TOS Caption Contest #113 - Good Sheet
- Thread starter Outpost4
- Start date
Kirk: "What happened to him?"
Yeoman: "He started sulking, said that if the caption contest wasn't changed, he'd hold his breath until it was."
Shatner: "What happened?"
Extra: "I told his fortune."
Shatner: "You can do that?"
Extra: "Yeah, I read palms. I told him that in 40 years, he'll be in a British reality TV show, presented by a couple of incomprehensible Geordie gnomes, stuck in the jungle with a bunch of wannabes and has-beens, being verbally molested by a tanned homophobe who wanted to be Prime Minister of Britain, but got told to piss off because he was a jerk."
Shatner: "Fuck.."
Extra: "Want me to do you next?"
Shatner: "Yeah, but not in that way."
McCoy: "Make a note in the ship's log Nurse, Outpost4 passed away at 0320 hours, cause of death, bag of cats on head."
KIRK:"He's not really gay...as long as we ignore him."
McCOY:"We're runnin' out of glitter blankets, Christine. Better contact Starbase 20...tell 'em we need another shipment from their Pter Allen line."
McCOY:"Sorry, Nurse.
I'd do somethin' about the smell if I could. I'm a country doctor...not a miracle worker."
YEOMAN:"His last words were:
Either that viewscreen goes...or I do."
^ 
McCoy: "Nurse, I've treated humans, Vulcans, Andorians, Tellarites ane even hortas. I've cured alien diseases the folks at Starfleet Medical never imagined, but even with all that knowledge, there wasn't a damned thing I could do to save him."
Chapel: "Fucking hangnail."
McCoy: He died. As this caption contest should have.
McCOY:"He's dead...
and in perfect hibernation."
CHAPEL:"If he survived the dying process, that is."
KIRK:"Sulu's choking on a footlong! HELP!!!"
Kirk: Yeoman, what happened to Sulu?
Yeoman: I dunno, sir, he said something about bifurcated and passed out.
WE'VE GOT TO SAVE LEMMIWINKS!!! TIME IS OF THE ESSCENCE!
Kirk: Dammit Sulu! Don't you die on me!
Yeoman: Sir? Technically he's on me, and under you.
Spock: Well technically we are all under the captain.
Scotty: Bloody hell. He's left it in neutral with the brake off again.
McCoy: Dammit Jim! I'm a doctor, not a - oh.
Chapel: "Who was it, Doctor?"
McCoy: "Outpost4. He didn't wrap the caption contest in a timely manner and the crew fed him to the giant gerbil Sulu keeps down on Deck 12."
Chapel: "Oh my God, that's horrible!"
McCoy: "No, horrible was following the gerbil around for a week with a baggie so I could collect the remains."
Chapel: Doctor?
McCoy: I couldn't help him; his medical insurance won't cover it.
Chapel: He's dead, Doctor.
McCoy: Yeah? What do you call that?
Chapel: You're tugging on his catheter, Doctor.
McCOY:"I did everything I possibly could.
For the first five minutes. Then I just didn't give a shit anymore."