Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #557: Happy Times

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Explaining things to Mommy" @tharpdevenport for:

Wesley: "...and helm control is here. With the ship's heading being given in measurements called degrees"

Beverly: "Oh, neat."

Wesley: "Yeah. With 360 of them in a full circle this way"

Beverly: "What about the other way?"

Wesley: "Ahhh, it's still a circle, so still 360 degrees."

Beverly: "Then you say mark?"

Wesley: "On the nose."

Beverly: "Oh. Why mark? What about Steve? Or Mike? Hey -- how about Wesley?!"

Wesley: "LOL, okaaayyy."

Beverly: "Blinking lights are pretty."

Wesley: "Okay, go away now mom."


Next, we have the "That's fair" Award, going to @Herbert for:

Deanna: <thinking> hmm, that looks like O'Brien's spider and it's about to drop on mom's head. This should be good. Snicker!
L'waxana: <thinking> I heard that Little One.
Deanna: Damn telepaths

Next, we have the "Do you need some ointment for that burn?" Award, going to @Mojochi for:

Wesley: Yeah, the Constitution Class model was easy. It's the NX Class that's hard. Maybe you could help me. You're old enough to have seen one in person right?

Next, we have the "Whoops, you didn't want me to leave them in the Captain's Ready Room?" Award, going to @Finn for:

Worf: Did you bring back my Wolverine boxers?


Next, we have the "Upcoming Voyages: "The Naked Now" & "Code of Honor" uh-oh" Award, going to @Cutie McWhiskers for:

Wesley: "Mom, are you okay?"
Bev: "Yes, I am. Wil and I just read the following two scripts and I now worry we signed up for the wrong show."
Riker (thinking): "Yeah, that those two really make me sick."


Next, we have the "Not happy with the nickname" Award, going to @Mojochi for:

Riker: You do know what a #1 is to Americans, right?


Next, we have the "What could possibly go wrong?" Award, going to @JirinPanthosa for:

WORF: So you're telling me, if any of your people sees a problem that threatens destroying the ship, they don't report it until they have a solution?
MENDAN: Yes.
WORF: How many Benzyte ships per year are destroyed in accidents?
MENDAN: Thousands. Why?


Next, we have the "Overreacting much?!" Award, going to @captain crow for:

Troi: How many times do I have to tell you?! PUT THE SEAT DOWN!!


Next, we have the "Just let me get to the next screen already!" Award, going to @shivkala for:

Data: No one wants to hear about how you've updated your privacy policy!


Next, we have the "Emergency Beam-out" Award, going to @Laura Cynthia Chambers for:

O'Brien (offscreen): "Oh no, he's about to lecture us again. Initiate transport!"

Continued on next post

 

[LeadHead]

A Special Tag-Team award goes to @Mr. Laser Beam & @Finn for:

Stealing T'Bonz's ale was the worst mistake Leadhead ever made.


Our Photoshop Award goes to @Nerys Myk for:

First @Jedman67:

Riker: First Officers Log-- Note to self, get rid of the boy by the end of the year.

Narrator: He didn't.

Riker: Then, I'll make my move on the Doctor, she can't resist me.

Narrator: She did.


Second @inflatabledalek :

Captain's Personal Log: You'd think by now we'd have realised the second anyone started acting a bit odd, that they're possessed by some evil force and we'd act quickly to stop it before things got out of hand. But noooooo...

2 KBL's!

First, @Herbert:

Beverly: I am soooo baked. Where are the space munchies?
Wes: Mom? MOM?? Why isn't she answering me, Commander Riker?
Riker: Uh, well, umm..............go talk to Tasha. She knows about these things


Second, @Leviathan:

...the battle continues well into the 24th century: iPhone vs Android.



Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Thank you all for holding down the fort so we could go to the party on Micro-Brew IV.

Troi: It's so nice to have a light day today. Half of my appointments canceled.

Guinan: Yeah, about that. I have to go, I have a lot of appointments today.

Picard's poetry: "Ode to Earl Grey" was much better received than "Ode to Spot."

Riker: You know what? You'd hate Risa, I'll go instead.

Captain's Log: I used to like mariachi music...

 

[Herbert]

Thanks for the win, Leady

Riker: Didja hear? LeadHead returned and picked winners!

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the wins

Thanks for the win, Leady

At first, I thought you were calling Leadhead a lady, when I was scrolling down fast.

Extra at OPS: ...soon

Guinan: What do you mean dead? I met the guy at the party afterwards

 

[Herbert]

Announcer: Jean Luc is wearing this carefree retro cotton suit -- a complete make over that transforms the military budget into useful services. There's no zoot in this suit, nosiree! This outfit has deep pockets, inside pockets, and pockets within pockets and are versatile enough to hold a phaser, a tricorder, or even a small ancient musical instrument. Captain, is that a Ressikan flute in your pocket or are you happy to see me? Rugged, functional and yet still stylish, this outfit is perfect for all sorts of situations from first contact missions on drafty planets, to ceremonial greetings with insectoid races, to the admiral's dinner ball. Jean Luc is ready for anything in this jaunty ensemble.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

Riker just came in and sat right down at the table, just in case the two of them were talking about him.

The Captain agreed to hold the Death of a Salesman auditions on the bridge, so long as he is considered for the part of Willy Loman.

PICARD: Why are you so excited? Oh, you just found out the aliens we're about to visit are anatomically compatible with humans.

PICARD: What are you going to do to us this time Q?
Q: Nothing! I started a band and I'm fishing for good reviews!

 

[Jedman67]

Thanks for the win, @LeadHead!

PICARD: "THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!!"
HELMSMAN: (To Data) Does the captain always get PTSD when Q is around?

 

[Jedman67]

Captains Log, supplemental:
It started off quite innocent. Will and Deanna were hungry, so we ordered takeout from Warp Speed Chinese. The food was cold, the rice was dry and vegetables were limp. One star on Yelp. Then the manager hails us, asking if he could possibly persuade us to improve our review; he would issue a full replacement, no charge. I still think the four-piece mariachi marching band was a mistake. Two stars; would not buy from them again.

 

[Herbert]

Q: Any requests?
Ensign Redshirt (up front): PLAY FREEBIRD!!!

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Picard: Well, that was a successful mission! Ensign Crusher, set a course for Starbase 12.

Troi: Where's Geordi?

Beverly: We forgot Geordi!

Troi: ...that's nothing, Guinan, I once dated a guy who cried for his "Mommy" during sex.

Riker: Guilty as charged.

Data: Second Officer's Log--Humor still eludes me. The Captain recapped our Holodeck adventure, but the crew erupted in uncontrollable fits of laughter. Perhaps if I assess his speech. "I was a very popular private detective. I guess you could call me a Big Private Dick. That's Dix for you. Dix can be hard, at times, but he's also got a soft side." No, I do not see anything that was elicit such a humorous response.

Picard: Captain's Private Log--I have to admit, Will's "serial killer" look is really scary. He looks at me that way and all I hear in my head is, "If you go on this Away Mission, I will wear your skin as a coat."

Data: Query, Lt. Whatshisface? What is "Cinco de Mayo"?

 

[Herbert]

Worf: Klingons never clap

 

[tharpdevenport]

Thanks for the win. :-)

Number One: "Sorry, sir, how was I supposed to know that food secretly had laughing gas in it?"

Picard: "I finally cast off my up-tight nature and got some!"

Unfortunately, Data then realized that today was not his day to announce his break-through in better understanding human nature he and Yar experienced.

Q: "Just ask them to play anything; they're in the fucking Space Federation of Musicians and it's costing a lot and they're unionized."

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Thanks for the win!

Data experiences another aspect of what it means to be Human; having to go at the worst possible moment.
Picard: "...and now it is my pleasure to introduce you to our next contestant in the senior officer's fashion show, Mr. Data."
Data (squirming): "Finally..."

 

[Catarina]

Wesley: The village idiots have returned!
Picard: You've crossed the line, boy.
W: Sorry...sir.

Picard: Mission accomplished. Data and I are no longer Comic Con virgins!

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

("We Are The Champions" playing)

 

[Leviathan]

Thanks for the KBLA!

(BeeGees "Stayin' Alive" playing)

 

[Leviathan]

Announcer: Next time on Star Trek The Next Generation! Picard deals with illegal immigrants.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Redshirt: "Quick, while they're all distracted, let's go on a joyride!"
Data: "That is the best idea I have heard in a long time."

 

[Leviathan]

Guinan: So, "councillor", are you planning on dealing with the crews rampant alcoholism?