TOS Caption Contest #112 - Come Here Often?

[Santa Kang]

KIRK:"Nice disco jacket, Barkeep...

What...did Station K-7 have a fire sale on bad civilian wardrobes?"

MCCOY: You do realize he's mixing our drinks, right?

 

[SantaEddie74]

"Vodka martinis for the good doctor and I...

and for our friends here...tap water and stale Nyquil."

 

[Santa Kang]

BAR KEEP: Sorry all I got is Coors, Coors Lite and Mugato Piss.

ALL: Mugato Piss.

 

[SantaEddie74]

All-Velour Night at the Starbase 11 bar was a resounding success.

 

[Santa Kang]

MCCOY: I'm pretty sure I handed you a twenty.

 

[SantaEddie74]

THE STARBASE 11 BAR & GRILL

Come for the hooch.

Stay for the flared trousers.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

McCoy: I'll have a White Russian.
Bartender: You got it, boss, one ensign in a really cheap Davy Jones wig coming right up.

-or-

Kirk: What's in a White Russian?
Bartender: Coffee liqueur and freshly-made creme. I make it out of my own...
McCoy: Oh, god!

 

[M'Sharak]

Goldshirt, seated: Well, looky there -- fresh meat!
Redshirt, seated: Which? Blue uniform?
Goldshirt, seated: Naw, gold, with the... hairpiece. Damn it.
Redshirt, seated: (snickers) You sure can pick 'em.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Spock: "Ladies & Gentlemen I hold in my hand the only copy of 'Chinese Democracy' ever sold"

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "My favorite song on here is the original version of 'Charlie's Our New Darling.'"
<Uhura turns, stands, and begins to screech the song.>
Kirk, elbowing Spock: "Nice job, asshole ..."

 

[Shatmandu]

Old Goldshirt: "Hi, Jim."
Kirk: "Bob! How's it going?"
Old Goldshirt: "I've been assigned as Captain of the U.S.S. Palin."
<Entire bar erupts in laughter.>

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Meh, I thought Sulu's puppeteering was better."
<all turn>
Kirk: "What?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Kermit, via Spock, singing: "It's not easy, being a queen ..."
<crowd laughs>
Kermit, via Spock: "Thank you, thank you. But seriously folks, dating Miss Piggy, I eat more pork than a ghetto barbeque! Am I right, am I right? It's great to be back here in Rec Room Three ..."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "He wants a mint julip, and I'll have a Clarence Thomas."
Bartender: "We're out of pubic hair."
Kirk: "Ah. Just gimme a straight Coke, then."

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Trade you for a copy of Vomit's A Valentine To The Fans?"
<all turn>
Spock: "What?"

 

[SantaEddie74]

McCOY:"You know these officers, Jim?"

KIRK:"Yes...went to the Academy with all of 'em. Even impregnated several of their sisters."

 

[SantaEddie74]

KIRK:"Great job, Spock.

Go and get Starfleet sued for 300-year-old copyright infringement."

(*Sighs*)

 

[Santa Kang]

Spock: "What's that Kermie? Kill everyone in the room?"
<all turn>
Spock: "What?"

 

[SantaEddie74]

KIRK:"Hi Norm."

 

[M'Sharak]

"No, Jim, don't pay him any attention. He says that to everybody who comes in here."
"Bones, what kind of a bar is this, anyway?"
"Weeeellll... "

(or)

Bartender: Balok? Nuh-uh. He never comes here. His puppet, though...