TOS Caption Contest #207: Consultations and Resolutions
- Thread starter Rat Boy
- Start date
SPOCK: Mr. Scott, I need you working on the transporter.
SCOTTY: But Mr. Sulu and the others will freeze if we can't use the shu--
SPOCK: Fuck 'em. Captain's more important.
KIRK: So I told Spock the men on the planet are more important than me.
BONES: You really are an "imposter", aren't you?
REDSHIRT: Whadda you mean there're no toilets on this ship? There's a squatty potty right there!
Spock: No Mr. Scott I don't want to see the Trans-dimensional cubby hole you've created. I DO want see those Duty Rosters for next week.
Kirk: Dammit Bones, don't lie to me. Every doctor I've met has a full head of hair! Give me the cure!!
Redshirt: Captain! The Tribbles are wearing armor! AAAUAGGH!
Spock: Mr. Scott, has anyone ever told you that you have a pretty mouth?
Scotty: Oh crap. It's Pon farr time isn't it?
[Shatner's "Rocket Man" plays on the shuttlecraft stereo]
Spock: Mr. Scott, please make it stop!
Scotty: What the hell do you think I've been trying to do for the last four hours!!
Ensign: "Oh, there are my balls."
OR
Advancing a level, redshirt ensign gets his black belt in Engineering.
Spock: "Mr. Scott, for however annoyed you may be with my presence and complaints, consider the following: it could have very easily not been me standing here, but rather Sulu. And a lot closer and lower..."
Latimer: "Uhura may not be back to normal yet, but you've gotta love the fun and games with those big brown sugar nips."
Scotty: "Ye dinna ken the half o' it, laddie!"
Kirk: "You feel good Bones. You been workin' out?"
Spock: So your plan is to power this Shuttlecraft with... Phasers?
Scotty: Would you stop saying that? You're making the plan sound ridiculous!
Kirk: Bones, I know you're having a moral dilemma right now, but we just entered orbit of Risa. Sorry but you're on you own.
"Shit, I just figured out the three seashells, how am I supposed to use the two coconuts?"
Phase II Archive Photo: A 70's crossover finds Black Belt Jones joining the crew of the Enterprise.
Kirk: "Bones, I'm feeling a slight pressure on the nail of my left pinky toe. Any idea what it might be?"
McCoy: "I'm a doctor, not a philanthropist. Once your medical insurance is verified, I'll have Chapel pencil you in for next week."
Latimer: "As a black belt in bowling, I advise you to ask for your money back on these balls."
Kirk: "By God, Bones, that's exactly what I'll do! I'll take two aspirins and call you in the morning! And to think they call Scotty the miracle worker!"
McCoy: "Sarcasm really doesn't become you, Jim."
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Kirk: "You have to beam down with me Bones, I know this place where the girls are so ... "
McCoy: "Not in the mood Jim."
Kirk: "That's okay. I know this other place, where the boys are so ..."
McCoy: "Not my thing Jim."
Kirk: "No problem, this third place is great, where the hermaphrodites are so ..."
.
Kirk, over intercom: Have you guys found anything down there?
Tuvok: WE AIN'T FOUND SHIT!