Top 10 Signs You Know The Next Star Trek Movie Will Go Wrong

[Carpe Occasio]

10.) Previews for the film end with a 1-800 number for viewers to buy Trek merchandise as soon as it comes out.

9.) Genevieve Bujold has the title role.

8.) This time, it really is done in claymation.

7.) We find out Picard had Kirk's katra the whole time.

6.) From the start, the script is freely downloadable at several Paramount-encouraged ftp sites.

5.) The film contains an odd number in its title.

4.) Film turns out to be the long-awaited sequel to "Conspiracy" (TNG episode with the little bug-things).

3.) It's a TNG "academy days" story starring Fred Savage as Picard.

2.) The producers decide on the original idea of having the Enterprise taken over by the holodeck.... again!


And the number one sign that the next Star Trek film will go wrong is...


1.) They're the only ship in the quadrant.

 

[Surak]

You forgot number eleven:

11. Free sombreros at the premiere.

 

[Carpe Occasio]

You forgot number eleven:

11. Free sombreros at the premiere.

If sombreros are wrong I don't want to be right!

 

[Jackson_Roykirk]

12. J.J. finally finds a role for Greg Grunberg -- as the Mugato.

 

[Franklin]

1A. It's leaked that Roddenberry's TOS theme lyrics are used in the opening score.

1B. It's leaked that the word, "Herbert," appears in the script.

1C. A major dramatic moment is when a tribble reveals Nero is a Klingon.

1D. All of McCoy's lines open with, "I'm a doctor, not a --."

1E. You pass Karl Urban on the street this summer, and he's mumbling over and over to himself, "He's dead, Jim! He's dead, Jim! He's dead Jim!"

1F. Leonard Nimoy has scheduled a nationwide tour promoting a new book of photography, starting May 8, 2009.

1G. Zachary Quinto will accompany Nimoy on the book tour.

1H. Reviews herald, "Pine's best performance since Princess Diaries II."

 

[M'Sharak]

...

1C. A major dramatic moment is when a tribble reveals Nero is a Klingon.

1C-1. by pointing to him and holding up a sign which reads: "EEEK! A Klingon!"
(music cue by Carl Stalling)

 

[Carpe Occasio]

1A. It's leaked that Roddenberry's TOS theme lyrics are used in the opening score.

1B. It's leaked that the word, "Herbert," appears in the script.

1C. A major dramatic moment is when a tribble reveals Nero is a Klingon.

1D. All of McCoy's lines open with, "I'm a doctor, not a --."

1E. You pass Karl Urban on the street this summer, and he's mumbling over and over to himself, "He's dead, Jim! He's dead, Jim! He's dead Jim!"

1F. Leonard Nimoy has scheduled a nationwide tour promoting a new book of photography, starting May 8, 2009.

1G. Zachary Quinto will accompany Nimoy on the book tour.

1H. Reviews herald, "Pine's best performance since Princess Diaries II."

No bloody A, B, C, or D

 

[Therin of Andor]

1.) They're the only ship in the quadrant.

Hey, they have to take their lead from established canon, you know!

 

[datas_cat_spot]

Haha I love Conspiracy!

 

[pookha]

1.) They're the only ship in the quadrant.

Hey, they have to take their lead from established canon, you know!

yeah my thought..



other bad signs...

kirks brain is taken by a planet of women who also were trying to harvest
another part of him also.

 

[Woulfe]

And the #1 sign you know the next Star Trek film is a clunker.....

Drum roll, please

< A drum rolls across the area >
< He opens an envelope and reads from the note that was inside it >

WILLIAM SHATNER is directing it....

< bows >

 

[Dale]

...

1C. A major dramatic moment is when a tribble reveals Nero is a Klingon.

1C-1. by pointing to him and holding up a sign which reads: "EEEK! A Klingon!"
(music cue by Carl Stalling)

 

[Kryton]

Star Trek XI: I Am Kirk's Pancreas

 

[Akiraprise]

Haha I love Conspiracy!

Me too.
I've always wanted some followup to that. Fortunately the Niner relaunch hasn't disappointed.
(Yes, PKTrekGirl, I own all of the DS9 relaunch books.)

 

[Temis the Vorta]

13. Co-written and produced by Rick Berman and Brannon Braga.

 

[Balthier the Great]

1A. It's leaked that Roddenberry's TOS theme lyrics are used in the opening score.

1B. It's leaked that the word, "Herbert," appears in the script.

1C. A major dramatic moment is when a tribble reveals Nero is a Klingon.

1D. All of McCoy's lines open with, "I'm a doctor, not a --."

1E. You pass Karl Urban on the street this summer, and he's mumbling over and over to himself, "He's dead, Jim! He's dead, Jim! He's dead Jim!"

1F. Leonard Nimoy has scheduled a nationwide tour promoting a new book of photography, starting May 8, 2009.

1G. Zachary Quinto will accompany Nimoy on the book tour.

1H. Reviews herald, "Pine's best performance since Princess Diaries II."

Herbert, Herbert, Herbert, Herbert, Herbert.


Shatner and the ghost of James Doohan are the stars.

The script was written by the Wroboski Brothers (WTF Kirk is "The One")

The movie is directed by someone whose only film credits are porno movies.

The climax is Old Spock and Young Spock singing about Bilbo Baggins' hairy toes.

The Enterprise has no Sombrero.

 

[M'Sharak]

They should drop a reference (in dialogue) to the real (Trekverse) Herbert in the movie. Or perhaps his name could appear at the bottom of a Federation or Starfleet communique.

 

[Kryton]

YES! And also show an example of the remote-controlled no-brain device that makes it possible for Spocks (and other beasts) to walk around like you're a toy truck.

 

[Franklin]

Saldana sings.

 

[captcalhoun]

The script was written by the Wroboski Brothers (WTF Kirk is "The One")

d'you mean the Wachowski brothers?