TOS Caption Contest #219: Staring Contest

[Rat Boy]

All right, after a bit of a delay, it's time for another caption contest. First up...

Yes, a real million-to-one shot that it landed where it landed...

Spock, "Yeoman Janice Rand, what are you doing?"
Kirk "She dropped her pencil and was just looking for it, honest"

No, I don't want to know what Ceiling Cat is looking at...

TAMAR: Why is there a cat looking down at us?

SCOTTY : Aye, now thats an interesting story....

We who are about to die wedgie you!

RedShirt speaking to other RedShirt: "Dude, seriously! This isn't the time! STOP yankin' on my shorts!"

*dramatic music*

***Swish***

Kirk (simultaneously): "You!!!"

Congratulations to the winners. This week, Kirk and Sulu try to figure out why the color's off on the view screen, Spock gets ready to open a can of whoop-ass, and Kirk gets the bright idea to let children on starships. Also, as a bonus this week, we dip into my collection of STO screenshots, featuring Captain Mason enjoying his new digs. Have fun:

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "The game we want's on Tru TV? What the hell's Tru TV?"

Spock: "All right, time to slice the pizza."

Kirk: "I've got an idea, Spock."

Spock: "Open an orphanage and sell these children at grossly inflated prices?"

Kirk: "Uh...no, that wasn't quite what I had in mind."

Kristen: "Sensors indicate a captain who's going to get a black eye if he keeps staring at my ass."

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Science Officer: Captain, I can find no cause. I only know that the rate of our shrinking correlates with the strength of the spiroid energy wave coming from colony Terra Ten.

 

[Vulpes]

Sulu: I don't know, captain, I think the painting still look's crooked.

Spock decides to live dangerously and play Lawn Darts.

When this year's May Day celebrations get out of hand, Kirk is forced to confront his childhood fear of being used as a maypole.

During lunch, Charlie Brown tries to work up the nerve to talk to the little red-haired girl.

 

[jep]

Kirk: "Spock, check the ship's database... find out what "Pivot Man" means, and why they keep saying that's what I am."

Spock: "On it, sir."


.

 

[jep]

(Off screen) "WEEEEEEEEE!"

Sulu: "Oh yeah... I've seen this one before... watch what that redneck does to Ned Beatty!"


.

 

[jep]

T'Pau: "Dis is a vight.... to thee death."

Kirk: "A fight to the wha--??? Oh man.... I've been T'Punk'd!"


.

 

[LeadHead]

Spock took his Olympic Pole Vaulting very seriously.

Kirk: I've changed my mind. Scotty, just beam up Spock and me.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Sulu: You just have to relax, sir, and you'll see it.
Kirk: I still don't see the fucking sailboat.

Spock: As Dr. McCoy would say, "Drop 'em and bend over, Jim."

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Spock: "The giant novelty Q-Tip is supposedly humerous. A "birthday present" from Kirk and McCoy. The humans task me, S'Guard. They task me".

S'Guard: "Shall I speed up the schedule on Project: Payback, sir?"

Spock: "Indeed. Put in a call to my brother Sybok. I've been saving him to afflict on them for something big, like a movie outing".

Kirk: "Spock, these midget creatures are encircling me again".

Spock: "They're children, Captain. Human children".

Kirk: "No, I'm pretty sure these aren't human. No human would voluntarily wear a shirt like that, particularly with those boots...".

The Skunkian Ambassador, grievously offended by the Captain's comments, prepares to make her displeasure known, the only way she knows how.

 

[Maurice]

KIRK: Sorry, Sulu, but this yellow pixel you keep raving about doesn't seem to have improved the picture.

SPOCK: Now class, this is the cross-section of a Vulcan Long-Range Shuttle's warp nacelle...and DONT'...YOU...FORGET IT!

URCHINS: Ring around the collar. Ring around the collar!
KIRK: Let me guess...we have a new sponsor.

 

[jep]

Insane Spock: "Heeeeeeeee's Spockie!!!"


(Yeah, I know it was just Nicholson's head through the door in the movie... but it didn't work without the... whatever that is, that Spock is holding.)

.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "Well, I'll be damned! A Starfleet Shopping Channel! I didn't even know there was one!"
Uhura: "Ooo, I like that red uniform!"

 

[Haggis and tatties]

(Guy from turbo lift)"OK relax everybody, i got the super glue remover right here"

"Vulcan's take shaving a little bit more seriously than you humans"

Kirk" Spock...help"

Spock" Relax Jim, you got 40 years of conventions to come, get use to it"

Kirk" (Coughing)....Ensign...have you seen the captians log yet(Unzip)".

 

[Nerys Myk]

Spock took his solos very seriously

 

[jep]

Kirk: "Well this has certainly taken a turn for the worse..."


.

 

[M'Sharak]

Insane Spock: "Heeeeeeeee's Spockie!!!"


(Yeah, I know it was just Nicholson's head through the door in the movie... but it didn't work without the... whatever that is, that Spock is holding.)

T'Shelley D'uvall [O.C.]: Dude, it's a lirpa. Now, run!

 

[Smellincoffee]

Spock: This is my rifle. This is my gun. This one is for dueling. This one is for fun.

Kirk: Sulu, can't you omit this part of the transmission?
Sulu: No sir, source is fixed. We have to view everything. No skipping.
McCoy: Just how many damned previews are they going to show? I paid to see a MOVIE!

 

[ToMaHaKeR]

Spock: ''There are no friendly humans...''
Kirk: ''Spock, for the last time, there was no Vulcan named T'Rambo! Come on, it's over...''
Spock: ''NOTHING IS OVER!!!''
Kirk: ''Bones, can you do something to help him?''
Bones: ''Damn it Jim, I'm a doctor, not a colonel Trautman!''

 

[Hambone]

SPOCK: I hate having to play the gong in the percussion section. I'm a harpist, dammit.

BELL PLAYER: Wait for your cue.