TOS Caption Contest #210: Hole in the Wall
- Thread starter Rat Boy
- Start date
APOLLO: I AM THE GOD APOLLO! LORD OF THE SUN! PATRON OF HEALING, MUSIC, POETRY AND LIGHT!
Lt. Palamas [/whispering] Hey, how much do you want to bet that I can get a crotch-shot?
Red Shirt on the Right: Bring out yer dead.
[Red shirt on left carries other red shirt]
Red Shirt on the Left: Here's one.
Red Shirt on the Right: That'll be ninepence.
[Red shirt on left and right start hoisting the third one in]
Near-Dead Redshirt that claims it isn’t: I'm not dead!
Red Shirt on the Right: What?
Red Shirt on the Left: Nothing. There's your ninepence.
Near-Dead Redshirt that claims it isn’t: I'm not dead.
Red Shirt on the Right: 'Ere, he says he's not dead.
Red Shirt on the Left: Yes he is.
Near-Dead Redshirt that claims it isn’t: I'm not.
Red Shirt on the Right: He isn't.
Red Shirt on the Left: Well, he will be soon, he's wearing red.
Near-Dead Redshirt that claims it isn’t: It's only a ketchup stain!
Red Shirt on the Left: No it's not, you'll be stone dead in a moment.
Red Shirt on the Right: Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.
Near-Dead Redshirt that claims it isn’t: I don't want to go in the oven!
Red Shirt on the Left: Oh, don't be such a baby.
Red Shirt on the Right: I can't take him.
Near-Dead Redshirt that claims it isn’t: I feel fine.
Red Shirt on the Left: Oh, do me a favor.
Red Shirt on the Right: I can't.
Red Shirt on the Left: Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long.
Red Shirt on the Right: I’ve got to report to this afternoon’s landing party. They've lost nine today.
Red Shirt on the Left: Well, when's your next round?
Red Shirt on the Right: Thursday.
Near-Dead Red Shirt that claims it isn’t: I think I'll go for a walk.
Red Shirt on the Left: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do?
Near-Dead Redshirt that claims it isn’t: I feel happy. I feel happy.
[Red shirt on the Right glances around the furnace room furtively, then silences the Body with his a whack of his club]
Red Shirt on the Left: Ah, thank you very much.
Red shirt on the Right: Not at all. See you on Thursday.
Red Shirt on the Left: Right.
Palamas: "Captain, if he really is Apollo, this could be a priceless opportunity to solve some longstanding mysteries about the ancient Greek gods! For instance, whether those tiny, little penises on all those Greek statues are accurate or not!"
Redshirt 1: Easy now...easy. Our friends will be doing this for us one day.
Redshirt 2: You know, I don't WANT to be tossed into a torpedo tube after I die fighting the monster of the week. I think I'll transfer to the sciences.
Kirk: Sorry about the wall. I had some of Dr. McCoy's bourbon and beans eariler.
" 'Run a Class Three diagnostic! Fix the food replicators! Get me another bottle of Scotch!' We've had it with you pushing us around, Mr. Scott! Say 'Hello!' to the antimatter reactor!"
Everyone knew the rules-one Redshirt had to die each week. Smith and Jones decided to get preemptive by shoving Johnson into the wood chipper.
Lawgiver: "YOU WILL BE ABSORBED!"
Kirk: "Well, you certainly aren't absorbing the stench we left in your bathroom."
Apollo: "You will gather laurel leaves! Light the ancient fires! Kill a deer! Listen to a song on the easy listening station! Watch a marathon of Grey's Anatomy...
.
.
.
....Wait, scratch those last two. They were on my wife's Honey-Do List. Anyway, make your sacrifices to me! Apollo has spoken!!"
Redshirt: "Just think how much we're helping the environment by recycling."
Redshirt: Now I know what "borgas frat" smells like.
Scotty: Sorry, lads. Ah, got a haggis crownin' like yah wouldn't believe.
Kirk: His pecker's still small.
Redshirt Ron: I hate it when Scotty gets drunk and we have to fish him out of the ship's ball pit.
Cloak no. 1; Has tech support arriv... oh. Oh.
