TOS Caption Contest #178: The Big Cheese

[Rat Boy]

Stop staring, because it's time for another caption contest. First, let's put up with...

You'd think after watching Mad Men they wouldn't be so uppity about women's apparel in the 60's, but our winner proves otherwise...

Christopher: "My God... "

Kirk: "What is it?"

Christopher: "Her clothing!!!"

Kirk: "What about it?"

Christopher: "I can see her knees!!!



.

And for bad timing, our winner is...

Chekov: "And not only is she a lying whore, but she's a lousy lay!"

Spock: "According to my tricorder, ensign, she's standing right behind you."

And what's worse than putting up with annoying kids? Putting up with annoying kids who have god-like powers, as our next winner demonstrates...

Chapel: Now finish up your fake ice cream and we'll-

Kids: It's fake ice cream?!

Chapel: Well-

Kids: Hail Hail Fire and...

And for perhaps a new origin story of Carl Spock, our Photoshop winner is...

CHEKOV: Are ve done sampling de plantlife Meester SpocK?

Congratulations to the winners! First up this week, we have Kirk showing he isn't above hitting on psychotic teenage girls with daddy complexes. Next, Kirk tries to desperately explain to Spock why Commodore Wesley bears a striking resemblance to a former chief of security. And finally, we discover that Scotty was the last one to find out about Sulu's preferences. Have at:

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk (thinking): Just smile and nod. Ignore the fact that she's wearing a terrycloth bathrobe and rubber gloves.

Wesley: "What did you say about my wife?"

Kirk: "Really? She's a he?"

Sulu: "I...just have a way of knowing, sir."

Scotty: "Borgas frat!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

WESLEY: I don't care what you think you saw, I was never the Security Chief of the Enterprise!

KIRK: And until the damage is repaired , Scotty will be bunking with Mr Sulu.

SULU: Oh my!

SCOTT: Borgas frat!

 

[Nerys Myk]

LENORE: And I'm naked under this mink.

 

[Rat Boy]

Wesley: "You know, I'm surprised no one bought the rice picker excuse."

 

[Maurice]

KIRK: Turn my head and what?

KIRK: What'd I tell you? Worst posture in the fleet!

KIRK: What's different about the main viewer?
SULU: It now features the YELLOW pixel! Oh my!

 

[Captain Crow]

Shatner: What the hell do you mean this is my stunt double? He looks nothing like me.

Director, OS: It does't matter. It's not like people are going to be watching this on a 40 inch TV.

Kirk: TOS Caption Contest #178? What the hell happened to 177? The last one was 176.

Sulu: If you look closely Captain the last two were 176. Last weeks should have been 177 not 176. Rat Boy used the right number this time and was probably hoping that noone would notice he used the wrong number by accident last week .

 

[jep]

Kirk: "That's right, 10 credits say I have your clothes off and you in my bed by 1600 hours."

Floozy: "But 1600 hours is only three minutes away."

Kirk: "Yeah, I intend to take my time with you."


.

 

[jep]

Kirk: "Sulu, would you like to explain to Chekov the significance of the black hole swallowing the Gerbil Nebula?"

Sulu: "Oh boy, would I!!!!!"




.

 

[jep]

Visitors come from across the galaxy to battle Spock in Staring Contests.... TO THE DEATH!!!!"



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[jep]

Scotty, thinking to himself: "That bastard is hitting on Kirk??? He swore to me he was being monogamous... that I was the only one for him!!! That's it. It is ON!!!"



.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "...but enough about me! Let's talk about you! What do you think about me?"

Kirk: "Commodore Wesley! Welcome to the Enterprise!"
Wesley: "One smart crack outta you, Kirk, and pow! I'll put ya on the deck!"
Kirk: "Um...yes...well... And this is my first officer, Mr. Spock!"
Wesley: "One smart crack outta you and pow! I'll put you on the deck!"

Doohan: "Shatner? Are you readin' your lines off your hand?"
Shatner: "Hey, if it's good enough for Brando..."

Kirk: "And what is that alluring scent, my dear?"
Lenore: "It's the dress! It's dead muskrat!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "So, would you dump me if I got you pregnant?"

Lenore: "No, of course not."

Kirk: "Are you prone to accidents? Getting run over by trucks or hit in the head with rocks?"

Lenore: "I don't think so."

Kirk: "Are you batshit insane?"

Lenore: "I...well...*pause*...yes."

Kirk: "Meh, two out of the three ain't bad."

Kirk: "And this is my science officer, Mr. Spock."

Wesley: "Science officer? Obviously not as hot as the one on the Essex."

Sulu: "And I hear the navigator on the Essex is pretty cute, too."

Chekov: "I'm right here for wuck's sake."

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Mr. Chekov plot a course to slingshot around the nearest sun.
Sulu prepare for timewarp.

SCOTTY: The engines kinna take the strain

KIRK: Damn the engines and damn the strain! The girl's
phone number written on my hand rubbed off and I'm going
back to get it again!

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Kirk: "I'm sorry, i can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am."

 

[Rat Boy]

Wesley: "Don't you think you should rephrase that, Mr. Spock?"

Spock: "You are correct, Commodore, I should. I did not mean to state that the Lexington should be transporting refuse. I meant to state that it should be transported away as refuse."

 

[Captain Crow]

[Takei flubs his line]

Shatner: Are you going to get your line right or am I gonna have to smack a camp bitch?

Takei: Oh, I wish you would. It'll give me an excuse to beat you with that hair shaped helmet thing that Koenig is trying to pass off as real hair.

Kirk: You know you've got you low-cut coat thing on backwards. The "V" bit is suppose to be in the front so we can see your cleavage.

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Wesley: "Bifuricated? Yeah ok, I'll have a look."

 

[jep]

Wesley: "CAN YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?"



.

 

[jep]

Kirk: "Commodore, I can't help but notice that you're wearing the new Mark V tunic with the built-in girdle. Any idea where I might find some for mysel.... er... for the crew?"



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