TOS Caption Contest #290: Where No Caption Has Gone Before

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! I have finally gotten a new contest ready to go!

First up to the plate, we have the "Never ignore the moderators" Award, going to:

Kirk: ``You? Ignored the moderator's warnings too?''
Spock: ``It was … a most difficult thread.''

Next, we have the "Hope the cop buys that" Award, going to:

SPOCK: It's ours, officer. We just locked the keys inside!

Next, we have the "Suspicions Confirmed" Award, going to:

Kirk: "Well?"
Spock: "Confirmed, Captain. This piping, indeed, goes nowhere and does nothing."

Next, we have the "Transporter Pranks" Award, going to:

Scotty: "Sorry it was such a long beam-up, sir."
Kirk: "No, it's fine; Uhura fell asleep. Quick, paint those fake pupils on her eyelids like in the animated series."

Next, we have the "Wrong Phasers" Award, going to:

CHEKOV: "Keptin! The phaser beams ... they appear veak, out ov scale and barely bewievable!"
KIRK: "DAMMIT! I told Spock to fire the remastered phasers!"

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

Scott: Out of the way, Captain! You're blocking the slide!

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congratulations to our winners!

Also, thanks to everyone for your patience. I know I continue to be slow on getting this contest running and I hope to do better for next time.

And now, lets spend some time with the second Trek Pilot "Where No Man Has Gone Before"

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Look, it's space!

Spock: No, Captain. That is the screensaver.

Spock: The message advertises a new credit card, the rates appear better than your current one.

Kirk: Hangover or no Hangover Gary, you're beaming down with us.

Mitchell: Look at this wonderful planet! I can make anything we want!

Dehner: How about a shuttle so I can go somewhere else?

Spock: (over comm) Captain, I have discovered a way to undo the effects of the Galactic Barrier on Mitchell and Dehner. Hello? Captain?

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Mitchell (sings): "The hills are alive..."
Dehner (sings): "... with the smell of wet paint..."

Kirk: "Ouch. I should really get those rough edges filed off this communicator."

Kirk: "Back into the beam, Gary. You're not leaving your head behind to chat up girls again."

Spock: "Illogical, Captain. Phil Spector is unquestionably better in mono."

Spock: "Your move, Captain."
Kirk: "Wait. I love when this guy says 'Space - the final frontier.'"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Kirk: "I suppose this would be fascinating to someone stuck on a planet, but it's boring the hell out of me."

Spock: "Do you mind! This is a private call!"

Dehner: "Stop blubbering, Mitchell! Gads, what a pussy! You'd think I was the first woman who ever shot you down!"

Mitchell: "Behold! Paradise!"
Dehner: "Umm...red grass?"
Mitchell: "You don't like it?"
Dehner: "No, no, it's fine. I'm just sayin'."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: The quartermaster says he'll have a new shirt ready for you when you beam up. Also he requests you don't make a habit of ripping them.

GARY: There's a fly on the floor.

KIRK: So, what? Beam us down Mr. Scott.

SPOCK: It's a robo-call. Apparently there's a election going on.

 

[Corylea]

Kirk: No, Spock, I wasn't bored by your conversation. Really. I just find star fields, uh, really interesting.

Spock: Captain? Did you want pepperoni or anchovies on your pizza?

Kirk: Gary, the interpretive dance class is over! It's time to be an officer now.

Mitchell: Dellllll-ta Vega! Where the wind comes sweeping down the plains!

Kirk: What do you MEAN, I have to do this for three more years?


Also, I love the entry that won the "Never ignore the moderators award;" thanks to Nebusj for a good laugh!

 

[Nerys Myk]

GARY: Come at me bro!!!!!!

DEHNER: You really shouldn't taunt Kirk like that.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Thanks for the TC, LeadHead!

Kirk: I'm just saying, Spock, that it's obviously photoshopped, since it doesn't even show up in the reflection!

Spock: Captain, please inform the Ferengi ambassador that I have located his earbuds.

Spock: Captain, Mr. Mitchell appears to be asleep.

Kirk: Don't worry about it. He'll wake up when we hit the fresh air of the planet.

Spock: But how does he remain upright?

Kirk: Oh, that? That's just his wooden personality.

Lockwood: That is the most amazing cyclorama I've ever seen!

Kellerman: Maybe, but these styrofoam rocks are pretty crappy.

Kirk: Kirk to Enterprise. Upon further reflection, I've decided to let the cat stay outside on the planet for the night.

 

[Maurice]

KIRK: Space... the last place to go.
SPOCK: No, but you're getting warmer.

SPOCK: A Harry Mudd calling from the Sing Sing Rehabilitation Planet. Will you accept the charges?

KIRK: Risk... is our business. That's what this starship is all about. That's why we're aboard her.
MITCHELL: Zzzzzzzz...

MITCHELL: Behold! Paradise!
DEHNER: Did you make this snake? He's offering me an apple...

KIRK: I do not want to switch carriers. And how did you get this number?

 

[Hutchy01]

Spock: Please stop looking at Leonard's Posterior and resume the chess game, Sir

Spock: Don't you be doing that, Cap'n

Scott: Gary, these transporters are safe and will absolutely not fuse you with a fly

Mitchell: Thank you god for leaving me stranded with her!

It was at this point Kirk regretted getting intimate with the Gorn.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Spock (from communicator): "How did the Tellerites take the news that we accidentally destroyed one of their communication satellites?"
Kirk: "Not well, Mr. Spock. Not well."

 

[T'Girl]

Spock: These new flat screens are really thin."
Kirk: "Yeah, but the speakers suck."

Kirk: "Gary, we need to talk about your posture."

Dehner: "What in the name of hell did I just step in?"

 

[Leviathan]

Spock: It's someone called 'Priceline'. They want to negotiate the cost to go through the galactic barrier. They've opened with 15 dead crewmen.

Kirk: Tell `em 9 dead crewmen and we'll throw in some corbomite.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Mitchell: "Argh! Bitch, bitch, bitch - is that all you can do, woman? You're a god now! Just stop being allergic to pollen!"

 

[Smellincoffee]

Kirk: The Federation is blockading the Naboo? How big is their Starfleet?

Kirk: Spock, using 'love lines' are not a proper use of Starfleet equipment, and certainly not on duty.

Kirk: Stand up straight, Gary, that blonde in back has more backbone than you!
Spock: Even for 1963, captain, that is decidedly sexist.

Mitchell: Borrrrrrnnnnn freee, as free as the WIND blows--

Kirk to Enterprise: First Contact with the planet's Queen is going well. Very well indeed.

 

[T'Girl]

Spock: "The special effects are impressive."
Kirk: "Yeah, but otherwise the movie's a piece of shit."

 

[EnsignTOS]

Spock: "The special effects are impressive."
Kirk: "Yeah, but otherwise the movie's a piece of shit."

Great one!

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "You do know that having virtual balconies means you got us a terrible room on this cruise ship, don't you?"

 

[Triskelion]

Kirk: A hundred eighty hours of nothing but space! I told you not to connect Tivo to the main viewer!
Spock: On the bright side there are far fewer Priceline commercials now.
Bones: Or that Boston Legal nonsense!
Kirk: I like the Stargate guy.

Spock: It's somebody named Sara calling for "Jimbo Honey."
Kirk: I knew I shouldn't have gotten drunk that night in Mount Pilot.

Kirk: Expecting a flood, Gary?

Mitchell: Finally, a planet all to ourselves! No more dealing with jerks and asshats!
Dehner: Easy for you to say.

Captain's log, supplemental: Vulcan chimps are surprisingly good at picking nits.

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "He's out, but he's still standing. What'd you give him?"

Piper: "Everclear."