Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This #577: Lying down on the job

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Really should've read the manual on this" Award, going to @JesterFace for:

Picard - I've always wanted to know what this button does. *BLEEP*
Computer: "Self-destruct sequence activated"
Picard - Where's the cancel button?
Computer: "That's for me to know and you to find out"


Next, we have the "RIkers, RIkers everywhere!" Award, going to @JirinPanthosa for:

RIKER: Did they really all match me on 23 and Me?


Next, we have the "24th Century Kobayashi Maru" Award, going to @IMC Headquarters for:

PICARD:. So. Mr Worf? Who is the better Captain--Sisko or myself?


Next, we have the "No eyes in the back of your head" Award, going to @Mojochi for:

Data: Damn you Soong, for not putting in some rear optical units. This is terribly inefficient.


Next, we have the "Out of control Beauty Products" Award, going to @Qonundrum for:

Sela: "Captain, do you like my new economy-size lipstick?"


3 Photoshop Awards going to:

@Tenacity :

Picard: Okay, what about this console.


@Tim Thomason :

Picard: Okay, what about this console?


@Nerys Myk :

PICARD: I don't care how you do it, Number One. But find Mister Scott! He's frozen the holodeck on his damn "No bloody A, B, C or D Program" and I can't play Dixon Hill!!!!

2 Captain's Log Awards:

@Finn :

First Officer’s log: I’ve met my match. A maze made up of chairs I cannot get my leg over...


@shivkala :

Picard: Captain's Personal Log, until Starfleet sees fit to give me a proper Captain's Yacht, I am forced to run weekly separation drills, freeing up the bridge for some relaxation. Now, using the CONN, I will initiate my Captain's Yacht-Rock Playlist and indulge myself until Riker realizes what I've done and returns with the drive section.

*Christopher Cross' "Sailing" begins playing.*

Picard: Yes, it is not quite far from paradise...

3 KBL's this time!

@Herbert :

Garak: <to Bashir> It's the latest in Romulan fashion dummies.


@Orphalesion :

Sela: And this lovely "massage stick" can be yours for only 399.99!
(Failure to make a purchase within the next 30 minutes will be interpreted as an act of treason)


@captain crow :

Picard: Looks like I'll have to fly the Enterprise myself. Can't be that hard if a blind guy and a snotty kid can do it.

[pushes button]

[sound of windshield wipers]

Picard: Damn.

[pushes button]

[sound of clicking turn signal with ops console's light blinking in time with the clicking]

Picard: Damn it.

[pushes button]

[Right Said Fred's "I'm too sexy" starts playing]

Picard: DAMN IT!

[pushes button]

[lights go out]

[comic beat]

Picard: FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK!



Many thanks to all who participated and congrats to our winners!

 

[LeadHead]

And now a new contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Okay, who left these Romulans on the bridge AGAIN?!

La Forge: This is how you do CPR on a Klingon, right?

Second Officer's Log: It appears that Captain Scott was successful in eliminating synthehol from the replicator database.

Calamaraine: (to other Calamaraine) I can't tell if it's him, this guy is blending in with the bed too much.

Picard: Mister Data, I think you've taken this dare to keep a soap bubble alive on your nose a little too far.

La Forge: But Captain, 2 more minutes and I win 300 Quatloos!

 

[Nerys Myk]

La Forge: Quick, call the bridge! The ship's being invaded!
Crusher:How do you know?
La Forge:Worf is lying unconscious on the deck.

 

[Qonundrum]

Thanks for the win!

Picard: "I told them not to try linedancing to the Macarena."

Geordi: "I wasn't doing anything, doc!"

Having just watched "Revenge of the Nerds" on the viewscreen, Data misinterpreted the movie and whipped out his phaser...

...wait, that's not funny.

Q sleeps off a lovely night of Romulan Ale and Risan Space Herpes.

Crusher: "I know Yar said Data was 'anatomically accurate', but this is too much!"
Yar: "I never said anything about him being fully functional, and be glad he's not a butthead!"

 

[Tenacity]

The original script for "The Inner Light" was somewhat different.

 

[Qonundrum]

Geordi: "One more time Worf, I actually read the instructions for once. We'll get it out soon!"
Worf: "But I am not a vending machine. But keep doing that, I like being tickled."

Geordi thought season 1 was written by skewered clowns, but this was too much.

Geordi: "Talk about a fateful trip on this three hour tour..."
Worf: "Tell meeee about it, dingus, grrr!"
Geordi: "I'll get you the Readers' Digest Condensed soup version later, it has more fiber than that prune juice you're addicted to."
Worf: "I DO NOT HAVE AN ADDICTION! I SAT THERE BY YAR SUFFERING IN LISTENING TO HER WHINE ABOUT HOW BAD THEY WERE, REMEMB--"
Geordi: "Okay! Okay. You just proved you don't have any problem, so let's stop screaming and we'll go for some of Troi's special ice cream. Oh wait, those aren't the ones you're not addicted to, right?"

 

[Qonundrum]

Dizzy the automated trash compactor: "I am rea-dy to dis-pose of the emp-ty shell."

Geordi: "Worf picked a fine time to take a nap when there's fish just jumping into the boat!"

 

[Orphalesion]

Data could never quite get used to the Bridge Crew's spontaneous performances of "The Time Warp"

Q(mumbling in his sleep): Please Jean-Luc...let me rub that glorious chrome dome...just once...I'll be yours...

Picard: I don't care what you say. Bringing three of the original Beatles back to life is pretty good.
Riker: But we're missing Lennon...

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the win!

Data: Tasha would have loved the poem.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: Operation A.I. Overlord is a go. The meat bags have been taken care of.

 

[JesterFace]

Second officer's personal log: "My new fart program needs adjusting."

 

[Qonundrum]

When Data told the bridge crew the wood rail had a dent by the lower right corner, they all gasped and passed out from the shock.

 

[Leviathan]

Picard: Romulan meat - It's what's for dinner.

 

[Leviathan]

Data: <releases anesthetic gas> Interjection: Silence, meatbags.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: No, No, No, No, let me ask you a question. When you came pulling in here, did you notice a sign out on the hull of my ship that said "Dead Romulan Storage"?

 

[shivkala]

Thanks @LeadHead for the win!

Riker: Hey, Data, what do you call 3 dead Romulans on our bridge floor?

Data: I do not know, Sir, what do you call 3 dead Romulans on our bridge floor?

Picard: Number One...

Riker: A good start!

Data: Commander, do you know what I call 8 officers dead on the bridge? A good start. Humor, I love it!

Crusher: Step aside, I've dealt with this before, it's a mild case of, "The writers really don't know what to do with Worf in Season 1" syndrome. I recommend an episode with other Klingons...STAT!

Data: Second Officer's Log--I am not sure what led to the other bridge officers passing out. I have two possible causes, but Captain Picard was not giving another speech nor was Counselor Troi going on about "feelings." Conclusion? This is an actual emergency.

Picard: Q! Put out that night light!

Q: It's not a "night light," Mon Capitaine, it's the Continuum taunting me with my powers just out of my reach.

Picard: I don't care, it's keeping the others in the brig awake, now turn if off and go to sleep!

Crusher: Just as I thought, it's an evolved form of Brain Slug.

Picard: Doctor, why has it ignored us?

Geordi: Because we're too dumb for it!

Picard: Nonsense, Lt.! We're highly intelligent, despite barely making it out of the 20th century!

Crusher: Captain, even if we were to be viewed as appetizers for this slug, with Data being the main course, it's deathly allergic to smugness!

Picard: Well, then, it's a good thing Maurice Hurley is still involved, or else we'd all be dead!

 

[Qonundrum]

Picard: Don't even think of tickling them there!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

DATA: This appears to be the Romulan intelligence division assigned to study 21st century Earth Internet fads. This is an activity known as 'Planking'.

BEVERLY: Does he need medical attention?
GEORDI: No, his plot armor is intact, focus on the injured Ensigns.

DATA: Computer, execute program Data Alone Time 1.
*Anaesthazine gas floods in*

Q: Uh oh. I have to go to the bathroom. Why did these humans design one piece outfits you have to completely take off?!

BEVERLY: And as you see, if you activate this hidden subroutine, you can make Data blow bubbles.

 

[Nerys Myk]

MRS TRELANE: Wake up Q!! You were supposed to be watching my son!!! Who knows when or where he is now and what mischief he's gotten into!

 

[Qonundrum]