TOS Caption Contest #112 - Come Here Often?

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "Ensign Freeman, do your constant visual scans indicate Miss Uhura's bra contains any of these creatures?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Shit, first the rain delay in the World Series and then the Colts lose to the Titans? What the fuck's wrong with sports these days?"

 

[Outpost4]

"No, Captain, I will not. I throw like a girl."

 

[Outpost4]

McCoy: Freeman said he wanted a scotch on the rocks.

Spock: I have the rocks.

 

[Outpost4]

Grignak, the fish-looking coffee asswipe: Alcohol you want. Coffee I have. Transaction, no!

 

[Shatmandu]

The day before, when Spock couldn't find the opening to his coin purse, Kirk had joked, "Put a little hair around it."

Grignak: "Wallbanger Harvey is beverage FORBIDDEN!"

Old Man in Command Shirt, drunk: "Hey, McCoy, you still tellin' your crews they've got to do nude jumping jacks for their physicals?"

Bartender: "Friggin' garbage disposal ... Bigger piece of shit than The Enterprise ..."
<Scotty walks in, leans over bar, backhands him, and sits down.>

Spock: "This vagina is hardly 'lifelike.'"
<all turn>
Spock: "What?"

 

[scottydog]

Spock: "Crewman, I give to you the most prized item in my Vulcan belly-button lint collection."
<all turn>
Spock: "What?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "I actually paid Bud Selig to keep the game going until the Rays tied it before they called the rain delay."
<all turn>
Spock: "What?"

 

[Triskelion]

Spock: "Mr Freeman, I've brought the two tribble marital aids."
<all turn>
Spock: "What?"

Ensign Ted the Redshirt: Hey Ralph, do you know who this Captain is?
Ralph: That looks like Kirk. You know, of the Enterprise.
Ensign Ted the Redshirt: Check please.

 

[cooleddie74]

FREEMAN:"HEY.

I was about to stick that in my butt, sir!!"

KIRK:"You guys know my chief medical officer, don't you? Leonard McCoy?

The man who buried all your records of ever having had the Risan herpes?"

 

[cooleddie74]

SPOCK:"As I suspected.

The AAA battery has died."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock: I sense... confusion... Captain, I believe this tribble has seen the future and we've all be recast!

Command-gold officer: Yeah, you guys don't look a damn thing like Pine and Urban.
Security-red officer: Imposters!

 

[cooleddie74]

SPOCK:"I sense a disturbance in the velour and polyester.

I feel something cheesy has happened."

KIRK:"So...looks like you dumbass retards finally stopped drinking straight isopropyl disinfecting alcohol long enough to graduate from the Academy.

Which one of you has the ten illegitimate kids and a dying liver?"

 

[Outpost4]

Spock: "I sense nothing from this baked potato."

 

[cooleddie74]

"Might I be allowed to borrow this, Miss Uhura?

I need to Buff-Puff my face in preparation for my next duty shift."

 

[the 4th hanson bro]

Kirk: Whose leg do I have to hump to get a drink in here?
Everyone else: Check, please!

Spock: "These are fabulous shredded over plomeek soup."
<all turn>
Spock: "What?"

 

[cooleddie74]

McCOY:"You said the drinks would be free, Jim.

They'd better be. Or else your old Academy chums over there find out about your little 'operation' ."

SPOCK:"Fascinating.

The G-spot on a tribble is not located externally."

 

[Hambone]

UHURA: You paid how much?

SPOCK: 10,000 credits...

FREEMAN: For Shatner's kidney stone?

KIRK: (whispering) ...shut up, shut up, shut up...

 

[Outpost4]

Spock: It's s'not.
Freeman: It sn'is.
Spock: It's s'not.
Freeman: It sn'is.
Spock: OK, it's snot.


<all turn>
Spock: What?

 

[Nerys Myk]

I told you a table dance was a bad idea in this place, Jim.