TOS Caption Contest #53: Troubles, Troubles, Troubles

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Ladies and gentlemen, we are in a desperate situation. The Klingons have attacked and seriously damaged the ship. Communications, transporters, and phasers are all off-line. Furthermore, we've exhausted our photon torpedo compliment. So we're left with only one disposable weapon. Please form a single file line in front of the torpedo tube hatch and hold your breath as we shoot you at the Klingons. Good luck."

 

[scottydog]

Nimoy, typing in his journal: "By assuming this pose, Shat gets the day off while his stunt-double does all the work. Ass wipe."

Kirk: "You'd think the DMV would have shorter lines in the 23rd century."

McCoy: "Yet another planet that looks remarkably like southern California. Damn I love Hodgkins' diseased law of parallel planets!"

 

[Gil T.Azell]

The Laughing Vulcan said:

Kirk: "Sperm donation? But, but..."
Redshirt: "The women? It's a common misconception. There aren't really as many women in Starfleet as people think."
Kirk: "But I slept with Yeoman Carey there."
Redshirt: "And did she say that she preferred anal?"
Kirk: "Yes... Oh my God!"

Kirk: "Sperm donation? But, but..."
Redshirt: "The women? Thay can't talk right now sir their mouths ar full"

 

[Holytomato]

Pic #1:

Jason Nesmith- Welcome fellow Questarians, to the cr*p remake of Galaxy Quest, Never Give up, Never Surrender!

Sir Alexander Dane- Oh, do shut up!

Gwen Di Marco- I remember this episode. You're ticked cuz you didn't get to bang the big breasted alien babe of the week.

Tommy Webber- No, I thought it was because you became bald.

Fred Kwan- That was last week's episode.

Pic #2:

Jason- I was never that fat. Why did we have to be cancelled during the 4th season of the revival. Darn that Ron Moore!

Guy Fleegman- :sob: I die in every episode! :sob:

Alex- Oh sure, the "Stop me from becoming a fat bald loser" story arc with trobbles was soooo great! You make me sick! I met every actor from Lord of the Rings. I snogged Arwen for josh's sake! All I can do is be paid for speaking insufferable commentary on this stupid dvd!

Gwen- Wait til the remastered version.

Tommy- Where am I?

Gwen- You're the guy with the Beatles-

Fred- Monkees

Gwen- Wig.

Pic #3:

Jason- Who is this guy!?

Guy- I think he's the woodchopper, you know like that Tin man from that Oz movie.

Alex- Can't you come up with better commentary!? The commentary on the Pigs in Space dvd is better!

Fred- Did they rip us off too?

Tommy- That's an internet rumor.

Fred- Oh.

Gwen- This guy is hot! I like the purse.

 

[battrekker]

Honey, can this kind of talk wait 'til I'm back on the ship!?

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: I'm working as fast as I can Jim, but removing this much porn from your harddrive will take some time.

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Even though Kirk was quite distraught over his parents' grisly death, Spock was still composed enough to update their wikipedia entry.

Ensign; Back of the queue jerk.

 

[Outpost4]

Spock: Captain, I know your love for antiques but I don't think I'll be able to get this toaster oven working again.

 

[scottydog]

SPOCK: Those flat-screen monitors are STILL back-ordered, Captain.

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "'Does a bear shit in the woods?' Not anymore."

 

[Woulfe]

Meanwhile in a parralel dimension somewhere....

Kirk : So have they found someone to play me yet ?

Spock : Not yet.

Kirk : How long before they find someone ?

Spock : I'm checking Trek movie dot com instead.

Kirk : Curse you IMDB....

McCoy : Who have they got to play me in the new Star Trek movie ?

- Silence -

McCoy : Hello ? Is this thing on ? Hello ?

- Silence -

McCoy : Now look, I know your up there I can hear your breathing....

- Dial Tone -

McCoy : Dangnabbit !

Kirk : So your all aditioning for the new Movie ?

Leslie : Yes, we are.

Kirk : Know who's playing me ?

Leslie : Can't tell you.

Kirk : Why not ?

Leslie : We signed a non-disclosure with Paramount.

Kirk grumbles as he walks off.

- W -
* Warpped Humor Drive Is Up And Running *

 

[Gertch]

McCoy: "That should take care of that Enyte guy."

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

While Kirk wept over the latest Red Shirt death, Spock upped his bid on the "L££K Vulcan Lyre BNWT!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "As you know, current Starfleet regulations now that the area around a transport site must be secured before senior officers beam down. Good luck."


*Later*

Kirk: "All of them? Dead?"

Spock: "Yes, it would appear the mutant space otters were more vicious than we anticipated."

Kirk: *sigh* "All right, fine. Let's just torch the planet from orbit and get out here."

 

[Outpost4]

Gertch said:

McCoy: "That should take care of that Enyte guy."

Bob has earned new respect all over the planet.

 

[Rat Boy]

Dr. McCoy: "Okay, we're all set down here, Jim."

Kirk: "Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy your shore leave."

McCoy: "Whoa, that got 'em, Jim!"

Kirk: "I...just wish there was a better way."

Spock: "Jim, you know as well as I do that if we don't occasionally cull the red shirts, they'll just take over the ship."

 

[Gertch]

"I'm sorry Captain but it looks like the only thing we can pick up way out here is Galactica 1980."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kirk: "This unisex business is getting out of hand. From now on, no more Ally McBeal rec tapes."

Redshirt: "Bygones Denny"

 

[Outpost4]

Spock: Yes, Jim, it seems that Yeoman Rand sent the picture to every Starfleet officer.

 

[Holytomato]

pic #1

Kirk: So, any TOS Vulcan ears I can bid on?

Spock: Sorry Jim, the last one was bought...2 minutes and 12 seconds ago.

Kirk: :sob:

Pic #2

Kirk: What's this line for?

Crew #1: Sulu's letting his first name become canon.

Kirk: No one lined up for my middle name.

Crew #2: Is he gone?

Crew #3: Yeah! Hey Hikaru! Bring on those Lord of the Rings stag films!

All: :Cheer:

Pic #3

McCoy: See Uhura, my implant is a TARDIS. It's bigger on the inside than the outside.

Uhura: Let me call Chapel to confirm that.

McCoy: No! No, really its true.