TOS Caption Contest #74 - The Gamesters of TrekBBS
- Thread starter Outpost4
- Start date
SPOCK:"I hate to be the bearer of unwelcome news, gentlemen...but it has finally happened."
SCOTTY:"Aye. We heard."
SPOCK:"Most...unfortunate...wouldn't you say?"
McCOY:"That's putting it mildly. Admiral Cooleddie always JOKED about wanting to die in a hot tub orgy with ten Orion slave girls...but who ever thought it'd ACTUALLY happen?"
Just for the taste of it.
Thra-a-a-a-all juice.
Spock; According to Mr Scott's readings behind us, this is the second longest caption contest.
"This contest appears to be going on and on and on, gentlemen.
I suggest you bring portable piss bottles and ration packs with you to the bridge. This is going to last a while."
KIRK:"Wait.
This has SORBITOL."
(*Loud, wet fart sound rips through Kirk's pants*)
SPOCK:"Spread the word: Baretta's got a bird. Pass it on."
Spock; We may be here till Saturday, Earth time, gentlemen. I suggest we consume ensign Chekov first, he seems to have most body fat. Doctor, scan the other crew members for body fat ratios, Mr Scott, rig us a barbecue out of those panels that keep exploding when we meet other races.
GR: You know, by the time this caption contest is over. . .
Pettyjohn: . . . we'll all be dead.
Pohl: Uh, speak for yourselves.
Spock: "Instead of updating the contest, scanners indicate Outpost4 is viewing massive amounts of ... adult-themed video clips."
McCoy: "Straight?"
Spock: "For the most part. Some female-female ..."
Scotty: "They call that 'girl-girl,' Mr. Spock."
Spock: "... and group activity. Light spanking, light BDSM. Latex fetish. Fisting."
McCoy: "Never understood the attraction to fisting, myself."
Scotty: "Aye, me either. 'Look, gents, I can fit your hand up me baby-tube! Make you horny?!'"
McCoy: "Yeah. Or that whole 'puking' thing that's popular in this time. What the fuck?"
Spock: "Lots of anger toward women there."
Scotty: "Aye. Sad, really."
McCoy, smiling: "I thought you might like that shit, Scotty."
Scotty, angry: "I got over it! T'was the bump on the head, ye glorified haggis-carver!"
Spock: "Gentlemen, please ..."
Spock: "Psst. I just heard Uhura and her sonic showerhead are very close."
Scotty: "Aye, I've heard it meself, having quarters next to hers. If ye thought her singing was bad, ye should hear her when she's 'reaching for a high-C.'"
McCoy: "Hmm. My ears are usually muffled by her thighs when I hear it, so ..."
Spock and Scotty turn and stare.
McCoy: "I've said too much."
Spock: "The new movie was delayed to match the changeover for this caption contest: May of 2009."
Rat Boy said:
Spock: "The lines on the screen indicate the length of..."
McCoy: "Dammit, Spock, you've already used that caption!"
Scotty: "Bugger. Now we're starting to repeat ourselves!"
Spock: "I suppose we could do a Balok puppet head replacement."
McCoy: "Nah, the angle of our heads doesn't match, and it looks dumb. Fart joke?"
Scotty: "Nae. My finger is gone; did anyone do that one?"
McCoy: "Yep. You lost it up Uhura, I believe. Or it got pulled off in a 'pull my finger' joke. Can't remember."
Scotty: "Aye. Goddamned scottydog."
McCoy: "Yeah. Hmm."
Scotty: "Well, shit ..."
Spock: "... I do have a forked penis, you know."
McCoy: "And Chapel does want you to fuck her with it. I could get drunk and beat off while you do her, or something ..."
Scotty: "Nae. Not funny."
Spock: "Yeah, nope."
Scotty: "Hmm. Sulu is gay. He doesn't have to be in the picture to do a gay-Sulu joke."
Spock: "True."
Scotty and McCoy: "Agreed."
Spock: "Mr. Sulu asks you to smoke some pot while he shows you his etchings, don't do it."