TOS Caption Contest #222: Cream of the Crop

[Rat Boy]

Ve have vays of making you talk, like starting a new caption contest. First, let's pray we can make it through "Spock's Brain" alive with...

Just wait 'til they get to the universe crossing sequences...

KIRK: Spock, can what he says be true? CAN there be two of him? One each from a different universe?

SPOCK: Why not. I'm high right now.

That's one way to make him mad...

Tell your boss about Star Trek XI
Star Trek and downfall <-- reaction.

The Trekkie goes...boooooooooo!

Kirk: "I just pulled this string on my belt buckle, and it said, 'A cow goes mooooo"!

You knew that sooner or later this would happen...

Nazi: Now that we have tortured you, you will entertain us and these Zeon prisoners at our Hofbrau
Kirk: Really you'll let me sing, maybe Lucy in the Sky
Spock: Bilbo Baggins!
Schultz: I see nothing, I hear nothing
Hogan: Schultz, I protest, this is definitely against the Geneva Convention!

Congratulations to the winners. This week, Joan Collins gets into a cat fight with a semi truck and loses, Sarek wishes to know why he couldn't just rent a space yacht instead, and Walter Koenig finds out he's not going to be in TAS. Have fun:

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "But...she has my car keys!"

Sarek: "There is a 67.3% chance that I may vomit on you."

Kirk: "What can you make out of this?"

Chekov: "Vhy, this? I can make a hat, or a broach, or a..."

Kirk: "Shut up."

 

[Mistral]

Mistral wrote:

"You get her watch, I got her purse already!"

Sarek: "I hear you like aliens. You're not going to come on to me, are you?"

Kirk: "Who posted the assless chaps picture of me on Facebook, mister?"

Chekov: "I dunno, Keptain. Have you talked to Sulu? That's more his style."

 

[jep]

Sarek: "Live long and pr-- "

Kirk: "NO, NO!!!! GET AWAY!!!!! YOU'RE DEAD!!!! YOU BLEW YOUR SHIP UP AFTER YOUR FAILED CLOAKING DEVICE TEST!!!! I SAW IT HAPPEN!!!!!


.

 

[jep]

Sulu: "Ah yes, Keptain... I see you like my iPad. It was invented by a kindly old gentleman named Sergei. He lived just outside of Moscow."

Kirk: "Sigh"


.

 

[Bob Karo]

Kirk: Mr. Chekov, I don't care if you editted wikipedia! Russians didn't invent American Football. Now get off my bridge.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CHEKOV: And dis of course is the Russian iPad.

KIRK: Starfleet's gotta stop going with the lowest bid.

rats I'm too slow

 

[Captain Crow]

Sarek: Valet, scratch the paint and I'll kick your ass.

[Sarek hands Kirk the shuttlecraft keys and walks off]

 

[jayrath]

KIRK: I'm sorry, Mr. Ambassador, but as you can see, the green light is going off. You'll have to accompany me to the TSA.

 

[jayrath]

KIRK: Look at the picture again, ensign. Singh. Khan Noonien Singh. Someday a sequel may depend on your remembering it.

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: (whispers)

McCoy: What's that?

Kirk: Glad I didn't sign the pre-nup.

Kirk: We're in another reality, can you call me "friend?"

Chekov: What do you make of these Captain?

Kirk: That's a bird, that's a cow, that's a horse with a hat on it.

 

[UssGlenn]

And thus ends yet another exciting episode of Dynasty

Sarak: "I must say I doubt Starfleet's level of competence if they can't even spell 'Hangar Deck' correctly."

Chekov: Why don't they just make the whole ship out of this stuff?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, Rat Boy!

Sarek: "Well, Captain, has my little boy been behaving himself? He may not be the sharpest tack in the box, but he always means well. He can actually do really good work if you can just keep him focused and out of the bathroom playing with himself all day."
Spock (thinking): "Oh, dear God!"

Shatner: "Yes, Walter, I am aware that I have more lines than you. What the hell is your point?"

 

[Captain Crow]

Sarek: Ya, wanna move? I gotta use the crapper.

Chekov: Zat iz dizguzting Kepteen!

Kirk: Yeah I know. It's called "slash fiction".

[comic beat]

Kirk: Well go ahead and say it.

Chekov: Zay vhat?

Kirk, imitating Chekov: It's a Wussian inwention.

Chekov: No Kepteen. Diz iz definitely not a Wussian inwention.

Kirk: Is that your lovely wife?

Sarek: Ah. You must be Captain Kirk. My son has told me all about you. Do not even bother trying to fornicate with my wife. You would not be able to satisfy her with your puny non-bifurcated human genitals. It would be like throwing a Vienna Sausage down a railway tunnel thanks to me.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Kirk: "Ambasitor have we met?"

Sarek: "Yes, Capitan he was my half brother..."

Spock: "Fascinating"

Chekov: " Keptin somevone posted this video of you and that young lady on You-Porn, its only a minute long" (Bursts out laughing)

Kirk: "Yeah I know, and you are confined to your quarters mister, no computer access"

 

[galleywest]

Guy #1: Dibs on that hat!
Guy #2: Oooo, I get her shoes!
Guy #3: This purse is divine!
McCoy: Captain, let me go! All the good stuff is going!
Kirk: Bones, I'm doing this for you. You could never fill out that dress, and I'd hate to see you disappointed. You have your father's hips, you just have to live with it.
McCoy: [cries]

Sarak: Kirk, my son is wearing a Christmas tree brooch. I'll have you drummed out of Starfleet for this.
Spock: Father, when did you marry Carol Channing?

Kirk: I said "little black book," you moron!

 

[Maurice]

BONES: My God, Jim, do you know what you've done?
KIRK: Yeah, and Ellison will still be bitching about it in 45 years.
SPOCK: Well, at least Scotty can still sell me drugs.

KIRK: I'm sorry, Ambassador, but without a Handicapped placard I'll have to have your shuttle towed.

KIRK: No, I won't sign for it. And moonlightng for FedEx is NOT regulation!

 

[Jptrekker]

Thanks for the win Ratboy!

Spock: Jim, we need to leave, the law is beginning to notice.

 

[Distorted Humor]

Thanks for the win!

He dead Jim...You take his wallet, I will take his tricorder. Wait, never mind, too late....

Serak - Would you believe that old gypsy women, she told me I would die a bitter old man wracked by grief with only a bald-headed human getting me out of my funk for a few moments...

Kirk: As you can see, Sulu is enjoying the end of the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy in starfleet a bit too much, could you talk to him to be more...discreet? I don't want to have bones go "Not on the bridge man" to him...

 

[cooleddie74]

And she died as she lived.

With strange men ALL over her.

SAREK: I come to serve.

And...also...to ask about that hot-ass yeoman. Is she still single?

KIRK: Well? What do you think?

CHEKOV: I don't know, sir. A genuine autograph from Justin Bieber vould have been vorth a lot more...say...250 years ago.