TOS Caption Contest #300: Good Times!

[LeadHead]

TOS Caption Contest #300: Good Times!
Hello and welcome to the 300th TOS Caption Contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Who ya gonna hail?" Award, going to:

Santa Kang wrote:

SPOCK: I suggest a hasty retreat to the ship where we contact the Ghostbusters.

Next, we have the "Outstanding Hand-Eye-coordination, Unsatisfactory Ethics" Award, going to:

Smellincoffee wrote:

McCoy: One case of Saurian brandy says I can toss this right in her mouth, Jim.
Kirk: Bones, I'm reasonably sure this is inappropriate behavior regarding a patient under sedation.

Next, we have the "Advanced Interrogation" Award, going to:

Ríu ríu, chíu wrote:

"Out with it, Bill. Where's the bike?"

Next, we have the "This is why we don't go out to dinner anymore" Award, going to:

Jonas Grumby wrote:

Korob: "Something wrong, Mr. Spock?"
Spock: "I will not eat meat."
Korob: "Oh, that's not real meat! It's a protein paste substitute made to look like meat."
Kirk: "Well, I won't eat that."

Next, we have the "Transmuter Mind Trick" Award, going to:

The Ghost of Christmas 80s wrote:

Korob: These are not the Starfleet officers you're looking for.
Kirk: I didn't know he could do that!

Maurice wrote:

NBC: And don't let the door hit your asses on your way out!
<SLAM>

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, the 300th TOS Caption Contest! I wanted to do something nice for this, so instead of scenes of the crew in danger, fighting injustice or working We've got some of the lighter moments of TOS to have fun with!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Captain's Log: We all had a good laugh on the bridge until Spock reminded us that two crew members died tragically on the away mission.

Spock was pleased that Uhura stopped requesting Nightbird.

Kirk: Sulu, you're a good officer. Such a good officer that when Spock and I beam down somewhere I always summon Scotty to the Bridge to run the ship.

Spock: Captain, I may not be proficient with compliments, but I believe that was not done correctly.

Scotty: Laddie, that's crazy. No one even from a hundred years in the future could mistake Freeman here for Captain Kirk!

Kirk: Good-bye Harry, thanks for being our only recurring villain!

 

[Maurice]

Thanks for the nod, but these new pix require a follow-up...

NBC: And don't let the door hit your asses on your way out!
<SLAM>

SHATNER: Buh bye Star Trek! Hey gang, on the bright side: none of you whiners will ever have to work with me and complain about me stealing lines again!

SHATNER: And that's when Lenny looked up and saw where I'd hung his bicycle.

UHURA: I think I snapped my diaphragm!
SPOCK: <snicker> You need a bifurcated uvula to sing a V-sharp, Miss Uhura.

SHATNER: It's okay, Walter. I'm the star.
TAKEI: The name is George.
SHATNER: Who's George, Walter?

DOOHAN: And that's when Bill looked up and saw where I'd hung his toupee!

 

[T'Girl]

McCoy: " ... and then, and then ... Spock says 'the impostor had some interesting qualities wouldn't you say yeoman?'"

Kirk: "Sulu, you're a good officer, and you'll be receiving a reward when we return to the bridge."

Sulu: "What is it?"

Kirk: "It's a small room at the top of the ship, but that's not important now."

.

 

[2takesfrakes]

Whilst Spock tries his hand at Playstation's Lyra Hero ...

Uhura: "... pluck! Strum! Pluck - Pluck - Pluck! No! I meant strum! Pluck ..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

UHURA: I can't stand it I know you planned it
I'm gonna set it straight, this watergate
I can't stand rocking when I'm in here
Because your crystal ball ain't so crystal clear
So while you sit back and wonder why
I got this fucking thorn in my side
Oh my God, it's a mirage
I'm tellin' y'all it's sabotage

CREWMAN: I hate classical music. Why can't they do something modern?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Kirk: "So long inter galactic super being with powers that could change the very way life exists and thus we should encounter again and again 'cause it would only make sense. We'll probably never see you again."

McCoy: "...and then he said it's called 'Pon far'."

Crew: "LOL!"

McCoy: "And that he only experiences it once every seven years!"

Crew: "LOL!"

McCoy: "And he was all like, 'Please, doctor, don't tell my fellow shipmates' and I was like, 'On my father's grave', LOL."

Crew: "LOL!"

McCoy: "SHHH! SHHH! Sensors indicate his lift is nearing the Bridge."

 

[Nerys Myk]

KOENIG: Bye, George. Good luck with that Green Berets film.

NICHOLS: See you when you get back!

SHATNER: He's coming back?

 

[FormerLurker]

Tim Conway tried the elephant story on the Trek crew first, just to make sure it would work.

 

[Triskelion]

Uhura: Wow, it's true, you can play that...thingie?
Spock: Lyre.
Uhura: What did you just call me? That's a laugh coming from someone who never told anyone he could play a thingie like that!
Spock: I am merely stating a fact about the instrument's proper nomenclature: Lyre.
Uhura: I know you didn't just - why don't you go back to playing with your thingie.
Spock: Very well, I shall play a movement from my own opus.
Uhura: That's disgusting! We don't want to see that! Just play your Vulcan thingie.
Spock: LYRE!
Uhura: You better pump your brake! I'll knock the movement right outta you with your own Vulcan cello!
Spock: A CELLO?? DO YOU SEE A CELLO F-HOLE??
Uhura: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?? I'LL STICK THAT THINGIE SO FAR UP YOUR OPUS YOU'LL BE TASTING STRINGS! THAT'LL BE THE LAST MOVEMENT YOU EVER MAKE, CHUMP!
Spock: Please. I did not call you an "F-Hole." I merely meant to say that - this instrument, that I am holding in my hand, is called a Lyre, a Vulcan Lyre.
Uhura: Oh, is that all? Well go on and play us your Anus then.
Spock: Opus.
Uhura: What'd I say? Make your movement, wash your hands, and play us your song on that lyre.
Spock: AHEM. Vulcans do not lie.


http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Hutchy01]

Spock (O/S): It is illogical that N2O should make them respond like that.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Spock: "In the middle of the galaxy, in the Federation starship, there's logical Vulcan whom we all admire. With long-pointed ears and hair in a bowl, who works at the science station that everybody knows, he's Spock."

Uhura: "Spock!"

Spock: "Spock! Lt. Spock!"

Spock/Uhura: "He's six feet tall!"

 

[Smellincoffee]

Kirk: And all he could say was 'Fascinating'!

Uhura: Long time back, when the galaxy was new
Spock: Man found out what he had to do..

Kirk: Good night, guys. Bike safe. Cool story about Moroni.

Scotty: -- FIFTEEN MINUTES he wandered around like that, naked as the day his mother made `im, convinced the whole time it was an uncomfortable Vulcan dream!

 

[FormerLurker]

Have fun storming the castle!

 

[Triskelion]

W^

Kirk: Ahead warp factor eight, Ensign new guy.
Ensign New Guy: Wector, Keptin?

Kirk: Good bye, everybody! Glad we could save your planet! Ok, let's get out of here before Spock knows we've lifted off.
Spock: Ahem. I am right here.
Kirk: I knew he'd bungle the naked feather dancing operation. Chekov! From now on that's your job until you're dead or I find someone better!
Chekov: Sigh. Aye aye sir.

 

[Triskelion]

Kirk: Ahead warp factor eight, Ensign new guy.
Ensign New Guy: Wector, Keptin?

Kirk: Good bye, everybody! Glad we could save your planet! Ok, let's get out of here before Spock knows we've lifted off.
Spock: Ahem. I am right here.
Kirk: Crap, I knew he'd botch the naked feather dancing operation. Chekov! From now on that's your job until you're dead or I find someone better!
Chekov: Sigh. Aye sir.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: No, seriously. Every seven years!

 

[johcomp]

Kirk (off Camera) Spock, what are you doing?
Spock: I am practicing the little-known Vulcan technique of inducing a telepathic climax in a human female.
Kirk: Is it working?
Spock: Hehe!

 

[Leviathan]

Kirk: ...so then Archer wakes up and sees EVIL ALIEN SPACE-NAZI's

 

[f14peter]

SHATNER: "Congratulations Chekov, you're---

DIRECTOR: "CUT!!!!!!!!!!!, the line's congratulations Sulu, you're being promoted to Captain! One more time ... and ... ACTION!"

SHATNER: "ahem ... Congratulations Sulu, you're ... you're ... um ..."

DIRECTOR: "CUT!!!!!!!!!!!! again ... and ACTION!"

SHATNER: "Right right ... okay ... so congratulations Sulu, you're being paramounted to captain ... ah crap, keep rolling I'll get it ... you're being prostrated ... damn ... you're being captained to promotion ... "

DIRECTOR: "CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

NIMOY: "Cmon Bill, you were nailing this during rehearsal, it's getting late, it's the last scene for this episode and I wanna get out here!"

DIRECTOR: "WE ONLY HAVE TIME FOR ONE MORE TAKE TODAY, WE DON'T GET THIS NOW I'LL CUT IT! ... ACTION!"

SHATNER: "I'm good, ready to go ... congratulations Sulu, you're being promoted to Corporal---AH SHIT! Sorry George"

TAKEI (THINKING): THANKS JERK!