TOS Caption Contest #127 - Very Strange New Worlds

Col Sandurz: "Gentlemen, welcome to Spaceball VI."

Kirk:"Oh, shit. There goes the planet'

Spock: "Indeed, thats all we needed."




Kirk: "Are you trying to use the Schwartz on me? it wont work mine is bigger"

 

Alexander: "Tell Outpost4 to change the contest."
Kirk: "No."
Alexander: "Please?"
Kirk: "No."
Alexander: "I'll be your best friend."
Kirk: "No."
Alexander: "I'll do your laundry."
Kirk: "No."
Alexander: "I'll get you a girl."
Kirk: "No."
Alexander: "I'll suck your dick."
Kirk: "... Let me see what I can do."

 

KIRK:"Do these things chafe and hurt when the prison ship goes to Ludicrous Speed?"



"Check it out, Kirk...it's SPACEBALLS THE STABBING KNIFE(tm)!"

 

KIRK:"I demand to see Lord Helmet. Have him stop playing with his dolls long enough to come talk to us!"

 

Alexander: "Is this a dagger which I see before me,
The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee;
I have thee not, and yet I see thee still."

Kirk: "Wrong play, idiot."

 

ALEXANDER:"If you say Did I catch you a little short ONE MORE TIME..."

 

SPOCK:"I'm not sure what the old Earth protocol was, but I believe the captain will give you oral pleasure if you free us?"

 

Spock: "I told you we would require both shoes and shirts to receive service."

 

This week, on a very special Blossom...Anthony learns the evils of back-alley blister-lancing.

 

Kirk: "Who wears short shorts?"

 

CROSSOVER CAPTION


REED: That Vulcan's checking out my butt.

KIRK: That Vulcan's checking out my butt.

 

Now, now. No butt checks.

I'm going to have to ask for your forgiveness for a further delay in judging this contest. All I can say in my defense is I've had a buddy staying with me and in the last eight days we've recorded thirteen songs with his band and mixed down twelve. A forest of mic stands has taken hold in my living room. We've done everything from a reggae song to bluegrass to one that would remind you of the Moody Blues or The Shins, depending upon your age. It's been a whirlwind of fun and I've finally figured out how to mix an upright bass out of the deal. We're almost finished. I will get this changed out as soon as I can, I'm sure within 48 hours.

Again, I apologize.

 

Kirk: Moody Blues!
Alexander: The Shins!
Kirk: Moody Blues!
Alexander: The Shins!
Kirk: The Shins!
Alexander: <kicks Kirk's shins>

 

Kirk: Damn, we don't even have these decon rooms in the 23rd century, and I've still got a shinier chest than Reed!

 

Kirk and Spock learn that they will be the stars of a movie short called, "2 Starfleet Officers, 1 Cup".

 

Kirk: "I don't think an entire mic stand will fit, but sure, I'll give it a shot ..."





Alexander: "If your band plays 'Knights in White Satin' one more fucking time, I'll cut your balls off. Cut. Your. FUCKING. Balls. OFF. <swishes knife>"

 

Spock's pon farr fantasy #313

#314 is similar but involves a goat and Rabbi Gornstien.

 

Kirk: "All right, fine. We'll lose the cowbell."

 

Soldier: So then Captain Kirk, you are either pre-pubescent or you wax your chest area. I'm not even sure which one is worse. So which is it?




Kirk: Mini me, what..... the hell...... do you think..... you're doing....!




Guy: Yeh, that's right, take a look. This is what you could be having right now for just 1 strip of gold pressed latinum. Please, ladies, try no to squabble..........................Hello?