TOS Caption Contest #219: Staring Contest

[Captain Crow]

Spock: I'mma teach them sumbitches on the ship not to make jokes at my expense anymore.

 

[Schistocerca]

Spocks rendition of Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" was the hit of the evening at the Enterprise karaoke night.

 

[ItsGreen]

An old Vulcan proverb:
Never bring an ahn-woon to a lirpa fight!

 

[ItsGreen]

The prop department made a slight continuity error with the Vulcan weaponry.

 

[Mistral]

Kirk: "I've...never seen...anything like it before!"

Sulu: "I have-but only in the Castro District and even then, only after dark."

 

[Captain Crow]

Spock: I'm gonna beat the crap out of Turbo in the Joust event!

 

[Mysterion]

KIRK: This still doesn't look right. Did you try to...

SULU: (sigh) Yes, the aspect ratio is set to "auto", and the auxilliary input is set to "DVD".

McCOY: Aw, hell, we've all seent this one anyway! It's the one where Rockford get's beat-up and his car is damaged!

UHURA: Hmpfff! That's every episode of Rockford Files! Isn't something better on? Maybe The Ropers or Adam-12?

CREWMAN IN ELEVATOR: Hi, I'm from the A/V Squad. Heard you're having some trouble here? Have you set the aspect ration to "auto"?

 

[Mysterion]

Spock's time as Drum Major with the All-Vulcan College Varsity Marching band was quickly coming to an end.

 

[Captain Crow]

T'Guy, shaking bells and singing off key with a southern accent: Jangle bells! Jangle bells! Jangle all da way! Oh, what fun it is to ride...

Spock: God I hate that song.

Spock, about to lose it: If I put a c-note in the bucket will you quit ringing those damn bells?

 

[ItsGreen]

Kirk: Is that....Saavik on Dancing with the Stars this season?
My God Bones, what happened to her?

Sulu: Looks like she made too many trips to the Kobayashi Maru buffet if you ask me!

 

[Tan Ru]

"My God! This new expanded bridge design allows your voice to echo for ever!

ever...........ever.........ever.......ever.....ever...ever..............."

 

[Mysterion]

"Trust me, this'll all be a lot cozier when we get all the furniture moved-in."

 

[jep]

"Ensign, your performance is unacceptable. Go stand in the corner."

"Uh... "


.

 

[Bob Karo]

Spock: I like me some ploh-meek soup and french fried taters. MmmHm.

Sulu: So, the Captain prefers Lt Uhura to wear the red. Meanwhile, the good doctor feels the command mustard better suits her. What do you folks at home think?

 

[Isis]

On his rare trips to Vulcan, Spock was very serious in maintaining his purple belt certification as a plumber's helper.

Kirk: "Nice try, but this is only average as a 'celebrate the arrival of the great Captain Kirk' ceremony."

 

[Ssosmcin]

Kirk: "I...don't understand. We went back in time and saved my father. Spock prevented the destruction of Romulus. Yet, the Enterprise I see on the screen is still the alternate Enterprise with the fat nacelles and glass window in front."

McCoy: "And we're all the same age as each other..."

Sulu: "And I'm still Korean."

Lt. Dennis: "Because you just can't accept it! That is the new reality! Nobody cares about the old version. Purists!"

Uhura: "I'm actually pretty okay with it."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Sulu: Balls.
Kirk: 'scuse me, mister.
Sulu: Great big glowing yellow balls ... on that ship, sir.

 

[Captain Crow]

Kirk: We've already got Klingons off the starboard bow, half the lights on the ship have gone out, and the air conditioner is broken. What the hell else could go wrong today?

Blueshirt Bob, in a camp voice: Just a friendly little warning. Rand's "Aunt Flow" has come for her monthly visit.

Sulu: Ooooooooooh, shit.

 

[Isis]

Kirk: "Spiderman was so not worth the wait. Don't you agree, Mr. Sulu?"

 

[Ssosmcin]

"What happened to 'you backed it up, you plunge it'?"

Spock takes care of T'Pau's t'poop.

If Picard only knew...

Kirk: "I think I'm going to recommend allowing children on starships."