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TOS Caption Contest #138: Intentions, Good and Bad

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Floyd: Psssst. Make sure to use an enema before pushing in the fudge.
Edith: Mine or his?
 
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Floyd: "Psssst. If you find my razor strap in her apartment, bring it back."




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Floyd: "Psssst. I sell condoms in the back, son. <Looks Kirk up and down.> Small ones, too."



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Floyd: "Careful. She's been used more than a trough at a Brooklyn Dodgers game."
Edith: "And in the same way, too."
 
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KIRK:"If we're going to duck somewhere and make out, we better hurry. Deputy Fife gets off-duty around this time of night and he'll get on our cases for SURE."
 
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LESLIE:"I wish we'd get orders to set course for the Planet of Non-Shrinking Velour."

MIKE:"Word."
 
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McCheese: Pushing buttons. It's all we ever do around here.
Leslie: Subspace spatial anomaly dead ahead! Adjusting heading!
Spock: Captain, three Romulan warbirds are decloaking and arming weapons.
Disembodied voice from spatial anomaly: FUGLY SACKS OF MOSTLY HAMBURGER - PREPARE TO MEET YOUR SECONDARY DEMI-RELIGIOUS LESSER GODS - YOUR GODS OF TAXES AND SMALL WOODLAND CREATURE HUSBANDRY AND PARAKEETS - YOU WILL SERVE US FOR ETERNITY IN OUR PUMICE MINES!!!!
Kirk: Hard about! Let's not enter the strange spatial anomaly for a change! Arm torpedoes! Upload the Corbomite episode to the Romulan database! Send out a message to Starfleet: we have engaged our lesser demi-lesser gods! Where's my hoagie platter? McCheese! Page the yeoman on duty!
McCheese: Pushing buttons. All we ever do around here.
Muted trombone: Wah-Waaaahhhh.
 
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Floyd: "Pssst. She's had more dicks in her than a Richard Convention."




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Floyd: "Honey, I saw him playing nekkid Twister with that Chinese feller."



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Floyd: "Andy, that limey prostitute is outside at it again."
 
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McCheese: "Cool. They seem to have focused on Joan Collins."
Leslie: "Dude, don't get proud: you're in the Movie contest, eating a tray of desserts with a Klingon, a rube, and a fat version of Scotty."
 
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Lt. Commander "Bob": I got more braid on my sleeve than that Russian whiz-kid, Chirpoff, Chepok, whatever, and I'm only his relief!
Leslie: Yeah, but the kid don't eat all the resequenced protien patties he can get his mitts on.
Lt. Commander "Bob": Is that a crack about my belly?
Leslie: Nah, Bob. Just making conversation.
 
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FLOYD:"Oooooooooooooooh...

I...I best tell Goober that...that Andy's got competition for Miss Keeler!!"
 
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Kirk: "Before we head home for the sex, let me hop in here and take a quick shit."
Floyd, turning: "Lock it."


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Kirk: "Pizza? No, Yeoman, no one up here ordered a pizza."




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Spock, in overexaggerated falsetto: "... you can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man, no time to t--"
*WHACK!*
Jumpsuit: "They ruined Sgt. Pepper!"
 
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