TOS Caption Contest #105 - Relationships

[Outpost4]

I better change out the current contest before somebody else asks Chekov if he likes gladiator movies. Although I have to admit I did like the Airplane! diversion. I'm just surprised Spock and Boma didn't end up performing the Captain Over/clearance, Clarence routine.

Before that, though, I would like to make another overdue addition to the Mudd Club. This last week it was revealed that cooleddie74 has made over 67,000 posts just to win caption contests. TrekBBS' most prolific poster is also one of its funniest and nicest guys. That alone would be enough to qualify him, but when he once admitted in that the carpet in his bedroom could become a sperm bank, hell, he's my kind of degenerate. cooleddie74 has been a winner here from day one. Congrats, cooleddie74, and welcome to the Mudd Club.

This week Turbo makes a comeback. It's been a while since he has won. And Shatmandu comes up with another nonsequitur gay reference for a winning joke. Don't you ever run out of them, Joe? Or maybe that should better be expressed as a statement: Don't you ever run out of them, Joe!

Mr. Scott, wouldn't your time be better spent repairing the impulse drive than creating an implausible solution involving a shrinking ray?

Chekov: "I just found out I'm the only vohn Doctor McCoy makes do de nude jumping jacks during de physicals."

This next week we dive back into the Animated Series for a caption picture. It was submitted by Shatmandu. The other one has so much pathos, I want to start...typing...like...Shatner...portrays...Kirk.

Remember, there's no crying in baseba...err...Star Trek.



TOS Caption Contest Pantheon of Winners

26138
A beaker full of death (3x)
Adam Ihle (4x)
AlphaTrionTJW
Alyssa
ancient
Atavachron
Bad Atom (2x)
Battrekker
cakes516
CaptainJon
Captain Kate (2x)
Classic Fan
commodore64
cooleddie74 (16x)

cultcross
DeafPoet
Defcon (2x)
Diesel Micky Dolenz (8x)
Dohlman
DrBob (8x)
DS9Sega (5x)
EliyahuQeoni (3x)
FishDS9
galleywest (4x)
Gertch (19x)
goldbug
Guartho
Haggis and Tatties
Hambone (2x)
highlander (2x)
Jackson_Roykirk
J. Allen (2x)
jayrath
John_Picard
jptrekker
Kahloke
Kegek (2x)
Kirby
KJM
Mallory (4x)
MGagen
Mojochi
M'Sharak (9x)
NCC-1701 (6x)
Nerys Myk (17x)

Noname Given (2x)
NTRPRZ
Outpost4 (13x)
Quo Vadimus
Rat Boy (26x)

Redfern
SciFi75 (5x)
scottydog (14x)
Shatmandu (12x)

Plus one this time for a total of 13!
Sir Rhosis (2x)
T'Bonz (8x)
terranova
Tharpdevenport (3x)
the 4th hanson bro (2x)
The Castellan
The Cutest of Borg (2x)
The Laughing Vulcan (11x)
The Old Mixer
The Squire of Gothos (9x)
The Tone (2x)
TigerOfDarkness (2)
Tim M (3x)
Triskelion (6x)
Tristan
Turbo

Plus one this time for a total of 2!
vassa
Woulfe (4x)

Mudd Club

 

[Outpost4]

Spock: Sidesaddle is a highly illogical position, nurse.

McCoy: The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
Kirk: I think he's got it...I think he's got it.
McCoy: The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
Kirk: By Jove, he's got it...he's really got it!

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock (thinking): Uh oh. Tepee in the trousers!


Alternate take from "Spock's Brain:"

Kelley: "It's so simple a caveman could do it!"

Caveman mic operator: "Fuck you, you cracker asshole!"

Kelley: "What? What did I say?"

 

[Outpost4]

Chapel: Queen to Queen's level 4, sweetie.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Chapel: "Well, hello there Mr Spock! How about you and me... um, what the... oh man! Only once every seven years and you have to go and get premature on me..."

Kirk: "I'm not always gonna be in Starfleet you know, I have a plan. I'm putting a little aside for it Bones. Picture it, just outside New Vegas, Kirk's Pleasure Palace. In big tacky neon, a holographic sign over the door..."

McCoy: "Yeah?"

Kirk: "the bar, stocked with every form of rotgut known to man..."

McCoy: "Sounds good..."

Kirk: "Every sort of game you can imagine, games that would make those Triskelion jellies weep in envy, if they had tear ducts."

McCoy: "that could be a money spinner..."

Kirk: "And on the second floor, the best women money can buy, Orion Slave Girls, Risian Sluts, Argelian Whores, Cyberhookers from Venus, some of that reprobate Harry Mudd's fembots..."

McCoy: "I can see it Jim, I can see it right now."

Kirk: "A place like that has standards Bones, the women need looking after. Someone's got to keep their undercarriages unclogged, someone... medical?"

McCoy: "I'm there Jim, I'm there!"

Kirk: "anyway, about this investment opportunity..."

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "Oh Lord, can we complete this mighty task in one night, or we all just jerking off?"

Kirk: "Amen."

 

[Outpost4]

McCoy: Let's see, I could order all female crew members to your quarters for a full check-up...
Kirk: You're my kind of country doctor.

 

[Rat Boy]

Chapel: "Is it twue what they say about your people being... gifted?

*zip*

Oh it's TWUE! It's twue, it's twue!"

McCoy: "Now I get it! Rosebud was the sled!"

 

[the 4th hanson bro]

Mr. Spock, I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "Not again, Jim! I can't handle being in the contest two weeks in a row! Those guys are monsters!"

Kirk: "Easy, easy Bones. There won't be any foursome, glory hole, or fellatio jokes with our picture this week. Spock's on the other hand..."

The Reverend Doctor McCoy (off screen): "Hey, look but don't touch!"

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

McCoy: "We were trapped in that turbolift for five hours Jim. Five hours!"

Kirk: "I guess you lose the barriers, get to truly know someone at a time like that."

McCoy: "Spock... he... Jim, his... his farts smell like peanut butter Jim. Peanut butter!"

Kirk: "Now you know, Doctor. Now you know..."

Chapel: "How dare you break wind before me Mr Spock"

Spock: "I didn't realise I had to wait in line..."

Chapel: "Very funny..." snif "... is that? Oh my!"

Spock: "Now you know Nurse, now you know..."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: "Do you speak Japanese, Nurse?"

Chapel: "What kind of question is that to ask a girl, Mr Spock?"

Spock: "There's a bunch of anime fans who have been dissing Trekkies, and we have an opportunity here to provide them with an existential crisis."

Chapel: "Honto deska?"

Spock: "Honto des..."

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Pink panties?"

Chapel: "Blame the director."

 

[Outpost4]

Chapel: Slow down there, Vulcan Boy!

"I said SLOW DOWN!"

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kirk: "You've been kneeling here, praying for the last twelve hours Doctor, so... have you found God?"

McCoy: "No, but I have found your thumb up my ass. Now cut it out Jim, it's getting old"

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: "Nurse Chapel, we were concerned for you. The Doctor said that you had to have surgery but he didn't relate the severity of the problem..."

Spock: "... two! How did you..."

Chapel: "Happy Birthday Mr Spock!"

Spock: "Just what I always wanted."

McCoy: "... and he sayeth unto the Lord, 'Forgive, I here am new', to which the Lord retorteth, 'How can you be deaf, with ears like that?', and so endeth the book of Genesis, Amen!"

Kirk: "Amen brother!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Brazilian. Fascinating."

McCoy was inconsolable after Tom Brady went down with a knee injury.

 

[M'Sharak]

"What did you expect? 'Welcome, sonny'? 'Make yourself at home'?
'Marry my daughter'? You've got to remember that these are just
simple brain thieves. These are people of the caves. The common
drones of the new Controller. You know… Eymorons."

"Would you like another schnitzengruben?"
"No... thank you. Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben."
"Well how about a little... " [whispers in his ear]
[shocked] "Nurse, I am not from Havana."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Spock: "Erections are illogical."

McCoy: "And ... tiny little marshmallows..."

 

[Maurice]

Spock: Nurse, you are "off model"
Chapel: You show me your model sheet, I'll show you mine...

Bones: Think of it, Bill. Cancelled. No one will ever remember us in these roles or in these stupid costumes... we can put this whole thing behind us and have real careers...