TOS Caption Contest #214: Well, Duh!

[Rat Boy]

Leningrad's got nothing on a new caption contest. Let's all hug...

Well, that explains that...

Korby: Captain, there's something we need to discuss. Christine saw you steal Andrea's... um... personal toy...

Kirk: You mean that was a dildo?! I just thought it was a funny looking rock! I swear!

Hey, some guys are on a budget...

Chekov: "You're both wery beautiful, but on an ensign's salary I can only afford one of you. Perhaps you could wrestle for the honor in that vat of mud over there!"

Fortunately, Mr. Shatner did get to star in another Robert Wise film...

Kirk: "♫ The hills are alive with the sound of music... ♫"

And our anatomically incorrect Photoshop winner...

Dr. Korby: "How embarrassing, I seem to be missing my underwear."

Kirk: "That's not all you're missing, bub."




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Congratulations to the winners. In this edition, we delve into a few obvious facts of TOS, starting with Harry Mudd being a con man, Red shirts not being long for this world, and Avatar not being the first sci-fi epic to bludgeon you to death with allegory. Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Mudd: "Child, please!"

Kirk: "Rough neighborhood. What part of Capella is this?"

McCoy: "South Central."

Kirk: "Blah, blah, blah, black on one side, white on the other; yeah, I get it, but you still haven't explained why you people parade with your batches so prominently displayed."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

transporter noise fades...

Mudd: "Ah... the women."
McCoy: "Damn right, the women!"
Scott: "Aye... the women..."
Spock thinking: "I knew I should have copyrighted that line."

McCoy to dying redshirt: "Don't bury yourself in the part!"
Kirk: "Yeah, I'm the only ham on this show!"

Kirk: "Do you have mirrors on your planet?"
Bele: "A mirror? What is that?"
Kirk: "Stick around, I'm going to introduce you to the concept of self-hatred. But first, tell me how you shave without cutting your face open."

 

[Nerys Myk]

MUDD: Oops, it appears I forgot to ask the ladies to dress before beaming over.

MCCOY: We should just have these guys wear targets.

KIRK: I dont get it. "When its a jar"????

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Grant! You win! You died the fastest of any redshirt! We all get a set of steak knives!

McCoy: He's not dead, Jim. It missed the vital organs. He'll live.

Kirk shoots Grant

Kirk: Whoops.

Shatner: I swear to god, if you say...

Gorshin: Riddle me this!

Shatner: That's it!

 

[jep]

Kirk: "Wow... killer Frisbees. This is my kind of planet."

McCoy: "Any planet with women is your kind of planet, Jim."

Kirk: "Guilty as charged."



.

 

[jep]

Kirk: Grant! You win! You died the fastest of any redshirt! We all get a set of steak knives!

McCoy: He's not dead, Jim. It missed the vital organs. He'll live.

Kirk: "Do something Bones!!!"

(McCoy pushes the frisbee knife deeper into Dead Red's chest.)

McCoy: "You mean like that?"

Kirk: "Excellent... now where are my steak knives?"


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[Nerys Myk]

Time Traveling O'Brien's last words "A 23rd Century landing party? Sure, whats the worst that could happen?

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

McCoy: Stop crying. It didn't even pierce your skin. You're just holding it up to your chest, you big baby.

Bele: Riddle me this, riddle me that. What's black on the left and white on the right?
Kirk: The lame racial allegory.

 

[jep]

Mudd: "Let's see you lads refuse this."

(Transporter activates)

Scotty: "Why that's a.... Beiber!"

McCoy: "What's a Beiber?"

Spock: "Step off, bitches, this one's all mine!"


.

 

[Isis]

Kirk: "It's so wrong..."

Lokai: "What's so wrong?"

Kirk: "Both of you are wearing white after Labor Day."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win!

Kirk: "No! A brave crewman! Killed in the line of duty! On the plus side, though, that makes four redshirts so far this month, which puts me at the top of the betting pool!"

Mudd (sighs): "Yes, yes, I've got a guy for your helmsman, too."

Shatner: "No, I agree with you, Frank; I think the director's wrong! Doing the whole episode with Kirk Douglas's voice would have been awesome!"

 

[Captain Crow]

Male voice, offscreen: FORE!

Kirk: Ron look out for that ra...

[Redshirt Ron steps on rake]

McCoy: Too late Jim.

 

[Maurice]

REDSHIRT RANDY: When I asked for deep penetration this isn't what I had in mind!

MUDD: Yes, Mr. Scott, those be boobies.

KIRK: What, you mean he's inferior because he's black on the left side?
BELE: No! That would be silly and racist. He's inferior because his left testicle is lower than the right. ALL his people have a low left testicle.
(Kirk crosses his legs)

 

[LeadHead]

Male voice, offscreen: FOUR!

McCoy: He's dead, Jim.

Kirk: My God! It's spelled "FORE!"

 

[Captain Crow]

Male voice, offscreen: FOUR!

McCoy: He's dead, Jim.

Kirk: My God! It's spelled "FORE!"

I have no idea why I used the number spelling.

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Ugh, no wonder red shirts keep dying; they orgasm because of it!"

 

[LeadHead]

McCoy: He's dead, Jim.

Kirk: No kidding? You need a medical degree to determine that?

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Still can't decide. Meet me in my quarters for some one on one discussion.

 

[jep]

Bele: "A penny for your thoughts, Captain."



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