Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #555: Mommy!

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new caption contest! Sorry to be a day late, but it includes winners!

First up to the plate, we have the "Angry much Jean-Luc?" Award, going to @tharpdevenport for:

Picard: "You're adorable. Can I hang you on a giant tree like an ornament, beam you out into space, and destroy the tree?"



Next, we have the "Ay carumba!" Award, going to @Tenacity for:

K'Ehyler: Worf, I have something important to tell you.
Worf: Are you?
K'Ehyler: Yes, completely stuck, the door closed on the back of my armor.
Worf: So this would be a good time to ...
K'Ehyler: Yes, have more wild sex.
Worf: Do we lock the door first?
K'Ehyler: No.


Next, we have the "I can spot the problem here" Award, going to @JirinPanthosa for:

DIPLOMAT: Wait. I thought we were dealing with the spot Trills that are symbiotic with their hosts. You're saying you completely control Commander Riker?
ODAN: Yes.
OTHER DIPLOMAT: And when you had the shuttle accident, you told the doctors to save you, and let your host die.
ODAN: Yes.
DIPLOMAT: And now they're sending you a new body for you to completely control. How is this not slavery?
ODAN: Because we say it's not.



Next, we have the "And which one is the drivers seat?" Award, going to @captain crow for:

Data: I call shotgun.

Geordi: There's only two seats in this thing dipshit.



Next, we have the "There were a lot of wars we didn't hear about until they were over in TNG" Award, going to @inflatabledalek for:

Riker: Oh, you guys! Yeah, we had a big war with you recently. Amazing we completely forgot about you till five minutes ago.



Next, we have the "Never point out the obvious solution!" Award, going to @Jedman67 for:

PICARD: Make it bigger, I can't see anything.
GEORDI: If only we had a large, 17-foot screen for displaying images and video....
PICARD: Shut up, Wesley.
GEORDI: ...It's Geordi, sir.
PICARD: Shut up, Geordi!


Next, we have the "Yeaaaaaaah, that's gotta smell" Award, going to @Bry_Sinclair for:

Worf: Commander, given that these uniforms are made from spandex and don't breath, you might want to lower your arm.


Next, we have the "Classics!" Award, going to @Tenacity for:

guy: "really dude ... donkey kong?"


Continued in next post!

 

[LeadHead]

Two Photoshop Awards!

First, @Nerys Myk :

WES: Are you sure this is a legitimate Academy training program?



Second, @Herbert :

The award goes to @Finn for:

First Officer's Log: I swear the symbiont pushed my bladder on purpose...

3 KBL's!

First, @shivkala :

Endar: Well, thanks for everything.

Riker: No problem, Fraiser!

Endar: For the last time, I am not Fraiser! I may bear a small resemblance, but it is not me!

Riker: Whatever you say, Captain Morgan Bateson!

Endar: Whatever! Just beam me back where everybody knows my name. I mean, ah, crap!



Second, @Timewalker :

Picard to security officer: Has Wesley Crusher been conducting more unauthorized experiments? I'm sure this LEGO character was no more than 4 centimetres tall this morning.



And, @Mojochi

Laforge: Anyone want to volunteer to take over now? I do run an entire engineering section. Geordi make ship go... Anyone?


Many thanks to all who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, in honor of Mother's Day, lets have a contest with the mothers of TNG!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Wesley: And as you can see, the functions of this console are completely dependent on what the Captain wants. Sometimes, it has access to all of the sensors, other times we have to go to the back of the bridge and use Science II.

Lwaxana: If you ever marry Will Riker, I will NOT attend the wedding!

Deanna: Like I'm ever going to marry that doofus!

Beverly: Was this for "Medinical" use Wesley?

Worf: I've beamed Alexander down to Earth, if you ever try to bring him back to this ship, I swear I'll join the Nyberite Alliance!

First Officers Log: The SpaceBucks has not yet opened at Farpoint Station.

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the log win

Beverly: *muttering* Jean-Luc's reflection looks even sexier...

Wesley: What?

Beverly:...Oh, um...I was asking you how you input the z axis coordinates?

Worf: Did you bring back my Wolverine boxers?

 

[Mr Soak]

Worf: Did you bnring my balalaika? I want to show Geordi what a Merry Man is really like.

 

[Herbert]

Thanks for the win, Leady

Deanna: Oh god! Not this shit again.

 

[Herbert]

Wes: They're called nannites. I'm going to do an experiment with them to see if I can increase their skills
Bev: Sounds interesting. Make sure you keep them tightly contained
Wes: No problem

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win!

Dr. Crusher: I don't care what the Captain says, no one taps these icons better than you! And that sweatshirt, it makes you so handsome!

Wesley: Mom! You're embarrassing me!

Dr. Crusher: Oh, sorry honey, I'll stop.

Wesley: Well, I didn't say you had to stop...

Deanna: Homn, do you have to Lurk like that?

Picard: The original Enterprise? I mean, I get it, but I would think you'd like to honor your past with a model of our Enterprise.

Wesley: That goose looking thing?

Picard: We're done here.

Worf: But Mom, do we have to do "Kissy, Kissy" in full view of the crew? It is without honor!

Helena: Always with the "Without honor," bit! Now "Kissy, Kissy" your mother or I'll show you what you can do with your honor!

Riker: First Officers Log-- Note to self, get rid of the boy by the end of the year.

Narrator: He didn't.

Riker: Then, I'll make my move on the Doctor, she can't resist me.

Narrator: She did.

 

[Mojochi]

Thanks!

Wesley: See mom, it's not that hard. Maybe someday they'll let you work on the bridge too

Deanna: Thanks for the drinks? Really moron? You do realize he brought it for her right?

Wesley: Yeah, the Constitution Class model was easy. It's the NX Class that's hard. Maybe you could help me. You're old enough to have seen one in person right?

Worf: Mother, you have to stop sending me lists of people to kill

Worf's Mom: Right, no data trail. Got it.

Bev: No... We are not there yet

 

[Jedman67]

Thanks for the win, @LeadHead!

WESLEY: I swear, it wasn't my fault.
BEVERLY: My Tricorder's registering a lot of bullshit.

First Officers Log: Captain @LeadHead was supposed to be here six days ago. Six days dealing with the insufferable know-it-all and her little brat and I'm ready to resign.

Worf: For the last time, Mother, I am *not* a 'Merry Man'!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Take You Mother to Work Today.

Wes: "And so they say these are the new uniforms and they'll start rolling them out soon across Starfleet personnel officers. I actually think they look great!"

Picard: "Sedate him."

Bev: "Already on it..."

Wesley: "But, mom, it's just cloth; we can easily replicate it on the Enterprise."

Beverly: "Not this cloth."

Wesley: "Yes, that cloth -- it's just fibers and molecules; a replicator can reproduce far more advanced substances than that. Just scam it with the tricorder."

Beverly: "Wait, I got it! I want to support their economy."

Wesley: "By giving them replicated money? Then you're artificially devaluing it. If you want to really help them, you'd replicate food, water, seeds, and materials which will not harm their currency or necessarily impact the market sellers."

Beverly: "But ... cloth pretty."

Wesley: "Sigh. What are you even going to do with it? I've never seen you sew one thing."

Beverly: "Oh, I thought I'd look at it, feel it, then place it in storage and never use it ever again."

Wesley: "That's it -- I'm gonna create and experiment that goes wrong and sucks you into an alternate reality Enterprise where everybody is disappearing until it's just you."

Beverly: "Oh. Will the cloth be there?"

Wesley: "Enough with the fucking cloth!!!"

 

[Tenacity]

Wesley: Mom let's me pilot the starship, but just up and down the driveway.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Beverly: "What's that you're drawing, Wesley?"
Wesley: "Your portrait."
Beverly: "I love it."
Wesley: "What? You're cross-eyed, bucktoothed, and bowlegged, with a beard that goes down to your knees."
Beverly: "Still..."
Wesley: (eye roll) "Moms."

Helena: "Have you been eating all your green vegetables like a good little boy?"
Worf: "Yes, Mother. Except for that one week when we hosted the Phylosian delegation. Now that was an awkward dinner..."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Wesley: "...and helm control is here. With the ship's heading being given in measurements called degrees"

Beverly: "Oh, neat."

Wesley: "Yeah. With 360 of them in a full circle this way"

Beverly: "What about the other way?"

Wesley: "Ahhh, it's still a circle, so still 360 degrees."

Beverly: "Then you say mark?"

Wesley: "On the nose."

Beverly: "Oh. Why mark? What about Steve? Or Mike? Hey -- how about Wesley?!"

Wesley: "LOL, okaaayyy."

Beverly: "Blinking lights are pretty."

Wesley: "Okay, go away now mom."

 

[Tenacity]

Riker: So what have you two done today?
Wesley: We been "shopping. Meaning mom spend four hours in the bar, while I waited outside, then she stubbled around the mall for a hour while I appolgize to all the people she runs into.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Shopping with Mother, five hours later...
Lwaxana: "You know what? Let me see the first one again..."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Mother: "But Leadhead never picked the winners of Caption This! #553."

Worf: "We do not question such things!"

Mothers: "And other passed contests were missed, too."

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Wesley: "We're now on course for-Mom! Stop lie detecting me!"
Beverly: "Sorry, forgot you're not a teen anymore."

 

[Herbert]

Wes: oh, the Enterprise model? Yeah, I got that from the Franklin Mint

 

[Herbert]

Beverly: I am soooo baked. Where are the space munchies?
Wes: Mom? MOM?? Why isn't she answering me, Commander Riker?
Riker: Uh, well, umm..............go talk to Tasha. She knows about these things