie!
I hate these sequels.
Because writers just can't write the transformers very well. It's easier to write people, more difficult to write giant alien transforming robots. I think there is only a handful of people who have managed to do OP justice.
See, the thing is, every flaw people criticize about the sequels is exceptionally prominent in the original. Juvenile humor? Check. Focus on humans rather than robots? Check.
Seriously.
TF 1 was a successful film ... it was a successful film that was littered with juvenile humor, misguided characterizations, nonsensical plotting, and a veritable obscene amount of excess. These are all BLATANTLY evident in TF1. How could anyone in their right mind think that a sequel, let alone a Michael Bay sequel would be toned down in any way, shape or form. Fact is, TF2 & TF3 are precisely the kind of Michael Bay sequel anyone ought to expect -- taking the elements of the original and magnifying them. This shouldn't be a surprise or an issue for anyone.
Again, I find the rage and criticism of the sequels to be utterly laughable. Honestly, how could expectations be so completely misguided?
Michael Bay: So, I'm gonna do another Transformers movie.
Hapless Writer: Good god, why?
Michael Bay: Hasbro made me sign a deal saying I would, or they'd sell my children into slavery.
Hapless Writer: Why'd you sign that?
Michael Bay: Was all coked up. Doesn't matter. We're doing another movie. So, give me a plot.
Hapless Writer: With robots fighting robots? Okay.
Michael Bay: Great. Oh, and make it more than two hours long.
Hapless Writer: Uh, why? Why not do, say, a 100-minute movie?
Michael Bay: Because fuck you, that's why. My ego is a hungry, hungry beast.
Hapless Writer: Okay. Two-plus hours of robots fighting.
Michael Bay: Well, not quite. We do have some budgetary restrictions. We'll only be able to afford 50 or so minutes of actual robot combat.
Hapless Writer: What about robots talking?
Michael Bay: Too expensive. If we're going to pay to animate these things, we might as well get our money's worth and have them fight.
Hapless Writer: So the other hour and a half of the movie?
Michael Bay: No robots. No budget at all, really. You can write scenes with characters talking in an ordinary room, right? Like an office?
Hapless Writer: I... I guess so.
Michael Bay: Good man.
Hapless Writer: I feel like a dirty whore writing another one of these. This isn't why I dreamed of becoming a movie writer.
Michael Bay: Eh, then just dash the script off in a day or two. Millions of numbnuts will buy a ticket anyhow.
Giant robots don't have tits and ass for Bay to perve at.
EDIT: Space Therapist's current avatar is creeping me the hell out.
*ding ding*
We have a winner!!
Besides the budget issues, having the movie feature the Transformers would cut out the juvenile humor and soft core porn that Bay loves, not to mention racism.
I mean, he can't make fun of black people using just robots. Wait... nevermind.
I personally hope that when this franchise dries up it takes Michael Bay's career with it. Other than more half baked disaster flicks, what else can he possibly do?
But they've got balls!
[YT]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzJbizELHYQ&feature=related[/YT]
