Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #535: Cold Conditions

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Trill Exceptions" Award, going to Honorable Ensign for:

Troi: Let's go over and talk about sex with Will.
Dr. Crusher: Odan doesn't count.


Next, we have the "Quick Diagnosis" Award, going to Corporal Captain for:

Troi: Man trouble?

Next, we have the "You're fired" Award, going to Nerys Myk for:

GUINAN: Let me give you some advice...
TROI: That's supposed to be my job!
GUINAN: Yeah, about that.


Next, we have the "Half Human/Half Lies!" Award, going to JirinPanthosa for:

BEVERLY: These readings...I knew it! She's lying about being empathic and just stating the obvious reading of the person's body language!


Next, we have the "And that's how we begin Star Trek: Nemesis" Award, going to inflatabedalek for:

Troi: Even if I get back with Riker and he makes Captain, I'm not going to go with him to his ship. Imagine being the sort of person who only gets work because you banged the boss. How empty and dead inside you'd feel. The general lack of self-worth you'd have to face. The constant questioning of your own actual talents.

Are you alright?


Next, we have the "Maybe the Athletes Foot Merlot was a clue" Award, going to Mojochi for:

Picard: You're still stomping the grapes with your feet, aren't you?


Next, we have the "And he set it so you have to use the Bing search engine!" Award, going to Triskelion for:

Lore: I replaced your LCARS with Internet Explorer 6. I hope that's all right.
Data: EEEVIL!!!


Next, we have the "Grandma Wins!" Award, going to Nerys Myk for:

HELENA: He's all yours. One to beam out. Bye!
WORF: Wait...what?


Next, we have the "Wil Wheaton probably prefers this compared to Shut up, Wesley" Award, going to Herbert for:

Beverly: At some point you're going to need somebody to stand by you.


Next. we have the "Can't tell you to go away, so maybe the log will do the trick" Award, going to shivkala for:

Will: Personal Log--Hearing the Captain and my father go at it have brought up some painful memories of childhood. It's my mother and father fighting all over again.

Kyle: We can hear you, son.

Will: I know, Dad! That's the point!

Continued in next post!

 

[LeadHead]

The award goes to Leviathan for:

Chief Medical Officers Log: Success! I've cured 'Exposition Syndrome', commonly referred to as Captain Obvious Disease.

Many KBL's!

First, Laura Cynthia Chambers for:

Green suit guy: "Photobomb!"


Next,TauCygna for:

Crusher : ...Haven't slept....in....4 days...Must...complete that...diagnos....*ZzzZzZzzz*


Next, Mr Soak for:

Data: You look snappy in that outfit. I should recommend Starfleet introduce collars to the uniforms.


Next, CutieMcWhiskers for:

Beverly: "You got what from who in the where? When? Why?"
Wes: "In no order: cooties, battle bridge, Robin Leffner, I wanted cooties, 3AM"
Beverly: "If you're trying to say she's playing games with you, just say so. We're in Starfleet, we don't lie. We're just all right-brained. I took the ballet dancer test at Lore's request."


And inflatabledalek for:

Worf: Hello Mother... Wait, I'm Russian?!

Picard OS: If you need someone to talk to about your accent/nationality confusion, let me know.

There we are! Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, with the weather turning (or has already turned) cold in many areas, lets see how our favorite starfleet officers do in less warm circumstances.

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Wesley: This actually won't help us unlock the holodeck, but it'll be hilarious.

Riker: Good work Mister Crusher.

Worf: Your use of the holodeck is silly. I insist you battle alien creatures who for no reason whatsoever try to kill you.

Wesley: The stun setting works really well on everything!

La Forge: Galornden Core, worst vacation ever!

Crusher: No life signs, you can put the phasers away.

Riker: There's gotta be something to blast down here...

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Don't worry Wes, the Horta ambassador will be here any second.
WES: Oops.

GEORDI: I gotta stop using Tinder.

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Whalen: (thinking) Yeah, that degree in 20th century human literature history is really paying off for me now.

Picard: Wesley, who is this?
Wesley: I don't know, he's just some random extra to show everyone that I have friends my own age.

Wesley: Come on rocks, heat up. Dammit! This always worked on TOS!

La Forge: Hello? I'm all alone down here. It's cold...I'm frightened...

Riker: (thinking) Just one tap of the trigger and that would end all her questioning about her bum and how it looks in all her clothing!

 

[Nerys Myk]

WES: What do you think?
PICARD: Ice Dancing isn't making a comeback,boy. Trust me on this.

 

[Mutai Sho-Rin]

Stickyswitch engaged.

 

[LeadHead]

Thank you, I went straight from setting up this contest to setting up the Movies I-X contest and forgot to ask for the stickyswitch.

 

[Captain Crow]

Geordi: HEY! Could someone please bring me something to read, some toilet paper, and some extra strength air freshener?

 

[Captain pl1ngpl0ng]

Heating up that bear cub for you now sir.

 

[Timewalker]

La Forge: La Forge to Enterprise... Do you think you might be able to find a long rope somewhere and lower me down a pot of hot coffee?

 

[Herbert]

Thanks for the win!

As it turns out, Jean Luc's holodesk suggestion to "dress up like we're in the 1940s and stand around in a blizzard" was not a good idea.

 

[Herbert]

Picard: What the bloody hell were you singing in there?
Wesley: <starts singing> Let it go! Let it go...
Picard: Shut up Wesley

 

[Herbert]

Commentator: So here we are on the very last day of this fantastic Galactic Olympic Hide and Seek final. The Klingon, Basthor, now has less than twelve hours left to find Federation ace Geordi LaForge. Early this morning he finished combing the outskirts of Alpha Centauri and now he seems to have staked everything on one final desperate seek here on Andoria. But Basthor is dozens of light years away, and it's beginning to look all over, bar the shouting. He's still desperately cold and it's beginning to look like another gold for the Federation.

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW Leadhead!

Picard: Why aren't you both in school?!
Wesley: For the world is holo and I have touched this guy.
Other kid: Not true, Captain. We were just doing -
Wesley: The Alternative Lifestyle Factor.
Other kid: I swear it wasn't that, sir! We were just playing at -
Wesley: The Sodomite Maneuver.
Other kid: No! It was really just a game of -
Wesley: Reacharound Intruder.
Other kid: I swear, we were just packing -
Wesley: The tunnel with tribbles.
Other kid: Snowballs! Stop doing that! Really sirs, we were only playing -
Wesley: Shmekel and the gun. The wink of one eye. The man tap -
Picard: Don't ask don't tell! And for the love of Zod don't go parading around in goofy matching outfits!
Worf: But sir, our outfits -
Picard: Not us, Mister Worf!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Riker: Come on, haven't we spent enough time on this wild goose chase?

Worf: A true warrior never abandons his quest! There is a Pikachu around here, I am sure of it!

Whalen: This is the LAST time we take shore leave in Yellowknife!

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Thanks for the win!

Picard: "The new acting ensign duty uniform? Whatever gave you that idea, Mr. Crusher?"
Wesley: *looks at friend*
Friend: "I can't help it that my maternal grandmother was a Finnegan...pranks run in the family."

Captain's log, stardate ****: Our conference has come to an abrupt halt following a sudden and unexpected change of venue. Also, ambassador Quincy is nowhere to be found...Quincy...Q...*penny drops*

 

[Gepard]

LeVar hides from the Reading Rainbow lawyers.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

RIKER: Computer, what the hell?! I asked for a villain capable of beating Holmes!
COMPUTER: Yes. The Night King could easily beat Holmes.

OTHER KID: (Slowly backs away while Picard is focusing on Wesley)

WESLEY: Whew. I'm so glad water cures internal bleeding, otherwise we'd be screwed.

GEORDI: Wait a minute. I just climbed a rock face with my arms only using picks made from melted ore. Why the hell have I never been that physically strong before?!

BEVERLY: Will, I can see you staring at my butt in the reflection on my tricorder display.
RIKER: Yes! And in that I'm demonstrating what not to do when..."
BEVERLY: I'm filing a complaint with HR.
RIKER: Yes ma'am.

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: Weird, the rock face behind us is just a painting.