TOS Caption Contest #143: Mostly Muddy, Chance of Prostitutes

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Wow! S'been a while, but I knew that plugging away at it would finally pay off. Yay for me!

Mudd: "Yer not going to get any thrill that way Spock me lad. Could it be that yer not familiar with the concept of a glory hole, laddie buck?"

Kirk: "Aw man, late to my own gangbang again!"

Uhura: "Um, why's your hair purring, Ensign?"
Chekov: "We do not talk about it with outsiders."

McCoy: "What kind of android is this one, Harry?"
Mudd: sigh "It's a Stella. It's designed to detect erectile dysfunction. Although in my experience it creates it more than it detects it... Oh switch off!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "The Captain does not merely have The Clap. He has The Applause."

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "His largeness would like to see all of you in his quarters."

Mudd: "Didn't I hear him call it the 'Lovenasium?'"

Spock: *sigh*

Uhura: "...and then he grabbed my boobs and...oh shit, here he comes."

McCoy: "That's what she said!"

Chekov: "Der it is! My new vig!"

McCoy: "You know, maybe we should get Harry to make one of my ex wife."

Kirk: "So she could continually mock the size of your dick?"

McCoy: "Good point. Scratch that idea."

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Kirk and McCoy decided playing Spin the Stella with Mudd wasn't all it was cracked up to be...........

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Ever since Uhura found the ebay snipe program, DeSalle couldn't keep her and Chekov from bidding on and winning gag sex toys to secretly leave on the Captain's chair.

Not that Kirk minded.........

 

[Tribble]

Woot! Btw, I had a lot of fun googling for assless chaps images. Some caption contest or other turned up among the hits.

Kirk: I demand to know what the "Caption Contest Waiting Room" sign means. And I'm not buying your "We don't know"s anymore.

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "The nude jumping jacks are not optional. And you could use the exercise."

McCoy: "Man, I just tore that Stella a new one."

Chekov: "Vatch vhat Sulu does with the sword ..."
...
Uhura: "Sweet mother of shit."

Stella: "He never lets me touch his thing-thiinngg-thiiinnnggg-thiiiinnnngggg ..."

 

[Shaw]

Spock: I still fail to see how you escaped from the android planet.
Mudd: You, Mr. Vulcan, have a very liberal definition of "escape".​

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "Any of the women anatomically compatible with Vulcans?"
Mudd: "You could do a Rubik's Cube up the crazy German."
Spock, monotone: "Jackpot."

Kirk: "The Waiting Room called. Cone-Tits Helen Noel and Headache Spock are playing ping-pong with Conway Twitty and Ensign McCheese."
Uhura: "Sounds good."
Kirk: "Losers get sold to Carl."

 

[Tribble]

Spock: Talk to the back 'cause the face ain't listening.

 

[Mysterion]

CHEKOV: Okay, why did you guys want to me to watch this...omigawd are they doing what I think they're doing with that cup!?

 

[Tribble]

Stella-in-the-box -- not such a great hit, actually.

Chekov's favourite pastime: Peeping at Spock's secret porn collection.

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "The Captain is taken, bitches."

Kirk: "Just blew out Gary Series #112's O-ring."

Uhura: "Oooh, that's nasty. Analyze the bacteria under another of my fake fingernails ..."

Stella: "TEABAGGING IS NOT LOVEMAKING!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK (thinking) Why do humans act so nervous when I get on the turbolift with them.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Spock: "Someone smells like ass..."

On Wrigley's Pleasure Planet...

Kirk: "Mr. Scott, I just learned from the gentleman at the front desk that you only hired two women? How in the devil were only two women able keep you gaggle of horndogs occupied?"

Scott: "Aye, Captain, just two. Lieutenant Uhura here took 'em both...and the rest of us just watched."

McCoy: "Leave the man alone, Jim. He's a f**king genius!"

 

[26138]

Spock: "Ground floor: perfumery
stationery and leather goods
wigs and haberdashery
kitchenware and food. Going up!"

 

[Bad Atom]

Uhura: "So there's actually nothing inside there?"
Chekov: "Nope, just a blue light bulb."
DeSalle: "Another mystery solved."

"YOU LIE!"

 

[scottydog]

Spock: "Using a turbo-lift is no different from having sex with the average woman. You enter it, fill it up, then leave, all within 30 seconds. And there is no emotional involvement."

Woman: "Can I have your phone number?"

 

[M'Sharak]

"Sock it to me!"
​

.
.
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Uhura: So that's the Amazon Horned Frog?
Chekov: Well... he's... actually from Leningrad.
DeSalle: ...

 

[Captain Crow]

Spock: Can I have a little privacy? I'm pee shy.

Kirk: Where the hell is Sulu?

McCoy: He's busy with John Holmes 1 through 100.

McCoy: That's a really shity Catherine Tate as Donna Noble wax figure.

Kirk: Ya! The boobs aren't big enough for a start!

Red Shirt Ron: What are you two ladies looking at?

Chekov: Vat do you mean two ladies?

Red Shirt Ron: Sorry Chekov. I saw that Liza Minnelli wig and assumed you were a woman.