TOS Caption Contest #139: Insert Horrible Pun Here

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Nimoy: "... and in the future, the principle of healthcare accessible to all, regardless of ability to pay, will be considered an evil socialist plot..."

Nimoy: "... and in the future, smoking in public will be against the law..."

Nimoy: "... and in the future, everyone will have real life communicators, and they will all sound like a Crazy Frog when they flip open..."

Nimoy: "... and in the future, gay people will be able to get married..."
Takei: "Right on."
Nimoy: "For about a week, then they make it illegal again..."

Nimoy: "... and in the future, they will have this thing called the Internet, and on it, Star Trek fans will congregate to caption pictures of us, and they will use something called Photoshop to alter our likenesses, as well as abuse us. They will put Bill in a baby bonnet, go on endlessly about Takei's homosexuality, search eternally for Jimmy's missing finger, comment on Nichelle's lack of undercarriage hygiene, and give me an afro, two dicks and turn me into a pimp."

Nimoy: "... and in the future, women will shave their pussies and anal sex will be a good thing..."

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "What have I told you about Budweiser, Bones? It's like having sex in a canoe: it's fucking close to water!"

 

[Captain Crow]

Ted "Theodore" Logan: Want a Twinkie, Captain Kirk?

Slocombean High Commander Mrs. Slocome: I'll get the information out of Chekov one way or the other.

[two minutes later after she offers to show him her pussy.]

Chekov: I vill tell you anyting you vat to know.

Slocombean High Commander Mrs. Slocome: I knew you would tell me what I wanted to know. You humans are all alike. Weak as water! The lot of you! Weak as water!

Mrs. Slocombe: Oh, bugger. After this contest is over I get to sit in the caption waiting room with that daft boy Grignak and that Keyboard Pussy don't I!

 

[Gertch]

"Here is the lotion to rub on it's skin."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Thanks for the win!

Slocombean High Commander Mrs. Slocome: I'll get the information out of Chekov one way or the other.

[two minutes later after she offers to show him her pussy.]

Chekov: I vill tell you anyting you vat to know.

Slocombean High Commander Mrs. Slocome: I knew you would tell me what I wanted to know. You humans are all alike. Weak as water! The lot of you! Weak as water!

Mrs. Slocombe: Oh, bugger. After this contest is over I get to sit in the caption waiting room with that daft boy Grignak and that Keyboard Pussy don't I!

Oh, you cheeky bastard! You beat me to an Are You Being Served? joke. (I'm gonna make one anyway.)

Chekov: I am absolutely not FREE!

Chekov: Vine me, dine me, then you can sixty-nine me.

Kirk: I can't swallow that, Bones!
McCoy: Good news, Jim. It's a suppository.

Spock: Four redshirts died. I hardly think this is the time for a joke at my expense.

Kirk was faster than a speeding bullet when Carol told him about David.

 

[Shatmandu]

Chekov: "What would Kirk do?"
Thrallina: "He would have sex with me. He just did, when I was dropping off his lunch."

McCoy, checking readings: "How would you get a torn anus? Unless ..."

Kirk: "Our casual racism is hilarious!"

Kirk: "Hey, Running Spock! FUCK YOU!"

 

[Triskelion]

Coffee?
Yes please.
Sugar?
Yes please.
Milk?
No no, no.

Captain, you forgot your...device.
I've never seen that Enlarger XZ5000 before in my life.

Spock: May I be excused, Captain? Unfortunately farting the 1812 overture turned into Beethoven's fifth movement.

Kirk: Stranger danger! Stranger danger!
Spock: It's just an educational film about STD's, captain.

 

[Nerys Myk]

The fathers of Kirk's conquests form a mob

Yakety Sax begins to play.

 

[Shatmandu]

Thrallina: "Is Scotty still on the Enterprise? Now there's a man who knows how to treat a transvestite."

 

[Nerys Myk]

A Hard Day's Trek

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Tamoon: Bu-KAAH-Key?
Chekov: It is a Russian inwention.

Shatner: (to director) If I run any faster, I might lose my piece!

 

[Rat Boy]

Shatner: "But I just want to be in the new movie."

J.J. Abrams: "Get him out of here, security!"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Shatner: Bob, I'm running outta breath!
Justman (off-camera): Give me anymore lip and you'll do another 20 laps. We'll get rid of that belly yet.

 

[Nerys Myk]

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: Bones, if you're wearing that shit, it's no wonder you don't get a lot of pussy.

 

[MANT!]

Good God!! REELS AND REELS OF CLOWN-PORN....

 

[M'Sharak]

"I always wanted to be in pictures."

"U can't touch this..."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Tamoon: Top or bottom?
Chekov: Gulp! Excuse me?
Tamoon: Top or bottom bunk?
Chekov: Whew! For a moment, I thought this vas going to end like all those old prison movies I've watched.

 

[Rat Boy]

Chekov: "Oompa loompa diggety God Dayuuuuuuuuuuum!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

CHEKOV: They say once you go orange, you never...ah....er....