TOS Caption Contest #135: Personal Interaction

[Shatmandu]

Chapel, after sniffing: "Smells like weed in here."
Spock: "And so it does, baby ...

Kirk: "Just stay away from Mister Scott. I can't tell you way."

El Spock: "Turns out I ain't got no etchings."

Finnegan, wailing: "I've been in that fookin' waitin' room with that fookin' backward-talkin' asswipe so long, Jimmy-Boy, askin' me me coffee order and tryin' to peek down me trousers ..."
Kirk: "There, there, you're safe for about a week ..."

Spock: "<pats bed> Come and tell Uncle Spocky all about it ..."

 

[Shatmandu]

Chapel: "'Seven years'? I thought you said 'Seven beers'. What'm I going to do with all this Schlitz?"

Kirk: "I wasn't aware Sulu had planned any puppet show ..."

El Spock: "Heard your man turned into a robot or somethin'. That true?"



And here's a terrible alternate version of the "Kirk with kids" shot:

 

[Nerys Myk]

CHAPEL: Well, I cant say your appearance is unexpected.

CARL: Seemed like a natural fit.

 

[M'Sharak]

"Denny Crane!"

"Jimmy, me bye... ye've put on weight!"

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Spock: "Nurse, did you bring the Whips and Chains as I requested?"
Chapel: "Something better..."

Kirk: "See those plants over there that's my stash, if you go near them its out the nearest air lock got it?"

Kirk & Finigan re-enact their UFC days.

 

[Gary7]

Chapel: "What did you want to see me about, Mr. Spock?"

Spock: "You mean... you really don't know?"

(Chapel looks down at his crotch.)

Chapel: "Oh my! Oh... for a moment... Oh, Mr. Spock, you've made me the happiest girl on the ship!!" (lunges into his arms)

Kirk: "You see, if you pick your nose and eat it like Timmy is doing over there, you spend a night in the box."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: About this big. Why do you ask?

 

[Triskelion]

Well I heard that Mike and Carol Brady beat the living crap out of their children once the cameras were off. Plus, she was divorced, not widowed.

Chapel: Vulcan dirges and serial killer decor...what the hell, still better than Chekov's shrine to Keith Partridge.

 

[Captain Crow]

Chapel: What are you doing in Sulu's quarters?

Finigan: I'd rather have you punch me in the face with your ass, instead of hugging me!

Kirk, drunkly: You've got a pretty mouth.

Kirk: Human tastes a little gamey, kind of like a cross between beef jerky, chicken, and dirt. Now Vulcan tastes like sweet and sour chicken.

Kirk: Chris Hansen isn't going to magically appear from the next room and ask me "what am I doing here" is he?

Little girl: You know you're not really crushing his head?

Kirk: Killjoy!

Little girl: Are you suppose to be Joe Don Baker or Conway Twitty?

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: "Why Nurse Chapel, have you lost weight since last week?"
Chapel: "How many times... That was Sulu in a wig."

Kirk: "If I give you some more ice cream, you kids want to come in my starship?"

Girl: "If you give us the starship, I'll let you come into my hand."

Finnegan: "Can't... breathe... Moob... overpressure."

 

[Captain Crow]

Finigan: For the love of god quit singing!




Announcer: An now it's time for everyone's favorite show "Kids Say the Damnedest Things".

Little Girl: You're Captain Kirk aren't you?

Kirk: Why yes I am. The original space horndog in the flesh.

Little: Girl: I like the Chris Pine version of you better.

Kirk: ....

 

[NathanielM]

Carl Spock: Hey Christine baby wanna sit, puff and pass?

Kirk: Did you hear the one about the Vulcan and the Doctor?

Finnegan: jimmy Babby, how i missethed you since the Academthy.

Jim: <thinking> I heard a lisp do I have to protect my ass?

 

[NathanielM]

[

Chapel: <sees the buldge in his pants thinking> Oh my god itss.... Itssss HUGE!

Carl Spock: Come on in Christine Baby and lets do the Vertical Hokey Pokey!

 

[NathanielM]

Girl: I heard you were a horndog, ham-o-sauras who steals al the scenes and over acts with the lame swagger.

Kirk: NAAAH only a ham-o-saurus this much....

 

[Isis]

Announcer: Secret Deodorant. When closeness counts...

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: By the way, this doesn't make us gay.
Finnegan: No but our touching erect penises do.

 

[Captain Crow]

Carl Spock: You needs to be takin' yo' clothes off now!

Chapel: Why?

Carl Spock: 'cause Carl likes to tests his merchandise out before he be pimpin' it!

 

[Hambone]

RED-HEADED KID WE'D ALL LIKE TO PUNCH IN THE HEAD: 20 bucks says the black kid picks his nose.

KIRK: Another 20 says he eats it.

BLONDE GIRL: Well, he was hungry.

 

[Nerys Myk]

GIRL: Those plants are pretty.

KIRK: Plants? Thats the band, baby!

 

[Shatmandu]

Carl: "My e-mail? Peeeyomp@hotmail.com."