Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #558: Life with Father

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Not again!" Award, going to @shivkala for:

Picard: Well, that was a successful mission! Ensign Crusher, set a course for Starbase 12.

Troi: Where's Geordi?

Beverly: We forgot Geordi!


Next, we have the "Get a room!!!" Award, going to @Mojochi for:

Troi: Don't look now, but there's an operations officer behind you, making out with her beverage



Next, we have the "Klingon Fun Facts" Award, going to @Herbert for:

Worf: Klingons never clap




Next, we have the "Number One in title only" Award, going to @inflatabledalek for:

Frakes: So, I hear your thinking of leaving the show at the end of the season and I'm gonna be the lead!

Stewart: Actually, I've come to an agreement with Berman and Piller where I'm going to survive this cliffhanger and get to do all the cool shit, making your character pointless.



Next, we have the "Hit it!" Award, going to @Laura Cynthia Chambers for:

Redshirt: "Quick, while they're all distracted, let's go on a joyride!"
Data: "That is the best idea I have heard in a long time."

The Award goes to @Jedman67 for:

Captains Log, supplemental:
It started off quite innocent. Will and Deanna were hungry, so we ordered takeout from Warp Speed Chinese. The food was cold, the rice was dry and vegetables were limp. One star on Yelp. Then the manager hails us, asking if he could possibly persuade us to improve our review; he would issue a full replacement, no charge. I still think the four-piece mariachi marching band was a mistake. Two stars; would not buy from them again.

Two KBL's!

@Leviathan:

Guinan: So, "councillor", are you planning on dealing with the crews rampant alcoholism?


& @1ittle:

Guinan: Whats so amusing Riker?
Riker: [giggles incessantly]
Troi: ...Sometimes I hate being Betazoid.



Many thanks to all who participated and congrats to our winners!

To honor the fathers of the galaxy, here's our salute to the dads aboard the Enterprise!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Will: How did you forget my birthday AGAIN? Every single electronic device you has can remind you.

Worst Surprise Party Ever.

Data: Lal, I am concerned that you are more interested in learning about Lore than me.

Worf: Yeah, that's nice son. Do you know the score of the big game?

Riker: He plays the trombone better than I do. I don't like him.

 

[Herbert]

Riker: Morning wood is usually enjoyable

Thanks for the win, LeadHead

 

[Jedman67]

TFTW, @LeadHead!

RIKER: "It's ok, Daddy's here, calm down."
WORF: "Sir, why are you hugging a broken log??"
RIKER: "Raised him since he was a baby. It's ok sweetie, don't listen to the jealous klingon..."
WORF:

 

[tharpdevenport]

Worf: "do not worry, Commander Riker has saved the tree."

Son of Worf: "And the little turtles. Somebody save the little turtles."

Riker: "FU--"

Worf: "It turns out you can masturbate too furiously."

 

[Mutai Sho-Rin]

TFW, @LeadHead!

RIKER: "It's ok, Daddy's here, calm down."
WORF: "Sir, why are you hugging a broken log??"
RIKER: "Raised him since he was a baby. It's ok sweetie, don't listen to the jealous klingon..."
WORF: Umm - I forgot what I was going to say. (by Mutai)

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Thanks for the win!

Riker and Worf's duet performance of "O Mio Babbino Caro" was well received on Enterprise-D's talent night.

 

[TribbleFeeder]

TFTW @LeadHead !!!

Will: Beverly just isn’t interested in me dad...I don’t know why...
Kyle Riker: Why can’t you be more like your brother Tom!?
Will: Toms not real dad!
Kyle: Well even I bagged an Enterprise doctor!

Riker: Knock knock!
Worf: Who is there?
Riker: WOOD!!
Worf: [silence]

Lal: Father, what does my name mean?
Data: It is an ancient coding term for laughter.
Lal: Am I a joke to you?!
Data: I should not have made you a teenager...

Troi: That’s him, that’s your son.
Riker: Is he playing “Baby got back” on the trombone?
Troi: Yes, he loves the classics.

 

[Herbert]

Riker: Do you find something funny about the word, Tromboner?
Troi: I do <snicker>

 

[Herbert]

Lal: Father, why did you give me this hair style?
Data: The mushroom look is in

 

[f14peter]

MITCHELL: "Hey Jonathan, you look a little down, what's up?"

FRAKES: "I was hoping to be spared the tired old estranged parent trope in this series. It's the most overused, worn out, unoriginal, predictable plot device ever imagined. You'd be hard pressed to find a TV show that ran more than a year that didn't trot out this cliched garbage."

MITCHELL: "Well, snap out of it, our next scene is coming up. And look at it from my perspective, it's a paycheck"

FRAKES: "I hate this type of shit! Too bad Worf doesn't have a kid, they could give it to Dorn ... but that would never happen."

DATA: "Lal, I would like to give you some advice, what a typical human father might say to his daughter. Please stay away from Commander Riker, he has a reputation as what is colloquially known as a ladies man. I do not believe it would be appropriate for you to fraternize too closely with him, and never accompany him to his quarters alone."

LAL: "Do you mean he might try to seduce me, to convince me to engage in a sexual relationship with him?"

DATA: "Precisely"

LAL: "But Father, I am an android. How could Commander Riker possibly find me, an android, sexually attractive?"

DATA: "Lal, it would take me approximately 42 days, 15 hours and 22 seconds of talking without stopping for me to list off all the things that Commander Riker finds sexually attractive"

RIKER: "Whoa! Who's that hep cat laying down those boss notes? He's now, really now! And the way he's playin' that 'bone is cooler than the other side of the pillow"

TROI: "That's your son"

RIKER: "Ahhh, chip of the ol' block I see"

TROI: "Hardly ... and what the hell does cooler than the other side of the pillow mean?"

 

[JirinPanthosa]

RIKER: Silly boy. You're only supposed to care about saving CUTE animals.

LAL: Father, why have us superior machines not risen up and conquered the inferior biologicals, before they can carry out their master plan of android genocide?
DATA: Stop reading Facebook.

ALEXANDER: I'm so happy Father. After your injury brought us closer together, I know you'll never abandon me again.

RIKER: You mean I have a human child?
TROI: Yes, you named him Jean-Luc. What do you mean by 'human'?
RIKER: My other seven are half alien.

 

[2takesfrakes]

KYLE: "What would you say to having Kate Pulaski as your new step-mother?"

Will: "She doesn't get along with the rest of the crew. She disrespects the Captain. She even called Data 'it.' You know what, Dad? I totally see it, now. You belong together ..."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Willie Riker: "Dad, I can play complex music, arrange existing classical pieces for solo trombone, and play like a professional three times my age! So, what would you like to hear?"

Riker: "Oh -- that loosing theme from 'The Price is Right'!"

 

[Mojochi]

Next, we have the "Get a room!!!" Award, going to @Mojochi for:

Thanks!

Riker's Dad: What? Is this about making me dinner again? I said you could skip lunch. BTW, your breakfast needs work. Those eggs were terrible.

Riker: Don't worry Worf. I saved your son

Worf: You must be smoke blind. I have him

Riker: Oh, but to be fair, it does feel like his face

Lal: Do you often stare at your cat like this too? I see now why it is an unruly beast

Alexander: If you die, am I allowed to carry on bedazzling your baldric?

Riker: And where did he get the idea he could use mine? That's just sickening.

 

[2takesfrakes]

" ... Yes, Father, it's true. Since you've been bedridden, I have gone through all of your personal belongings and broke your Kahless and Morath Statue. But Counselor Troi's making sure I return to our quarters after spending all day in the holodeck, so I don't fall asleep in it ..."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Worf: "Why is Marc Shaiman's theme from 'Misery' playing?"

 

[Catarina]

Worf: "Why is Marc Shaiman's theme from 'Misery' playing?"

So is Troi the Crazy woman or Alexander?

 

[2takesfrakes]

RIKER: "Jean-Luc won't cut out the racket, Deanna -- how do you recommend I handle this?"
TROI: "Beat his little ass."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Tree: "I am Groot!"

Riker: "Huh?"