TOS Caption Contest #88 - A Quicky

[Triskelion]

A pledge pin? On your uniform??

Dammit, we can share the chaps!

 

[M'Sharak]

In the Old West, where men were men and the horses
had got sick and tired of it all and moved on...

"All right, that about wraps it up, gentlemen. You've got your
assignments; now, go out there and... Commodore?!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: I am Captain James T. Kirk, your senior drill instructor. From now on, you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be "Sir!" Do you maggots understand that?

Recruits: [in unison] Sir, yes, sir!

Kirk: Bullshit! I can't hear you. Sound off like you got a pair.

Recruits: [louder] Sir, yes, sir!

 

[cooleddie74]

Blue Shirt: The OTHER white meat.

"Don't let the cheesy construction paper graph back there fool you, men. This mining facility is state-of-the-art...and the archaic design of the reactor pump proves it!"

 

[cooleddie74]

Nobody could resist the patented Hikaru Sulu tongue swirly.

 

[The Cutest of Borg]

After discovering he'd been left out of the scene, Takei successfully lobbied the censors to cut television's first gay kiss.

 

[cooleddie74]

GAY ACRES...we are the-e-e-e-e-re!!!!

"This creature has already killed several people, gentlemen. Be alert at all times. Have your phaser set to kill.

All that said, since you're all wearing red shirts I don't expect to see ANY of you again. Which of you have the most psychologically vulnerable spouses?"

 

[Outpost4]

cooleddie, you will be getting the doctor's bill in the mail. I hurt myself laughing so hard at Gay Acres.

Eb may have been simple but he was no fool.

 

[Rat Boy]

Without fail, Sulu always reenacted scenes from "Brokeback Mountain" whenever he was around cowboys.

 

[Ghostface1701]

Kirk: Listen up, men. I have the only working phaser in this landing party. The rest of you must use whatever objects you can take from this room.

 

[S'kai]

Kirk: And finally, I am SICK and TIRED of the grousing about how uniform colors are assigned. The day that Command staff have to wear red is the day I'll know that the Federation has gone completely to hell !!

 

[chancellorjake]

Kirk: Gentlemen. Electro Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.
Didn't any of you remember middle school hygiene class?

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Kirk <thinking>: A red shirt with grey hair? Gotta be one mean son of a bitch!

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: It's a dangerous mission, some of you might not survive....hell, who am I kidding! None of you will survive!

 

[Outpost4]

Kirk: Wesley, your guys are the best back up band I've ever had. Let's go out and kill them tonight.

Announcer: And now, ladies and gentlemen, Jim Kirk and the Commodores!

She's a brick, brickhouse...mighty might just let it all hang out...

 

[Triskelion]

You all look like a bunch of mamby-pamby mama's boys. Suck in that gut! Straighten that cuff! Wipe that stupid expression off your face! You want to wind up like Ensign Gramps over here?

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Without so much as a "Chicka-bow-wow, chicka-wow, chicka-wow ..." they all begin having unprotected sex.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

The real Prime Directive, Never ask Sulu about re-entry procedures...

"Just look at that. Look at that scum.
When I went through this academy, every cadet was the right weight, height, and they all had Johnsons.
Every single one of them.
Back in the old days, there were Johnsons as far as the eye could see.
And what a lovely sight it was."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Well, somebody pooped in the urinal. Wasn't me. Wasn't any of you. Then who was it?"

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

As an aside, wasn't that redshirt, third from the left, in another episode as an extra? He had to walk behind Kirk onto the bridge from the turboshaft IIRC.