TOS Temporary Caption Contest #10: The Big Three

[Shatmandu]

Hiya, folks.

Another quick turnaround, after another fun run. Nice to see the newer blood chiming in.

I've decided that if Outpost4 doesn't pop up after Temporary Contest #12, I'll start judging again. In truth, that's the hardest part of the job, really. Takes the most time.

Anyhoot, here are the snapshots for this gutterfest:

And that's that.

Joe, this

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "A Sloe Gin Fizz is a man's drink, pal."

Spock, very, very softly: "Boy, I'd like to Yugo her Slavic."
Chekov: "Vhat?"
Spock: "Nothing. Return to your post."

Spock: "Remember ... to floss now and then. Jeez."

Cop: "Well, I don't give a shit: it isn't legal in this century."

 

[Anticitizen]

*hic* I ain't drunk, off- *hic* oshifer. What, you jus' DESHIDE that I'm drunk! That ain't your deshishon to make! *hic* That deshishon's batween me and God!

'I hate to see her come, but I love to watch her leave...'

'My suspicions proved correct. He is wearing a toupee. Fascinating.'

'Officer - We'd like to report a missing person - a drunk man with a Southern accent who answers to 'Bones'. We've spashed his clothing with Mint Julep to assist your bloodhounds.'

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "I don't need no high-pitched whine to tell me you're a jumpsuited pissy bitch, bitch."

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "You eyein' my lemon drink?"

Chekov: "It's like vatching vallpaper valk avay."

Spock: "Seriously, I think the 'W' thing is why you can't score."

Taking Spock Prime's advice, NuSpock decides to make sure the whole Uhura thing would never get between him and the captain.

Cop: "Nude jumping jacks?"

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "Spock's getting laid. He put a sock on the barn door."

Spock: "I'll be in my quarters ... nerve pinching my testicles."

Spock: "Ah-hah! This fucker does cheat at chess."

<Spock nonchalantly strides over and kicks the cop full in the nuts.>
<Kirk squints at Spock.>
Spock: "A nerve pinch is too good for a stinking Irishman, Captain."

Sandoval: "You wanna go swimmin'?"
McCoy: "Yep."
Sandoval: "You wanna go naked?"
McCoy: "Yep."

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Forget." (muttering) "Why did he have to watch Star Trek V? Again?"

 

[Santa Kang]

MCCO: You sure white washed that fence quick.

 

[Santa Kang]

SPOCK: She's alright, but you should check put the ass on Doctor McCoy's daughter.

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "I don't know what 'homoerotic' means, but why don't you unzip your jumpsuit and sit a spell?"

Spock: "Hmm. I'm going to go watch traffic enter the Shuttlebay for a while ..."

McCoy: "And?"
Spock: "He doesn't know where the remote is, Doctor."
McCoy: "Ah, shit!"

 

[Santa Kang]

SPOCK: Just on quick move and SNAP!!!!!.... Just saying.

 

[Santa Kang]

KIRK: Of course we didn't eat their clothes. We're not savages!

 

[marylizz]

Nimoy: Shit, Bill, you did WHAT with my bike?!

Kirk: I just can't see the resemblance, Spock.
Spock: Look at his eyes, sir. He totally looks like Mr. Scott's cousin.

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "He's dreaming ... He's having vigorous sexual intercourse ..."
McCoy: "Yeah?"
Spock: "... with ..."
McCoy, impatient: "Yeah?"
Spock, pulling away: "... my mother."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

McCoy: You ever see a grown man nekkid?

Chekov: I'd like to give that ass a Wolken Death Grip.
Spock: So would I, Ensign. So would I.

Spock: Forget... that you now have a nine-inch bifurcated poop shoot.

Kirk: Trust me. Once you go Asian, you'll lose all sensation.
Spock: But, Captain, I am not Asian.
Kirk: Shut up, Spock. I'm trying to get us out of this ticket.

 

[Captain Crow]

McCoy: Can't a guy wackoff to big knockered skinny dippers in peace?

Chekov: Dat is vne of Sulu's better dresses.

Spock: He's dead Jim.

McCoy: THAT'S MY LINE YOU POINTED EARED BASTARD!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Guy: "Habe you sheen my denshures... Shun of a bitshhh!"
McCoy: "What do you expect? They're the mintiest thing on this dirtball planet."

Spock: "If you want me, I'll be in my bunk."
Chekov: "Saddo! If you vant me, I'll be in her bunk."

Spock: "Remember... Remember... Remember you're a womble, remember you're a womble... Aw crap."
McCoy: "Still can't get that song out your head, huh Spock?"

Kirk: "You may not believe us Officer, um, Roddenberry? But you're destined to leave the police force and go into television."
Spock: "Indeed, it is a matter of historical record."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock: Forget... about Bilbo Baggins.

Spock: Forget... about The Transformed Man.

 

[Triskelion]

McCoy: Don't even think about it son. I'm from Georgia and it'll take more than a couple menacing hillbillies to get me off this stump.

Chekov: Nice shaft.

Something...called...slash...K...S... <shivers, backs away slowly>

Cop: How did you get the ring around the collar out?
Spock: Ancient Chinese secret.
Kirk: We need more Calgon!
Cop: Ancient Chinese secret, huh? Now I'll have to beat ya to death with me nightstick.

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "Just because I'm drinking a mojito doesn't mean that I'm gay."

Chekov: "As a little old lady in Leningrad once said, 'I hate to see you go but love to vatch you valk avay."

Spock: "Again with Leningrad?"

Spock: "Remember...we're parked in Aisle K, Level 17, Blue Section."

Kirk (if he had thought faster): "Look, there goes the streaker who these clothes belong to. Get him!"